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An Interview with JRR Tolkien and Other Tomfoolery
Lord of the Links writes: "These wackjobs pretend to interview JRR Tolkien with a ouija board as well as slapping together other nonsense, like photoshopped Ringwraiths from the movie doing bizarre things. I laughed once or twice, especially the diary by Gollum. The girls side left something to be desired, but the script revisions were kinda funny. If you feel like feeding into the Lord of the Rings hype, check it out."
right up little boys ASS's!
I got a Fox popup wanting to launch Notepad.exe... how very obnoxious! Can we say CANCEL. Sheesh.
"They do not preach that their god will rouse them, a little before the Nuts work loose." Kipling, 'The Sons of Martha'
For those who may be inclined to disbelieve the actuality of this story,
listen up: Every work is true, only the names have been changed to protect
the guilty. So, away we go:
Jenifer and john had never gone out before, but had talked extensively on the
computer system, and bothe were interested in meeting each other. They
decided on a date, when they would go to the movies.
John considered on several options, but he thought it would be sage to go to a
movie. After that, well, he would see how the movie went.
They got off to a late start, and didn't arrive at the movie until agter it
had been running for fifteen minutes. Both of them decided to go back to
campus and get drunk. They stopped off at Jenifer's house, and swiped some
alcohol from her father's liquor cabinet. They travelled back to John's room,
and he pulled out a deck of cards. Drinking games, they both said together.
It didn't take them long to get totally blitzed, and jen said she had to use
the bathroom. They both stood up, and she travelled the short distance
between them and gave John a long deep kiss. His mind, already affected by
the alcohol, conjured up images of them together in bed. However, even as
drunk as he was, he instinctively knew not to get his hopes up to high. As
they kissed, he could smell the perfume she was wearing, and his underwear all
of a sudden felt too small. She pulled away, and smiled at him. As she left
the room, he prayed heavily, hoping that his roommate would not return anytime
soon.
When she returned, they continued in their card game, and continued, in the
process, to get very drunk. The card game soon got pushed out, and they fell
to the floor, laughing hysterically, and quite drunk. All of a sudden,
Jenifer moved over to John, and kissed him deeply again. He didn't mind at
all. Somehow they moved onto John's bed, and continued their kissing. John
began kissing down her neck, moving in half-moons around from ear to ear. She
in turn, rubbed his back with her hands, pushing him into her. Their legs
entwined, and he began to instinctively grind himself into her, and she
returned the pressure. Her hands cupped the back of his neck, and massaged him
as he kissed her neck, working his way lower and lower. He opened up a button
on her blouse, amd kissed there. The lower he went, the deeper her sighs
were. He smiled, and decided to tease her a little bit. He would go lower to
the point where he already had been, then go back up and kiss her neck, then
go down a little lower than he was before, and then go back up. All the
while, she wrapped her legs around his, and pushed her hips into his.
Finally, he opened up her blouse all the way, and breathed in the aroma of her
breasts. He began massaging one in one hand, while he encircled the other
nipple with his mouth. She rolled him onto his back, and managed to take off
his shirt in one smooth motion. Ahe ran her fingers along his chest and
stomach, driving him wild. The sensation of her long fingernails on his skin
caused his eyes to roll back into his head. When her hand got to his
waistband, she ran her fingers along the length of his abdomen, teasing him
unmercifully. He squirmed underneath of her, and she smiled at his anguish
until she decided that he had had enough. She stradled his legs, and then ran
her breasts up and down his chest. Her pert nipples barely touched his skin,
and she drew circular patterns until he was pulling at the sheets with his
fingers. With that, she decided to relieve some of his frustration. She
undid his top button, and slowly undid each of his fly buttons on his 501's.
With her indec finger, she slowly traced the outline of his rock hard prick
through the fabric of his underwear. She pulled the elastic away from his skin
with her fingernail, and the cool air rushed around his dick, making him take
in a large breath of air.
Slowly, her hands encircled his prick, and she began to slowly pump him with
her hand. With her free hand, she played with he balls, running her fingers
through his pubic hair, feeling the sac which hung between his legs.
He rolled her off of him, so that she would be lying beside him. He kicked off
his pants onto the floor, so that he could move around easily, He resten on
one elbow, and cuupped one of her breasts in that hand, massaging it with his
fingers. He leaned forward into the other breast, and began kissing it
passionately. With his free hand, he began to unzip her pants. He felt the
lace underwear under his fingertips, and gently stroked the hair underneath
through the panties. Instinctively, or perhaps in was he acquiescence, he
couldn't tell which, she moved her legs apart, giving him better access to her
secret patch of desire. His fingers slid around the edges of the panties,
until he could feel her slippery lips. He began to run his fingers up and
down the length of her slit, and she pressed herself into him in rythm with
his motion. He pulled his hand out from between her legs, but she wasn't
ready. She took hold of his hand, and led it back down to her awaiting clit.
He sucked on her nipple, pulling and tugging gently but firmly while his
fingers alternately played with her clit, and ran down to her hole.
Occassionally, he let one finger slide into her hole, and he moved it around
inside of her. Then, he would play with her clit, and let TWO fingers fall
inside of her. The first time he inserted two fingers into her, her back
arched high off the bed, and her hands pushed his face deeper and deeper into
her cleavage.
He took his hands out of her pants, and started to unpeel the jeans from her
body. She lifted herself off of the bed so that it would be easier, and he
was able to take them off without too much hassle. His fingers went back to
work between her legs, but this time he was able to stroke the insides of her
thighs. After a while, he rolled on top of her in one smooth motion, falling
between her open legs like a puzzle piece. He began to kiss her on the lips,
she returning his kisses with equal abandonment, when he noticed her hand
snaking down between them. She took ahold of him, stroking him gently but
assuredly, feeling his balls then returning to the tip of his shaft. All the
while, she guided him towards her hole, and making sure there was no mistake
as to what she wanted. Then, he could feel his head touching her wet lips,
and the feeling excited him more than anything so far. With her hand, she ran
the head of his cock up and down the entrance to her hole, and she contracted
her lips around the tip of his head so that he could feel her body wanting
him. Then, she placed the head right at the entrance of her hole, and told him
to wait. He looked at her, confused, but he waited. She removed her hands
from his throbbing prick, and slowly moved both of her hands to his ass. He
could feel her hands lightly massaging his ass, at the same time as her lips
were pulling at his prick. The sensations made him afraid to mocve, he didn't
want the feeling to end.
Her hands continued to massage him, and he began to unconsciously arch his
back. Her hands came around to his chest, and she began to rub his chest with
her fingers. Her lips came up to his chest, and he began to feel her legs
slowly wrapping around his waist. As they did, her hole began to widen, and
his prick started to enter her slit. She began to suck on his nipples,
something that he had never experienced before, and his prick began to throb
ecen more wildly. Her legs were wrappped aroound the small of his back now,
and his cock had fallen into the opening of her pussy. Just then, the head of
his cock was completely inside of here, as the widest, as the widest part of
his cock was at the opening to her vagina. He wanted to thrust inside of her
so badly, but he managed to control himself, just barely. Her lips and hands
moved around his chest, and her breathing fell on his chest, and mixed with
the cooler air of the room. She was breathing extremely heavily, and her
teeth came down on his nipple rather hard. At the same time, she squeezed her
legs together, pushing him entirely into her to the hilt. His reaction was
something of a mixed yelp from the pain she inflicted on his nipple, and the
pleasure of his prick running the length of her hole.
She was very wet, so wet that he had the hardest of times controlling himself.
His cock easily slid in and out of her, so that he was ready to come in almost
no time at all. He gritted his teeth together so that he could concentrate on
holding himself back. He pushed himself all the way into her, and stopped.
She opened her eyes, and looked at him questioningly.
"I don't want to come just yet," he explained.
She nodded that she understood, and he kissed her on the lips, the gently on
her forhead, all the while rotating his hips in a circle, a trick he learned
to prevent himself from coming too quickly. Her hands went down to his ass,
and she began to caress his asscheeks. His ass, uite sensitive as it was,
began to contract, forcing his prick deeper inside of her. He lost all of his
control, and began to pump away furiously. Her breathing became audible and
rythmic "Unmnh's" matching his with every thrust. His hips began to piston
into her like a frieght train, each thrust accompanied by both of their
groans. Suddently, her breathing was no longer just breathing; she was
moaning. She grabbed onto his ass, and began to pump harder with her hips.
"Oh, God, Ohh, GOD," she was saying, soon screaming. He could feel the
pressure building and building inside of him until he coul contain himself no
longer. His come came rushing out so fast, his prick hurt from the onslaught.
They kept pumping away at each other for a few minutes more, until they both
ran out of energy. At that point, the phone rang.
"John picked up the phone. "Get your clothes on. I'm coming back in." Damn,
it was Stan, John's roommate. "Give us ten minutes." Stan agreed, and Jen
and John laughed as they dressed. Suddenly Jenifer looked at Johyn, and
smiled.
"Wanna be daring? she asked.
Stan knocked on the door. "I'm coming in," he announced.
He opened the door, and saw John and Jenifer standing at opposite ends of the
room. He raised one eyebrow, but didn't say anything. The smell of sex hung
in the air, and he noticed it. Even so, Stan was oblivious. "Did you try to
cook something in here?" he asked.
John knew that if he looked at Jenifer he would burst out laughing, so he
remained staring at Stan. "Well, yeah. But it burned."
Stan nodded. "You tried that popcorn again in the microwave, didn't you. I
told you the Microwave was too small. It got stuck in one place and burned,
didn't it?"
John tried to cover his smile behind a slight cough. "That's it, I tried it.
I thought it might work..." he let the sentence drag off.
"Well," Stan said. "I'm going to get ready for bed. I'll be right back." He
took his shaving bag to the bathroom to finish his nightly ritual of brushing
his teeth, etc.
John sat down on the couch, letting out a big sigh of relief. Jenifer cam to
sit beside him and asked, "Popcorn?"
"Would you rather me tell him the truth? No, Stan. We didn't cook anything,
that's just the smell of us having sex. C'mon."
Jenifer placed her hand on his chest. "You wanna be daring?"
John eyed her cautiously. "What do you mean?"
Jen's hand snaked down to his button, and popped it open. "Let's do it again.
Right now." Her fingers began stroking his already hard prick.
"I don't know about this," he said. "Stan is going to be back really soon."
"Aaaw, c'mon," she purred. Her hands were becoming more and more persistent.
His breathing grew labored. But, try as he wanted to, he could not make his
hand stop her. She smiled at him, and the lowered her head down to his. As
her tongue flicked over the head of his prick, he sucked in his breath. She
went all the way down, and he could feel her lips wrapped around the base of
his shaft. His body was in heaven, but his mind was worried about Stan's
return.
"He'll be back soon," he explained. Her response was to suck harder. The
only thing he could say after that was "Unngh!"
Her tongue worked it's way around the head, falling into every crevace. She
moved her lips around, giving him a very pleasurable sensation as her mouth
tightened and loosened around his cock.
His fingers ran through her hair, when all of a sudden he knew that Stan was
coming back. He couldn't explain exactly how, but he knew. Fear was the only
thing he felt, and he rubbed Jenifer's back persistently, telling her that
Stan was coming back. She reluctantly sat up, and repackaged him. He kissed
her on the lips, as Stan walked back into the room.
Just then, a next door neighbor asked for Stan's assistence on something that
would only take a minute. As Stan exited the room, Jen's hand went back to
John's fly. John couldn't believe what was happening to him. "Let's be
daring," She whispered. John decided that he didn't want to risk Stan's
interruption, so he said, "You want to be daring, come with me."
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"You'll see," was his only answer. They left the room, and went into the
stairwell. He took her hand, and led her down a few flights of stairs, the
the first floor of the dorm. Still in the stairwell, he leaned her back on
the radiator next to the wall. He started kissing her passionately, and she
responded. His hand went up her blouse, and he started to massage her breast.
Her hand covered his through the material, and she rubbed his hand into her
soft skin.
He looked at her and smiled. "You wanted to be daring?" he asked. She nodded,
unsure of what he was going to do. He smiled back at her, and his free hand
went to her pants button. He opened up her pants quickly, and ran his fingers
underneath the waistline of her panties. She was already very excited, and he
could feel her wetness absorb his fingers. His middle finger slid into her
crack, although he could only move it from side to side, due to the awkward
angle of his hand. They could feel the heat coming from the radiator, but it
didn't stop them.
Suddenly, without warning, he took his hand out of her pants. He started to
pull her pants downward, to about her mid-thigh. Then, with equal dexterity,
he undid his pants, and brought out his tool. She reached for it with one
hand, and began stroking it as he continued to pull his pants down so that his
balls could come free. Then, knowing that this was not the place for a lot of
foreplay, he guided himself to between her legs. He slid up and into her very
easily, and the heat coming from the radiator did something to him, as he
started pumping away. He wrapped his arms around her, so that she would not
fall off the radiator, and he thought about how she must feel, bare assed on a
hot radiator. Apparently, it excited her even more, because she was coming
almost as soon as he entered her. Her hips were pistoning back at his with
great force; she wanted to wrap her legs around his, but she could only manage
to squeeze him between her knees, because her pants were still up around her
lower thigh.
She leaned her head back up on the wall, and he began to kiss and suck on her
neck. His hands had slipped down to her ass, to hold her in place as they
pumped agains each other. He could feel her juices running down his cock,
falling underneath of his balls, and down the inside of his thigh. The fluid
contrasted with the hot radiated heat under his hands and her ass. He could
feel the come building once more, and his hips took over. His hips began
banging into hers with tremendous speed. Faster and faster he pumped, and he
barely noticed her fingernails digging into her back. Breifly, he heard a
sound outside of the firedoor, but it was too late. He could not have stopped
if he wanted to. His come flooded into her, and he kept pumping through two
more orgasms for her. She wanted to continue, but he was too hyper sensitive
to move at all. Her pussy walls continued to milk him dry, but each
contraction was the dual edged sword of pleasure and pain. Finally, he had to
pull himself from her body, and his prick hung limp from between his legs,
worn out.
"Was that daring enough for you?" he asked. She leaned up against the
radiator, while pulling her pants back up. She could only nod, as her
breathing went back to normal.
Carmen Electra's in that movie?? Mail her to me, damnit!!
It's like, how many times can you say breasts in one breath?
breasts..breasts..breasts..breasts...aww damn
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
Write something as good as photoshop and call it "gimp".
You sir, are either completely new here, or an utterly amazing troll.
--
Evan
"$30 for the One True Ring. $10 each additional ring!" -- JRR "Bob" Tolkien
This page breaks in Netscape 4.x (for Windows; I have to purge Windows from this new laptop and install Debian. Else I'd report for both Linux and Windows..) Maybe add an "IE or Mozilla only" note to the main story. :)
------------------------------------------- Just Say no to Windows!
Yes It's about time. I'd like to thank God, my mother, slashdot, Linus and oh there are so many others I know I've forgot.
This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me!!!!.
ZEPPLIN Rules!!!!!!