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An Interview with JRR Tolkien and Other Tomfoolery
Lord of the Links writes: "These wackjobs pretend to interview JRR Tolkien with a ouija board as well as slapping together other nonsense, like photoshopped Ringwraiths from the movie doing bizarre things. I laughed once or twice, especially the diary by Gollum. The girls side left something to be desired, but the script revisions were kinda funny. If you feel like feeding into the Lord of the Rings hype, check it out."
right up little boys ASS's!
First Post!
This early post for Ida! I love you!!
Hey now, ouija boards are serious business. I wouldn't go calling this "pretending".
"The problem with the French is that they don't have a word for 'entrepeneur'." -George W. Bush
what did you expect somthing profound ??
Slashdotite: What distribution of Linux do you use?
JRR: Crazy Web folk...
I wonder how they're going to deal with the transition between the first two books (at the end of the first movie.)
I had a mild feeling of resolution at the end of the first book, but it felt a little more like a pause in the tension, not an end of it.
When it comes to a movie, however, we'll have to see if they gimmick it up to make it more bite-sized.
It all goes downhill from first post
Why bother faking an inteview with JRR?
....
Plenty of people claim to know what he thinks about the file.
Peter Jackson reckons he'd like it.
JRR's biographer reckons he'd have ignored it.
His son, Christopher Tolkien reckons he'd have hated it.
So there you have it
Mmmmmmm
http://www.efun.nu has something about that.
I got a Fox popup wanting to launch Notepad.exe... how very obnoxious! Can we say CANCEL. Sheesh.
"They do not preach that their god will rouse them, a little before the Nuts work loose." Kipling, 'The Sons of Martha'
Mod me down for being OT if you must, but...
...other nonsense, like photoshopped Ringwraiths...
Is "photoshop" falling into common usage as a word meaning "to digitally modify [an image]" similar to the way "xerox" is now synonymous with "photocopy"? (Even if you're using, say, a Canon copier.)
Personally I'd rather hear them referred to as "gimped Ringwraiths".
TheFrood
If you say "I'll probably get modded down for this..." then I will mod you down.
For those who may be inclined to disbelieve the actuality of this story,
listen up: Every work is true, only the names have been changed to protect
the guilty. So, away we go:
Jenifer and john had never gone out before, but had talked extensively on the
computer system, and bothe were interested in meeting each other. They
decided on a date, when they would go to the movies.
John considered on several options, but he thought it would be sage to go to a
movie. After that, well, he would see how the movie went.
They got off to a late start, and didn't arrive at the movie until agter it
had been running for fifteen minutes. Both of them decided to go back to
campus and get drunk. They stopped off at Jenifer's house, and swiped some
alcohol from her father's liquor cabinet. They travelled back to John's room,
and he pulled out a deck of cards. Drinking games, they both said together.
It didn't take them long to get totally blitzed, and jen said she had to use
the bathroom. They both stood up, and she travelled the short distance
between them and gave John a long deep kiss. His mind, already affected by
the alcohol, conjured up images of them together in bed. However, even as
drunk as he was, he instinctively knew not to get his hopes up to high. As
they kissed, he could smell the perfume she was wearing, and his underwear all
of a sudden felt too small. She pulled away, and smiled at him. As she left
the room, he prayed heavily, hoping that his roommate would not return anytime
soon.
When she returned, they continued in their card game, and continued, in the
process, to get very drunk. The card game soon got pushed out, and they fell
to the floor, laughing hysterically, and quite drunk. All of a sudden,
Jenifer moved over to John, and kissed him deeply again. He didn't mind at
all. Somehow they moved onto John's bed, and continued their kissing. John
began kissing down her neck, moving in half-moons around from ear to ear. She
in turn, rubbed his back with her hands, pushing him into her. Their legs
entwined, and he began to instinctively grind himself into her, and she
returned the pressure. Her hands cupped the back of his neck, and massaged him
as he kissed her neck, working his way lower and lower. He opened up a button
on her blouse, amd kissed there. The lower he went, the deeper her sighs
were. He smiled, and decided to tease her a little bit. He would go lower to
the point where he already had been, then go back up and kiss her neck, then
go down a little lower than he was before, and then go back up. All the
while, she wrapped her legs around his, and pushed her hips into his.
Finally, he opened up her blouse all the way, and breathed in the aroma of her
breasts. He began massaging one in one hand, while he encircled the other
nipple with his mouth. She rolled him onto his back, and managed to take off
his shirt in one smooth motion. Ahe ran her fingers along his chest and
stomach, driving him wild. The sensation of her long fingernails on his skin
caused his eyes to roll back into his head. When her hand got to his
waistband, she ran her fingers along the length of his abdomen, teasing him
unmercifully. He squirmed underneath of her, and she smiled at his anguish
until she decided that he had had enough. She stradled his legs, and then ran
her breasts up and down his chest. Her pert nipples barely touched his skin,
and she drew circular patterns until he was pulling at the sheets with his
fingers. With that, she decided to relieve some of his frustration. She
undid his top button, and slowly undid each of his fly buttons on his 501's.
With her indec finger, she slowly traced the outline of his rock hard prick
through the fabric of his underwear. She pulled the elastic away from his skin
with her fingernail, and the cool air rushed around his dick, making him take
in a large breath of air.
Slowly, her hands encircled his prick, and she began to slowly pump him with
her hand. With her free hand, she played with he balls, running her fingers
through his pubic hair, feeling the sac which hung between his legs.
He rolled her off of him, so that she would be lying beside him. He kicked off
his pants onto the floor, so that he could move around easily, He resten on
one elbow, and cuupped one of her breasts in that hand, massaging it with his
fingers. He leaned forward into the other breast, and began kissing it
passionately. With his free hand, he began to unzip her pants. He felt the
lace underwear under his fingertips, and gently stroked the hair underneath
through the panties. Instinctively, or perhaps in was he acquiescence, he
couldn't tell which, she moved her legs apart, giving him better access to her
secret patch of desire. His fingers slid around the edges of the panties,
until he could feel her slippery lips. He began to run his fingers up and
down the length of her slit, and she pressed herself into him in rythm with
his motion. He pulled his hand out from between her legs, but she wasn't
ready. She took hold of his hand, and led it back down to her awaiting clit.
He sucked on her nipple, pulling and tugging gently but firmly while his
fingers alternately played with her clit, and ran down to her hole.
Occassionally, he let one finger slide into her hole, and he moved it around
inside of her. Then, he would play with her clit, and let TWO fingers fall
inside of her. The first time he inserted two fingers into her, her back
arched high off the bed, and her hands pushed his face deeper and deeper into
her cleavage.
He took his hands out of her pants, and started to unpeel the jeans from her
body. She lifted herself off of the bed so that it would be easier, and he
was able to take them off without too much hassle. His fingers went back to
work between her legs, but this time he was able to stroke the insides of her
thighs. After a while, he rolled on top of her in one smooth motion, falling
between her open legs like a puzzle piece. He began to kiss her on the lips,
she returning his kisses with equal abandonment, when he noticed her hand
snaking down between them. She took ahold of him, stroking him gently but
assuredly, feeling his balls then returning to the tip of his shaft. All the
while, she guided him towards her hole, and making sure there was no mistake
as to what she wanted. Then, he could feel his head touching her wet lips,
and the feeling excited him more than anything so far. With her hand, she ran
the head of his cock up and down the entrance to her hole, and she contracted
her lips around the tip of his head so that he could feel her body wanting
him. Then, she placed the head right at the entrance of her hole, and told him
to wait. He looked at her, confused, but he waited. She removed her hands
from his throbbing prick, and slowly moved both of her hands to his ass. He
could feel her hands lightly massaging his ass, at the same time as her lips
were pulling at his prick. The sensations made him afraid to mocve, he didn't
want the feeling to end.
Her hands continued to massage him, and he began to unconsciously arch his
back. Her hands came around to his chest, and she began to rub his chest with
her fingers. Her lips came up to his chest, and he began to feel her legs
slowly wrapping around his waist. As they did, her hole began to widen, and
his prick started to enter her slit. She began to suck on his nipples,
something that he had never experienced before, and his prick began to throb
ecen more wildly. Her legs were wrappped aroound the small of his back now,
and his cock had fallen into the opening of her pussy. Just then, the head of
his cock was completely inside of here, as the widest, as the widest part of
his cock was at the opening to her vagina. He wanted to thrust inside of her
so badly, but he managed to control himself, just barely. Her lips and hands
moved around his chest, and her breathing fell on his chest, and mixed with
the cooler air of the room. She was breathing extremely heavily, and her
teeth came down on his nipple rather hard. At the same time, she squeezed her
legs together, pushing him entirely into her to the hilt. His reaction was
something of a mixed yelp from the pain she inflicted on his nipple, and the
pleasure of his prick running the length of her hole.
She was very wet, so wet that he had the hardest of times controlling himself.
His cock easily slid in and out of her, so that he was ready to come in almost
no time at all. He gritted his teeth together so that he could concentrate on
holding himself back. He pushed himself all the way into her, and stopped.
She opened her eyes, and looked at him questioningly.
"I don't want to come just yet," he explained.
She nodded that she understood, and he kissed her on the lips, the gently on
her forhead, all the while rotating his hips in a circle, a trick he learned
to prevent himself from coming too quickly. Her hands went down to his ass,
and she began to caress his asscheeks. His ass, uite sensitive as it was,
began to contract, forcing his prick deeper inside of her. He lost all of his
control, and began to pump away furiously. Her breathing became audible and
rythmic "Unmnh's" matching his with every thrust. His hips began to piston
into her like a frieght train, each thrust accompanied by both of their
groans. Suddently, her breathing was no longer just breathing; she was
moaning. She grabbed onto his ass, and began to pump harder with her hips.
"Oh, God, Ohh, GOD," she was saying, soon screaming. He could feel the
pressure building and building inside of him until he coul contain himself no
longer. His come came rushing out so fast, his prick hurt from the onslaught.
They kept pumping away at each other for a few minutes more, until they both
ran out of energy. At that point, the phone rang.
"John picked up the phone. "Get your clothes on. I'm coming back in." Damn,
it was Stan, John's roommate. "Give us ten minutes." Stan agreed, and Jen
and John laughed as they dressed. Suddenly Jenifer looked at Johyn, and
smiled.
"Wanna be daring? she asked.
Stan knocked on the door. "I'm coming in," he announced.
He opened the door, and saw John and Jenifer standing at opposite ends of the
room. He raised one eyebrow, but didn't say anything. The smell of sex hung
in the air, and he noticed it. Even so, Stan was oblivious. "Did you try to
cook something in here?" he asked.
John knew that if he looked at Jenifer he would burst out laughing, so he
remained staring at Stan. "Well, yeah. But it burned."
Stan nodded. "You tried that popcorn again in the microwave, didn't you. I
told you the Microwave was too small. It got stuck in one place and burned,
didn't it?"
John tried to cover his smile behind a slight cough. "That's it, I tried it.
I thought it might work..." he let the sentence drag off.
"Well," Stan said. "I'm going to get ready for bed. I'll be right back." He
took his shaving bag to the bathroom to finish his nightly ritual of brushing
his teeth, etc.
John sat down on the couch, letting out a big sigh of relief. Jenifer cam to
sit beside him and asked, "Popcorn?"
"Would you rather me tell him the truth? No, Stan. We didn't cook anything,
that's just the smell of us having sex. C'mon."
Jenifer placed her hand on his chest. "You wanna be daring?"
John eyed her cautiously. "What do you mean?"
Jen's hand snaked down to his button, and popped it open. "Let's do it again.
Right now." Her fingers began stroking his already hard prick.
"I don't know about this," he said. "Stan is going to be back really soon."
"Aaaw, c'mon," she purred. Her hands were becoming more and more persistent.
His breathing grew labored. But, try as he wanted to, he could not make his
hand stop her. She smiled at him, and the lowered her head down to his. As
her tongue flicked over the head of his prick, he sucked in his breath. She
went all the way down, and he could feel her lips wrapped around the base of
his shaft. His body was in heaven, but his mind was worried about Stan's
return.
"He'll be back soon," he explained. Her response was to suck harder. The
only thing he could say after that was "Unngh!"
Her tongue worked it's way around the head, falling into every crevace. She
moved her lips around, giving him a very pleasurable sensation as her mouth
tightened and loosened around his cock.
His fingers ran through her hair, when all of a sudden he knew that Stan was
coming back. He couldn't explain exactly how, but he knew. Fear was the only
thing he felt, and he rubbed Jenifer's back persistently, telling her that
Stan was coming back. She reluctantly sat up, and repackaged him. He kissed
her on the lips, as Stan walked back into the room.
Just then, a next door neighbor asked for Stan's assistence on something that
would only take a minute. As Stan exited the room, Jen's hand went back to
John's fly. John couldn't believe what was happening to him. "Let's be
daring," She whispered. John decided that he didn't want to risk Stan's
interruption, so he said, "You want to be daring, come with me."
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"You'll see," was his only answer. They left the room, and went into the
stairwell. He took her hand, and led her down a few flights of stairs, the
the first floor of the dorm. Still in the stairwell, he leaned her back on
the radiator next to the wall. He started kissing her passionately, and she
responded. His hand went up her blouse, and he started to massage her breast.
Her hand covered his through the material, and she rubbed his hand into her
soft skin.
He looked at her and smiled. "You wanted to be daring?" he asked. She nodded,
unsure of what he was going to do. He smiled back at her, and his free hand
went to her pants button. He opened up her pants quickly, and ran his fingers
underneath the waistline of her panties. She was already very excited, and he
could feel her wetness absorb his fingers. His middle finger slid into her
crack, although he could only move it from side to side, due to the awkward
angle of his hand. They could feel the heat coming from the radiator, but it
didn't stop them.
Suddenly, without warning, he took his hand out of her pants. He started to
pull her pants downward, to about her mid-thigh. Then, with equal dexterity,
he undid his pants, and brought out his tool. She reached for it with one
hand, and began stroking it as he continued to pull his pants down so that his
balls could come free. Then, knowing that this was not the place for a lot of
foreplay, he guided himself to between her legs. He slid up and into her very
easily, and the heat coming from the radiator did something to him, as he
started pumping away. He wrapped his arms around her, so that she would not
fall off the radiator, and he thought about how she must feel, bare assed on a
hot radiator. Apparently, it excited her even more, because she was coming
almost as soon as he entered her. Her hips were pistoning back at his with
great force; she wanted to wrap her legs around his, but she could only manage
to squeeze him between her knees, because her pants were still up around her
lower thigh.
She leaned her head back up on the wall, and he began to kiss and suck on her
neck. His hands had slipped down to her ass, to hold her in place as they
pumped agains each other. He could feel her juices running down his cock,
falling underneath of his balls, and down the inside of his thigh. The fluid
contrasted with the hot radiated heat under his hands and her ass. He could
feel the come building once more, and his hips took over. His hips began
banging into hers with tremendous speed. Faster and faster he pumped, and he
barely noticed her fingernails digging into her back. Breifly, he heard a
sound outside of the firedoor, but it was too late. He could not have stopped
if he wanted to. His come flooded into her, and he kept pumping through two
more orgasms for her. She wanted to continue, but he was too hyper sensitive
to move at all. Her pussy walls continued to milk him dry, but each
contraction was the dual edged sword of pleasure and pain. Finally, he had to
pull himself from her body, and his prick hung limp from between his legs,
worn out.
"Was that daring enough for you?" he asked. She leaned up against the
radiator, while pulling her pants back up. She could only nod, as her
breathing went back to normal.
Peter Jackson does NOT reckon Tolkien would like the movie adaptations of his works. In an interview he gave to the BBC, Jackson said that he thought that Tolkien would be 'upset with the liberties he'd taken with the script' but that Tolkien 'would probably be glad Jackson had interpreted the major themes correctly.' A two-year old could interpret the major themes correctly. I personally think that Tolkien would come after Jackson with a spoon and a white-hot hazelnut for cutting out important characters and inserting clichéd catchphrases into the greatest fantasy epic ever written.
Carmen Electra's in that movie?? Mail her to me, damnit!!
It's like, how many times can you say breasts in one breath?
breasts..breasts..breasts..breasts...aww damn
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
-- Dan
that site sucks
slashdot trolls suck me off
Film at 11
Get that rats nest off your head, you numbskull -- Wesley Willis
on ebay now
Why not interview Tolkien by method of infinite monkeys? We would have a dead accurate interview with Tolkien and as an added bonus, not raise sceptics' concerns.
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the War Room!
an other wise decent thread ruined by bitter OSS zelots and politcly correct nonsense.
Why have I been receiving emails from some guy called "CmdrTaco," in which he seems to be speaking in some kind of code language?
Good Lord. What is "Taco-snotting?"
Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?
I can't stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?
Have you ever been Taco-Snotted?
That's horrible. Does "Taco-snotting" have anything to do with CmdrTaco's "special taco"?
Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a pædophile, not a homosexual.
No, thanks. I'm already CmdrTaco's boi toi.
________________________________________ RECENT READER COMMENTSOnce comments have been archived by Slashdot, they're removed from the Official Taco-Snotting FAQ. However much I would like to paste 200k crapfloods into Slashdot, my browser is a piece of shit and won't let me!
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Re:Taco-Powered Christmas Snot (Score:0)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.15 7:05 (#2707493)
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Re:Bye bye Windows! (Score:0)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.15 5:12 (#2707245)
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Re:That's my department, boy! (Score:-1, Troll)
by Anonymous Coward (actually afree87) on 2001.12.15 2:51 (#2706921)
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Re:CmdrTaco BANNED FOR LIFE from Taco Bell!!!!!! (Score:-1)
by WeatherTroll on 2001.12.15 2:48 (#2706907)
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Re:Snottle OSnotX, BSnotD, and Snottan Snottard (Score:0)
by Anonymous Coward (actually afree87) on 2001.12.15 2:47 (#2706900)
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Re:Bye bye Windows! (Score:-1, Offtopic)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.15 1:35 (#2706675)
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Re:Bye bye Windows! (Score:-1)
by JonKatz on on 2001.12.15 0:29 (#2706495)
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Important Information For Slashdot Users (Score:-1, Troll)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.14 3:09 (#2702660)
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Re:Snotback: Snotto, Snotz, Snottion (Score:0)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.14 2:44 (#2702581)
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Re:Italics are yummy! (Score:-1, Troll)
by Super Mario Troll on 2001.12.14 2:33 (#2702535)
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Re:Italics are yummy! (Score:-1, Offtopic)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.14 1:41 (#2702370)
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Re:The WIPO Troll Announces Portable Snotbox (Score:-1, Offtopic)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.07 7:58 (#2669658)
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Re:The WIPO Troll Announces Portable Snotbox (Score:-1, Troll)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.07 5:48 (#2669422)
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Re:The WIPO Troll Announces Portable Snotbox (Score:-1)
by GaylordFucker on 2001.12.07 5:39 (#2669394)
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Re:Portable Snotcube! (Score:-1, Offtopic)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.07 3:58 (#2669117)
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Re:Yum yum taco-snotting! (Score:-1, Offtopic)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.02 22:15 (#2644499)
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This is getting old (Score:-1, Troll)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.02 20:14 (#2644227)
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Fucking hilarious too bad it didnt get a 5:Funny (Score:-1, Offtopic)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.02 19:01 (#2644105)
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Re:Taco-snotting@Home! (Score:-1, Offtopic)
by Dark_Cobra87 on 2001.12.01 23:03 (#2642180)
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Re:Fuck Linux! Fuck him hard! (Score:-1)
by Fecal Troll Matter on 2001.12.01 20:55 (#2641791)
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Look (Score:-1)
by ArchieBunker on 2001.12.01 20:19 (#2641679)
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Re:Congratulations! You have been WIPO'd!! (Score:0)
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.01 8:37 (#2640602)
________________________________________Has this been submitted to linuxdoc.org yet?
That may be true, but have you made love to a wombat today?
Wow, WipoTroll, you really know how to snot! And you can scramble Slashdot's HTML, too! I love boys who do that! Come over to my place sometime!
CmdrTaco only goes to Taco Bell to get their hot sauce, and to solicit hot sauce enemas from underage male employees. He makes his own tacos.
We love you, WipoTroll! We want you to snot us, WipoTroll!
I want some Taco-snot! Where can I get some?
Please, please, please Taco-snot me. I know I would love it almost as much as fucking young boys. Pleadingly, JonKatz
It has recently come to my attention that the entire Slashdot crew engage in homosexual activities. CmdrTaco is one such person, and has dedicated his life to spreading the ideals of Taco-Snotting while enjoying the benefits of it. For further information on Taco-Snotting please refer to George WIPO Bush's Taco-Snotting FAQ which can be easily found by searching for the Slashdot journal of George WIPO Bush or by looking in the comments of Slashdot articles (Usually modded -1).
It has also come to my attention that CmdrTaco has other interests besides homosexuality (Believe it or not). One such interest includes a budding music career with a song titled "Gaping Anus". The details are sketchy on this topic but I do know that besides the lead vocals of CmdrTaco, it includes Timothy and CowboyNeal (Also members of the Slashdot crew). There has been no release date set for this album or which record label it will be produced under. I believe CmdrTaco is planning to set up his own label, Taco-Snotting Records, with the intention of releasing the song on a cd-single with various remixes as soon as possible (To catch the current popularity of the Taco-Snotting fad). On a side note, I would not believe this fad will ever wear out (like a Snotted-out-geek); I am sorry to say Taco-Snotting is here to stay :-(. Various remixes of Gaping Anus will include: "Extra Jizz", "Snot Me Baby One More Time", "www.Goatse.cx", and "Once You Taco-Snot, You Can't Stop". I am sure many, many, more are sure to come. I predict this album will be a very hot seller this holiday season, especially with in or out of closet homosexuals, and with those who have no self-respect (Readers of Slashdot).
Through a good, non-homosexual friend of mine, I have recieved a copy of the lyrics to the Gaping Anus musical composition. Included after the lyrics is a very speical tribute written by yours truely. Perhaps CmdrTaco will ask me to provide the vocals. Please feel free to read the lyrics and post your comments and disgust. E-mail CmdrTaco with this disgust also.
BTW, please do not reply with the intention of flaming me because the lyrics are a rip-off of Insane Clown Posse's "Slim Anus". For more information on ICP and Slim Anus refer here and here. CmdrTaco is the author of this fine musical work and not me. So, it is obviously he who has ripped off ICP and not me. Thank you.
Read the rest of this shit...
you know, every time i read this i want to punch you more and more. the taco snotting thing is old, lame, boring, and over done. it never was remotely funny or good though. it sounds like a 10th grader wrote it too. so please, go play in traffic or shut the fuck up so real trolls can post.
Keep up the good work! Educate the masses to the dangers of Taco-Snotting!
It's a me, the Super Mario Troll! Would you like to see my gaping troll anusWIPO - Man you trolls are shit compared to Egg Trolls troll's. Egg Man is just so much more original.
That leaky sound you hear is CmdrTaco pissing himself after seeing this.
Slashdot trolling just got a whole lot easier...
http://www.geocities.com/frostpist/
Spread the word!
Q: Is CmdrTaco gay?
A: He Mos' certainly is!
not to mention... The WIPO Troll used himself as a test subject to try out the portable snotbox... i await your results and hope your product gets approved...
Regards, GayGet that rats nest off your head, you numbskull -- Wesley Willis
stfu. no one really cares about your lame little "troll". make some new material (not that anything you've ever said is worth a damn..)
Dear SLASH crew - this post makes it clear why you need to add a new category - "tell it like it is (+1)"
Hey dicksuck, why don't you come up with new troll material? Everyone has seen the tacosnotting 100 times already. Fuckwit. Assholage. Gay. Lick my anal nectar.
this is good shit man
Oops, forgot to check that Taco-snot option...
Mmmmmmm, Taco Sauce...
Sig (appended to the end of comments you post, 120 chars)
I love trolling but this shit is getting old, fast. At least start mixing them up a little bit. How about the 'How OSM was Freed' series?
http://www.naawp.org/
Stop posting this! I've got hangover and Taco Snotting doesn't make me feel any better.
I'm really glad that Taco Snotting is illegal here in Europe.
J. Wipo Troll, Esq.
Crapflooder Associates
Slashdot.org
...Tolkien probably wouldn't be a very happy man, apparently the notion of movies didn't appeal to him at all. He was disgusted by the idea that people would see the scenes and not develop them in their own imaginations, a far better idea he believed! I believe the film rights were sold to his son? or someone... does anyone know more about that...? Joe xxx
A long time ago, the Orcish race was minding its own business in the mountains, playing with rocks and peacefully eating grubs and scorpions as is our wont. Without even the pretense of giving us beads or a piece of paper called a treaty, first the Dwarves, then the Elves and Men, invaded our caves and forced us out by swordpoint, all for the pretty little rocks they called gold and silver and mithril, none of which we ever cared about. Ever since then, our legitimate claims on our birthright have been ignored, while our people have been forced to stay in the reservations of Moria and Mordor, when once they claimed all of the Misty Mountains as their home. We are branded terrorists and evil by the Wise and their scrolls of wisdom while our true story goes untold. Tolkien, master propagandist for our oppressors, has told several blatant lies about our kind, leading the average LOTR reader to conclude that we were spontaneously generated out of Sauron's refuse heap somehow, and never have such things as women, children and families. He accuses us of senselss massacres and cannabilism, all the while ignoring the genocide and oppression our folk have suffered. The movie compounds the error by making us look green and slimy with mummified eyes, a gross racial stereotyping that would have the NAACP up in arms were it applied to people of color. Don't fall for the Elvish propaganda of Peter Jackson and J.R.R. Tolkien, but discover the truth for yourselves. We, like other 3rd Middle Earth peoples like the Trolls, the Balrogs, the Werewolves (Wargs, indeed - not once do you find in LOTR our Warg comrades being described as anything but howling animals), and the Great Spiders have been maligned by a baseless libel and demand that the record of history be set straight.
Sincerely,
Gorbag,
The Orc Liberation Front
they're UGO!
Wait a second....
Everything is mainstream now.
when will you GNU/GPL weenies understand that free software SUCKS!! at least with Adobe Photoshop i'm guaranteed a great program that will work, and do me wonders... how else can i make a multitude layer splash with a dynamic phase filter? hmmmmmm? GIMP sure as hell can't do that... why don't you linux weenies just give up your little preaching on how open source is so great... not to mention... i'm not to crazy about having a guy who looks like this to lead this GNU/GPL/FSF "revolution"
Get that rats nest off your head, you numbskull -- Wesley Willis
Harry and the hobbits might be fun, but they should be recognised as appealing to the racist within us, writes Chris Henning.
... but ... Harry and his friends are members of an elite. They are not a race, but their powers are handed down the generations from parents to children. The skills must be inherited before they are developed with teaching at Hogwarts. The reader quickly identifies with this genetic elite, the wizards such as Harry, and despises the talentless, boorish muggles.
We are in deep Pottermania. No child is without its thick spectacles, pointed hat and moon-and-stars cloak. Other fantastic creatures are banging on the gates, demanding to be let in: orcs, elves, ents and the rest of Middle Earth are about to break through into our consciousness when the Lord of the Rings marketing blitz gets under way.
Why this sudden bugaboo frenzy? And why now?
The appeal of the Lord of the Rings is fundamentally racist. Middle Earth is inhabited by races of creature deeply marked off from one another by language, physical appearance, and behaviour. It is almost a parody of a Hitlerian vision: orcs are ugly, disgusting, brutal, violent - without exception; elves are a beautiful, lordly, cultured elite; in between are hobbits, short, hairy, ordinary, a bit limited, but lovable and loyal and brave when they have to be.
Individuals within races don't vary from the pattern. To know one is to know all. The races are either dangerous or they are benign. An orc - any orc - is without question an enemy. A hobbit would never side with an orc.
Tolkien's entrancing vision has long been extraordinarily popular, not least with the far Right. If you have doubts, call up a few white supremacist sites on the Web. Tolkien is recommended reading for families hoping to bring up their children in a wholesome, racialist atmosphere. It sets the racist mental framework in an appealing and unchallenging way.
What about Harry Potter? Surely he can't be a racist too? He's just a kid going to school.
Well, no and yes. He's probably not recommended reading among the supremacists. They are often Christian fundamentalists, a group which is down on witchcraft and any form of paganism. The devil's work, you understand.
But
How we laugh when the Dursleys get into difficulties! They deserve it. They are, after all, just muggles - hapless, fat, brutal and stupid. They're all like that. Go on, Harry, hit them again and watch them cry.
Our response is no different from our view of orcs in Lord of the Rings. It is a racist view of the world, and to that extent, Harry Potter's appeal is to the racist within us.
But it's fun. And only boring people want to criticise it or condemn or ban it. Millions and millions of children - and adults - all over the world love J.K.Rowling and all her works, just as they love Tolkien and all his.
Just because Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings can be seen as racist is no reason to ban them, restrict their circulation or protect the vulnerable from them. Far from it - they are wonderful stories. But we should see them for what they are, and know that that is their appeal. We should ask why their appeal is so great.
Our clever and amoral Prime Minister has just won a third term, against expectations, by appealing to the racism and insecurity at the heart of the Australian psyche. Can these two disparate things be related in some way?
Perhaps they are related this way. We have been so isolated in our little consumerist, suburban cocoons, being told relentlessly how important we are as individuals - not as a group. Multiculturalism tells us that no culture has primacy over another, no habits are superior. We must tolerate everything. We must esteem our own culture, our own values, no higher than others.
Globalisation tells us that nothing has a value unless it can be expressed in dollars, that flexibility, change and choice are all the highest virtues, that a hankering after tradition or group values is the worst kind of vice.
For many people, the consequences of this - communities destroyed or undermined, values set at nought, habits despised - have been profoundly dispiriting. One Nation has played on this sense of loss, offering racist policies with mixed success. John Howard took over where One Nation failed, and revived his political fortunes.
Tokien, with his takeaway racism, offer the same comfort for the whole world: join our tribe, be special with us, despise our subhumans.
please reply with links.. thanks
Get that rats nest off your head, you numbskull -- Wesley Willis
This page breaks in Netscape 4.x (for Windows; I have to purge Windows from this new laptop and install Debian. Else I'd report for both Linux and Windows..) Maybe add an "IE or Mozilla only" note to the main story. :)
------------------------------------------- Just Say no to Windows!
Thinking of seeing LOTR ?
Remember if you see the film....
Even one read of LOTR or one viewing of the film can be dangerous.
LOTR can be hobbit forming, just ask Saruman... all that pipeweed got to his head he'd tell you how addictive it was.
But in reality they are called "wogs" over in the UK. Faggots are also sausages or some type of cigarette. Then again in LOTR Gandalf tells someone go get a faggot of wood.
Only the State obtains its revenue by coercion. - Murray Rothbard
Australia is going down the shitter these days. You have liberal whiners saying its racist or there aren't enough negroes. Tough shit. Nothing is stopping you from making your own movie where whites and nigs fuck all day long and have half breed kids.
Look at nature, do you see pigeons fucking crows? Didn't think so.
Only the State obtains its revenue by coercion. - Murray Rothbard
Tolkien was a devout Christian. Actually, he was the person who brought C.S.Lewis to Christ. As such, he's probably in Heaven right now, and not likely to be reached via Ouiji Board. Instead, it may well be that C.S.Lewis's "friend", the demon Screwtape, may be up to his infernal tricks. Kind of like "on the Internet, No one know's you're a Dog!"
You may not get to find out what Tolkein would have thought about any film version of his works, but two good books for getting a feel of Tolkein are:
The Inklings
and
The Personal Letters of J.R.R. Tolkein
both by Humphrey Carpenter. I read Inklings this summer and found it fascinating (includes stuff about C.S. Lewis and Charles Williams, too). Letters is a bit harder to plow through, but good sampling reading.
Incidentally, anyone know when those animated "Hobbit" and LOTR films were made? (late 70's? Early 80's?) I'll bet people had some bad things to say about those. I remember orcs singing cheesy songs like "Where there's a whip ! There's a way !"
Libertarianism is rich wolves and poor sheep playing gambler's ruin for dinner.
The "interview" with Tolkien and the other Ring-related stories on that site were dreadfully boring. The funniest thing I saw was a smallish picture of Gary Coleman as "Merry".
Yes It's about time. I'd like to thank God, my mother, slashdot, Linus and oh there are so many others I know I've forgot.
This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me!!!!.
ZEPPLIN Rules!!!!!!
Is "photoshop" falling into common usage as a word meaning "to digitally modify [an image]" similar to the way "xerox" is now synonymous with "photocopy"?
This has been true at least since the All Your Base photoshopping craze. Read More: A Google search for "photoshopped"
Yes, I say "gimped" instead.
Will I retire or break 10K?
Lord of the Rings is just about hype but Star Wars is nowhere near being hype? IMO talking about "hype" for LotR is tantamount to saying this is a flash in the pan bereft of any aesthetic merit.
George Lucas promised to film the prequels back to back and release one each year for three years. What's fat minivan dad up to now? Five years until he does another prequel? What? Lucas doesn't want to produce a piece of shit and needs to take his time creating special effects and developing plot which still falls far short? Effects in TPM were no better than what was seen in Harry Potter, the plot was non-existent despite Lucas' PR making spoof posters of "Plot Does Matter". Peter Jackson has created an awe inspiring movie with a richly textured plot which effectively conveys themes of friendship and sacrifice incorporating fantastic visuals and effects which enhance the movie without taking center stage or obviously being computer generated.
Lord of the Rings is news for nerds, whether on film or paper, and it still doesn't have a topic devoted entirely to this phenomenon. Lord of the Rings is highly deserving of this, and in light of 1999, moreso than Star Wars.
(after you see this movie. Oh, and star wars episode 2. and terminator 3. thanks.)
Pigse.cx!!
J. Wipo Troll, Esq.
Crapflooder Associates
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I've already seen the LOTR movie and Tom Bombadil didn't appear... Err, by the way.. that wasn't thw worst change in the story.
Someone mentioned in a reply to an earlier article that the casting for Boromir was poorly done, because the actor really wanted the role of Aragorn.
:)
Well, having just finished reading Two Towers, I'd like to point out that Boromir himself was jealous of Aragorn's status.
The casting seems appropriate then, doesn't it?
The book doesn't delve into the mysterious relationship between THE ONE RING and THE ONE BURGER KING like the movie does.
Harry Potter was a *much* better movie than Ep I. All around, and not just as a kid's movie.
Oh great, another Dungeons and Dragons.
I couldn't get passed the first part, the damn pop-ups kept, well, popping up even after I closed them.
How many time do I need to tell them I don't want to go to tas vegas.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
I think that LotR is gonna become uber-mainstream now, become all commercialized and all that gooooood stuff. Kinda like Star Wars.... heh