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Got Evil? Buy it Here!

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the things-you-can't-find-in-fry's dept.

Saint Aardvark writes "I just came across VillainSupply.com, and I'm sold. From Doomsday Devices to Robotic Tigers to Randroids, these guys have got it all. Don't forget the convenient, accessible self-destruct device!"

31 of 216 comments (clear)

  1. two weeks by Alric · · Score: 5, Funny

    I give them two weeks until some humorless secret service agent sends a threatening letter to their ISP.

    Alric.
    To Elbereth...

  2. henchjobs by Zugok · · Score: 3, Funny

    Damn it, none of the links would work in the henchjobs section. That sucks. Just when I got used to entering my resume online to all this recruitment agencies.

    I am a rocket scientist you know.

    --
    "I just can't sit while people are saying nonsense in a meeting without saying it's nonsense" J Watson, Sci Am 288:(4)51
  3. Another great... by SquireCD · · Score: 3, Funny

    www.findanddestroy.com used to be a store who sold such items as, "Shut That Bitch Up Duct Tape" and "Hide That Body Quick Broom Closets"

  4. Evil Realtor by Alien54 · · Score: 4, Informative
    They also own Evil Realtor.com

    This compares with the 20th Century castles site, which also has this item that would make a good lair.

    and which is a real item

    --
    "It is a greater offense to steal men's labor, than their clothes"
  5. Where's the children's section? by GeorgeTheNorge · · Score: 3, Funny

    I was hoping to order an Emporer Zurg action figure.

    --
    If you got a $100 bill, put your hands up...
  6. Ok, they've got by sconeu · · Score: 5, Funny

    the "convenient, accessible self-destruct device". But do they have the murder device with the "unnecessarily slow dipping mechanism"?

    --
    General Relativity: Space-time tells matter where to go; Matter tells space-time what shape to be.
    1. Re:Ok, they've got by 56ker · · Score: 4, Funny

      You mean the big sharp blade that slowly moves down? The one where the evil genius says something along the lines of "I have you now - and in five minutes time the rope will burn through releasing the swinging blade which will cut you in half. I'd love to stay and watch - but unfortunately me and my henchmen have to go and watch the football! :o)"

      --


      Video Game cheats, hints a
    2. Re:Ok, they've got by Uart · · Score: 4, Funny

      And all I wanted was some sharks with friggin' lasers....

      --

      Opinionated Law Student Strikes Again!
  7. but I thought.... by skydude_20 · · Score: 3, Funny

    and my first thought was the next version of Windows was released

    --
    Jesus saves souls and redeems them for valuable cash prizes
  8. ...From the Footer by $carab · · Score: 5, Funny

    www.villainsupply.com is owned and operated by Global Domination LLC, a consortium of organizations devoted to the consolidation of global capital by a single cabal or individual. Member organizations include The Trilateral Commission, The Bilderberger Group, Alternative 3, The World Zionist Conspiracy, VilAnon, The International Union of Mad Scientists, Majestic-12, World Freemasonry, SMERSH/The Second Soviet, Switzerland, The Arctic Nazis, The Hellfire Club, Price/Waterhouse/Coopers, Sanrio, Archer/Daniels/Midland, Dr. DeSpayr, The U.S. Military-Industrial Complex, and Amway.

    I think they forgot the The great and sinister VA "Software" keiretsu.

  9. They may have a doomsday device... by salmo · · Score: 5, Funny

    but do they have a psychotic arm for my former nazi scientist?

  10. It looks like they built... by loucura! · · Score: 3, Funny

    That convenient self-destruct device into their webserver.

    --
    Black and grey are both shades of white.
  11. Needs Something... by muzzmac · · Score: 5, Funny

    Perhaps a pre-recorded evil laughing device.

    I find MUUUUAAAAHHAAAHHAAAAHAHAHAHA! can be very taxing on the voicebox after a few hours.

    "Evil laugh augmentation device. Pat Pend"

    1. Re:Needs Something... by Tablizer · · Score: 3, Funny

      (* Perhaps a pre-recorded evil laughing device. I find MUUUUAAAAHHAAAHHAAAAHAHAHAHA! can be very taxing on the voicebox after a few hours. *)

      So *thats* why my boss's voice is always horse. Figured it out finally.

      --
      Table-ized A.I.
  12. /. effect - on Friday night?!?! by tomdarch · · Score: 5, Funny

    We're a sorry bunch, but for a site to get /.ed at roughly midnight on a Friday night is pretty sad! I mean, I'm stuck at home running an animation rendering, so, um, I have an excuse. But what about the rest of you!

    1. Re:/. effect - on Friday night?!?! by spiro_killglance · · Score: 4, Funny

      Hey its saturday morning were I am. Been out to
      a club, got pissed, got pissed off by a mate
      snogging the girl i was chatting up. Dancing the
      manic disco dance of the extremely angry. Walked
      to the top of the hill and back, at home cooling
      off reading slashdot. And they say programmers have no life.

      Which reminds me, they need another section on there site, terminal over-reaction revenage devices.

      Al Corpone baseball bat. $50

      Magick Evil Explode a minion hand gesture, in
      case any ask a good question. $10,000,000

      Miniture Zarug battle fleet*. One thousand years
      old each ship the 1.5cm in length. Currently
      enaged in a holy war, the the Verhug captain that
      back what he said about is mother. $5,000,000.

      *garanatee void if used near small dogs.

  13. A Real Doomsday Device by borgasm · · Score: 4, Funny

    Come on, we all employ a doomsday device on a daily basis.

    It's called The Slashdot Effect.

  14. Scenario? by quantaman · · Score: 5, Funny

    Boss: Ahh, the time is at hand. We have but a few minutes while the satellites are perfectly alinged with the moon to form our Death Ray. Alert our forces and the send the fire command!!

    Henchman: Sir, we can't access the central server!

    Boss: What has happened? Did a government spy infiltrate us and take our the control room?

    Henchman: I don't think so sir...

    Boss: Was our facility taken over by a crack military team that has cut power to the mainframe?

    Henchman: Uhhh.. Not exactly

    Boss: Did a team of elite crackers break in at the last minute and upload a virus?

    Henchman: Closer...

    Boss: Well what is it?

    Henchman: It's the slashdot effect! All our communications have ground to a halt, our enviromental controls are turning our headquarters into an inferno and our satellites are going to crash into our island!

    Boss: Arrghh!! Foiled Again! Escape to our nuclear submarine!

    Henchman: Um sir.. remember a few months ago how you wanted us to installed Windows on the sub...

    BOOM!!!

    --
    I stole this Sig
    1. Re:Scenario? by Jucius+Maximus · · Score: 5, Funny
      "Henchman: Um sir.. remember a few months ago how you wanted us to installed Windows on the sub...

      BOOM!!!"

      Would that be the operating system to control the sub's computer systems or the transparent sides used for viewing the ocean that would implode at sufficient depth?

      I guess either way it does not matter ...

  15. sounds good by zephc · · Score: 3, Funny

    But i want an Adrian Barbeaubot

    --
    "I would say that 99 per cent of what my father has written about his own life is false." - L. Ron Hubbard Jr.
  16. Not truly evil. by Oily+Tuna · · Score: 3, Insightful

    The super-villian is not 100% evil, he's got the brains to make all these amazing world-destroying devices, powerful computers, wonderful transportation devices.

    The 100% evil people are the ones who haven't quite got the brains. They make crappy computers, pathic transportation devices, not quite soul-destroying robots and then, and this is the evil bit, they persuade us to turn over our hard-earned cash and use them on ourselves :-(

    --
    Mmmmmmm ... sushi.
  17. A real lair by Animats · · Score: 4, Interesting
    A friend of mine, after cashing out of his startup, acquired a secret R&D lab in a remote farming village in Switzerland. The place is equipped with reinforced concrete walls, a bomb shelter, a freight elevator, an overhead crane, a private power substation, and a server farm. Plus there's a mansion-sized house with an indoor swimming pool.

    What really gets me is that he paid less for the place than a typical house where I live, in Silicon Valley.

  18. That sites priceless. by spiro_killglance · · Score: 3, Informative


    I love the humour there. I think it must have been make by Brits, as some of the pictures are
    from 70s brit sci-fi that americans probably
    wouldn't get. Did you spot, Kerr Avon, Zoltan and
    the federation guard uniform from Blakes seven and
    the Giant robot from Doctor who?

  19. No, no, no! by gusnz · · Score: 4, Informative

    "Unnecessarily slow dripping mechanisms"? Bah!

    Every serious Evil Overlord has long ago forsaken them in favour of things much more practical.

    Plus, not only will your World Domination plans be more effective, they'll be cheaper too.

    :)

    --
    <!-- DHTML / JavaScript menu, popup tooltip, Ajax scripts -->
    1. Re:No, no, no! by asobala · · Score: 3, Funny

      From eviloverlord.com:

      "My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks."

      My college has that one.

  20. Am I evil or not? by Fiver-rah · · Score: 5, Funny
    My favorite bit is AmIEvilOrNot.com (strangely not found at amievilornot.com).

    The top 4 most evil people they have listed:

    1. Adolf Hitler (69.4 % think he's pure evil)
    2. Osama Bin Laden (55.1 %)
    3. Bill Gates (51.5)
    4. John Ashcroft (45.6)
    --
    Read Bujold. Free (as in
  21. Improved Evil Kit by Animats · · Score: 5, Funny
    Unlike Villain Supply, everything here can be ordered.
    • TKsolver. $399. The spreadsheet for crooked accountants. Allows you to change the totals and have the other numbers adjusted to fit.
    • DestroyIt 5009 CC High Capacity Shredder. $25,999. Gets rid of all those incriminating documents fast. Nixon, Ollie North, and Enron all got into trouble because of inadequate shredder capacity. Don't let this happen to you. Requires 80-amp outlet.
    • Offshore dummy company in Vanatu $1995. Escape taxes. Do secret arms deals. Pay bribes. Order online through "ultra-secure website" which uses regular HTTP.
    • Armored Mercedes-Benz 600 SEL $69,900. Level V armor. Laugh at wannabe hijackers with AK-47s.
    • Vault Door with time lock $7000. Standard bank equipment. Installation extra.
  22. Re:1,2,4 aren't pure evil. by foniksonik · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Nope for me it's the people with ideology who are evil... manipulating bastards, they claim 'trying to make the world better by doing stuff' but really they're just fscking with us and keeping anyone from doing good stuff by taxing our time and resources.

    Destroying for the fun of it is a minor hobby that is easily countered by societal pressure or just plain ol' time... ideology seems to survive much longer than it is valid.

    --
    A fool throws a stone into a well and a thousand sages can not remove it.
  23. Out of stock! by sg3000 · · Score: 3, Funny
    For months, I've been trying to order the ROBOTIC AYN RAND (halfway down on the Misc Evil page):

    Need advice about your latest megalomaniacal scheme? If only you could ask history's greatest megalomaniac, "novelist" and "philosopher" Ayn Rand. Too bad she's dead. But wait! In 1963, a secret cabal of Objectivists intent on taking over the Student Union at MIT built the first robotic Ayn Rand, and now you can own a Randroid® based on their original design. Comes with stock phrases such as "Morality ends where the gun begins," "Pity for the guilty is treason to the innocent," and "Nathaniel! Bring me another gin and tonic!"

    Price: US$50,000 includes software*
    *software tends to be rather buggy. For instance, your Randroid may oppose immigration, yet be an immigrant herself. She may oppose infidelity, yet cheat on her husband. She may espouse individuality, yet believe that only those who follow her are individuals. She may oppose the control of individuals by organizations, yet laud corporate power. These bugs can not be repaired.


    Every time I make an order, they say they're out of stock. Apparently some guy in Redmond, WA has cleared out their stock!
    --
    Insert simplistic political, ideological, or personal proselytization here.
  24. read the fine print about the robotic tigers by Afrosheen · · Score: 4, Funny

    "****requires two specially-trained gay German technicians"

    Any poke at Sigfried and Roy gets 5 stars in my book :)

  25. Ok, now that you're evil... by grunby · · Score: 3, Informative


    You mustn't forget The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord.

    Things like number 50: My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

    - grunby