First Man To Mars?

An anonymous reader writes "Lee Goldberg posted this story which he says is "...the true story of how I sent the first interplanetary necro-cosmonaut to Mars." An entertaining read."

Comments

They should send Bill Gates to Mars

[DocSnyder]

A small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind.

This is cool

[Ryan Amos]

While it is a tad sentimental and sappy, it's cool to see these little "easter eggs" on public projects. It's especially cool that it means something (even if the promise was made under duress of alcohol. ;)

How serious is this article?

[SystematicPsycho]

Don't space agencies forbid any form of bacteria from leaving the earth and being placed on other planets/moons? Won't that 'contaminate' the planet mars? I guess it's a matter of time before man gets there and plunders it anyway.

Re:How serious is this article?

[eclectro]

At first thought this might seem to be a concern. But remember, these were ashes that had come from a fire. On top of that, read the story carefully to see that the ashes were mixed with an epoxy, then sealed in a metal cube. I seriously doubt that there is even a remote chance of stray bacteria being there.

Re:How serious is this article?

[SystematicPsycho]

I knew I wasn't imagning this -

NASA is considering a plan to crash Galileo at the end of its mission into Jupiter to avoid the possibility of the satellite contaminating possible life on Europa. (July 4, 2000) Nasa Probes Crashing Explorer

Re:How serious is this article?

[Prestomeco]

Good observation. The story is that since Mars Obsrver was not intended to land on Mars, it was excempted from the rigorous sterilization process that Viking, Sojurner, and other landers are required to undergo in observance of a United Nations protocol. We (GE and JPL) were however, required to file a "Planetary Protection Plan" which described how the program intended to guarantee we would keep Mars Observer out of contact with the Martian biosphere for several thousand years at minimum. If I recall properly, the plan includes a provision to re-boost the craft to a "safe" orbit in which it will not decay for a long time after its operational mission is completed. If you want details, I can put you in touch with the fellow who wrote the actual plan.

How to Start an Urban Myth.

[Howzer]

This week, kids, we learn how to start an urban myth. I'll summarise the steps you need and then expand in more detail.

1. Use an existing, well established "link story" that everyone knows is true. Insects bite people. Bill Gates talks about computers. People have had their ashes taken up on the Space Shuttle.

2. Put a "twist" in the tale that makes the average listener smile, and raise their eyebrows. Some insects lay things in you when they bite. Bill Gates said we'll only ever need 640K. Ashes don't only go on the shuttle (link left as an exercise for the reader).

3. Get a website. These days this is free (as in beer).

Ah bugger the lesson, I think you lot saw my point 4 paragraphs ago. I'll be happy to wager with anyone on how long it takes before this is credibly and totally debunked. I'm betting 72 hours.

Ira's revenge

[jukal]

sources from outer space just informed me that the project to rebuild Ira from the ashes is almost complete. Martians have only one problem left, the DNA sample sample captured from the ashes is missing cooking instructions for the skull and face and they had to slip in a little bit of martian DNA. Now they are afraid to send Ira back to Earth, not to reveal the true origins of martian codenamed "Mr. Bill Gates."

Re:he's also

[Soulslayer]

Not yet! He's still in international space.

He has to land on a piece of machinery owned by another country sitting on Mars to be an illegal immigrant.

Though anywhere he lands on Mars he'll be an alien.

Go IRA?

[calumr]

My shirt was one of another dozen that I'd added one more symbol to. On the sleeve under the crossed fingers were two words, printed in bold letters: "GO IRA!" Back in the launch control complex, Nick wore his GO IRA shirt as well.

You may not want to wear those next time you visit Belfast... Not unless you happen to have any sort of attachment to your kneecaps.

'640K RAM is enough for anyone'

[Jacco de Leeuw]

Bill Gates [never] said we'll only ever need 640K.

('Never' added, as implied on the supplied link to urbanlegends.com).

Of course Bill Gates has an excellent memory and never tells any lies.

Re:'640K RAM is enough for anyone'

[iapetus]

Well, even if we assume that Bill is right on this one, and that he never claimed 640K would be enough, at least there's evidence for my personal favourite Bill Gates quote, as shown in this interview with Herman Hauser:

Q: Do you lie awake at night worrying that you'll be first again , but that someone else will make the money?

A: No [...] I often tell the story that Bill gates was trying to sell me MS-DOS in the early 80s and I had to say "Bill, we can't possibly take such a retrograde step, because our operating system really is an operating system and has many features that MS-DOS doesn't have. [...] schoolboy can type 'I am Johnny' into one of our computers and be logged on through the network to a local fileserver. They can use the same commands to get files down from the server that they've learned with a floppy disk." And Bill's answer to that was, "What's a network?"

You forgot to add

[af_robot]

Before sending Gates you must be 100% sure that he'll got one-way only ticket

Not only the first Necro-cosmonaut

[fmita]

One might refer to this Ira as an ASHtronaut! Puns should be illegal.

Re:Not only the first Necro-cosmonaut

[DrVxD]

> Puns should be illegal.
If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will carry puns...