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Many Hackers Too Fat For The FBI

CaveDwler writes: "Want to work for the FBI in computer security? Better put down your cheesey poofs and pick up your M16. According to this article over on Wired, you have to pass physical requirements in order to work with FBI in computer security."

10 of 581 comments (clear)

  1. Re:The drug requirements by tedDancin · · Score: 2, Interesting

    Yet another case of a rather pathetic "zero-tolerance" style "get-tough" policy

    You better make that "fifteen-tolerance"..

    "One question on the application asked if you'd smoked pot more than 15 times," Sweeny recalled. "Fifteen times? What's up with that? Fifteen is the magic number?"

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  2. It wasn't the physical requirements.. by Frank+of+Earth · · Score: 3, Interesting

    .. it was the background check that scared me. What if I was a stupid teen and I did knock over a few mailboxes with a baseball bat [which I didn't..], would they use that against me?

    So worse case is I don't get the job and then I get brought up on charges of some stupid thing I did in my youth.

    "The Background will routinely encompass your entire adult life (age 18) and earlier years as necessary to fully resolve issues that arise. Information developed of a derogatory nature will be forwarded to FBI Headquarters in Washington, D.C., for adjudication."

    How many people can answer these questions with a response of No?

    1. Have you used marijuana at all within the last three years?
    2. Have you used marijuana more than a total of 15 times in your life?
    3. Have you used any other illegal drug (including anabolic steroids after February 27, 1991) at all in the past 10 years?
    4. Have you used any other illegal drug (including anabolic steroids after February 27, 1991) more than a total of five times in your life?
    5. Have you ever sold any illegal drug for profit?
    6. Have you ever used an illegal drug (no matter how many times or how long ago)while in a law enforcement or prosecutorial position, or in a position which carries with it a high level of responsibility or public trust?

  3. FBI rules make sense... by Shadow+Wrought · · Score: 3, Interesting

    At least to me. The FBI is in the business of finding and arresting the "bad guy". So it makes sense that all of their agents be in top physical condition and that folks work the street for awhile before specializing. That way the agents know how to put together a case from the ground up, and not have it kicked on a technicality.

    That being said, I would think that they would try and increase their cybercrime fighting abilities by increasing the number of civvies they hire, and giving them more clout. Course with the egos involved that last one might be a bit of a toughie...

    --
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  4. The practices are strange... by Steveftoth · · Score: 3, Interesting

    but don't forget that they want people who can do more then one thing. It's stupid to hire people that can do one and only one thing well in law enforcement. These are the people who need to be able to do a multitude of things to 'survive' at times.

    They are just saying that you should be able to do many, things and may be required to be a 'normal' agent from time to time. If they actually get what they want is another matter altogether.
    Maybe the computer job pays really really well compared to a normal agent?

  5. Re: there isn't a M16 in counterstrike by UberQwerty · · Score: 3, Interesting

    There is, however, an M4A1, which is pretty much the same thing. It's a little smaller, and a little lighter, and it's what the army uses now anyway.

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  6. Re:Not joining FBI is the least of your problems.. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Interesting

    If you run regularly and are 250 lbs, you're probably a glutton. That's you're perogative. If you want to go that route, I recommend riding a bike. Or, if that's not what you want, join a health club and use an eliptical machine or an exercise bike (as a side benefit, most health clubs come with very good looking members of your preferred sex in the vicinity).

  7. Re:You must first chase bad guys with a gun? by Tackhead · · Score: 3, Interesting
    > Where the FBI really needs to improve, probably, is structurally -- recognize that researchers and experts shouldn't necessarily be inferior to agents and adjust to give them an appropriate amount of influence.

    What you said. It's a cultural problem.

    Why not allow researchers the time/flexibility to pursue leads with publicly available information, and then pass that information on to agents to do the takedown stuff?

    I can think of lots of ways to monitor areas of the 'net for suspicious activity (illegal types of pr0n, spam for illegal types of pr0n, traffic analysis of PGP-encrypted messages, and I'm choosing to ignore software/music piracy) that, while not necessarily actionable in and of themselves, would be the missing pieces that would make open-and-shut cases.

    "Agent X, here's a letter. It doesn't matter that you don't understand a word of it. Take this in front of a judge. He may not understand a word of it either, but he'll probably authorize the request. The ISP will understand every word, and will hand you all the evidence you need to take $BIGNUM bad guys down."

    (Come to think of it, aside from the legal boilerplate, the subpoena to the ISP need only contain three words: "grep", a regexp, and a filename. The regexp and the filename will depend on what department Agent X works for, but the approach is the same.)

    Before anyone says that's unreasonable search and seizure, the regexps I'm thinking of can be based on publicly-posted or freely-given information such as IP addresses, timestamps, and other data given out by the suspect him/herself.

    Investigators (maybe "investigators" isn't the right word. "Oracle" sounds nice. As in, the Agent asks the Oracle where to get leads for such-and-such a kind of case, and an anonymous voice from within the Oracle says "Start looking here") could be given $$$ bonuses based on the number of successful takedowns Agents made, and Oracles who provide too many bum leads get fired. Agents could continue to get the fun stuff like like kicking down doors and shooting badasses.

  8. Strangely, this actually makes some sense by tunabomber · · Score: 4, Interesting

    The chronic daemons out there would know that you might have to smoke pot up to 15 times before you build up enough of a reverse tolerance to get high. So, I'm guessing that the reasoning behind the FBI choosing 15 as their "magic number" is that if you've toked up that many times, then you must have gotten high at least once, but decided it's not your thing. People who could turn down weed after getting high off of it would then be less likely to care about defending its users or advocating its legalization than somebody who smoked the stuff continuously for a period of their life.

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  9. Re:The drug requirements - Not as Bad as You Think by grendelkhan · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Being a former member of the armed services that held a Top Secret clerance my entire career (and honorably discharged, before you ask), the "requirement" is there, but, provided that you are HONEST with your interviewers and stay off the stuff during your tenure, you will pass this part just fine.

    The real source for trouble is financial dealings. If you've bounced checks, forget about it. Money, not sex, drugs, or ideology, has been the root of most espionage cases over the last 40 years.

    At any rate, I was honest with my screeners, didn't touch drugs while I was in, and I had no issues with this area. Now, my ex-wife on the other hand...

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  10. Re:Fat? Where? by Catbeller · · Score: 3, Interesting

    "But don't wait until you're almost 40, already burnt out, and THEN decide you want this type of career "

    What is someone over 30 and who wants to start a new career supposed to do, commit suicide?

    Not everyone is 18-25, son. This forum's collective opinion to the contrary, there are over-25 yo's who can still contribute without wearing Depends.

    We are likely to be the generation that will live to 100, hell, 120 or 150 years of age. If only 18-25 yo's, just fresh out of college, are the only people worth considering for law enforcement, or comp sci, or IT, or electronics, hell, anything other than McJobs, what the hell is the majority of the world's poulation supposed to do? Read Slashdot for the rest of their lies and weep that they are no longer 18 and fresh out of a good high school in the burbs?

    This is a serious point. The population is aging, regardless of the Baby Boomlet kids of the 80's jamming up the employment pipes right now. The amount of ageism I encounter in real life and on fora such as these is also found in Human Resources departments I encounter daily.

    Something's going to give here. Even with the H1B visa worker flood, there is a shortage of good talent everywhere -- good talent, not mediocre and hired 'cause they're young and fit the profile at HR. Ther's going to be 80 million or so aging Americans with no access to good jobs because of the prejudice and school snobbery of the Boomlet. With Social Sec killed by the current admin's "borrowing", where the hell is anyone supposed to make a living?