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Please Don't Ask Me About Windows On Christmas
Like many Slashdot users I spend a wee bit of my otherwise leisure
time doing gratis tech support for people I may not even know. I usually don't
mind too much but last Christmas I got more than one call from distant
relatives that, along with wanting to spread holiday cheer, had me weigh in on
whatever might be wrong with their new gadget. I was pleased as punch to see this
article in the NYT (F.R.Y.Y.Y) about
where I might be able to send the less techo hip. If you do *Windows* tech
support for grandma after hours this article might also come in handy." Here are a couple of previous articles about the sorry state of conventional support options -- perhaps articles like this will spark some entrepreneurial ideas, too.
if google made $1 everytime someone used them to find an answer to a tech support question, they would 0wn microsoft.
I'll offer to do support for Macs, since they're what I know best. Oh wait ... I'm done already. ;-)
;-)
I feel ever so slightly guilty about it, but I have for years kept very quiet about knowing *anything* about computers. I used to do tech support (secondary to coding) and don't remember it fondly. If you couldn't fix the problem, you were possibly incompetent; if you could, the problem was maybe your fault, or easy. (OK, that's the mos cynical description.)
Worst of all, people would ask me to work on their PC's (shudder) where I'm pretty ignorant, having tuned out around Windows 3.1. There's an idea out there that if you "know something about computers" that you can strike up a conversation with *any* computer. (You know, like the American theory that anyone anywhere can understand English if you just speak it slowly and loudly enough.
But to help out is great, it's a shame to see $1000+ paperweights. Also, as a Mac fan and investor I have wanted people to enjoy their machine -- that evangelism thang.
Gee, I had a point here. Just some observations I suppose, sitting here with my wireless iBook.... Works great.
Call up Janie Porche and her PowerBook. She saved Christmas! Who wants to spend Christmas afternoon downloading Windows drivers??
Is your browser retarded?
If they paid for the current software I ask them to have the people that got the money fix the problem.
This is a good lead in for putting Mozilla / OpenOffice etc on the windows box.
Help fight continental drift.
I'm starting to get "Christmas requests" at work and frankly I don't want to do any of it, but people do ask who to buy from. I just tell them to goto Dell or even CDW as that's who I use for corporate, but they aren't necessarily the best deals nor the best option for the home buyer and I'd hate to point them to Best Buy or some other retail nightmare. By retail nightmare I mean a selection of only Compaqs starting at much more than what they're worth, $40 USB and parallel cables, pushy saleskids pushing worthless 'extended warranties', etc.
So who to recommend? I'd like to point people towards a company or two who excel in price and service. It doesn't matter if they're a multi-national or some local/web only shop, but the latter would be nice. So what retailers would you recommend for technophobes in need of a windows machine that'll do the basics?
"Uncle Frank gave me his old PC with a 50 Mhz Pentium Processor, 4 meg RAM, ISA video card, and monochrome display. How can I get The Sims on here? I think we have like 900k free on the A drive..."
"This food is problematic."
Well now that depends, if I fix his computer for free;
uh, yah.
(see, it is called exchange of labor.
Need help treating your acne? Come here!
You're a jackass, you know that? You only have one family, don't fucking laugh at them because they don't have the same interests you do.
We're called Geeks and Nerds in general...
...but when 'they' (the populace who ridicule or look down on us) want us to do something for them, we're called 'friends'. That is until we've fixed it and gone home.
Cynicism, don't you just love it, eh?
Are you local? There's nothing for you here!
Supporting Windows is making me rich! I am constantly receiving calls from clients who run NT, 2000 and even XP! A lack of support options means I am in demand! In this economy I can't afford for people to switch from Windows.
:)
Please, if you care about the IT support business; if you like spending every spare minute earning cash; or if you just want to see other peoples' systems crash and burn, JUST SAY WINDOWS!!
And if you can get people to install those freaking HP print managers and logitech mouseman drivers, hey! More business for me
When you're down visiting for Christmas I need you to open up my CD drive and see what's making all that racket, because you're a programmer and know all about computers!
A Government Is a Body of People, Usually Notably Ungoverned
Perhaps I don't get it. If its friends or family, why would this be a problem? I've been asked for help plenty of times over the years and never thought twice about it. Why would I?
"They created the abortion of an OS, so let them support it." Those are the exact words I use.
This is my thinking on the matter:
If I go do the job that MS tech support is supposed to be doing, I am, in fact, donating to them. Why should I do that? They have money and resources and time. They are not paying me to answer questions. So, why should I spend my time and energy?
Now, I am not talking about fixing stuff at work. I am talking about fixing other people's computers.
I first took this stance a few years ago at a family get together. Suddenly it was "let's ask Randy all our Windows questions." On the way home it dawned on me what an entirely shitty evening I had because I got to solve everyone's problems for free. I fixed their problems and got nothing in return.
What really took the cake though was this friend of a friend whose computer I got roped into fixing. While I am sitting there trying to fix a sound card problem and get the 10 different copies of Netscape off the machine (yes, she had 10 copies of Netscape) the lady says to me, "well, my son says there is nothing wrong with the sound card drivers." I looked her square in the eye and said "Who's your son?" Then I got up and promptly left. I wasn't charging the lady any money, but the last thing in the world I want is some car mechanic son of hers telling me how to do my job.
I now provide support for only two people - my mom and my dad. That's it. If someone asks me for help I tell them I charge $100/hour billable in 15 minute increments. Unless they are running Linux, then I do it for free.
One final story: I had this one chucklehead I used to work with call me up at work one day and ask some dumb Windows question - it was something like "Why do I get a blue screen?" My answer - "That's Windows!" He proceeds to tell me how Windows is really popular and that when he worked for some company on the help desk (like this guy could help anyone) he came to that conclusion because he got 100 calls for Windows support vs one call for Mac support. To which I replied, "Well, maybe that's because Windows is so shitty it needs that many support calls." He hung up pretty quick.
I wouldn't "expect" a family member to do work for me for free; however, at least in my family, part of being family is that you take care of your family. So, if you can do something for them to help them out, and it isn't going to kill you, you do it!
So while you should never expect gifts from family in this way, you should always give them.
What?
Here's the article, no registration, no fake registration, nothing.
90% of the NYT stories that Slashdot posts can be viewed without registration through a deal that the New York Times has with Asahi.com. You can see the listing of stories here.
Actually, I used to help my friend with his family's PC a good deal, fixing problems when they came up. After awhile his mom came over to my house and offered to give me money for working on it, and you know what my mom did? Turned it down. For doing work. This perception is definitely widespread, but I must admit it can actually be fun to get praised for fixing pretty simple things.
Bottom line, don't lament your inevitable consultation requests. Help them as best you can, and then cash in the karma for appropriate favors from them. I think you'll find it comes in handy.
"You're never ready, just less unprepared."
I see a lot of griping about fixing computer problems here. Sure, I can understand politely saying "I'm sorry, its Xmas, I'll help you another day", but I don't understand saying "Go away, I'll never help you!"
I will admit, I have fixed computers for family and friends. I have even given away low cost parts for cheap. In return, I have called on the same members of my family and friends for help moving, for advice on vehicle problems, to borrow items, or just to dig their brains for a specific kernel of knowledge.
Help your family and friends. The only calls you should be turning down (or charging for) are from aquaintances that only contact you when they need computer help. Being friendly isn't an excuse to be walked on.
Just my $.02
How ironic. Now that you can get hot chicks, you won't be able to afford them.
Alan
You see, christmas ia no longer a joy for the teenager. Not only must the awkward youth spend time with family and endure endless comments about (lack of) boyfriends, (lack of) taste in clothes and finaly, (lack of) social life. We must now deal with the mind boggling queries of the adults about their new toys.
Grandma got a new version of Windows. Joy. Although I am not a windows users and must give support *over the phone*, not able to play around and discover the problem, I am expected to be able to fix her installation woes, and quickly.
Of course, I must also make AOL work in an efficent manner. I would comment that I am not Jesus Christ, but that kind of heathenism isn't allowed at the dinner table.
Let's not get into the time I was asked to install an older version of Windows (95) over a newer version (ME) without distroying any of the information on the computer. (i.e., without formating.) When I asked why, I was told that Grandpa's Outlook Express wasn't printing files properly. My hand became firmly stapled to my forehead.
*sigh* And they say my angst is unjustified.
"You sir, have just crossed my happy line..."
The Rules
The Game of Christmas is a game for any number of players, but must include at least three who would much rather be watching The Guns of Navarone and two who would prefer a nice walk, after all "It's only a bit of drizzle and we could all do with some fresh air."
Contents
One poorly decorated sitting-room; one television set; one remote control (confiscated); one complete boxed set of "Grievances", including Huffs, Chips, Grudges, Injuries and Insults; a disgruntlement of relations.
Preparations
Preparations may begin on Boxing Day of the previous year ("Never again"), but must begin no later than August or early September. Players should allow three months to manoeuvre into one of the four correct starting positions. These are:
i) The Stand-off Position: "But we came to you last year: it's your turn to come to us."
ii) The Feet-up Position: "Of course we'd love to have you; it's just that we're a shorter drive from you than you are from us."
iii) The Hands-off Position: "Actually, we were thinking of going abroad this year. No, it's not that we didn't enjoy it last year".
iv) The Hands-up Position: "Would you mind if we also brought her sister from Wales? The one with bulimia? You see, she's terribly depressed at the moment."
Playing the Guilt card
Early playing of the Guilt card, followed by the Huff, is essential. Any change to the Christmas schedule beyond mid-October may be opposed by the Home Captain by accompanying the Guilt Card with the exasperated sigh: "I suppose we'll have to make do, though as usual it's very last minute."
Objective
To cause the maximum number of players to depart the room slamming the door before close of play. Each exit must be accompanied by the question: "Was it something I said?" To which the players left in the game must reply: "So what do you think?"
How to play
Each player of Christmas must invade another player's space by asking a series of Personal Questions. These are drawn from one of five categories:
i) History: eg, "Was it in 1978 or 1979 that you forgot my birthday? No, it doesn't matter. I've forgotten all about it. It's just that I don't suppose I'll ever really get over it."
ii) Sport: eg, "Who told your children they could play French cricket in the kitchen?"
iii) Hobbies and Interests: eg, "But what makes you think I didn't like the shoeshine kit you gave me the year before last?"
iv) Guess the Weight: eg, "Is it just me or have you put on weight?"
v) Politics: eg, "How can you possibly say that when it comes to third-world debt they've only got themselves to blame? I can't believe I'm hearing this!"
If the answer is either incorrect or unrepeatable, the Chip then passes to the original player, who now holds an all-important Grudge.
Remember
If one of your ploys is sunk, you may add Insult to Injury to form a complete set of Grievances.
How to start
Players from the ages 8 to 80 sit around the table staring at one another. Players aged seven and under proceed to screech at one another either a) "Give it", or b) "But I had it first". Players aged 81 and over must now raise their eyebrows and mumble either: a) "In my day we were perfectly happy to make do with a cardboard box and a bit of string", or b) "They've lost all sense of respect".
First move
The Home Captain makes the first move by reading the following instructions in monotone: "The score is doubled when the square landed on is either less than the total number indicated by the spaces moved by the previous player or the route taken by the green player is indicated by the square landed on by the player with the highest score at the beginning of the round, but only if the sum of the aggregate is the same as or less than the score of all the remaining pieces combined (a challenge may not be called unless the challenger is at right angles to the player with the lowest number of cards)."
Second move
The second player then looks vexed and replies: "I'm sorry, but that's not how we've always played." Subsequent disputes about the rules then continue in a clockwise direction until that point when one or more players insist that the original rulebook states that the correct direction for disputes is anti-clockwise.
The role of non-players
At least once every five minutes each non-player must call out either, "But The Guns of Navarone is about to start", or, "If we don't go for that walk, it'll be dark in half an hour". Non-players over the age of 81 are allowed to repeat, "It's a time for the kiddies" over and over again. Extra points may be gained by leaning over a player's shoulder for three minutes and breathing noisily before exclaiming: "You shouldn't have done that!"
Scoring
The winner is the first player to find himself in a deserted room. On hearing one or more of the following sounds drifting through the slammed door, the winner may add these points to his total:
i) Mutual recrimination (one point).
ii) Indiscriminate sobbing (two).
iii) Tyres screeching (four).
An extra five points are awarded for each melted strawberry creme discovered beneath a cushion.
Warning
The game of Christmas should be played no more than once a year.
egg