Old Age Simulator

quackking writes "Tired of being young and healthy? Now you can simulate your own old age. This story describes a sensory-modification suit which, among other things, selectively blocks out certain sound frequencies, and lets you experience arthritis."

Comments

And if this sounds like too much work...

[Jace of Fuse!]

If using this sounds like too much work, you can just put it off and eventually it will all sort it's self out in the end.

Old age?

[DavidLeblond]

That doesn't sound very fun. What about a young-person simulator for the older folks?

I want the opposite.

[stripmarkup]

I'm already old and unhealthy. Will I feel young and healthy if I wear that suit inside-out? What happens if I wear it as is? Do I die?

You mean like this?

[wiggys]

"When I were a lad we had to manage with less than a gigabyte of memory. My computer could only manage a billion operations per second and hard-drives were typically around the 120 gig level and we thought that was huge!

You lot don't know you're born..."

there is

[newsdee]

What about a young-person simulator for the older folks?

it's called viagra

cheaper alternative

[selderrr]

get kids. In no time, your hearing capabilities get reduced fenomenaly, and once they weigh over 15kg, arthritis is instantaneous.

Aditionally, they give you migraine and insomnia, and once they get into puberty, a stroke seems more familiar than a quiet day.

Old != Decrepit

[Anonymous Coward]

This is just a worse case scenario. Look at Sean Connery. He's 72. This would be a good scare tactic for young people who don't take care of themselves.

Other Features

[Cyno01]

Does the suit thingy force you to tell 'back in my day' stories about walking uphill in the snow barefoot to chop firewood and spend a nickle on a movie?

This doesn't sound like a very good simulator

[wiggys]

Cycling at 70? Impossible," concluded 23-year-old Julia, testing the suit for the benefit of the readers of the mass-selling Bild newspaper. The joints, deliberately stiffened, prevented her getting even one leg over the bike.

Well how come my finacee's grandmother cycles 4 miles per day most days? She's far fitter than I am, and I'm 27!

Not to mention this guy. He's 86 and would probably make most Slashdotters look about 186...

Re:This doesn't sound like a very good simulator

[HamNRye]

Really, In my old age I plan to have sufered a car accident leaving me paralyzed from the waist down. Will this simulate that??

It would be nice if our joints stiffened on a predictable schedule. If we all had arthritis with the same severity at the same age.

I can understand where this might aid in usability studies and the like (of course, you could just hire 75 year olds to test products) but I worry that statements like Julia's could have the opposite effect. The young believeing that every elderly person is some sort of invalid. Statements such as "I could barely buy a rail ticket" implies that anyone over the age of 60 is incapable of being fit and lively.

Heck, why not design a suit that simulates being thirtyish. Give everyone a bad back, too little sleep, make the joints in the suit pop incessantly between 8:00 and 9:00 in the morning. Put twenty pounds in the thighs and belly of the suit, and small needles in the ass to simulate your newly found irritable bowel and hemorroids. A visor that slightly blurrs the vision to simulate staring at a monitor all day and that monday hangover you get from trying to prove you can still party. Same pins in the hand to simulate your carpal tunnel.

"I couldn't even ride a bike!" says Julia, 18. "After sitting for 8 hours in that office chair staring at a monitor, My back hurt too bad, and the bike seat aggrivated my Hemmoroids." Another user concluded "I couldn't even buy a rail ticket. My eyes were exhausted from staring into a CRT all day, I couldn't read the schedule, and benefits and taxes consumed so much of my pay check that I could barely afford the rail anyway."

The Thirty-something suit should also include a 25 lb. weight that is strapped on the chest when they get home to simulate their children.

I guess as much as we know that this is not every thirty year old, we should realize that the "Old Suit" is not every elderly person. Also, we need to realize that over time you become accustomed to your joints becoming stiff, you eyesight fading. To have it happen in 30 seconds as opposed to 30 years is bound to have a more drastic effect.

~Hammy

Inspirational

[Golias]

Sounds like it was designed to make aging baby boomers want to kill themselves now, saving money in the Social Security system.

"This is what you got to look forward to, if you keep haning around. Shall I call Dr. Kevorkian now? We have his office on speed-dial."

Will version II of the suit also screw up your short-term memory and give you bad skin?

Re:Inspirational

[InsaneCreator]

Will version II of the suit also screw up your short-term memory and give you bad skin?

It seems old people and pot-smoking teenagers have more in common than I thought... ;)

also known as

[Joe the Lesser]

The new virtual funland: Geriatric Park!

Ford uses these...

[BSDevil]

According to this Wired article, Ford has developed one of these systems (they're calling it the third age suit), designed to add thirty years to your age so that their designers can get a sense of how old people feel in their cars. The guys that designed the Focus all had to wear these things for a while and play with Ford's other cars when they were in the design stages of teh interior, to get a sens of what worked and what didn't for older people.

I also find it neat that the Toyota Echo was expressely designed for older people (or says the dealer). Personally, I thought older people liked to drive huge cars like Buicks and Caddies (even ones from the eighties), but my grandmother has an Echo and loves it. The seats are high up and the hood is short for more visability, and all the nobs and dials seem bigger than usual for cars that size. Makes me laugh seeing twenty-somethings driving them...

Future plans...

[updog]

The helmet has a visor which both restricts the line of vision and wraps it in a dull yellowish tinge.

Future plans include a picture of Janet Reno visible from the inside of the helmet, to simulate impotence... (ok, that's not very nice :-)

Age Explorer is a Elderly-discriminating Machine

[digital_freedom]

Simulate arthritis? Make all of you joints ache? Is this what being old is for all of the elderly? I think not, my friend's father is well over 70 years old, but he bikes everyday, works out, and lives an active lifestyle. Sure he doesn't rave every weekend like a 20 year old, but he lives a very fulfilling life. I'm going skiing with him in a week. This article paints a picture that this machine shows how elderly feel, but in my opinion it paints an extreme case. The elderly can have productive pain free lives.

How they do this, is by taking care of themselves while they are young. Eating right and exercising are great ways to keep you body working at peak performance, so when you do get old, everything still works.

This machine would have the people who try it believe that all the elderly feel this bad all the time. It might lead some to think that euthanasia is the answer or that we should treat the elderly as helpless people, unable to even get onto a bike. Perhaps we shouldn't even let them drive.

A better machine would be one that would show the effects of aging based on the wearer's health, fitness, and diet today and project how they would be in 40 years or so with those same habits. It may reinforce their good health now, or for those who are overweight, show them how diabetes, arthritis, and other diseases will stem from their current state. Then the wearer could see how it would feel if they actually took better care of themselves now. Now that would be a good machine for exploring old age.

You know what?

[SteweyGriffin]

I plan on living a long, healthy life.

This suit won't apply to me personally. Some people, yes. But those people are the same folks who eat fast-food once or twice a day, never exercise, don't have any spiritual beliefs or practices.

Jack La Lanne is nearly 100 years old, yet he looks 65 and still works out every day. I was born in the 1970s, and I plan on living well into my 120s and 130s. I'm not kidding.

- Eat healthy food. Pretend you're a car. Would you put sugar into your gas tank? Of course not. So don't eat junk food either.
- Exercise. It keeps your mind clean and your body healthy.
- Listen to music. It soothes the soul. Playing music is even better.
- Smile a lot. Be happy. Happy people live longer. They like being alive!
- Have sex/masturbate frequently. The chemicals released during sexual activity make you feel better and aid normal day-to-day activities.
- Don't smoke.
- Don't drink.
- Have beliefs. There has to be some spiritual basis in your mind. You don't have to be Catholic or anything, but that doesn't mean you can't do yoga or pray to some higher power.

Quit your Coca-Cola + Frito Lay + Computer habit that dominates many of your lives. I eat pears, apple slices with peanut butter, celery & peanut butter, raisins, nuts, cereal, etc. while at the computer. Most of you probably don't. Ditch those M&Ms for some healthy trail mix!

Oh God, and please smile too! Life isn't that rough. It'll be better if you take things as they come. Just ENJOY being alive! Life is interesting if nothing else.

And keep games to moderation. This includes Slashdot. Too much of any one thing is bad. Life your life in moderation. Sleep well!

Good things will come, and you and I will still be roaming these hills for 100+ years to come!

Re:You know what?

[dirkdidit]

Have sex/masturbate frequently.
The majority of /.ers have the masturbate part down, so I don't think that's too much of a problem.

Re:You know what?

[mesocyclone]

Apple slices with peanut butter?

Haven't you heard of aflatoxins? Almost all cases of liver cancer in the US (other than those caused by alcoholism) are caused by aflatoxins - most commonly found in peanut butter.

Moderate amounts of alcohol appear to have a number of beneficial health effects - drink *some*.

Computer programming causes chronic nerve cell migration in the brain - avoid it.

(all right, I made that up... but I'll bet it is true - maybe harmful, maybe beneficial :-)

Face it... there ain't no way to guarantee that you are living well into your 120s or 130s.

But if it makes you feel better to believe so... go ahead.

Re:You know what?

[aiken_d]

Eat healthy food. Pretend you're a car. Would you put sugar into your gas tank? Of course not. So don't eat junk food either.

So, er, you drink only Premium Unleaded gasoline? I'm not sure I even want to know what you do with motor oil and other lubricants. On the whole, I'm not at all sure that the whole "pretend you're a car" approach is all that healthy. Besides, do you put apple slices in your gas tank?

Good things will come, and you and I will still be roaming these hills for 100+ years to come!

...unless you get hit by a bus at 35 years old. Tempting fate is never smart, and this post of yours is damned close to declaring yourself unsinkable. I can only hope that you live far away and that we never share an airplane.

Cheers
-b

Re:You know what?

[visualight]

I always that it was interesting that genisis (I think it was genisis) says this:

Genesis, Chapter 6, Verse 3:

"And the LORD said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years."

And in the 60's Leonard Hayflick comes up with the "Hayflick Limit" which basically says that human cells can only replicate so many times so that no matter what you do you can only live to be about 120 years old. Might be just a coincidence but it's still interesting.

Rob

Re:You know what?

[Snafoo]

Fuck happy! Science has proven that happiness is no better than misery. I, for one, choose misery: It's way easier to come by, and if you wear a black beret and smoke Gauloises, chicks will dig you.

Batman suit

[ciurana]

This article reminded me of Val Kilmer's interview in an episode of Inside the Actor's Studio.

Kilmer was asked about his experiences while shooting Batman Forever. The first thing he said was "Now I know what being old means. I couldn't hear inside the suit, so I had to guess my cues from watchint people's lips move. I couldn't move or turn your head. You think you move your hand and then you slowly watch it go up. I could barely see." (paraphrased a bit)

Ah, another shattered illusion. I used to think that the Batman suit was soooooo cool...

E

Posts seem to be missing the point of the article

[mondoterrifico]

This suit is designed specifically to give manufacturers an idea of the ease of use of their products, by people that are elderly.

Yes you may know some 70 year olds that are fitter then 30 year olds, but there are alot that have trouble performing everyday tasks.

This suit is a pretty neat idea on how to make better design choices.

"Impatience Machine."

[cribcage]

That sounds terrific. Because if there's one thing I'm tired of, it's all those damn old people marching around, bragging about their loss of hearing, uncontrollable trembling, and incontinence.

Kudos to the scientists who came up with this miracle device. Drive-thru windows insured that I don't have to wait for my hamburger. Fotomat made certain I wouldn't have to wait for my pictures. Now, thanks to this wondrous creation, I don't even have to wait to feel old!!

Seriously: The next time you scientists wake up bored, on a rainy Sunday, looking for something to do...CANCER. Forget Viagra, Rogaine, and "old machines." CURE CANCER.

Christ...

one more change needed

[carpe_noctem]

I don't think the gloves are gonna help me be more obstanant and stubborn.

Check Out the Story

[cribcage]

The most amazing part of this story? This thing comes from Berlin. ...'Cause if there's ever been a more American-sounding invention, I've never heard of it.

(Although I suppose the fact that it doesn't come armed with two semi-automatic pistols might have been a clue...)

crib

Can you reverse the polarity?

[bjorky]

Can you put the batteries in backward and have it make your feel young and foolish again?

Well, I guess you could get that with a few whacks to the head.

Tired of being young, cool, and attractive?

[TeknoHog]

Solution: Read Slashdot.

Re:Age Explorer is a Elderly-discriminating Machin

[mesocyclone]

Contrary to the fantasies of the young, much of how you feel as you age depends on luck and genetics, not lifestyle. Lifestyle certainly counts, but we don't even know what is best. For example, exercise a lot and if you aren't lucky and careful, you will have *more* arthritis as you age. Eat well and when you get old you may discover that what was thought was eating well was no longer the best.

I had the misfortune to contract an intestinal infection relatively young. It triggered an autoimmune disorder that has caused me trouble for over 20 years. Lifestyle had nothing to do with it! Now I am an old fart with arthritis (and not from overexercising I guarantee you!). Friends of mine who were in took care of themselves are dead from various causes (cancer, stroke, etc).

People want to believe they are immortal and in control of things. I see this the most in pilots (which I used to be) as they analyze how *they* wouldn't make the stupid mistakes that just killed one of their peers. The cult of exercise is a similar psychological phenomenon. A lot of people believe, deep down, that if they exercise well and eat the right stuff (and maybe avoid pesticides or power plants, or wear tin hats when the UFOs fly over), they will live forever... or at least long enough that they need not consider their mortality. I think this is one reason that people have such extreme emotional reactions to certain kinds of risk - such as nuclear power or trace chemical contaminants.

There is no doubt that moderate exercise is better than no exercise, and that overweight is worse than not being overweight. Beyond that, it's far less clear what to do. Probably the most important determinant, for someone in our prosperous society, is what parents they chose.

Re:29 years old and ready for grave

[freejung]

"It's not the years, baby, it's the mileage." -- Indiana Jones

Trust me, the experience isnt great

[quantax]

As someone who is more then half-deaf naturally (and 21 years old), I don't really think you are missing out on much if you don't get to use this little toy. I would rather cherish my good hearing then experience crappier hearing, and save arthitis for when I have to deal with it (if I have to). How about they work on devices that allow the opposite to happen instead of allowing 'normal' people to simulate being disabled in some manner; seems kinda pointless. I can see the point w/ drunk driving simulations, but this? I dunno, like I said you are not missing much.

Old Age Simulator for Geeks.

[CFBMoo1]

Quake 3 on....

50-60's - IBM PS/1 or a Tandy 1000 EX with the external 5.25" fopppy drive. 300bps modem sold seperate.

60's-70's - Radio Shack Color Computer 2, Commodor 64, or an old TI 99/4A. Acustic couplers sold seperate.

70's+ - MITS Altair 8800 where the frame rate is dependent on how quickly you interpret the lights and turn the knobs on an Etcha-Sketch. Tin cans and string sold sperate.

I Simulate Arthritis...

[Master of Transhuman]

by sitting in my chair for hours reading Slashdot posts...

This also simulates senility and Alzheimer's...

Bad for my diet, too...

And you should see what it does to my love life... Does the word "virtual" ring a bell (as in "virtually none")?

Hollywood's reality distortion

[g4dget]

Hollywood distorts reality terribly: between make up, digital image enhancements, plastic surgery, and careful media managment, almost anybody and everybody seems to stay "youthful" until they unexpectedly die. Most Hollywood stars in real life don't look anything like what they look like on screen even when they are young.

If you exercise moderately and don't smoke, you'll extend your life somewhat and are at lower risk of some unpleasant diseases. Beyond that, it's out of your control.

Florida?

[Myriad]

The new virtual funland: Geriatric Park!

I thought it was called Florida?