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Santa Claus vs. the Marketers
Jonathan Cohen writes "Hi: Not sure if this is up your alley, but since Slashdot deals with privacy, copyright, and 'piracy' issues, I thought you might be interested...I'll quote my press release: It's Christmas Eve, and Santa Claus is grounded. After Claus Inc. hired a consulting firm in early November to re-brand Santa's image and revamp its business practices, the corporation has been on a downward spiral. The elf workforce has been downsized 70%, Santa's been given shoulder pads to make him look thinner, and even Rudolph's been eliminated for environmental reasons (nose radiation).
This is just part of the free short story "Santa Claus vs. the Marketers," an adult fable about contemporary business issues."
ahahahahaha, fp
nah never
when it will be santa vs. the crakers/SKs? All you credit cards belong to us (thank you MS).
I prefer the "u" in honour as it seems to be missing these days.
What? Am I the only Jew or non christian on slashdot?
This story has been out for 2 minutes, and not a single post yet. Truly unprecedented.
Of course, it could just be because of the absurdity of a fabble regarding Santa and modern business practices. Im no gentile, but I would think that the notion of associating the two would only further taint christmas.
Happy holdiays.
p.s. First Post
I think that Father Christmas (as we call him in the UK) needs to be remodelled. He looks the way he does because a Coca-Cola ad campaign seriously caught on (hence the red and white).
Personally, the marketing side of Christmas gets to me because the "true meaning" has been totally lost in the persuit of present buying.
On the flip side the "true meaning" of Christmas is rather lost on me because I'm a heathen!
Saint Nicholas should be green. He has no sleigh or reindeer, he doesn't live at the North Pole and he does not necessarily have to be fat.
Still, what does it matter. I'm nothing but an anonymous coward!
Santa Claus is the icon of defiling one of the most holy events of the year with profanity and blasphemy. He was invented by Coca Cola - a company which mixed initally drugs (extract of coca leaves) into their lemonade. He is used the lure people from the initial holy meaning of christmas to the profanity of a consumption orgy. It is no coincidence that Santa is an anagram for Satan and that he is dressed red and his animals have horns.
Well, this is no reason not to give gifts especially to the little ones at cristmas. Christmas is the event of peace and love and a good reason to make people happy. But don't teach children that their gifts are brought by a heathen economics icon. Rightous people will always teach them, like it's tradition in Europe, that their gifts are brought by sweet little baby Jesus.
Christmas is not the place to celebrate filthy wealth and consumption.
Owner of a Mensa membership card.
Drivel. Plain and simple. Not news that matters, or for that matter news. It is an advertisement. Wise up editors.
You got shit presents this year?
Oh! so bitter!
T&K.
Political language
from the night-santa-went-crazy dept.
Wierd Al references are fun!
"When all else fails, there's always delusion." -Conan O'Brien
In this time of shopping malls, gift giving and presents, lets all take a few moments to remember the reason for the season; the birth of Santa.
Phredd - "I have found people tend to take you far less seriously once you start waving your genitals at them..."
In another news Finland has demanded royalties, which may run into billions, because Santa comes from Finland.
But it's the Marketers that winns.
Se result.
Nice little read. I enjoyed it immensely!
...it's Christmas. Logoff. Check out your family. C'mon!
In a long time, I'm working Christmas day. I have what some would call the misfortune (although I like my job) of working Tech Support for Wireless Networking at the largest PC manufacturer.
Yesterday and I'm sure today, I'm being overwhelmed with calls from boys/girls, moms/dads and grads who are setting up their new wireless networks for the first time.
Don't forget the series of College students home for the holidays trying to get their portable with the wireless card setup for school to associate with mom and dads wireless network at home.
I have to admit, that when I first walked in this morning, I was a bit bitter. I considered blaming my day here at work away from my family on every caller. Were it not for them, I wouldn't have to be here.
But you know what? If I just got a wireless network for Christmas to go with my new computer, well, I would want the stupid thing to work too.
So I'm happy to help. Maybe someone's day can be made better by the fact that I can get there new toys all working for them.
To those people calling for older issues though...put down your computer. Watch some TV, relax with your family. Heck, go see a movie.
My daughter asked my why I had to work today...I explained that Santa had a wireless network in his sleigh so he could get mapquest...I had to be at work in case he needed help with it.
Merry Christmas!
Apparently, according to the retail sector the "Christmas Spirit" is going out and buying lots of presents. In point of fact, the Christmas Spirit is about going to church hopefully with your family on Christmas morning.
His first book, Politically Correct Fairy Tales was pretty cute, but by the time Holiday Stories came out the jokes had run their course. What with the climate of paranoia today, I've got a kick out of some of the political satire running locally.
He knows when you are sleeping...
He knows when you're awake...
He knows if you've been bad or good...
No, not Santa Claus, John Poindexter, so you better watch out!
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
Just in case the main site gets slashdotted .... the story can be gotten here as well:
D F
http://www.gutenpress.org/SantaClausVsMarketers.P
RFC2119
Does your employer know you waste their money posting to /.?
/. boycott of the MPAA.
Oh and:
Heck, go see a movie.
Movies are banned due to teh
Very nice story. I especially like this line which associates to modern copyright issues etc.
"I don't know if information wants to be free or not," they heard santa call out from the sleigh, "but I know Christmas presents gifts certainly do."
You have to give gifts to Santa Claus whether you are naughty or nice, otherwise you get to work in Santa's little workshop way up north. ;)
As a bachelor, my diet consists of canned things and peanut butter. But during the holidays, I look forward to visiting family and enjoying real food.
Turkey with stuffing. Fresh bread and butter. Baked beans. Caeser salad, pumpkin pie, apple pie. Mashed potatos and gravy. Mmmmm.
Even right no, I'm not so concerned about the presents, or even if there will be any at all. But the food....
I hear Santa's trying to reinvent his image for the 21st century.
- Stormcaller
http://www.stormcaller.net
http://www.santagreeting.fi/
Santa Claus of Finland
Santa Claus lives in Korvatunturi - "Ear Fell" - with Mrs. Santa and elves. It is his own secret home. He is wise and old. Did you know that Santa Claus speaks many languages. He wears a red coat, vest and linen shirt and warm boots.
Korvatunturi is 483 metres high and in fact, there are two ears at the top. This way Santa Claus can hear all children around the world. Korvatunturi is located in the municipality of Savukoski, at the eastern border of the Finnish Lapland.
Since the 1950s, Santa Claus has visited the Arctic Circle to meet children. There he established his own Santa Claus Office in 1985 where he comes every day of the year to meet children and adults and also to hear gift wishes.
On this site you can read what Santa Claus wants to tell you about Lapland and the traditions of the Finnish Christmas. You can also find some other important things that Santa Claus wants to tell you.
------
Hmmm. No doubt the 'Pagans' (funny, that is what Christians call them) did not have their religion influenced by people living around them, or the people who had come before them.
What? You never learned anything about the peoples that predated the Celts? Shamanism predates the Horned God and the Goddess by tens of thousands of years, I would think.........
Your post reminds me of someone who constantly tells other people how profound 'The Matrix' is -- 3 years after they saw it.
Didn't I see this movie? It starred Pia Zadora as a kid...
whisper whisper
Oh. That was Santa Claus conquers the MARTIANS.
<EMILY-LATELLA>
That's very different. Never mind.
</EMILY-LATELLA>
General Relativity: Space-time tells matter where to go; Matter tells space-time what shape to be.
Biblical scholars and archaeologists have positively established the date of Jesus' birth. It was February 29!!! I guess Christmas will have to be once every four years from now on.
How ya like dat?
I'll tell you what I want for xmas, I want to be able to turn off the "AD SLASHDOT" Category. The one that keeps posting these useless ADVERTISEMENTS disguised as stories.
That title reminds me of the old movie "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians", which, surprisingly enough, is aparantly being remade!
This is the movie from whence the line "Droppo, you're the laziest man on mars!" sprang forth into the world. It's a very entertainingly bad movie, and was featured in Mystery science theater 3000 episode 321.
Ryan Fenton
The elf workforce has been downsized 70%
I was under the impression that the Eldar left for the undying lands long before. Or did they leave because they were downsized?
"Backups are for wimps. Real men upload their data to an FTP site and have everyone else mirror it." -- Linus Torvalds
The Santa by-way-of-Coke is an Urban Legend.
Claim: The modern image of Santa Claus -- a jolly figure in a red-and-white suit -- was created by Coca-Cola.
Status: False
(Excerpt)"This legend is not true. Although some versions of the Santa Claus figure still had him attired in various colors of outfits past the beginning of the 20th century, the jolly, ruddy, sack-carrying Santa with a red suit and flowing white whiskers had become the standard image of Santa Claus by the 1920s, several years before Sundlom drew his first Santa illustration for Coca-Cola"
...Also, I didn't know Buggalo could fly.
The birth of Santa? I thought it was someone else's birthday...
os trabalhos e os dias: http://zmoreira.net
Thank You. S. Clause
"She's a scientist and a lesbian. She's not going to let it slide." Orphan Black
...that there is no clause for alarm?
(1) Post a notice on the side of the box: "Our employees enjoy Christmas too. We will be available for tech support on Dec. 26th, bright and early."
(2) Be available for tech support for setup *before* Christmas, for those who have the foresight to test it. Make one optional box a decorated box that only needs a ribbon added. Necessary info is on the bottom.
(3) Make something that really works out of the box.
(4) Sell only working units.
(5) Be more diverse: hire more Jews, Islamic, and Buddhist people. They'll be happy to work on Christmas day. But also have Christians who can work on the Jewish, Islamic (etc.) holy days.
That's just a few. The overall message? Have a backbone. Be decent to your employees AND their families. Your employment practices do not exist in a vacuum; they help create the world you live in next year.
Correct Horse Battery Staple: 72 bits of entropy. Enter "Correct H" into google. When it generates the phrase, that's
Send compliments and lucrative business propositions (only!) to
notsomuch@selfpromotingwhore.com
Sad.
Ummm.... we're over here in Lithuania. I might mention that your "Halloween" is an *American* custom, not some mixture of paganism and Christianity and whatnot.
That said, you might check your other facts. Who knows? Maybe you'll find that Ebeneezer Scrooge was right on the money, after all. [Okay, just kidding].
But if your impressions of facts are defining your opinions, and they are wrong, then maybe your opinions are wrong too.
Correct Horse Battery Staple: 72 bits of entropy. Enter "Correct H" into google. When it generates the phrase, that's
*Happy**Holidays*!
Sigs are bad for your health.
I emailed Santa for my daughters last night, at Santa@northpole.com. I got a bounce back from Santa saying he had to close that account due to spam...
How George Stole Xmas
A Homeland Security Christmas Carol...
www.santaclaus.com
/. accepts this pseudo-infomercial story but rejects my awesome submission of a case mod with a built-in coffee maker. C'est la vie.
Linux at home
no first post for jew
In the beginning there was only one kind of Mathematician, created by ...
the Great Mathamatical Spirit form the Book: the Topologist. And they grew to
large numbers and prospered.
One day they looked up in the heavens and desired to reach up as far
as the eye could see. So they set out in building a Mathematical edifice that
was to reach up as far as "up" went. Further and further up they went
until one night the edifice collapsed under the weight of paradox.
The following morning saw only rubble where there once was a huge
structure reaching to the heavens. One by one, the Mathematicians climbed
out from under the rubble. It was a miracle that nobody was killed; but when
they began to speak to one another, SUPRISE of all suprises! they could not
understand each other. They all spoke different languages. They all fought
amongst themselves and each went about their own way. To this day the
Topologists remain the original Mathematicians.
-- The Story of Babel
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...