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Some Geek Guides for Dating
An anonymous reader sends in this: "In honor of upcoming V-day, here are some geek guides for help in finding your geeky match: Guy's Guide to Geek Girls,
Girl's Guide to Geek Guys, advice from a she-geek, Engineer Your Love Life and Bart's Dating Guide for Geeks.
And for those of you who are absolutely hopeless, well, there is always Coincidence Designs... It's not too late, so good luck!" Another reader has some good news: "An article in Discover magazine reports on research done by scientists at the University of Toronto about how males attract mates. The cited article claims that when males are young, the show offs are actually the ones who are least likely to succeed later on. This causes a "revenge of the nerds effect:" the football players burn out but the nerds become sexy!" And if all else fails, you can try a Valentine's Day Form Letter.
you are already hopeless.
Of course, it would never occur to anybody that there might be a need for A Geek Guy's Guide to Geek Guys or A Geek Girl's Guide to Geek Girls, would it? Of course not.
Alright. Add one more reason why am glad I am not a woman. My gosh. How do you end up explaining this to her once it gets to a level you need to come clean. How could you still cover this up when you're married and not feel a bit sketchy.
I am SO glad my girlfriend isn't like that.
I really enjoy having someone to spend time with away from my computer. I like to relax and not worry about my work all the time, no matter that I enjoy it.
I think geek girls are way overrated; if you spend too much time in front of a high-resolution tube, you should look to expand your interests. You will be healthier and happier if your partner doesn't promote a similar unhealthy lifestyle. Besides, having diverse abilities and interests is a sign of intelligence and vivaciousness in both sexes.
Some of us played football all our lives growing up. Stop being judgemental pricks. I guarantee that is one of the best ways to chase a girl off.
Same principles of Open Source apply: if you need it, and it isn't available, write it yourself.
And just how the hell is it homophobia? Do you *want* a hetero to write a homo version of a Guide, even though they're not gonna know what the hell they're talking about?
The only people to blame for the lack of homosexual geek guides are the homosexuals who haven't written them yet.
hi!
The Geek Crowd is some of the worst when talking about respect for others. If you are not exatly like them, they get upset. At least most of the people I knew were more accpeting than those that hid out in the computer lab all day.
Some similar stuff at the ODP geek category.
Also see Sex Tips for Geeks (quite funny) by Eric S Raymond (of hacker fame).
Joe Llywelyn Griffith Blakesley
[This post is in the public domain (copyright-free) unless otherwise stated]
Hell if you like the wrong japanese cartoon or piece of software then /. labels you a troll.
Admittedly, I only read through the first 4 or 5 paragraphs of this "article", but I can hardly believe the strange combination of nonsense, myth, and rumor that it's propogating.
I'm a geek. I'll happily admit it. I have a degree in CS with a math minor, I do software development for a living, I've got a lot of karma, and I know how to view slashdot from my mobile phone.
1. Where to find geeks: "discussing the latest hardware revolution or perfecting their Bill Gates impressions" Impressions? Bzzt. Try the bookstore, the person with the laptop at the park, the mall (arcade, or elsewhere. Geeks wear clothes too).
2. "If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or keeping a geek dude." At this point, they are just propogating stereotypes. I've watched Star Trek in my day, but not to extremes, and most of my geek friends aren't extremely into it either. Regardless, we aren't so closed-minded that being a ST:TNG fanatic is on our list of requirements of a women.
3. "Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and think and aren't all that into cooking for themselves." This is probably the first true thing for the most part, but remember, cooking is a whole other kind of geekiness and some of us love it as well. See: Alton Brown, and fascination therewith.
The rest of the article doesn't get much better. Honestly, after reading this kind of manure, why would a women be interested in a geek at all?
/syle
Poppy cock. I've never met a geek worth his salt that wasn't quite at home with the pots and pan, *particularly* the wok.
There is some truth to the matter that when they are *working* and *single* they're more inclined to think than cook, but when involved in a relationship they aren't just cooking for *themselves.* So in that respect along their might be some truth to it.
I find that your "but" is far closer to the truth than the article is.
I'm the chef in my house, and I've earned that right and responsibility by merit. My stir-fryed random alone would make the Iron Chef blush in shame.
And I'm damned proud of it.
KFG
"If jocks wrote the article..." How likely does that seem?
These are the two very different goals that guys have when meeting women. Many (most?) "geek" guys are more interested in having a relationship. A good one may include the other part anyway. ;-) Most "normal" guys are more interested in getting laid, with as many women as possible. In most cases, these two goals are mutually exclusive. So, you face a choice.
If you want to get laid as much as possible, follow the advice of the Tom Leykis radio show. Be a jerk. Don't call her back. Tell her you'll call on Monday, then don't call til Thursday. Don't spend money on her -- make her pay (say you forgot your wallet, etc). Don't be available when she wants to go out, make her think you have more important things (or women) to do than her. For the type of woman who will screw anything that moves, this will only make her want you more. Go out on a Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. Don't go out on Friday or Saturday unless it's a guaranteed lay - remember you want her thinking you're doing something even more fun without her.
This stuff works, as long as you're willing to do hot chicks who've done dozens (if not hundreds) of other guys before you. A great little trick they've been talking about on the show lately is to make up fake ATM receipts with large account balances. This should be easy for the geeks - just scan your receipt, edit in gimp to give yourself a 6 figure balance, and print. Crumple it up a little to make it nice and believable. Then talk to some hot chick, tell her you have to go to some important meeting but give her your phone number and write it on that ATM receipt. She will call and you will get laid.
Now, let's face it. Many of us geeks are nice guys and just don't have the balls to do stuff like the above. We don't get laid by chicks like that - not because of our looks, but because we treat them nicely (oh, he's so nice -- and boring!!). But for many of us (myself included), that's ok - we'd rather run nothing but Windows 2.0 than have anything to do with those brainless dopey chicks who put out on command. I mean, come on -- ewww! Do you know what (or how many different... 'things') have been in that? No thank you! Have some self respect, lady!
For those of us in this group, we want a real relationship, with a lady who has a brain. I'm proud to say that I found one, without being a jerk, and ended up marrying her. I'm totally shy and awkward, with no confidence in social situations. So what worked? Personals.
Many people still look at personal ads with a stigma -- "Oh, he couldn't get a date so he had to resort to THAT! What a loser!" But screw them. It's practically the perfect way to find the right person, not just someone who's ok. Find out about the other person before wasting time or investing a lot of emotion into it. Search, wait, and hold out for that perfect gal (or guy).
Personally, I used Yahoo! Personals, about 4 years ago, back when it was still free. I responded to about 2 ads a week - some went as far as phone calls, some even went to a dinner date after several emails and phone calls. None went farther because none of these women felt "right." I never felt totally comfortable. That's ok, though. Nobody needs to be in a rush for this stuff!
Finally I posted my own ad and got 2 responses. One was thousands of miles away looking for a penpal. Ok, whatever. The other started emailing back and forth and then we started calling each other. The first night we talked for 4 hours on the phone. I never do that, much less with someone I've only emailed for a week. Needless to say, it was a sign that she was "the one." I felt totally comfortable on our first date (SW Episode 1 -- the movie sucked but the date rocked!). We just belonged together. 3 years later we were married.
So, you see, I am a big proponent of personals if you want to find that special someone. It worked beautifully for me, though that's no guarantee for anyone else. Relationships are a lot of work, no doubt about that - but what you get out of it is much more than you put in (and much more satisfying on all levels than the guys above who are just getting laid with a bunch of skanks -- but hey, if that's your thing, great! Have fun!).
Unfortunately most of the sites now require payment. That sucks but totally understandable. I don't know if I would have met my wife if one (or both) of us had had to pay. There's no guarantee that you'll get anything out of any one ad, so it's a crapshoot, with pretty poor odds. For geeks, though, I can recommend Peer2Peer which is made only for geeks. I believe it's still free, but it's been some time since I looked at it.
Anyway, good luck, be smart, and have fun -- whether you choose option #1 or #2, they're both ok as long as it's right for you!
I live in Seattle and this town is probably one of the worst towns in the US (Next to Silicon Valley) to be a single guy in.
Bars are never an option due to the fact that the majority of women are literally afraid of being 'hit on' or some other personality issue (usually because they didn't get that pony from daddy on their 16th birthday or someting like that).
I've also found (IMO) that attitudes on Dating/picking up women vary from City to City.
In Vancouver B.C., people love to go out and have fun. This is a great place to go meet down to earth women.
In San Fanciscisco, women are approachable but they like to get to know you for a bit and then go from there.
London is like Vancouver but magnified by 10 when it comes to living life and having fun.
I explored many options and have found some things that work:
1)Take Group Dance lessons. Salsa, Swing, whatever. In most dance studios you have to switch partners throughout the class and you can talk/flirt during the lessons.
2)Go to public bars or places that offer formal dancing (salsa and swing especially). Women who go to most of these places in Seattle are going to dance or have fun. These places are great if you want to get to know someone without the bar 'stigma' of one night stands or geting shot down in flames. Also, a great icebreaker, while dancing, is telling them that you're learning how to dance. Women will eat that up.
Take classes in non-technical topics you want to learn about. This is a great way, in the very least, to meet people who share the same interest as you
(side note the 'gold digger' types of women don't tend to frequent these places)
I've never tried a dating service or enlisted 'professional' services. However, I've seen friends who have used dating services and the toughest part of Dating services is writing your 'about me' section and what picture you use. (Make the picture a good one. Even if you have to use Photoshop/The Gimp..just kidding).
The main problem with witing your bio are the differences in writing and creativity of men Vs. women. In the Seattle area publicaion, the Stranger, check out the differnce in writing styles of the 'Men Seeking Women' and 'Women seeking Men' sections. (side note: This link may be busy or down today due to the Stranger's publicaion of free valentines ads/love notes on a different part of this site)
See how the 'Men seeking ads are so bland and the 'Women seeking are much more creative? You gotta put some serious work in the bio to get noticed. You gotta find a way to show how you stick out amongst all the other candidates.
Keep in mind, just because you may get shot down, it's not your fault. It's something with them. Also, just because you may not have a connection with a woman you meet, don't burn bridges. She may very well have a single friend(s) for you to meet. I've definitely hooked up in this manner before
Finally, (and this is the most important one) don't, under any circumstances, regress into techno-babble mode for the non-technical type women. Just say you play with computers all day and leave it at that. Once you're seriously dating, then resume the techno-babbble.
Dolemite
Save the World! Use a Quote!
The article gives five reasons -
They are generally available.
Other women will tend not to steal them.
They can fix things.
Your parents will love them.
They're smart.
The key is the second one... I've discovered recently (after spending 18 months dating online) that after women get out of their high school years, they've usually been burned a few times by guys, and often start to look for the guys who aren't in demand (or aren't able to attract serious competition). These are generally women who are good looking but not stunning, who've been able to attract guys in the past but not keep them, and wind up with low self-esteem.
So they go for someone "safe", who will eventually find out he's being used as a security blanket, and if he's got any cojones he'll boot her to the curb the way she deserves.
Grin. If you're desperate, keep an eye out for the ones with the footprint on their cute little a$$.
Oh for goodness sake - please don't mod the parent as insightful. Funny, I'll go with, but it doesn't help out some of those geeks who are genuinely in need to help.
Remember: humanity should be treated like open source - the more we share, the more we gain. The same applies to relationships - if you don't share yourself with another (or heck, more than one, I think we can cope with polygamy these days) then you don't benefit from the things that someone else can give to you. I'm talking about a new take on things, a new way of looking at the world, a pooling of experience and skills, and so on.
Rubber dolls just can't talk to you about the world political situation, make you breakfast,
give you a blowjob, or help emotionally support when your HDD fries itself.
Kids, it's time to get a partner.
About 15 yars ago, me and some friends were going out to a movie. As we were leaving the building I asked a woman(whom I had never seen before) that happened to be going out the same door if she wanted to join us for a movie, she said yes. we were marrid 18 months later.
Now in my case I'm sure it was my incredible charisma, good looks, intellect, and my mad spelling skillz, that won her over(yeah, right).
The point is ask. you will most likely be reject, but you might not. It seems to me, most geek need some thicker skin, and the ability to relize you can't controll the enviroment you live in like you do the enviroment on your computer.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
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I love games/anime/j-pop/hentai. I have had 1 rl bf in my life but he could only stay in the US for 6 months then had to return to Japan.
... and aren't alergic to animals (I have a rabbit and 2 dogs that just had 6 puppies, of which I'm keeping 1, so 8 dogs now/3 in april).
I want to find someone who shares my intrests. Someone who wants to play games most of the day, and make out or get it on while listening to j-pop. I don't have high standards. I know that gamer-otakus are not supermodels, and I realise that beggars can't be choosers. I don't care if they are skinny with bad teeth or simpsons-comic-book-store-guy types, as long as they are seriously into games/anime/j-pop/hentai
I have tried meeting ppl at the following places -
School ~ I was homeschooled through highschool, Now I am 17 and in college (currently getting an associates in PC & LAN management). My college is 80-something % female. None of the chicks are majoring in comp related stuff and are all married and/or have kids and/or are straight. All the guys are married or gay. Even if I do manage to find someone who is avalible, just about everyone is 22+, and my overbearing mother going to say they're to old.
Places ppl with my intrests hang out ~ There are no arcades around here, the closes thing is a Chuck E. Cheese's... every one there is 10-, and I don't want to go to jail. The game stores are 20 mins on a highway away, I can't drive, and it's very difficult to get my mother to drive me to them (since she knows I will try to meet guys there, when I could just buy games online and not meet guys/she wouldn't have to get off her fat ass). The times I have managed to get there, guys just stare drooling or with a "wtf, hot chick in a game store, is she lost??" look, and get scared away when I talk to them. Anime conventions are always held far away.
On the internet... ~ Every one lives far away (okay, there are some who live in Chicago IL, and I'm in Gary IN, which might not seem to far away to most ppl, but it's damn far to someone who can't drive) and my mother won't let me meet them anyway.
Okay, after my ex-bf left the US, I had one more online relationship, and realised they are pointless. Then I accepted the fact that I will probably always be alone.
BUT
This year, my life is going wounderfull - they FINALY made DSL avalible in my area last month, which means I've been getting alot more anime, and can spend my allowence all on games; now that I've started college I feal that I actualy have a shot at the career I want; etc - and I'm very happy. So sometimes I'm playing a game or watching anime and think, "I am so happy!! I wish there was someone here that is made as happy by this as I am." or "Crap, I'm stuck on this part of a game, I wish there was someone who could get online and find the solution so that I don't have to stop playing to do it."
So, is there hope for me to find someone?? And if so, how should I?? Or should I just re-accept that I will be alone and continue imagining anime/game characters love me?
True story from a girl geek...
:-)
Just over 2 years ago I met an attractive guy geek at a New Years Eve party. I wasn't looking for a relationship, just enjoying the conversation, but when he referenced something on slashdot I was delighted. There were some other geeks at the party, but nobody but the sexy guy and me read Slashdot regularly.
That took the two of us into a discussion of databases, and things took off from there. By Valentines Day he had admitted he was in love with me, and we married on Halloween that same year. Still happily married, too!
Maybe if guy geeks talked about articles on Slashdot they'd attract more girl geeks.
It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. - Epictetus