Some Geek Guides for Dating

An anonymous reader sends in this: "In honor of upcoming V-day, here are some geek guides for help in finding your geeky match: Guy's Guide to Geek Girls, Girl's Guide to Geek Guys, advice from a she-geek, Engineer Your Love Life and Bart's Dating Guide for Geeks. And for those of you who are absolutely hopeless, well, there is always Coincidence Designs... It's not too late, so good luck!" Another reader has some good news: "An article in Discover magazine reports on research done by scientists at the University of Toronto about how males attract mates. The cited article claims that when males are young, the show offs are actually the ones who are least likely to succeed later on. This causes a "revenge of the nerds effect:" the football players burn out but the nerds become sexy!" And if all else fails, you can try a Valentine's Day Form Letter.

Comments

Who needs this?

[rastachops]

Google and review sites are ll that I need to direct me towards my true love...
PC Hardware
:)~

Re:Who needs this?

[Mononoke]

Google and review sites are ll that I need to direct me towards my true love... PC Hardware

Politically Correct Hardware?

You'll have much more fun with Politically Incorrect Hardware.

Trust me.

Re:Who needs this?

[jpsst34]

Exactly. Like a potato bazooka!

Re:Who needs this?

[wideBlueSkies]

>>At $10K they are a bit pricey, but then they never say "Not to night I have a head ache" 8^D~

And in the long run, they're cheaper than an engagement ring, wedding and kids.

AND they will never tell you that you can't buy that Harley Davidson you've always wanted.

We can only hope

[Exiler]

that this is indeed the bottom of the barrel, I'm having a hard time imagining a worse article.

Re:We can only hope

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm having a hard time imagining a worse article

What about tomorrows duplicate of it?

Bad enough it's Valentine's day

[ackthpt]

It's bad enough that it's Valentine's day, but why torment me by reminding me I haven't got a date, I ain't likely to get a date and I'm most likely to just go home tonight, eat a bowl of porridge and have those damn spirits visit me again...

oh, wait, that's the other holiday.

Re:Bad enough it's Valentine's day

[ackthpt]

Dont feel bad. If you are lonely you can just build one of these

Toys have been the answer, to counter loneliness, and man, I've got a _lot_ of toys. It's just these days (valentines, sweetest, Christmas) come along and put me into a funk. I'll be back to the usual with my toys in a couple days.

Just don't try to get it drunk and make out with it.

Unfortunately, I can't have alcohol for a few months yet, must .. cope .. without.

Re:Bad enough it's Valentine's day

[Anonymous Coward]

Don't worry. At least you still have your left hand and your trusty Linux kernel to get you through these tough times.

Geek Guide to Dating

[WinDoze]

Get yourself a subscription to The Spice Channel and a 12 pack. It's about as close as you need to get. I know what I'm talking about here, I'm married and it's Valentine's Day and I'm going to go broke before the day is over.

Re:Geek Guide to Dating

[dubiousmike]

Tsk Tsk

A true geek would hack into their satelite provider for free Spice...

Oh wait...

Re:Geek Guide to Dating

[Tackhead]

> Get yourself a subscription to The Spice Channel and a 12 pack. It's about as close as you need to get. I know what I'm talking about here, I'm married and it's Valentine's Day and I'm going to go broke before the day is over.

Spice channel? You mean, like pay for pr0n? You're new to this "geek" thing, aren't you?

Recommended beer: "Arrogant Bastard Ale".

Recommended pr0n that's worth paying for: "Trinity and Beyond: The Atomic Bomb Movie"

Nothin' says lovin' like a 12-pack of Arrogant Bastard, a subwoofer vibrating the chair, and an entire room glowing a spooky shade of reddish-orange as the bombs go off.

(The only thing redder than the fireball from the explosion was the redshift of my last date's ass as she receded at z=5.9 :)

I'm getting myself a video phone..

[Anonvmous Coward]

... so I can weed out the unattractive women that will soon start calling me.

Geek Dating rule #1

[teamhasnoi]

You know the scientist guy on 'The Simpsons' that sounds like Jerry Lewis?

Watch him carefully, and do the exact opposite.

That means: Never ever EVER say, "Nice LAAAYdeeee, oh! with the pushing, and the shoving, I can't help but notice your eyes, nice EYYYYeeees, are glowing like the blinkenlights on my fileserver, in the mother's basement, LAAAAYdeeee...oh MY!"

i know what i have to do....

[smd4985]

i need to worry more about getting a date than getting moderator poins for slashdot :) .

What a pathetic collection of scumguppy factories!

[Real World Stuff]

Shit I still have to get something for the wife. GF is covered though.

Before anyone gets into a tizzy...GF gift is only about $125.00. Wife will get something at least thrice as valuable.

Re:Homophobia

[Anonymous Coward]

In my experience all the geek girls are already shagging all the other geek girls.

Or maybe they were telling me this to distract me while they ran screaming. I can never tell for sure.

Send your ex a spiteful poem

[faeryman]

Screw Valentine's Day. Get back at your ex :(

There's always hope!

[TopShelf]

Just wait for Arbor Day, and "the Geeks Guide to Getting Some Fresh Air."

Re:There's always hope!

[ackthpt]

Just wait for Arbor Day, and "the Geeks Guide to Getting Some Fresh Air."

<Moe Voice>
"Aaahhhh! The Sun! It burns, it burns!"
</Moe Voice>

Re:There's always hope!

[angst_ridden_hipster]

<Moe Voice>
"Aaahhhh! The Sun! It burns, it burns!"
</Moe Voice>

<Gollum Voice>
I will stay here, and the Yellow Face won't see me.
</Gollum Voice>

Re:poll...

[mustangdavis]

Roses/Flowers

Box of chocolates

Card

Dinner & Movie

Jewelry

I dont have a significant other, you insensitive clod!

Weekend stay at Resort de CowboyNeal

Should have been posted .... except maybe you should have changed

Weekend stay at Resort de CowboyNeal

to just:

CowboyNeal


Would have been a bit funnier .... and CowboyNeal may have gotten some free action too!!!

Remember

[sielwolf]

Pr0n never asks you to say sorry.

Or heroin for that matter!

Moderator Points

[Niles_Stonne]

SWM with Mod Points, willing to trade with SWF interested in /., computers, and role playing.

Re:Moderator Points

[Xacid]

Who isn't into role playing? See, there was this one time when I was a nurse...oh wait...

Re:How to get a hacker to bed

[outsider007]

what no wang joke??

remembering names

[oliverthered]

Being a geek, I'm sure you know how hard it is to remember peoples names, with your head stuffed full of all that stuff you have to remeber for work.

It can be a bit embarising, if, after going out for a couple of weeks you still forget you girls name.

So, my tips is; always date girls with the same name. (this is also handy if your seeing more than one at once).

Re:remembering names

[MBCook]

This is IMPORTANT . I had lunch with a nice girl nearly daily for about 6 months before she realized I didn't know what her name was. It took at least a month or two to get her to talk to me again.

REMEMBER THEIR NAME.

Re:Girl's Guide to Geek Guys link is broken

[Anonymous Coward]

Maybe it was Slashdotted by all the girls out there trying to figure out how to snag that geek in their life ...

Back to dreaming ...

slashdotted women

[Anonymous Coward]

I tried to ask someone I know for a date, but she's been slashdotted.

manual pages?!?

[WebMasterP]

They got web pages for this stuff now? Whatever happened to `man getagirl`

Okay, advice from a married geek...

[airrage]

I don't care who your girlfriend is, getting her a mouse pad for Valentine's Day, or any other affectionate-laden holiday is a bad, bad, idea. And when I mean bad, I mean real wrath of God type stuff: fire and brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and sea's boiling, 40 years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

So gentlemen, buy flowers, keep your balls.

Re:How to get a hacker to bed

[CoolVibe]

You forgot one:

Nice load average. Wanna fsck?

Re:Google cache of the Girl's Guide to Geek guys

[pyrros]

>Google cache of the Girl's Guide to Geek guys

Yeah, like a girl's guide to geek guys is going to get slashdotted.

Upcoming?

[Anonymous Coward]

Posted at 1pm, on Feb 14th, and it's upcoming? Well this explains why geeks can't get a date...

Slashdot Form Letter

[miketang16]

Dear 31337 h4X0r , I find your CowboyNeal to be extremely CowboyNealarific . On this CowboyNeal's Birthday I would Like CowboyNeal to extend my CowboyNeal . Please Rape Me With a Cactus . I Read Your Email , Sincerly, Anonymous Coward .

ASSTR.ORG is the only answer for nerds.

[Anonymous Coward]

I would recommend any nerd head over to this free sex story site. http://asstr.org

Having no date is bad...

[dirkdidit]

but try being born on this lovely holiday. Every year I hear the same thing, "Oh wow, you are so lucky to be born on such a romantic holiday." Uhh, right.

Re:Having no date is bad...

[hero]

Okay, this is going to sound bad, but...

I think the perfect situation for a guy would be if you met your girlfriend on valentine's day and it also happened to be her birthday. Now you can cover three events in one! (anniversary, birthday, valentine's day) And if you propose on that day, and get married on that day, you've got it made. I'm sure you're thinking.. "Well then I have to work three times as hard to please her!" Perhaps you will have to work harder, but I figure as long as you do more than her friend's boyfriend's do, you're golden. Even if you spend 3 times the cash, it will require not nearly as much planning and time. Perhaps some others are thinking "Well then I don't get 3 days with automatic sex." I say if you're not getting it regularily anyway, she doesn't deserve a damn thing.

Call me cynical, cheap, evil.. whatever.. but I still say that'd be a sweet setup.

-hero.

Re:Try my "killer" opening line:

[Cruciform]

I thought it was "Scream and I'll kill you"...

Let's not forget ....

[Geekwad]

Sex Tips for Geeks

http://thibs.menloschool.org/help/sextips/

Three Easy Steps

[SWPadnos]

Geek's Guide to Dating:

Step 1: Find member of opposite sex.
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Date!

Can't be hopeless for me...

[Pollux]

And for those of you who are absolutely hopeless, well, there is always Coincidence Designs...

I've already gotten 12 emails from gals today who want to meet me at their website and make hot love to me! I don't need any guides to dating...I'm a chic magnet!

A better geek valentine poem

[Qinopio]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
All my base
Are belong to you.

Re:A better geek valentine poem

[Anonymous Coward]

I remember a parody version of the B-52s "Love Shack" called "Radio Shack".

The only line I can remember clearly is:

"I dont have a life and I dont have a lady,
my best friend is a TRS 80!"

Re:Mac girls are the best

[Lord_Slepnir]

with mac girls it costs twice as much to get one to put out what a Linux girl puts out. They are also a little slow in the head and need the extra time to make their colors match up right.

DOS girls are what we all need. Cheap, not too flashy, and do what you need them to do quickly.

Linux girls take some getting used to, and don't do some of the flashier things, but are dependable for what they do.

Windows girls do all the new flashy things and games, but like the parent said, they are likely to be carrying a few viruses

Re:Geek personals?

[Anonymous Coward]

That site would be a disaster. All five million of the geek guys would try to hack the site to get the address of the one hot girl. (who probably thought she was on hot-or-not) The this girl will have tons of spam from geeks asking her out, not to mention five million geeks trying to install webcams outside her window.

I have BETTER things to do

[GooseKirk]

Bah, humbug. You lot can go on with your foolish optimism, your hopeful enthusiasm, and your boundless love... I have BETTER things to do this Valentine's Day! Like:

- Trying not to weep openly in public

- Trying not to think about all the great sex my ex-girlfriends must be having right now

- Stockpiling cheap hooch, 'cause once you get started, it can be tough to find the booze store when you need more

- Finding a comfortable, out-of-the-way gutter

- Maybe looking into that heroin addiction idea I've been kicking around

- Harshly silencing those dopey "friends" who always want to "help," as if I have some kind of "problem"

- Pondering a little private self-love, if you know what I mean, but realizing my self-loathing will just shoot me down, anyway

Yes, that's the glorious Valentine's Day I've got planned so far... anyone else have ideas?

Re:I have BETTER things to do

[bluGill]

I'm getting a good start in replying to as many /. messages as possble.

Instead of weeping in public I'm weeping on the dog, who cares. Or rather the dog thinks that if god wants to weep over hime, than god should. (every geek should own a dog to treat them like god)

The cat on the other hand thinks that my tears are fun to bat off my face. (Every geek should have a cat to prove the dog wrong)

I think I will go to bed early. Any girls I've met who are worth my time have forgotten I exist (if they still exist isn't sure either), but I can perhaps dream of them. Dreams have a major advantage. The cute nice girls like me in the dreams, and they don't have any overwhelming bad qualities that I can't stand.

Greek Guide To Dating

[wideBlueSkies]

That's what I thought this said at first.

I was hoping to read about wooing her with olive oil, feta cheese, some lamb, wine, and then settling down for a night of... um... back door action.

Geek guide to dating? Couldn't be as much fun.

if you meet a nice girl

[obi1one]

So if i meet a nice girl, and Im a little shy i leave her flowers with a note. but do i sign the note 'your secret admirer' or 'an anonymous coward'?

Re:if you meet a nice girl

[rocketGirl]

If she gets the "Anonymous coward" reference, she's a keeper

To coin a phrase...

[gabec]

A guy at work calls Valentine's Day "National Singles-Awareness Day" I thought it was pretty damn funny.

Giggles :)

[laodamas]

I can sum up my opinion in one link FLASH WARNING

Optimus Prime.

[13Echo]

"5. Every geek girl has had a crush on Han Solo or Luke Skywalker. Most of us, both. Many of us still do, secretly."

My girlfriend had a crush on Optimus Prime when she was young.

Seriously.

Re:Coincidence Design

[Bastian]

Typical patron of Coincidence Design's plan for how this will all work out:

Him (smoking cigarette after sex in backseat of car): Honey, we've been together for a few hours now, and I really really like you. I need to come clean about this - it's been eating at me and I can't handle the dishonesty anymore.

Her: What is it, love?

Him: You know how I met you on the side of the road with the tire on your car shot out by some psychopath, and I gave you a ride to this park?

Her: Yes --?

Him: The whole thing was a sham. I had it engineered by Coincidence Designs.

Her: That means -- ?

Him: Yes.

Her: You spent $80,000 dollars for a chance to get me in the sack?

(He looks sheepish)

Her: Honey, that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard! I love you! You're such a stallion! Let's get married!

Re:Mac girls are the best

[Landaras]

But the problem with Linux girls is that it's so difficult to make them go down.

Mathematical Advice for 2/14

[JWhitlock]

Some have suggested that the formula for Valentine's Day gifts is:

R = P / M

where R is the romantic level, P is price, and M is mass. This seems to work in some cases: when flowers are the same mass, the ones that cost more are more romantic. Ditto for wine. Diamonds are light and pricey, and thus even more romantic than flowers. However, RAM, no matter what the bus speed, has not been found to be romantic. This has led some to propose the formula:

R = P / (M * U)

where U is utility - thus, the more useful it is, the less romantic it is. Mathemeticians are still applying this formula in the field, looking for counter-examples and debating the consequences.

Re:short version for balzac lovin' open sores tool

[Anonymous Coward]

1. shower
2. throw away jap/scat/fecal/tentacle rape vids
3. shave
4. stop meeting michael at the truckstop bathroom 5. meeting someone at a glory hole is not a date 6. ???
7. profit!

Re:Google cache of the Girl's Guide to Geek guys

[frozencesium]

"If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or keeping a geek dude."

Um, no...because as we all know, B5 is FAR superior to Star Trek.

(ducks...)

-frozen

Re:Question

[Tackhead]

1.Flowers at the beginning.
2.Dinner & drinks
3.Entertainment (club, movie)
4.Foreplay
5.Sex
>
> If you get past 5, and she makes you breakfast in the morning, you've found the perfect woman. :)

But you haven't truly won unless you get 6) ...profit!!!

Re:What a pathetic collection of scumguppy factori

[nickclarke]

Huh - there's all these /. geeks with no girls at all, and you have two. greedy.

My favorite part ...

[Lagrange5]

My favorite part of the A Guy's Guide to Geek Girls page:

7. Geek girls like Spock better than Kirk. Don't ask, it just IS.

Fascinating!

Oh Great

[maddskillz]

Now all the geek girls will be slashdotted! This doesn't bode well for me!

WHOA

[qbproger]

never before has a slashdot article helped me on such a personal level.

And a "g'day from Down Under" to you, too

[ScottForbes]

Valentine's Day was yesterday, you insensitive clod!

Re:Girl's Guide to Geek Guys link is broken

[xombo]

I got it all figured out: right here

Re:Google cache of the Girl's Guide to Geek guys

[shut_up_man]

Why yes you're right... that steaming pile of fetid goat excrement is FAR superior to that other pile of fetid goat excrement.

Re:Wow, talk about a stereotype

[Anonymous Coward]

If you are gay, I'm interested.