Slashdot Mirror
Some Geek Guides for Dating
An anonymous reader sends in this: "In honor of upcoming V-day, here are some geek guides for help in finding your geeky match: Guy's Guide to Geek Girls,
Girl's Guide to Geek Guys, advice from a she-geek, Engineer Your Love Life and Bart's Dating Guide for Geeks.
And for those of you who are absolutely hopeless, well, there is always Coincidence Designs... It's not too late, so good luck!" Another reader has some good news: "An article in Discover magazine reports on research done by scientists at the University of Toronto about how males attract mates. The cited article claims that when males are young, the show offs are actually the ones who are least likely to succeed later on. This causes a "revenge of the nerds effect:" the football players burn out but the nerds become sexy!" And if all else fails, you can try a Valentine's Day Form Letter.
Girl's Guide to Geek Guys link is broken
huh?
Google and review sites are ll that I need to direct me towards my true love...
PC Hardware
:)~
that this is indeed the bottom of the barrel, I'm having a hard time imagining a worse article.
Banaaaana!
Here's another article in honor of Valentine's Day - A guide on how to get your Valentine hooked on gaming!
http://www.gametab.com/features/valentines.1/
oh, wait, that's the other holiday.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
Get yourself a subscription to The Spice Channel and a 12 pack. It's about as close as you need to get. I know what I'm talking about here, I'm married and it's Valentine's Day and I'm going to go broke before the day is over.
here
... so I can weed out the unattractive women that will soon start calling me.
Watch him carefully, and do the exact opposite.
That means: Never ever EVER say, "Nice LAAAYdeeee, oh! with the pushing, and the shoving, I can't help but notice your eyes, nice EYYYYeeees, are glowing like the blinkenlights on my fileserver, in the mother's basement, LAAAAYdeeee...oh MY!"
i need to worry more about getting a date than getting moderator poins for slashdot :) .
smd4985
Your gift for V-Day?
Sent it in last night -- rejected.
The One Rule Of Chess You'll Ever Need: Don't play someone who carries a kit in their bookbag.
In my experience all the geek girls are already shagging all the other geek girls.
Or maybe they were telling me this to distract me while they ran screaming. I can never tell for sure.
Screw Valentine's Day. Get back at your ex :(
,
faeryman
Just wait for Arbor Day, and "the Geeks Guide to Getting Some Fresh Air."
Stop by my site where I write about ERP systems & more
You could link and at least credit the source...
:)
Takes up less space as well
Pr0n never asks you to say sorry.
Or heroin for that matter!
What is music when you despise all sound?
Don't settle on an ugly chick. Hot chicks will lay down with just about anything during high school and college, too.
SWM with Mod Points, willing to trade with SWF interested in
Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but copyright will always protect me.
what no wang joke??
If you mod me down the terrorists will have won
Being a geek, I'm sure you know how hard it is to remember peoples names, with your head stuffed full of all that stuff you have to remeber for work.
It can be a bit embarising, if, after going out for a couple of weeks you still forget you girls name.
So, my tips is; always date girls with the same name. (this is also handy if your seeing more than one at once).
thank God the internet isn't a human right.
hi!
I tried to ask someone I know for a date, but she's been slashdotted.
They got web pages for this stuff now? Whatever happened to `man getagirl`
The legendary "Girl's Guide to Geek Guys" by Mikki Halpin (and originally published in Bunnyhop, a great 'zine) is slashdotted at antioch.edu, apparently.
The Google cache is here
Some more mirrors are here, and here at XS4ALL in Holland.
And btw, one of the pages mentions that Mikki has written a book based on the article. The book is available on the Evil Patenting Amazon.com.
I, for one, welcome our new Antichrist overlord.
I don't care who your girlfriend is, getting her a mouse pad for Valentine's Day, or any other affectionate-laden holiday is a bad, bad, idea. And when I mean bad, I mean real wrath of God type stuff: fire and brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and sea's boiling, 40 years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!
So gentlemen, buy flowers, keep your balls.
"This isn't a study in computer science, its a study in human behavior"
Nice load average. Wanna fsck?
Posted at 1pm, on Feb 14th, and it's upcoming? Well this explains why geeks can't get a date...
but try being born on this lovely holiday. Every year I hear the same thing, "Oh wow, you are so lucky to be born on such a romantic holiday." Uhh, right.
I know. /. could start something up and sort the guys and gals by karma!
hmm... for fun I enjoy launching DDoS attacks against 127.87.42.5
he cited article claims that when males are young, the show offs are actually the ones who are least likely to succeed later on. This causes a "revenge of the nerds effect:" the football players burn out but the nerds become sexy!"
Yes, but in Darwinian evolution, it doesn't matter when you get laid, it just matters that you get laid. In fact, gettin' it on, earlier in life, technically makes you more reproductively successful because any number of things could cause your early demise, the earlier onset of sexual activity would (assuming a condom-less world) pass on your genetic material to the next generation before the opportunity for premature death to occur.
Although it is an interesting fact. And in modern society, where human mating isn't random, etc. Its probably a good sign for the future of our species. I seem to recall reading about another study that showed an inverse relationship between the IQ of an individual and the age at which they first engaged in sexual activity. So if you are a 30 year old virgin, rejoice, and join Mensa!
Opinionated Law Student Strikes Again!
http://www.neystadt.org/john/humor/Girls-Guide-To- Geek-Guys.htm"
I am so creative, look at my cry for attention in my sig.
Geek's Guide to Dating:
Step 1: Find member of opposite sex.
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Date!
- The Sigless Wonder
And for those of you who are absolutely hopeless, well, there is always Coincidence Designs...
I've already gotten 12 emails from gals today who want to meet me at their website and make hot love to me! I don't need any guides to dating...I'm a chic magnet!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
All my base
Are belong to you.
__________
[Big Brick Wall]
DOS girls are what we all need. Cheap, not too flashy, and do what you need them to do quickly.
Linux girls take some getting used to, and don't do some of the flashier things, but are dependable for what they do.
Windows girls do all the new flashy things and games, but like the parent said, they are likely to be carrying a few viruses
Coincidence Design is a hoax. Research, people! It takes all of two minutes.
"Destroy science and religion. Science would re-emerge exactly the same; but not religion." - Penn Jillette, paraphrased
Bah, humbug. You lot can go on with your foolish optimism, your hopeful enthusiasm, and your boundless love... I have BETTER things to do this Valentine's Day! Like:
- Trying not to weep openly in public
- Trying not to think about all the great sex my ex-girlfriends must be having right now
- Stockpiling cheap hooch, 'cause once you get started, it can be tough to find the booze store when you need more
- Finding a comfortable, out-of-the-way gutter
- Maybe looking into that heroin addiction idea I've been kicking around
- Harshly silencing those dopey "friends" who always want to "help," as if I have some kind of "problem"
- Pondering a little private self-love, if you know what I mean, but realizing my self-loathing will just shoot me down, anyway
Yes, that's the glorious Valentine's Day I've got planned so far... anyone else have ideas?
I would respectfully disagree. Assimilting the unwritten rules of dating is part of the socialization process. If you somehow managed to skip the part about love, or how to get along with most 'normal' humans, you're royally screwed, because everyone else is following a protocol, and you can't find the FAQ. If, however, you're the sort of geek who can follow instructions when they're given, and the instructions are written well enough, this is good. My best friend had never learned that an appropriate way to express his feelings on a birthday or Valentine's Day was to give flowers. When I told him that this worked, he was doubtful, but he gave his girlfriend roses. It worked. His girlfriend was delighted. He has now added the action 'give flowers' to his list of acceptable demonstrations of love. The hopeless ones are the people who just do not get that something is not socially acceptable, or do not get that something is socially expected, even after they've been told.
that eventually succeeded, and now has a happy relationship with a nice (and -very- hot) woman.
.2 c.
1- Never ever show that you need a mate; if she approaches you it's because she needs you, not the other way around.
2- Being not good looking of course doesn't help when you look for "a girl a nite", but it's damn useful to find the right one to spend your life with.
3- There aren't clever but ugly OR damn-hot but stupid girls. One of the prettiest girls I've ever met was a computer programmer; the ugliest one was stupid as a brick.
4- Stop looking for a mate. -I'm serious- You'll find one when you'll stop searching. Focus your interests on something else and do it; don't let the lack of sex drive you crazy or you can be damn sure that no girl in the world will be interested in you.
It worked for me.
Just my
So if i meet a nice girl, and Im a little shy i leave her flowers with a note. but do i sign the note 'your secret admirer' or 'an anonymous coward'?
A guy at work calls Valentine's Day "National Singles-Awareness Day" I thought it was pretty damn funny.
Good point. How about "Screw someone else's ex tonight!"
If they stopped to really think about it, that's what most people in relationships will be doing tonight anyways, right?
My girlfriend had a crush on Optimus Prime when she was young.
Seriously.
But the problem with Linux girls is that it's so difficult to make them go down.
My legal education, in nifty podcast format
- Flowers at the beginning.
- Dinner & drinks
- Entertainment (club, movie)
- Foreplay
- Sex
A pathetic date wouldn't make it past 1.. I show up with flowers, she shows up looking like a heroin junkie just coming down, that's the end of it..An annoying date doesn't get past 2.. It's amazing how useful those "Call me at 10pm" calls are.. Always give yourself an out.. Unless you're just hard up for the sex, but even then, if you're that hard up, you aren't getting that far.
If we get to 3, you almost have it made.. Don't hit on her friends at the club, or steal all the candy at the movie..
If you get to 4, you're just proving to her that you're worth taking to 5..
If you get past 5, and she makes you breakfast in the morning, you've found the perfect woman.
Serious? Seriousness is well above my pay grade.
R = P / M
where R is the romantic level, P is price, and M is mass. This seems to work in some cases: when flowers are the same mass, the ones that cost more are more romantic. Ditto for wine. Diamonds are light and pricey, and thus even more romantic than flowers. However, RAM, no matter what the bus speed, has not been found to be romantic. This has led some to propose the formula:
R = P / (M * U)
where U is utility - thus, the more useful it is, the less romantic it is. Mathemeticians are still applying this formula in the field, looking for counter-examples and debating the consequences.
These are the two very different goals that guys have when meeting women. Many (most?) "geek" guys are more interested in having a relationship. A good one may include the other part anyway. ;-) Most "normal" guys are more interested in getting laid, with as many women as possible. In most cases, these two goals are mutually exclusive. So, you face a choice.
If you want to get laid as much as possible, follow the advice of the Tom Leykis radio show. Be a jerk. Don't call her back. Tell her you'll call on Monday, then don't call til Thursday. Don't spend money on her -- make her pay (say you forgot your wallet, etc). Don't be available when she wants to go out, make her think you have more important things (or women) to do than her. For the type of woman who will screw anything that moves, this will only make her want you more. Go out on a Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. Don't go out on Friday or Saturday unless it's a guaranteed lay - remember you want her thinking you're doing something even more fun without her.
This stuff works, as long as you're willing to do hot chicks who've done dozens (if not hundreds) of other guys before you. A great little trick they've been talking about on the show lately is to make up fake ATM receipts with large account balances. This should be easy for the geeks - just scan your receipt, edit in gimp to give yourself a 6 figure balance, and print. Crumple it up a little to make it nice and believable. Then talk to some hot chick, tell her you have to go to some important meeting but give her your phone number and write it on that ATM receipt. She will call and you will get laid.
Now, let's face it. Many of us geeks are nice guys and just don't have the balls to do stuff like the above. We don't get laid by chicks like that - not because of our looks, but because we treat them nicely (oh, he's so nice -- and boring!!). But for many of us (myself included), that's ok - we'd rather run nothing but Windows 2.0 than have anything to do with those brainless dopey chicks who put out on command. I mean, come on -- ewww! Do you know what (or how many different... 'things') have been in that? No thank you! Have some self respect, lady!
For those of us in this group, we want a real relationship, with a lady who has a brain. I'm proud to say that I found one, without being a jerk, and ended up marrying her. I'm totally shy and awkward, with no confidence in social situations. So what worked? Personals.
Many people still look at personal ads with a stigma -- "Oh, he couldn't get a date so he had to resort to THAT! What a loser!" But screw them. It's practically the perfect way to find the right person, not just someone who's ok. Find out about the other person before wasting time or investing a lot of emotion into it. Search, wait, and hold out for that perfect gal (or guy).
Personally, I used Yahoo! Personals, about 4 years ago, back when it was still free. I responded to about 2 ads a week - some went as far as phone calls, some even went to a dinner date after several emails and phone calls. None went farther because none of these women felt "right." I never felt totally comfortable. That's ok, though. Nobody needs to be in a rush for this stuff!
Finally I posted my own ad and got 2 responses. One was thousands of miles away looking for a penpal. Ok, whatever. The other started emailing back and forth and then we started calling each other. The first night we talked for 4 hours on the phone. I never do that, much less with someone I've only emailed for a week. Needless to say, it was a sign that she was "the one." I felt totally comfortable on our first date (SW Episode 1 -- the movie sucked but the date rocked!). We just belonged together. 3 years later we were married.
So, you see, I am a big proponent of personals if you want to find that special someone. It worked beautifully for me, though that's no guarantee for anyone else. Relationships are a lot of work, no doubt about that - but what you get out of it is much more than you put in (and much more satisfying on all levels than the guys above who are just getting laid with a bunch of skanks -- but hey, if that's your thing, great! Have fun!).
Unfortunately most of the sites now require payment. That sucks but totally understandable. I don't know if I would have met my wife if one (or both) of us had had to pay. There's no guarantee that you'll get anything out of any one ad, so it's a crapshoot, with pretty poor odds. For geeks, though, I can recommend Peer2Peer which is made only for geeks. I believe it's still free, but it's been some time since I looked at it.
Anyway, good luck, be smart, and have fun -- whether you choose option #1 or #2, they're both ok as long as it's right for you!
I live in Seattle and this town is probably one of the worst towns in the US (Next to Silicon Valley) to be a single guy in.
Bars are never an option due to the fact that the majority of women are literally afraid of being 'hit on' or some other personality issue (usually because they didn't get that pony from daddy on their 16th birthday or someting like that).
I've also found (IMO) that attitudes on Dating/picking up women vary from City to City.
In Vancouver B.C., people love to go out and have fun. This is a great place to go meet down to earth women.
In San Fanciscisco, women are approachable but they like to get to know you for a bit and then go from there.
London is like Vancouver but magnified by 10 when it comes to living life and having fun.
I explored many options and have found some things that work:
1)Take Group Dance lessons. Salsa, Swing, whatever. In most dance studios you have to switch partners throughout the class and you can talk/flirt during the lessons.
2)Go to public bars or places that offer formal dancing (salsa and swing especially). Women who go to most of these places in Seattle are going to dance or have fun. These places are great if you want to get to know someone without the bar 'stigma' of one night stands or geting shot down in flames. Also, a great icebreaker, while dancing, is telling them that you're learning how to dance. Women will eat that up.
Take classes in non-technical topics you want to learn about. This is a great way, in the very least, to meet people who share the same interest as you
(side note the 'gold digger' types of women don't tend to frequent these places)
I've never tried a dating service or enlisted 'professional' services. However, I've seen friends who have used dating services and the toughest part of Dating services is writing your 'about me' section and what picture you use. (Make the picture a good one. Even if you have to use Photoshop/The Gimp..just kidding).
The main problem with witing your bio are the differences in writing and creativity of men Vs. women. In the Seattle area publicaion, the Stranger, check out the differnce in writing styles of the 'Men Seeking Women' and 'Women seeking Men' sections. (side note: This link may be busy or down today due to the Stranger's publicaion of free valentines ads/love notes on a different part of this site)
See how the 'Men seeking ads are so bland and the 'Women seeking are much more creative? You gotta put some serious work in the bio to get noticed. You gotta find a way to show how you stick out amongst all the other candidates.
Keep in mind, just because you may get shot down, it's not your fault. It's something with them. Also, just because you may not have a connection with a woman you meet, don't burn bridges. She may very well have a single friend(s) for you to meet. I've definitely hooked up in this manner before
Finally, (and this is the most important one) don't, under any circumstances, regress into techno-babble mode for the non-technical type women. Just say you play with computers all day and leave it at that. Once you're seriously dating, then resume the techno-babbble.
Dolemite
Save the World! Use a Quote!
2.Dinner & drinks
3.Entertainment (club, movie)
4.Foreplay
5.Sex
>
> If you get past 5, and she makes you breakfast in the morning, you've found the perfect woman.
But you haven't truly won unless you get 6) ...profit!!!
About 15 yars ago, me and some friends were going out to a movie. As we were leaving the building I asked a woman(whom I had never seen before) that happened to be going out the same door if she wanted to join us for a movie, she said yes. we were marrid 18 months later.
Now in my case I'm sure it was my incredible charisma, good looks, intellect, and my mad spelling skillz, that won her over(yeah, right).
The point is ask. you will most likely be reject, but you might not. It seems to me, most geek need some thicker skin, and the ability to relize you can't controll the enviroment you live in like you do the enviroment on your computer.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
Also, it means you have to actually be prepared to go and talk to women you've never met, out of the blue. That scares a lot of men off.
If you want a long, drawn-out romantic relationship with a women where you might get a whiff of her snatch after 6 months of present-buying and supplication, or you want to stand about and hope a woman seduces you every few years or so (i.e. you get 'lucky' ever so often), or you want to die a sad loser who was too scared to take control of his own life, then there's nothing for you here.
However, if you want to turn yourself from a shag-less loser into someone who can shag any woman, anywhere. (And before someone comes in to say that you'll only be able to get sluts, that's bullshit. Any woman can be seduced by these methods, intelligent, decent, attractive women. All women like sex, all women like being seduced.)
If you're a complete seduction newbie, I'd recomment reading this: http://fastseduction.com/guide/. It tells you the basics of getting laid, including the following main ideas:
Of course, most of this is just basic common sense and psychology, but this site puts it into words. The hardest parts are a) Having the balls, b) Shattering your illusions.
So instead of sitting behind your computer whining on a Friday night, go out. Approach a hundred women, get rejected a hundred times, and enjoy it. Go back and do it the next night. Don't be the loser who stands in the corner all shy, hoping a woman will come to him. Be the man who goes and talks to the women, who seduces them. Be the man who has whichever women he wants lying naked on his bed. It's not too late, you CAN change. Do it.
Guy's Guide to Geek Guys
:) Alas, this isn't a *guide* yet. Just a version 0.1 of what may become a guide one day. Maybe. :)
:) They are a subculture distinct from the rest of the population, whether gay or straight. They tend to be very smart, interesting, and very idiosyncratic.
:)
:). Still, geeks tend to be less extraverted and more shy than non-geeks. This means they might prefer to stay home rather than go to a club - so you're less likely to run into them in bars - and it may be difficult to convince one to go out.
:)
:)
:) They are keenly aware of the different value systems the two cultures represent (especially when they're mutually contradictory), and go to great lengths to project their membership and independence of both groups, often simultaneously.
There isn't really much of a "gay geek guide", so I figured I might just as well start one. Besides, it's Friday afternoon and I don't feel like doing any work.
On to the subject.
What do non-geek guys need to know? The most important bit is that geek guys are, well, geeky.
Physical appearance is usually of secondary importance to gay geeks, although not as much as one may suspect. The geek culture usually views appearance as secondary to intellectual prowess - which leads to an interesting clash of cultures. Gay geeks may think that taking care to look good is beneath them - but nevertheless pay attention to how others present themselves. Just don't point this out to them - they'll immediately deny it.
Participation in sports is usually right out. There is a contingent of sporty geeks, but even they tend towards non-contact, non-confrontational sports, such as frisbee or cycling. Many geeks are altogether aphysical.
Social contact is notoriously a stumbling block, but usually not as bad as in the case of straight geeks. Our playing field is much more level - let's face it, we're all guys, we're really rather straightforward (ahem, gayforward?
Not surprisingly, gay geeks tend toward the introverted, analytic type. They make great intellectual partners - they tend to be well-read, have broad knowledge as well as many areas of expertise, and can be surprisingly cultured. Intellectual nimbleness is highly valued, and even their sense of humor tends towards the analytic and absurd - which can be good or bad, depending on how far it's taken.
Though there are many types of geek, computer geeks in particular will spend a lot of time exploring computer systems. The machine is for them both something to play with and something to learn about - and they greatly enjoy both activities. They will also often enjoy 'geeking out' - talking shop with other geeks. Don't try to stop them, it's impossible. Just take comfort knowing that after half-an-hour or so, after they've finished geeking out about the latest operating system thingamajigs or what have you, they'll be more than happy to come back to earth and talk about normal things again.
More often than not, they'll instinctively tend to analyze everything, and act in thought-out ways. It's rare for them to be extemporaneous and wild - that mode of behavior is contrary to what they value. Very few gay geeks are also drama queens. So know what you're going in for.
Geeks and gays both build very idiosyncratic subcultures, with very distinct values and ways of communication. This usually means gay geeks are doubly idiosyncratic.
On the plus side, gay geeks are usually much more conscious of their quirks than straight geeks or gay non-geeks. They realize some of their fascinations, their anime, sci-fi, computer games, or what have you, are just ways of asserting individual difference - and they derive much of the pleasure from this separation. Don't expect them to want to conform to any popular mold.
---
This work is hereby donated to the public domain. Do what you want with it.