Slashdot Mirror
Rick Berman: Enterprise May Not Suck Next Year
Steve Krutzler writes "Star Trek producer Rick Berman has made his latest comments in a new interview with a British magazine and he says the season finale of Enterprise ("The Expanse") will begin to change the ultimate mission of the show for the better: 'I think our final episode of the season is going to be quite startling because we're going to do a cliffhanger that will put a new twist on the series as it enters its third year.'"
Microsoft: Windows may not suck next year
KNW
If they knew when to quit, why did they make seasons six and seven?
"I don't really want to get specific about it, but we're not talking about a tiny change. We're talking about a change that is going to, to some degree, alter our mission"
Maybe Archer will change into a woman, he's touchy feely enough already.
in girum imus nocte et consumimur igni
Archer wakes up with Suzanne Pleshette in his cozy bed. We realize the whole thing has been a dream and Archer is really a balding Chicago psychologist.
The series aside, I kinda like hot gel-showering hot chicks.
Time travellers from the future reveal that future Trek series will suck just as badly. In a last ditch effort to save Enterprise, the crew must travel back in time and assassinate Rick Berman.
Unbreakable toys can be used to break other toys.
Scene:
Enterprise Bridge. Archer occupies the captain's chair, his crew working busily around him. Archer suddenly sits bolt upright, and then sags as if exhausted.
Archer: I feel a great disturbance in the force.
Crew: The whaa?
My guess would be that they've finished the Saliban so its only natural to work on the next nemesis of the galactic peace, Piraq.
They're getting older though... It'd be "Star Trek: Seniors in Space". Although ST has been shit since DS9, I mean... Come on, It's ben way too much ficussed on "character building", I want some action too. I'm sure that even in the future normal human arrogance, greed and innate hostility still remain. Coupled with big-ass spaceships, this SHOULD make an excellent combo. Instead, we're getting to see how Sisco governs a space station with mentally incapable crew, a less annoying incarnation of Wesley Crusher and Silly Putty as a security officer, with the supporting cast of the one and only non-hostile Cardassian and a derelict Ferengi whose brother has the Ferengi equivalent of Down syndrom. Yay.
I'm not even going to mention Voyager. Come on, dealing with the Borg to attack another, even more powerful species and STILL win, with a ship that's build for long range exploration/scouting. I mean, Picard had his ass kicked by the Borg and that was the fcking FLAGSHIP. Also, Janeway is an idiot. "Oh no, we're 75 years away from home! Instead of the quickest route home, we'll visit every little cloud of dust we see and seriously ruin any culture we come across! Tally-ho!"
No more Star Trek for me, I'll miss Shatner and his magically ripped shirts, along with Patrick Stewart and his shiny dome...
Hate me!
Umm... The only thing Enterprise has going for it compared to any other Trek so far, is the fact it's recorded in widescreen format (I have a 16:9 aspect ratio tv, and it fits so much nicer)...
Then again, the plots are SOOO crappy that I never actually get to enjoy the benifit as my TV won't actually let me tune into the channel playing it...
I mean, there was an entire episode that I dragged myself through, where two people were on a shuttle running out of air, thinking that enterprise was destroyed, going back and forth about how they don't wanna die. That's not entertaining, that's like pulling teeth... Hell, Enterprise is like watching paint dry... except it never seems to dry... it's painful... make it stop!!!
---
Programming is like sex... Make one mistake and support it the rest of your life.
He'd introduce Wesley as the one behind the temporal cold war. Wesley would be working to fix things so he ended up with Ashely Judd for good.
Cliffhanger: Q appears and transports the enterprise into the Babylon 5 universe. Archer and Sheridan get into a fight, Archer dies. T'Pol falls in love with Sheridan. Delenn gets jealous and cat fight ensues.
Yada yada yada, the enterprise blows up.
T'pol and Archer have a baby together - and it's Kirk
No, they're going to have a powerful demon throw the ship far away from earth...into the delta quadrent perhaps? This would make a great premise for the show, because the ship has only itself to draw off of.
The title should read:
"Rick Berman: Enterprise may not suck next year, but it probably still will."
Sorry for the mixup.
paintball
Why don't you send out a company wide email about how your boss sucks?
Wil can't really comment about stuff like this otherwise bad things will happen, like having all his scenes mysteriously cut from future movies.
Oh, wait...
Bring on 7 of 9!
She, with her big boobs and tight jumpsuit, managed to improve the ratings of Voyager so much (and disgusted me enough to stop watching it) that it kept going for years.
So, bring in a crossover with her and the show will do fine. Of course, it will stop being believable, but who cares if you can see a nice chick with big booms in a jumpsuit?
bash$
I hate to quibble over Trek, of all things, but I think you'll find that the Borg did just that in
Star Trek - First Contact.
::.. check out some Cell Phone Reviews
Of course, that could be because they were busy copying Babylon 5.... ;)
"Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised."
-Marilyn Manson
I thought the point of going back to the past was to get out of the arc idea. Back to the Sci-fi roots of TOS.
Maybe. I dunno. I don't think I've seen three minutes of a Trek since about season 3 of TNG. This franchise jumped the shark when Data got laid.
Stargate is crap. I can barely sit through the *commercials*, the show is so crap.
Archer:
tall man with glass jaw
why do you talk so strangely?
your father watches
Hoshi:
sad little Hoshi
Universal Translator
her only lover
Mayweather:
silent, empty chair
what is my function, captain?
the captain hears not
Tucker:
banjo pickin' boy
leave space before she bites you
on your redneck ass
Reed:
they are all your foes
you're only course, sacrifice
serve the greater good
Whenever the offence inspires less horror than the punishment, the rigour of penal law is obliged to give way...
That's unrealistic. After the Suliban attack, the Federation would clearly attack the Klingons.
You mean they're finally going to change the theme song?
and the Vulcan is a poor man's 7 of 9.
If Jolene Blalock is a poor man's Jeri Ryan, I want to be the most penniless pauper in the world.:)
Is this a sigs-optional kind of place? 'Cause I am totally down with that if you know what I mean.
Pretty close to it. Trials and Tribbulations is the one episode of post-Shatner Star Trek that everyone loved, including the purists. Another great one (also paraphrased): Jadzia: "I had no idea he was so attractive." Sisko: "Oh, yes, he had quite a reputation as a lady's man, I think." Jadzia: "Really? I'm surprised." Sisko: "Yes, Kirk was famous for that." Jadzia: "I'm not talking about Kirk. Spock!" Remember that in the early eps Jadzia was dating the scientist with the transparent skull and the very large brain. Which does make you wonder what she saw in Worf....
Maybe and it would be OK to hint that but I dont want to hear "We are the Borg. Lower your..." We've had enough of them.
How about this for primative borg: "We want to connect up with you. Don't resist or we will poke you."
You see, they had to absorb a few good marketers before they got their introduction right.
Table-ized A.I.
We jump to the year 2258, 10 years after the Earth-Klingon war. Earth is enjoying a period of peace, albeit a fragile one.
A coalition of governments, led by the humans, have constructed a space station, let's call it Beladon 6. It is located in nuetral territory orbiting a planet called Eksilop 2.
The purpose of this station is to provide a place for humans and aliens to work out their differences in peace. It's a home away from home for diplomats, officers, wanderers, business people and others.
Jonathan Archer is put in charge of the station, at the request of the Klingons, which is kinda strange.
By the end of 2258, nothing is the same any more. The Klingon ambassador names Volann, has put herself into some sort of cacoon, and a mysterious alien presence has made an appearance. These aliens appear to be immensely more powerful than any other race around.
We then jump ahead to 2259, where captain Archer has, mercifully, been reassigned to duty on the Klingon homeworld. Strangely, the series seems to improve considerably after that. To replace him is captain Sherinnian, a war hero of the Earth-Klingon war.
About this time, Volann comes out of her cocoon and is a human-Klingon hybrid named Torres (no relation). We also meet a species called the Suliban who use technological means to simulate the effects of magic. We learn in a spin-off series of books that they were created by the mystery race to be weapons.
Sherinnian and Volann fall in love, get married and have a child, but who really cares about that crap anyway.
The mysterious alien race send an agent to speak to all the ambassadors on the station. Along with him are invisible members of the alien race, who we later find out has a name so long we could never pronounce it, so we just call them species 8472 (again, no relation).
Aaaanyway...
Sherinnian leads a coalition of the will... no, an army of light... no, a FEDERATION!, in a war against species 8472. We finally beat them by not fighting at all (don't ask), but we later find out that they had dark allies serving them that are just as dangerous, called the Borg. We'll be dealing with them for a LONG time.
There's also some crap a few seasons down the road about people with telepathic abilities, and Berman and Braga expertly set up a war between them and mundanes for the NEXT Star Trek series, which should start some time around Enterprise' fifth season.
Hmmmm... this all sounds kinda familiar actually...
Don't worry... at the end, Q shows up, resets the timeline and Enterprise goes back to sucking hairy moose cock again.
All I keep watching for is the slim hope that one of Hoshi's tits will pop out during a gel scene and the editors and censors will miss it.
God this show sucks!
If a pion (n-) collides with a proton in the woods & noone is there to hear it, does lamdba decay into the source pa
They became yet another comic book villain.
The Borg are effectively the Homer Simpsons of the Star Trek franchise. They get more and more stupid with each passing season.
In case of fire, do not use elevator. Use water!
Maybe I just don't have the time anymore to sit and critique the "finer points" of Sci-fi or watch fifteen hours of TV every week or to spend an afternoon debating Buffy plotlines. Maybe I just never was affected by the "But in eposide 12 of season 4 of TNG they said. . ." factor. Whatever the reason, I'm actually enjoying Enterprise for probably exactly those reasons. It's not (in general) that futuristic. I thought the flatscreen monitors and transporter paranoias were a nice touch. The whole having a translator on board and the UT failing every now and then is great! The episode with the Tholians was a perfect example of that. Yeah there's inconsistencies and some pretty big plot holes. So what? If I wanted continuity I'd go live my life. Last time I checked It was pretty continuous. I'm not ashamed to admit it, I like Enterprise. A lot.
In all, I'd say about a quarter of the current episodes really made me sit and go "Hey, this is really, really good!" At least half of them I would rate as "very good" Only about two or three would I say that I wasn't a big fan of. To anyone who thinks this is the "Worst. Show. Ever.", Just try suspending the "But this isn't like B5/Farscape/SG1/Buffy" factor for a change. This isn't the same show. It's Star Trek. You aren't supposed to take it this seriously. Yes, Farscape is fantastic. When I get a spare week I'll pick it up again and keep watching. That's when I get a spare week. Enterprise is good as a one-off show and still a hell of a lot better than most shows on TV. I'd much rather watch it than any of this so-called "Reality" TV. If it were that real, all those people would be dead from some mosquito-borne virus. Give me a bit of semi-believable Star Trek over that any day.
- Relativistic? That's barely Newtonian!
Aha! That's why they're interested in Earth. We should cooperate with these proto-Borg, and gather up all the marketers, salesmen, etc. and send them off in a ship. We'll call it the "B" Ark.
Rick:
"I think our final episode of the season is going to be quite startling because we're going to do a cliffhanger"
Mullet:
"Um, Rick, what series season finale doesn't end with a cliffhanger?"
Rick:
"We're talking about a change that is going to, to some degree, alter our mission and, to some degree, change the tone of the series"
Mullet:
Oh, I see. So we're moving away from seeking out new life and exploring new civilizations now? Gotcha. Good call. That was overrated anyway."
Rick:
"The Expanse" will continue a Klingon story arc beginning in "Judgment" and also introduce an attack on planet Earth
Mullet:
"Ah yes... I heard about that VERY SIGNIFIGANT EVENT from the other Trek series... Yes, so memorable it wasn't mentioned by anybody before this series... Very sneaky. You should get a +1 Insightful."
Rick:
"One of [the last four episodes] is going to be a fascinating Borg encounter," he told the mag. "Which is interesting in that Starfleet had never heard of the Borg before Picard. So we have managed to deal with that in what I feel is a very interesting fashion."
Mullet:
"The Borg! Wow! Wait, let me guess-- The crew will A) Forget of their existance by the end of the ep or B) Not recognize them as Borg and feel their presence so insignificant as not to report it in the chain of command thereby filling Picard with COMPLETE surprise three centuries later when he encounters them. Like the Ferrengi. I'm sensing a trend here, Rick."
Rick:
"We've discussed everything from a young 'Sarek' to 'Q' [John de Lancie] to 'Kirk' [William Shatner]."
Mullet:
"I understand, Rick. That's kinda what happens when you have the creative genious of a rock. Gotta fall back on something, and far be it from me to suggest that something be original..."
You know, I can already see it... By the time Rick is done with this series, it's going to look like it's been through a blender on frappe'. It will be like the Star Trek V or Highlander 2 of the trek series-- Universally maligned and disowned. Many will pretend such a mistake simply never existed. The Borg? Serek? Q?! As if the time travel crutch weren't enough, you have to rape all of the other series for their creativity as well? Somebody picked AT RANDOM with absolutely no directing experience from the Slashdot crowd could do a better job than this spider monkey... I move we file Intent of Assination. All in favor?
You need a FREE iPod Nano
Yes indeed. With Star Trek, you put different markings and superfical features on a person and you've got a whole different alien race. With MS, you put different markings and superfical features on Windows 2000 and you've got Windows XP.
1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
...and in the conclusion, Phlox is pulled out of the transporter and transformed into a slinky female Vulcan who immediately embarks on a lesbian love affair with Tpol.
Shop Smart, Shop S-mart!