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Advice for a Dad-To-Be?
chrysrobyn asks: "Huzzah! After a few years of trying, my wife is pregnant (due 5 November). I've read about fellow Slashdot readers who are some new and experienced parents. I've certainly read about lots of people getting engaged and married. I'd like to ask for advice on the matter from people in my demographic. What do you wish you had known before child #1 was born? I'm not asking 'how does a geek raise a child?' or 'how do I overclock the activity sets?', but I don't personally know many two income families who are in this position. We sometimes work long hours, and that will either come to an end or we'll put in lots of effort to work around that. What do I do? What do I expect? Are there any products to stay away from? I'm going to be a dad!" Congratulations, on your new family member, chrysrobyn!
Buy legos. Looottttsss of legos. =)
If you want a kid. I think you should also want to raise that kid and either one of you should, if financially possible, make the carreer sacfice and stay home with the kid and raise it. It makes no sense to me the people that seem to want to work more than raise their children.
"I would rather have your time than your money" --Henry Rollins Jan 14 2003 on the topic on internet file trading
You will be exhausted at first. Don't try to be goal oriented and work while the kid sleeps... Sleep when they do, it is more important than a perfect house, or whatever you are hacking on.
Trust me, Sleep is priority one for the first few weeks.
Cuchullain
"If sharing a thing in no way diminishes it, it is not rightly owned if it is not shared." -St. Augustine
I suppose I should have expected this, but the speakers were safe around his less-curious sister (7 years his elder).
Once they get mobile, they can and most likely will destroy anything they can out of sheer curiosity.
While you're locking up valuable/fragile stuff that you don't want broken (the $100 VCR is prolly worth taking a chance with), don't forget general baby/child proofing of the home. There's plenty of sites on advice about this. You won't let the kid out of your sight, of course, but it is better to be safe than (very, very) sorry.
You could've hired me.
My only bit of advice to add to this -- the dad can be the stay-at-home too.
I'm assuming that it's become more and more common to be in a relationship where the woman makes more money, has better insurance, and has a stronger work identity than the man does. In those cases, daddy might put the carreer on hold, cutting back to a few hours a week, while mommy continues to work 60 hour weeks.
Good luck.
Slashdot is jumping the shark. I'm just driving the boat.
I'm definitly bookmarking this discussion for future refrence. :)
"There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." Proverbs 16:25 (NKJV)
I'd like to add that you and your wife are the boss. Don't let grandparents tell you what to do. They give advice not demands.
The doctor is not always right! If you don't feel comfortable with the diagnosis, tell the doctor and if he doesn't acknowledge your worries and help you through them, find a new doctor.
A pediatrician is not neccessarily better than a family practice for all of you.
Don't panic when something odd happens. There are a lot of new things you will experience that will scare the shit out of you. If you have friends with children call them, they've probably had the same thing happen. Don't be afraid to call your parents for advice.
Don't take any crap from daycare providers. They work for you. It is your child, if you think it is dangerous, TELL THEM!
Be flexible with daycare providers. They have seen many children just like yours. They may have recomendations on when to kick the bottle, pacifier or baby food.
I have to laugh out loud when I see the wipe warmer on the list of "must-haves."
We regard it as one of the signs of an "uber-mom." Right up there with Eddie Bauer stroller, the $75 patagonia fleece jumper that will be outgrown in 2 months, and yoga for infants. (Don't get me wrong, we put our kids in play groups, but not $20/hour ones.)
Also, as far as the point about car seats, I would NOT recommend getting one that fits 3 stages. The goal is not to but the least amount of gear, the goal is to protect your child's little melon. As such, you should get the safest and most highly tested one for infants, even if it only lasts you until 20 pounds. Then you can get a convertible one that lasts through the next two stages. By convertible, I mean it faces backwards until they are 1 year/30 pounds, and then faces forward. Don't be afraid to drop cash on a nice infant seat.
Who gives a rat's ass if it clips into the stroller (most will sit safely on the stroller anyway). Get a basic, decent, light stroller, they're worth it in the long run. I know there are a lot of gadget geeks out there, but the modularized crap they sell you is mostly garbage.
Oh yeah.
Never EVER tiptoe around a sleeping baby. Make normal noise. It will LEARN to sleep THROUGH it. If, however, it is used to having it's sleeping environs quiet as a tomb, it will require it.
Never EVER use 'baby talk.' Do not allow anybody else to babble at your baby like idiots. Your baby will learn what it hears; if you want it to speak, speak to it. If you want it to babble, babble to it. Similarly, read to it.
Reader Rabbit will be your friend. Starts, if I recall, one step below Toddler, with a big-ass track ball, and goes from there.
Vintage computer games and RPG books available. Email me if you're interested.
RE:
/. reader) said to me just before my first was born "The second they put your child in your arms, the whole world changes"
Realize you'll never look at life the same way again
As my ex boss (who is a
You rapidly understand about the "Lioness defending her cubs" - Oh yeah, you'll feel that way too, and if you have a girl, you will REALLY understand those jokes about "rules for dating my daughter"
-- 73 de KG2V For the Children - RKBA! "You are what you do when it counts" - the Masso
Once the childs comprehension starts picking up (5/6 months) whenever possible explain the reasons for prohibitions etc. They won't understand to start with but they will gradually start to pick things up and it will train you to treat them as intelligent. Not going overboard, the explanations are simple to start with but it's a principle of communication you are establishing.
I hereby inform you that I have NOT been required to provide any decryption keys.
Unless it's not working, for whatever reason, because the stress involved just makes it an unpleasant experience for everyone involved.
My personal belief is that breast feeding is A Good Thing, but a happy mother & baby is better..
Congrats!! I know exactly how you're feeling right now - my daughter was born 2 weeks ago :) :) :)
:)
Since I'm new at this "father thing" as well, I am only qualified to give advice on pregnancy and the 1st couple weeks of life...
PREGNANCY:
1) Backrubs are good. Backrubs are VERY good. For valentines day, I got my wife a one-hour "pregnancy massage" at a local spa (focusing on all the typical sore spots a pregnant woman has). Get her one of these. Cost is no object. Schedule it for approximately a month before the baby is due. She'll need it by then.
2) Understanding and patience is good. your wife's body will be undergoing massive changes - physical, chemical, and emotional. These changes will NOT be understood (by either of you) and can be frightening and even embarrassing. Go with the flow. Be there for her. She needs you more than ever before.
3) Get her things. "How about a glass of ice water, honey?" Be proactive - anticipate her needs. It will be appreciated.
4) Have everything ready in advance. Get the room painted. They have "starter kits" with all sorts of things in them that you wouldn't have thought of. Buy a couple packs of diapers. Make sure the room has a good nightlight - you'll be stumbling into there at 3am on a daily basis.
5) There is an online magazine (with accompanying deadtree mag) called ePregnancy. http://www.epregnancy.com/ -- Sign up for the weekly email. It's very good at explaining exactly what is happening week to week. The weekly emails are tailored to the correct week of pregnancy. My wife really looked forward to reading about what is happening to her each week.
6) Get the carseat a few weeks in advance. Take a carseat class BEFORE buying the seat. Once you buy it, PUT IT IN THE CAR and make sure you understand how it works. Do NOT wait until your child is born. oh, and SEND IN THE REGISTRATION CARD for the carseat. I cannot stress that enough. I know, it gets you put on another junkmail list. But it also gets you put on the carseat recall list. You do NOT want to be using an unsafe seat. TAKE THE CARSEAT CLASS. Over 80% of people using carseats are using them incorrectly.
DELIVERY
1) Take a prenatal class. Make sure they do a tour of the delivery unit. Make sure you know where to go IN ADVANCE - the Big Day arrives and you'll be too panicked to have to search for the right entrance to the hospital.
1) Be there for her. Be patient and understanding with her. She's SCARED AS HELL at this point. She's heard all sorts of horror stories about pain. Comfort her. Do what she asks
2) Epidurals are a godsend. We live in the 21st century. Modern medicine is a GOOD thing. Don't be afraid to take advantage of it.
3) Bring a sandwich. You'll be in the delivery room for a while. Your wife will need you there. Make sure it's not a stinky sandwich (I threatened to bring tunafish...)
4) Bring CDs of soft, soothing music (ie Enya). It helps during the contractions. We found a nice CD of Dolphin music at walmart for $4 or so - it's got ocean sounds, soft piano music, etc. Worked great.
5) If your wife is planning on natural delivery (ie no drugs), make sure to have a "focal point" she can concentrate on during the contractions. Also, take your wedding ring off -- she'll break your fingers squeezing your hand against your ring!
6) Help in the delivery. I held one of my wife's legs and counted while she pushed. Watch during the birth. IT'S AMAZING!! It WILL change your outlook on life.
7) Don't be surprised by anything that occurs. There is no modesty left during delivery. Just enjoy it. it's a TRUE miracle.
AFTER YOUR CHILD IS BORN
1) no visitors while you're in the hospital. Use the time to recover and enjoy your new child. Also use the time in the hospital for education. Those nurses know a LOT. Rely on them.
2)
Note to ACs: I usually delete AC replies without reading them. If you want to talk to me, log in.
2) Small waterproof cloth pads. Cut them into 1/2 baby size pieces, perfect for going in diaper bag to provide simple clean changing area that doesn't take much space
3) Lightweight books and book holder-openers, important to scatter these around the house to be available to your or your partner when you get stuck with baby in your lap and can't move.
4) clothes with no buttons for baby to wear so you don't need to muddle with them while you're unable to see your nose from the lack of sleep. meddling with buttons and snaps suck. forget bottoms entirely and just cover baby.
That's it. Anything else is negotiable.
Not just PC's. Phones, answerphones, baby monitors, power outlet sockets, etc etc.
My 2.5 YO phoned a client's voicemail today. I had locked my phone but he can power it off, then on, then the lock is off. Also, someone in our house regularly changes the OGM on the answerphone - I wonder who?
Baby monitors have been plugged into the wrong transfomers - bzzzt! (One of my kids put the feed from the transformer into their mouth once - they didn't do that again!)
Radio alarm-clocks have been retuned or reset, lights blown by constant switching, and lots of tools lost around the house.
Oh, hone up on your toy fixing skills too, every week something gets broken, whether it's a cracked plastic case or a leg off a chair from the doll's house.
It sounds like chaos, and it is, often, but it's what life is all about.
Some general advice: In the first few weeks, get all he rest you can (both of you), forget the chores unless you have to, take all the help you can (that's why you saved the chores), and try to savour the moments. Take some photos, get both parents in too.
Oh, when they get to 18 months, they get *really* interested in water. Sometimes I wish I hadn't got ceramic valve taps, which even a 2 y.o. can turn on...
Note to ACs: I won't mod you up, even if you are being funny or insightful. So take a chance! It's not real life!
Your most frequented resturant in the near future will be McDonald's.
McDonald's is about the worst food there is for the health of children, adults, or the planet. Go read Fast Food Nation and see if you want to take your children there.
Home-cooking is a hard lifestyle change for families where both parents work, but here are my tips:
Inattention to the food we eat, how we prepare it, and where it comes from is one of the worst aspects of our (American) culture. It would be great if more people would make an effort to start their children out on the right foot, which naturally affects the way the parents eat as well.