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Advice for a Dad-To-Be?
chrysrobyn asks: "Huzzah! After a few years of trying, my wife is pregnant (due 5 November). I've read about fellow Slashdot readers who are some new and experienced parents. I've certainly read about lots of people getting engaged and married. I'd like to ask for advice on the matter from people in my demographic. What do you wish you had known before child #1 was born? I'm not asking 'how does a geek raise a child?' or 'how do I overclock the activity sets?', but I don't personally know many two income families who are in this position. We sometimes work long hours, and that will either come to an end or we'll put in lots of effort to work around that. What do I do? What do I expect? Are there any products to stay away from? I'm going to be a dad!" Congratulations, on your new family member, chrysrobyn!
1. Food goes in the noisy end.
2. Diapers go on the stinky end.
3. NEVER EVER get those ends mixed up.
All Troll + "offtopic" mods are meta moderated as "Unfair", because you abused the system.
Never ever leave an unlocked keyboard. Even Linux crashes before the mighty baby! No matter how safe PC parts seem, don't leave them laying around. Experiments in edibility are a baby specialty. Sleep whenever you get a chance. You won't get many. Being a geek, caffiene is already your friend, it will become moreso. And most important: remember your wife! She is the one going through the pain and labour that makes upgrading an old VAX server to run Linux look like a walk in the park!
You can have it fast, accurate, or pretty. Pick any 2.
I'm sick of these Ask /.s that can be solved with a simple Google search! If you can't figure out raising kids with a quick Google search, I don't know how you can call yourself a geek!
Seriously though, keep your sense of humor and perspective on the whole experience. If you have the humor of a kid, then you can understand a lot of what makes them tick, and can see things from their point of view. If you work on this, then you can see the world through your kids eyes. This not only helps your personal enjoyment of living, but help you see how to deal with those arguments/fights/frustrations as well. If you can see it in your kids perspective, then you'll be better able to troubleshoot or debug the situation.
For reference, I've got a 5 year old boy and a 4 year old girl (with apraxia). Congrats and have fun!
I am, and always will be, an idiot. Karma: Coma (mostly effected by
Buy legos. Looottttsss of legos. =)
1) Do not tell anyone you are pregnant until 12-15 weeks. Miscarriages are quite common and you will feel horrible if it doesn't work out.
2) Do not tell your friends/family the sex or the name of the baby until he/she is born. If you tell everyone these details upfront, there is much less suprise and interest when the sepcial day finally comes. I have had 2 sets of friends who were told the wrong sex (it is never exact unless you have genetic testing) and boy were they red faced (and stuck with the wrong clothing and no name).
3) Buy a PVR or a TiVo if you ever want to watch TV again. PVR's are a new parents best friends.
gratz, first of all...
My partner and I had our first child 7 months ago, and it has been wonderful, we, like you are yours, both worked long hours and made a choice, luckily, my employer has allowed me a flexible schedule (nights and weekendss for a couple of years) so that I can stay home with our child. If the possibilty of one of you staying home does not exist, and you do not have a trusted friend or family member to look after your child, and thereby witness a ton of firsts, you need to start looking now for a day care provider. Pimp friends and family for recommendations, check with the local child and family services organization regarding the recommendations, and then do two visits, on announced, and then one not announced, so you get a feel of the places.
Secondly, baby monitors can wreck havoc upon wifi systems, even if they aren't in the same frequency range. Don't ask me how, I have stopped trying to figure it out. We only use the monitor when it is necessary.
If you are working while watching your child, be prepared to work in 15 minute spurts, and choose tasks that you can leave undone and go back to. Your child may be wonderful in this regard, mine is happily playing away in his exer-saucer while I am doing this, however, some children need constant attention and interaction.
Learn to take time for yourself, and learn to give your wife time as well. Your little bundle of joy will be just that, but he/she will also be exhausting, physically and mentally. In a good way, not in an up-all night because someone forgot to process a batch job corectly way...
Buy a car seat that is set up to be "staged" meaning that it has settings for newborns, babies and toddlers, it will cost more in the short run, but in the long run, it will save you having to buy three car seats. Same with the travel system.
Also, buy a wipes warmer. It sounds odd, but your child will be much happier having himself cleaned with a nice warm towelette as opposed to a cold one.
Most importantly, enjoy. This is a wonderful time, an excellent time, and so full of amazing activies.
It is a great excuse to get new hardware, digital cameras, photo printers and such.
Good luck and congratulations.
If you want a kid. I think you should also want to raise that kid and either one of you should, if financially possible, make the carreer sacfice and stay home with the kid and raise it. It makes no sense to me the people that seem to want to work more than raise their children.
"I would rather have your time than your money" --Henry Rollins Jan 14 2003 on the topic on internet file trading
You will be exhausted at first. Don't try to be goal oriented and work while the kid sleeps... Sleep when they do, it is more important than a perfect house, or whatever you are hacking on.
Trust me, Sleep is priority one for the first few weeks.
Cuchullain
"If sharing a thing in no way diminishes it, it is not rightly owned if it is not shared." -St. Augustine
Speaking from experience... Even though the baby isn't due till November, and probably will be mostly immobile till sometime next February, start preparing and working on stuff now!
My wife and I did a lot of things to get the baby's room ready but we didn't figure we needed to do the childproofing stuff till the baby was learning to crawl. That's around 4 months at the earliest, but you will spend that first 4 months actively caring for the baby or sleeping. If you aren't feeding the baby, you are changing the baby, if not that you are changing your close because of one of the prior two. If the baby is asleep then you are asleep. Even when you are at work, you are probably sleeping. Next thing you know the new baby is crawling and then it is all you can do to play catch up with all the things the magazines say you should have done by now.
Next piece of advice, ignore the magazines, you will get enough of the "good parents do this" when your new baby is a teenager.
www.HearMySoulSpeak.com
I suppose I should have expected this, but the speakers were safe around his less-curious sister (7 years his elder).
Once they get mobile, they can and most likely will destroy anything they can out of sheer curiosity.
While you're locking up valuable/fragile stuff that you don't want broken (the $100 VCR is prolly worth taking a chance with), don't forget general baby/child proofing of the home. There's plenty of sites on advice about this. You won't let the kid out of your sight, of course, but it is better to be safe than (very, very) sorry.
You could've hired me.
When my first child was born, the biggest shock to my system was how much time my wife and I had to spend doing child care. Babies are helpless, so you gotta do everything for them. Maybe if I had younger siblings (or wasn't such an idiot) I was have known what to expect, but I was completely caught off guard.
Forget working on any type of hobby or non-essential home project for at least three months (probably more).
apros pos of parenthood in general:
There aint no pancake so thin it doesn't have two sides.
I tried the Google search, but thanks to some A-lists tech blogs all I got was 30 links about how raising goats will lead to peace, universal love, harmony amongst nations, free (as in beer) music ...
... when oh when will something be done ????
If I'd tried this 42 days ago I would have discovered the meaning of life....
Another example of Googlewashing
- Remembers why you had kids in the first place. I think a lot of people go into having kids with the vague idea that it will be "fun", and then don't have a good foundation when it turns out to be a lot of work. Having kids isn't fun - it's the creation of a new person. These are not pets, they're people, and for that reason their value cannot be reckoned.
- I would strongly recommend that you consider whether having two incomes is worth it. The bottom line is that, when all the accounting is done, it rarely pays to have two incomes. First, decent daycare is expensive - for anything worth having, at least $700-1000/month/child. Second, there are many hidden expenses of working - how often do you eat out because everyone's too tired to cook? How much do work clothes cost? The net effect is that I'm not sure many families make any more money by both working unless they have very special skills (i.e. doctor,lawyer,etc) or have free childcare.
- The good news: your kids won't be little forever. Hang in there.
- The bad news: your kids won't be little forever. Don't squander the terrible twos sitting in front of the TV or the playstation.
- Get your finances in order. Yes, really. The best thing you can do for your kids is have a good marriage (divorce devastates kids, and anyone who says otherwise is deluded.) And the first best thing you can do for your marriage is to have your finances in order. This doesn't mean making a lot of money, it means not spending money you don't have. If you don't have a budget, make one: http://www.snowmintcs.com/ offers some good software to help.
- As soon as the baby's old enough, arrange a date-night at least once a month. (Typically, "old enough" is about six weeks.) This follows from the previous: the second best thing you can do for your marriage is to spend time together away from the kids. And don't forget to have fun: this shouldn't be a time to bitch about money.
- Following the previous two: if your marriage starts to fall apart, do whatever it takes to stop that. If that means quitting your job and being home, do it -- there's always welfare. Don't wait for the divorce notice to start working on your marriage. (And, oh yes, run like hell from adultery before it happens to you.)
- If someone decides to stay home with the kids, the YMCA is your friend. I'm not sure how common this is, but here the YMCA (1) gives membership to anyone, even if they can't pay and (2) has free childcare while you work out. The time away from the kids is important.
- One thing worth noting: most of the things kids really need cannot be bought, and most of the things that are really good for them are free. A public playground is good for kids on about sixteen million levels - and that $20 toy will be busted within a week.
- This is a team effort: get as much help from the family as you can. But this is your responsility, don't let grandma run your kid's life.
- Discipline early and often, and consistently. How you discipline (i.e. spanking or not) is not nearly as important as being consistent. A book called 1-2-3 Magic offers an excellent start on a good pattern of discipline. Also, if you wait until the kids are three or four to start disciplining, you're doomed. Start when they start crawling and they will grow into it.
- Most importantly: the goal of child-rearing is not always a happy kid. It's a happy, productive adult. Sometimes, the kid needs to cry today to smile tomorrow.
Okay, there's more to say but that's all that comes to mind."He who would learn astronomy, and other recondite arts, let him go elsewhere. " -- John Calvin, commenting on Genesis 1
NEVER repeat NEVER argue with a pregnant woman.
The hormonal changes during pregnancy are 7 times the hormonal changes that cause PMS, so even if you win you will loose.
Step One: lighten up. You're the dad, and you're married. You won't get to do the fun stuff unless they let you. 'They' is your wife, her friends, her sister(s), your sister(s), your mother, your mother in law, etc. All of this is good, as if you start to smell poop, you run for another room. Doesn't matter which room, as long as the kid isn't there. Another good hint is to look at her sister, your mother, etc. and say "Oh, isn't it cute when Junior does this?" then run to the other room. Their ability to let a kid sit around in a poopy diaper is much less than yours. Trust me.
/.
While naked kids running around are kinda funny in a Lord of the Flies way, they will piss on things even more indiscriminantly than a vile cat. You have been warned.
Read my journal, and look at my friends list. I've written plenty on the subject. Go to www.marotti.com and look for my 'geek dad' writings. Honestly, I've already covered most of the basics on the subject.
What else... Learn to work the repeat function on your DVD player. The kid's favorite Disney flick plus A->B repeat equals hours of peace and quiet.
Newborns and infants don't do much. Oh, it'll be interesting as hell for you, but they really don't do anything. Eat, crap, sleep, repeat. If you're lucky (there's two types of luck;) you'll get a screamer. That would be my sister and her husband as infants.
Cut back on the work. My father is a physician. Did and does work 60+ hour weeks. Mother used to run his office, and did the same. I had more toys and other shit growing up than probably 99% of the people out there. Didn't make me any happier than spending time with the folks.
Enjoy the sex while you can. It IS going to change. But I'm sure you can get plenty of advice on masturbation from almost anyone on
Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. -John Lennon
I have mod points but the Diaper Genie really rocks and the Vent Aire bottles are worth 10 times their weight in gold. I just couldn't mod this up enough with 1 point.
I have to laugh out loud when I see the wipe warmer on the list of "must-haves."
We regard it as one of the signs of an "uber-mom." Right up there with Eddie Bauer stroller, the $75 patagonia fleece jumper that will be outgrown in 2 months, and yoga for infants. (Don't get me wrong, we put our kids in play groups, but not $20/hour ones.)
Also, as far as the point about car seats, I would NOT recommend getting one that fits 3 stages. The goal is not to but the least amount of gear, the goal is to protect your child's little melon. As such, you should get the safest and most highly tested one for infants, even if it only lasts you until 20 pounds. Then you can get a convertible one that lasts through the next two stages. By convertible, I mean it faces backwards until they are 1 year/30 pounds, and then faces forward. Don't be afraid to drop cash on a nice infant seat.
Who gives a rat's ass if it clips into the stroller (most will sit safely on the stroller anyway). Get a basic, decent, light stroller, they're worth it in the long run. I know there are a lot of gadget geeks out there, but the modularized crap they sell you is mostly garbage.
This should get you started
I wonder if there's a Geek Fathers club...
--
Mando
I was quite surprised by the sophistication of my child's emotions. (My child is probably typical in this respect.)
When he was about 6 months old, he was trying to do something. His attempts were pretty silly, because of his inexperience with the world, and I laughed at him. Not a big laugh, just a chuckle.
When I did, he suddenly got a look on his face that was absolutely clear. He was obviously very offended. Then it quickly changed to embarrassment and he stopped trying to do what he had been working on and refused to try again.
I was really shocked. I had no idea that a 6-month-old baby could understand that he was being laughed at (not with), nor that he was capable of having his pride hurt.
I assumed babies were simpler, with very simple emotional responses to physical needs and wants. I never imagined that I could hurt a baby's pride.
I guarantee it never happened again. Since then, I've been very careful to treat him with a lot more respect.
I should also say that he resembles me a lot and I can pick up his emotions easily because I recognize my own reactions. I never realized how difficult it is to be a baby or small child. They have LOTS of fears and frustrations. The worst for him appears to be a frustration at the lack of control he has over his own life. If I want something, I can just take it, and he knows that. If he wants something, he has to ask, and more often than not the answer is a "No" for which he has little appeal. (It's often something dangerous that I can't compromise on.) That lack of control is very stressful to him, which is something I hadn't anticipated.
Take their emotions seriously. Imagine yourself in their position and have some empathy for how tough it would be. It seems to be approximately as tough for them as it would be for you in the same situation, which would be pretty tough if you think about it, so try not to automatically say "no" just for your own convenience. Think about how you would like to be treated if you were trapped in their situation, and treat them accordingly.
"Those who have never entered upon scientific pursuits know not a tithe of the poetry by which they are surrounded."
Oh yeah.
Never EVER tiptoe around a sleeping baby. Make normal noise. It will LEARN to sleep THROUGH it. If, however, it is used to having it's sleeping environs quiet as a tomb, it will require it.
Never EVER use 'baby talk.' Do not allow anybody else to babble at your baby like idiots. Your baby will learn what it hears; if you want it to speak, speak to it. If you want it to babble, babble to it. Similarly, read to it.
Reader Rabbit will be your friend. Starts, if I recall, one step below Toddler, with a big-ass track ball, and goes from there.
Vintage computer games and RPG books available. Email me if you're interested.
The most important thing I can say that won't help you right now is teach the child sign language. Learn some basic sign language (eat, drink, sleep, ouch). Start at around 6 months. By 9 months they will be able to tell you when they are hungry. This is wonderful and simplifies your life.
My son is 15 months old and knows eat, shoes, on, and "more" as in more food in sign language. We started him at 12 months. He can only say momma, dadda, hot, look, shoes with his voice, the sign language helps other things. Using sign language and voice he vocally says "shoes" while signing "on". My sister in law is trying to teach him "shiznit" and I'm trying to teach him to say "drunken flirt". In sign we are working on bath, dog, drink, mom, dad, thank you, and milk.
I recommend the book Sign with Your Baby by Joseph Garcia.
ISBN Number: 0963622927 for searching
Amazon.com link Hopefully this one works.
For all of our shower gifts to our friends and family we get this book. It is so worth it.
1 - Learn about pregnancy and child birth. If you are a geek and truly like knowing how things work then this will blow you away. My wife and I took one of the natural child birth classes. She did deliver naturally but that doesn't really matter so much. What was best about it was that we were very well educated and always knew what was happening and what to expect next. This is not the norm. Most couples that I spoke to were completely ignorant and completely scared about child birth.
2 - Kids like a routine. Think about it. Everything that a young child experiences is new. Their little minds are searching for patterns. Sometime a little routine can go a long way.
3 - Get sleep when you can. I made the mistake of taking on an extra programming project thinking it would be good since I could do it from home. As a result I worked when our baby slept. I never slept. Sleep deprivation can ruin the great experience of having a baby. Some sleep deprivation is unavoidable but don't let your gaming, programming, surfing habits get in the way of some quality sleep. Oh yea, don't be fooled into thinking you can get much of anything done while your baby is awake. It doesn't work. Focus on the baby or focus on work. You will be much happier and effective that way.
4 - Exercise. I can't tell you how much it helps to get out and clear your head. Having kids requires a lot of energy. Exercise goes a long way towards cultivating this energy.
5 - Know that your life will change. Your priorities will change. Some of this will be difficult if you aren't ready for it. If you are a busy person already then you will give something up - maybe a lot. Accept it and move on. It's so worth it but you may not always feel that way.
6 - Someone before me mentioned the importance of maintaining your marriage. I can't stress this enough. You and your wife have to make time for each other and work hard at appreciating each other. It's all too easy to get totally focused on the baby and forget everything else. You need each other. The baby especially needs you both. Find out what makes your spouse feel happy, loved, romantic, etc. and do it often. You have to work at it - both of you. I have seen way too many friends split up lately because the stress of kids made them loose focus of what is truly important.
Check out The Story About the Baby. The first year of a child's life, as seen by her dysfunctional geek of a father. Not only is it a great introduction for what to expect, it's hilarious as well. Should be at the top of any geek parent's reading list.
Chelloveck
I give up on debugging. From now on, SIGSEGV is a feature.
Buy her a nice glifing rocker chair for those nigths she will be up feeding the baby. Also, get her some sort of a Tivo type thing for when she is up feeding him in the middle of the night and there is nothing on tv.
If you make a comment to Huggies on their website (Good or bad comment), they will send you a coupon for a free pack of diapers. Also, you will start getting tons of crap in your mail. Look through it, there ar some good coupons in there. We were getting a free coupon each month for Carnation formula from a magazine we had gotten signed up for.
Finally, formula smells bad. For the first several months of their life, your baby's formula will smell worse than their crap. Trust me on this one. The faintest whiff of formula just turns my stomache now.
Most of all, just have fun! Enjoy your baby the first few days when all he does is sleep (It won't last long!). Make sure your wife gets plenty of rest, she'll need it the first several months.
Enjoy your baby!
Chris - Father of a 9 month old boy
RE:
/. reader) said to me just before my first was born "The second they put your child in your arms, the whole world changes"
Realize you'll never look at life the same way again
As my ex boss (who is a
You rapidly understand about the "Lioness defending her cubs" - Oh yeah, you'll feel that way too, and if you have a girl, you will REALLY understand those jokes about "rules for dating my daughter"
-- 73 de KG2V For the Children - RKBA! "You are what you do when it counts" - the Masso
Here's a few reasons why:
- Breast is best. No, really, it is. Even the formula companies, in their advertisements, have to admit that breast feeding is by far the best thing for your kids. Breast-fed babies get sick a lot less (I have twin two-year olds that have only been sick with colds/ear infections twice -- bottle-fed babies seem sick all the time, especially if they are in day care.) There's also conclusive evidence that breast-fed babies are more emotionally stable, and some reason to be that they are on average smarter. Also, there are a few chronic diseases (such as Krohn's disease) that breast-fed children just don't get. These last for a lifetime.
- Breast is easiest. Visualize a two AM feeding. Now, at one two-AM feeding, you have to go downstairs, get out the formula, find a bottle, clean a bottle (if your house is like mine), warm a bottle, hold the bottle while the baby eats, burb the baby, clean up where the baby spit up all over you because bottle-fed babies puke more, and finally, an hour later, go back to bed. Don't forget that the baby is screaming the whole time cause he has colic because you're bottle-feeding. At the other two-AM feeding, you get the baby out their crib, walk her to the bed, where your naked wife sleepily takes the baby in her arms and feeds her. The baby barely wakes up, and the mother barely wakes up, and you are back in bed in less than five minutes. You can then, 15 minutes later, return the baby to the crib if you must, but it's really not a big deal.
- You will be denying income to some seriously evil corporations that do things like giving free samples of formula to third-world mothers, then letting the babies starve when the samples run out and the third-world people can't afford more.
- Your pediatrician will thank you. (None of your other doctors will care, but your pediatrician will.)
- Your wife will tend to lose baby weight much more quickly. Also, Breast-feeding produces a hormone that contracts muscles in the lower abdomen stretched by pregnancy. Short form - yum.
- Did I mention that the pregnancy breasts stick around longer? Yum.
- Breast milk is tasty, especially warm. yum.
- Breast-milk comes in shapely, reusable containers.
- Formula is *expensive*.
If it's so good, why don't more people do it?- In the 20's and 30's, it was stylish not to breast feed. Breast-feeding was considered low-class.
- There was some serious hubris starting in the thirties that said that we could out-do nature and that breast milk was better for the baby. This is conclusively disproved.
- Silly victorian body modesty.
- Grandma bottle-fed, and is libel to be offended if you tell her that what she did wasn't best. People get seriously offended about this. Tell 'em to go to hell.
- Did I mention that the formula companies spend a lot on advertising? Seriously, when you go the hospital, even if you're breast-feeding, you will be baraged with promotional junk provided by the formula companies. If you do not have a good pediatrician, you will get it there too.
- Formula is free at first. Kind of like cocaine.
- Breast-feeding *hurts* for the first week or so. This can't be denied. Trust me: it does get better.
Anyway, there's my rant. This is based on four children worth of experience, breast and bottle fed."He who would learn astronomy, and other recondite arts, let him go elsewhere. " -- John Calvin, commenting on Genesis 1
Congrats!! I know exactly how you're feeling right now - my daughter was born 2 weeks ago :) :) :)
:)
Since I'm new at this "father thing" as well, I am only qualified to give advice on pregnancy and the 1st couple weeks of life...
PREGNANCY:
1) Backrubs are good. Backrubs are VERY good. For valentines day, I got my wife a one-hour "pregnancy massage" at a local spa (focusing on all the typical sore spots a pregnant woman has). Get her one of these. Cost is no object. Schedule it for approximately a month before the baby is due. She'll need it by then.
2) Understanding and patience is good. your wife's body will be undergoing massive changes - physical, chemical, and emotional. These changes will NOT be understood (by either of you) and can be frightening and even embarrassing. Go with the flow. Be there for her. She needs you more than ever before.
3) Get her things. "How about a glass of ice water, honey?" Be proactive - anticipate her needs. It will be appreciated.
4) Have everything ready in advance. Get the room painted. They have "starter kits" with all sorts of things in them that you wouldn't have thought of. Buy a couple packs of diapers. Make sure the room has a good nightlight - you'll be stumbling into there at 3am on a daily basis.
5) There is an online magazine (with accompanying deadtree mag) called ePregnancy. http://www.epregnancy.com/ -- Sign up for the weekly email. It's very good at explaining exactly what is happening week to week. The weekly emails are tailored to the correct week of pregnancy. My wife really looked forward to reading about what is happening to her each week.
6) Get the carseat a few weeks in advance. Take a carseat class BEFORE buying the seat. Once you buy it, PUT IT IN THE CAR and make sure you understand how it works. Do NOT wait until your child is born. oh, and SEND IN THE REGISTRATION CARD for the carseat. I cannot stress that enough. I know, it gets you put on another junkmail list. But it also gets you put on the carseat recall list. You do NOT want to be using an unsafe seat. TAKE THE CARSEAT CLASS. Over 80% of people using carseats are using them incorrectly.
DELIVERY
1) Take a prenatal class. Make sure they do a tour of the delivery unit. Make sure you know where to go IN ADVANCE - the Big Day arrives and you'll be too panicked to have to search for the right entrance to the hospital.
1) Be there for her. Be patient and understanding with her. She's SCARED AS HELL at this point. She's heard all sorts of horror stories about pain. Comfort her. Do what she asks
2) Epidurals are a godsend. We live in the 21st century. Modern medicine is a GOOD thing. Don't be afraid to take advantage of it.
3) Bring a sandwich. You'll be in the delivery room for a while. Your wife will need you there. Make sure it's not a stinky sandwich (I threatened to bring tunafish...)
4) Bring CDs of soft, soothing music (ie Enya). It helps during the contractions. We found a nice CD of Dolphin music at walmart for $4 or so - it's got ocean sounds, soft piano music, etc. Worked great.
5) If your wife is planning on natural delivery (ie no drugs), make sure to have a "focal point" she can concentrate on during the contractions. Also, take your wedding ring off -- she'll break your fingers squeezing your hand against your ring!
6) Help in the delivery. I held one of my wife's legs and counted while she pushed. Watch during the birth. IT'S AMAZING!! It WILL change your outlook on life.
7) Don't be surprised by anything that occurs. There is no modesty left during delivery. Just enjoy it. it's a TRUE miracle.
AFTER YOUR CHILD IS BORN
1) no visitors while you're in the hospital. Use the time to recover and enjoy your new child. Also use the time in the hospital for education. Those nurses know a LOT. Rely on them.
2)
The first thing to realize is that your life, at least for the first six months after your child is born, will change drastically. Not necessarily in a bad way, but things will be different with the baby around.
Here are some hints that I was told and some I've picked up:
1. Buy things now. If you are going to use disposable diapers, buy a pack or two everytime you go to the store. Don't get just newborns, get size 1 and 2 as well if your budget allows. I used Huggy Ultra-Trims on my son, they worked well. I wouldn't recommend doing the same with formula as our son had to go through a couple types before we found what seemed to work best for him.
2. Along with number one, plan your budget accordingly. My wife missed quite a bit of work due to morning sickness, pregnancy-induced diabetes, and was induced a month early due to pre-eclampsia (don't think I spelled that right, but have to hit the door soon). This left us with less money than expected before our son was born, so we didn't have the baby bed bought and paid for, for example.
3. Make sure you have a comfy chair (Cardinal Fang) to sit in for the feedings. We had a rocking chair (not a glider) in my son's room, but it was not comfortable. A month after he was born, we bought a rocking recliner that made night-time feedings much better.
4. If you don't have it, find a way to get a camer/digital camera and/or camcorder. I didn't have one when our son was born, but Grandma and Grandpa did and we used it when visiting them to get those moments you don't want to forget. Also look into getting a baby book set up now. My wife's cousin promised us one but never delivered, so we don't have all of the usual things recorded that some people would like to have.
5. Beg and borrow as much stuff as you can. We got a bassinet from a family friend, my wife's co-worker garage sale for baby clothes, we borrowed a car seat from a friend, etc. Spend on what you must, but borrow what you can. People will offer.
6. Family can be a big help. My wife's parents babysit the boy at least every third week, which can be very helpful.
7. Definitely attend a childbirth class. Your local hospital likely has one that expectant parents can attend. If nothing else, do this.
Being a good parent is very difficult. It is much easier to start off with good habits and enforce them, rather than duck them and try to sort them out later.
Sleep is absolutely critical- both yours and theirs.
If you can't get sleep right, you get an over-tired irritable child which develops a whole lot of other problems e.g. behavioural problems. People always say to us "aren't you lucky, your children sleep really well". It's not luck. We worked hard at it, it was difficult, but it was well worth it.
Here are some books for someone looking for something a little less rose tinted.
Up the duff
and
Silent Nights
The silent nights book is the most important single book/ advice we had. It saved our sanity, and made our children happier and much nicer. Good luck !
Humorous signatures are over-rated.
2) Small waterproof cloth pads. Cut them into 1/2 baby size pieces, perfect for going in diaper bag to provide simple clean changing area that doesn't take much space
3) Lightweight books and book holder-openers, important to scatter these around the house to be available to your or your partner when you get stuck with baby in your lap and can't move.
4) clothes with no buttons for baby to wear so you don't need to muddle with them while you're unable to see your nose from the lack of sleep. meddling with buttons and snaps suck. forget bottoms entirely and just cover baby.
That's it. Anything else is negotiable.
Not just PC's. Phones, answerphones, baby monitors, power outlet sockets, etc etc.
My 2.5 YO phoned a client's voicemail today. I had locked my phone but he can power it off, then on, then the lock is off. Also, someone in our house regularly changes the OGM on the answerphone - I wonder who?
Baby monitors have been plugged into the wrong transfomers - bzzzt! (One of my kids put the feed from the transformer into their mouth once - they didn't do that again!)
Radio alarm-clocks have been retuned or reset, lights blown by constant switching, and lots of tools lost around the house.
Oh, hone up on your toy fixing skills too, every week something gets broken, whether it's a cracked plastic case or a leg off a chair from the doll's house.
It sounds like chaos, and it is, often, but it's what life is all about.
Some general advice: In the first few weeks, get all he rest you can (both of you), forget the chores unless you have to, take all the help you can (that's why you saved the chores), and try to savour the moments. Take some photos, get both parents in too.
Oh, when they get to 18 months, they get *really* interested in water. Sometimes I wish I hadn't got ceramic valve taps, which even a 2 y.o. can turn on...
Note to ACs: I won't mod you up, even if you are being funny or insightful. So take a chance! It's not real life!
If you have freinds with kids - in the 18 months to 2 year range (younger can help but most do not move as fast!)
"Rent them for a Day"
You will never think of the stuff in your house that is unsafe -- until you watch one of these kids - take it a part.
A book case with large books at the bottom and the "kid" books at the top. Either bottom boooks are stairs or a chair/box/toys are used.
A flower pot is turned over. You ask how a child that is 20 pounds can turn over a large 50 pound flower pot. EASY.