Slashdot Mirror
Internet Enabled... Toilet Paper Dispenser
The BBC are reporting that one of the items displayed at this years Ideal Home Show at Earls Court is an internet enabled toilet roll browser. From the article: A unit installed in front of a toilet on the cubicle wall provides up-to-the-minute information on products, stocks and shares and lottery results. People can even print off the information on a standard toilet roll. Go Ahead, make your TCP Dump comments. We'll wait.
Take a dump and watch the news. Am i the first post?
With my stock portfolio, toilet paper is the perfect place to print them out on. At least then they'd be good for something.
That's not a soda... it's a caffeine delivery device!
...to the term "scrolling stock ticker"...
"Insanity is doing the same thing over again expecting a different result."
Can I get a screen dump of that?
Uhm, he said "dump"... har har har..
I'd rather have a toilet roll holder that could notify someone when it was (almost) empty. Would be nice for public or semi-public places like schools etc.
..would be some damn charmin instead of that horrible industrial stuff.
Researchers have after years of study finally discovered a polynomial time algorithm for using toilet paper, refuting the conjecture set forth by many researchers that this problem was intractable.
The related problem of determining whether the toilet seat should be up or down has, on the other hand, been proven to be NP-complete.
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance" - Derek Bok
I have enough problems queuing for the bathroom in the mornings. Imagine how bad it's gonna be now in a house with 3 other Comp-Sci students?
Does anyone here honestly spend enough time on the toilet each day to make the money spent on this product worth it? While I can see how this could be useful whenever you happen to have a rather bad.. disease.. It doesn't make much sense on a daily basis. The price you would pay for this product just wouldn't be worth it imho. I could be wrong. Well, at least it's a step up from the fridge.
... then people don't have to write on the toilet walls any longer - they just upload their "I was here" via bluetooth for others to download.
Hey.. that might turn into a P2P app! (What does P2P stand for in this context you wonder...)
Corn v.2
C|N>K
Finally, a story where The Turd Report is ontopic, he can do reports straight from the scene
People can even print off the information on a standard toilet roll.
I just looked at my internet-enabled toilet roll, and it spelled out 'VA-LINUX'
I can't believe they missed the most important function of all: sending a warning mail when the roll needs to be changed.
Trust the Computer. The Computer is your friend.
Store Clerk: "Hey little boy, didn't you buy this much toilet paper last week?"
Cartman: "Yeah."
Kyle: "Cartman, did you TP someone's house last week?"
Cartman: "No, last Thursday was fajitas night."
Kyle: "Dude..."
Classic comedy. TIMMAH!
Wednesday 2nd April 2003 REUTERS - NASDAQ traders revealed today that there has been a massive surge in the purchase of VA Software (LNUX) shares. The company, which has been in financial difficulty for some time, has had 57% of its shares purchased by the Kimberly-Clark Corporation (KMB).
Jonathan Mason, a spokesman for the Kimberly-Clark Corporation, confirmed the purchase to Reuters reporters earlier today. "We're very pleased with the acquisition of the VA stock. We now have a cheap alternative for acquiring raw materials for our products. VA shares are less than worthless, and we plan on using the share ceritifcates to make all of our toilet paper for the North American market."
Analysts predict that the use of the share certificates will enable KMB to greatly increase the output of bog roll for the financial year 2003/4. The remaining materials will be used to create bandages for hospital patients who have gangrenous infections.
Kimberly-Clark also has the option to take up the remaining 43% of VA Stock in December 2003. Inside sources reveal that if this is taken, the assets of the company will be removed and its staff made redundant. IT specialists at KMB tell us that they plan to reformat Slashdot servers as Microsoft .NET platforms, which will deliver a new proprietary application. The software will help tourism
firms provide penguin hunting expeditions all year round by targetting large populations of the
species.
(c) Reuters Corporation 2003but you really should use this, otherwise it makes no sense!
Francesco
http://www.frenk.com
This could be end of modern civilization as we know it. Combine this with one of those hard hats that hold a couple drinks above your head with tubes running down to your mouth, and you have no need for anything else. I picture this as how the Matrix will eventually be hooked up...
Stop by my site where I write about ERP systems & more
So now the script-kiddies can also H4x0r my toilet.
this sig has intentionally been left blank
Go Ahead, make your TCP Dump comments. We'll wait.
Man, that ain't a tarball.
Better flush the dirty buffer.
Dammit, it core dumped.
Lookie, it's korn. Looks just like it did when it began.
There's an old English slang word for printed rubbish 'bumf', short for 'bum fodder' indicating the recipients view of the best use for another memo/circular etc. Mayb it should make a comeback.
I hereby inform you that I have NOT been required to provide any decryption keys.
I can already see the long lines for the bathroom at work. Instead of playing Dopewars on their Palms, my co-workers will now procrastinate by reading the sports news in the bathroom...
Flamebait? Offtopic, maybe. Overrated, sure. But flamebait? Weird.
For a real useless internet embedded device check out my internet enabled Etch-A-Sketch. But seriously, how do these people plan to get coneected to the internet? If you want to use Ethernet to connect something to the internet the RCM 2200 is a great starting point
Free cell phone tracking
.... lets just hope they don't internet enable that, I don't need neckstrain.
And for those users new to the internet, the home page defaults to goatse.cx, where beginners learn the first and most important lesson in bathroom etiquette... Proper wiping prevents spreading of the anus to what point one could fit a football inside sideways.
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
now we can cut out the middle man and feed CNN.com straight down the bowl!
Stick a webcam on it and watch the net pervs come running.
seriously, enough with the crap jokes. back to the crapflooding.
aah i'm on a roll
I can't wait to exploit toliet paper rolls and launch a DDoS attack. ALL YOUR ROLLS ARE BELONG TO US
Ok folks, Taco has started his usual weekend posting.
I'm gonna start taking bets now on which of todays front page posts he's gonna dupe first..
Any takers??
trace route of THAT?
Slashdot, home of supporters of free software, free music, and free speech.Except for Moderators that disagree with you.
This is TERRIBLE news!!
...mustn't forget to put the tinfoil under my hat today...
How do I know the government or my company isn't going to start another one of those survellence projects like echelon or carnivore to filter through the flushed documents!? I'd have to eat the printed TP to make sure sensitive information didn't fall into the wrong hands! And what if I'm alergic to the ink!?
Wait! If they have web browsers in the john, the government can use carnivore to track my movements! I stopped using my cellphone and pager when I heard about echelon, now I have to hold it 'til I get home!?
Oh, wait! If I just don't use the TP, they won't know I was there! Hahahha!! But this is still bad news... I'll have to put up with the guy in the next stall surfing to [profitable websites] and *censored* while I'm trying to have my necessary "discussion" with mother nature...
06:13:43.764682 arp who-has slashdot.org tell man.sitting.on.toilet
This reminds me of an unforgettable saga involving Roger Penrose and toilet paper. Apparently, Penrose invented something called a nonrepeating tesselation. (Which I gather is some kind of pattern on a plane which can not be mapped to itself by shifting.) One fine day Penrose (claimed to have) found the pattern on a piece of toilet paper. What did he do? Why, sue the toilet paper company for copyright violation of course! You can read about it here. It absolutely cracked me up the first time I heard it.
IP.
something worth noting is a company around here has something similiar.
RootLevel Toliet Script
The porn industry will like that.
__________ /shameless plug
cheap web site hosting
but is it even hygenic?
tcpdump hahaha!!!!
lollololllolol ROFLMAO!! PMSWL!!!! LOL BWAHAHAAAAaaaaaAAhahaha!!!!
Can you connect to it with an Apple? Then I'd say core dump is more appropriate.
I think they should market this in Germany where they might appreciate technical bathroom apparatus.
I live five minutes away from the uni whose graduates created those "innovations". I'm concerned about my friends who are currently doing undergrad degrees there.
man..what a shitty story... =) sorry couldn't stop myself.
if with the speed of getting NEW products out for sale, simple user accessibility things are thought about?
For instance, whether or not that cuttingboard can display pages up-side down?? The screen is on the left so many chefs can chop with their right hands with out obscuring the reading. That screen better support something so simple, so that left-handers can use it with the screen on the right. Otherwise, it's like discrimination.
As a left-hander, seeing the screen on the left just doesn't do anything for me. If I was a chef and saw a picture of the cuttingboard upside down so the screen is on the right, then... then it would make sense.
My point here is that the orientation of the object subconciously influences the appeal of such object. I am willing to bet that for each left-hander with the same upbringing and wealth as a right-hander, the right-hander will be a much more compulsive shopper. Even if all objects were designed equally, I hypothesize that if adverts showed mostly right handers using them, left-handers won't feel enough of a connection with many products to buy them. Many lefties draw or use computers because much of everything else is harder to adopt to ( or achieve an appeal for ) since gears and knobs turn the other way around.
So we get some chefs that, if left-handed, probably have to custom order knives to get a descent knife since most models are only right-handed. How ridiculous it would be if that cuttingboard doesn't support left-handers (which it probably doesn't!)
Sad how if it supported left-handers, it would have had it as a (publicized) feature. Sad how things can't just be designed hand-neutral in the first place.
With 30 million left-handers in America, stuff like this is kinda important to consider.
Cover your eyes and click this link!
There's just something wrong with that!
One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
but then again, there's better stuff to use a bogroll printer for. DMCA toilet paper anyone? ;) Seriously, I'd buy that.
The last high-end Amigas that Commodore put out was the A4000 and the A4000T. For years we waited for the A5000, but all we got was this , this and this (handy for buffer overflows).
Irene KHAAAAAAN!
This is old news... The Onion had a story about it over three years ago!
... the admins could use the FLUSH-LOGS command.
"Stop throwing the Constitution in my face, it's just a goddamned piece of paper!" - George W. Bush Nov. 2005
"You dork! That's not the tissue! It's the flexible LCD screen!"
yeah, that is what I was worried about. No way I am employing that.
If you run tcpdump on one of these, what does it do in reaction to the Evil bit?
Tarsnap: Online backups for the truly paranoid
Does it dispense paper from the top or bottom of the roll. Or is it in a config file ".roll"?
Just never sit on Microsoft Toilet 1.0. Can you say Blue Flush of Death?
One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
The script kiddies would love this.
... "Hahaha, sucker! T01l3+ p4per m4n 0wnZ j00!"
You enter an internet-enabled bathroom stall.
You take your dump, and reach for the toilet paper.
But there's none left!
Scrolling across the LCD
With the article New Toilet to Revolutionize Online Shitting
about Internet Explorer being the browser most suited for a toilet roll
May I be the first to point out the similarity to the old ZX-Printer (for ZX81 and ZX-Spectrum) ?
We always thought it looked like a toilet roll dispenser. It had special silvery paper; the printer burned off the appropriate parts to reveal the black underneath. It was way cool- in its day. I still have one and half a roll of paper.
graspee
Unless I missed that this item is voice activated (and that's possible), I apologize for the horrible imagerY.
What about health concerns of the less-than-sanitary fellow who failed to wipe properly and proceeded to touch the screen to get more toilet papeR?
There is less concern of public toilets now-a-days because you only touch the paper you usE (at least in America). I'm no health freak, but a touch screen in a toilet stall just SOUNDS like a breeding ground for bacteriA!
--------
When modding "Informative", please make sure it both has a source and IS actually informative.
This reminds me of a scene in an episode of Drew Carey where Larry complains about there being no couch in the men's room (he was caught napping on the one in the ladies room). Drew's response was, "If there was one in the men's room, would you use it?"
Quite honestly, I tried to avoid touch things in a public toilet as much as possible and these things scream infestation. Unless these things have cool screen savers, they're of no use to me.
Starting timer .. now!
What about core dumps?
> > ... Well, at least it's a step up from the fridge.
;-)
>
> Or rather, a step down.
Actually, it really is a step up...he has beverage fridge just below the toilet.
Beer, the perfect drink when you need to be wiped.
$DEITY bless $NATION
have a webcam on it does it you sick bastards.
I know you are psychotic, but please make an effort.
I can see this causing problems in an office enviroment, imagine not being able to finish wiping your bum because Mr Jones in the next office cubicle printed out the final chapter of war and peace 15 minutes ago. I'd be gutted. Mike
My wife thought I was mad when I put a ethernet socket in the toilet Ha harrrr vidicated
I can crap all over Microsoft's stock reports?
THINK! It's not illegal...yet.
After the April the first five dupes/scoops of shite day, I thought the only way was up, how wrong I was. Taco dumps on us again, please flush! and now wash your hands.
I would just like it if the dispenser would report to maintenance when it's empty so when I walk in to take a crap, all of the stalls aren't empty!
Co-founder and designer at Music Nearby: http://musicnearby.com
Put this in your typical MiT dorm and count the seconds down until someone gets it printing out porn... in the girls dorm... of the dean... 's daughter... (and this list goes on).
Is it my imagination or have the stories since april fools been better than the april fools stories themselves?
There is nothing wrong with being gay. It's getting caught where the trouble lies.
a new vunerabilty ws discovered in microsoft's iTPHolder. It was discovered that a ping-o-death packet forwarded to the iTPHolder the device would do do one of two things, burst into a ball of flames, or the device would flood and the toilet paper would get soaked in water... news at 11 and here.
Finally, a secure way to browse the MSN network!
When I read the headline Internet Enabled... Toilet Paper Dispenser, I thought that it was great that somebody decided to do something about the empty roll syndrome that plagues so many institutions. By Internet-enabling a toilet paper roll, these institutions could keep up-to-the-second tabs on the state of the rolls in their various restrooms.
But, no, it's just another marketing tool. Sigh.
www.timcoleman.com is a total waste of your time. Never go there.
Oh, drat. I managed to plug up mine. Somehow, I get the feeling that the unjamming trick with the straightened paperclip just isn't going to cut it this time.
To-do List: Receive telemarketing call during a tornado warning. Check.
YUO == lose !!11
in the movies .. some crazy leet hacker sneaking into a toilet rewiring the interent access and stealing some bank details only to sneak out with them printing on some toilet paper...
Now that's the reason why and were included in the ColdFusion language.
Bill Gates, Andrew Grove from Intel and Jerry Sanders from AMD are having a conference.
Suddenly Bill Gates starts to talk to his watch... Grove and Sanders are surprised.
"Thats the new telephone feature from Microsoft at Work it comes with WindowsXP" describes Bill Gates.
Five minutes later Andy Groves interrupts the conference. "Sorry, it's a call" and starts to talk very silent. "That's the newest Intel-Product. A satellite-telephone in my tooth."
Just a few seconds later Bill lets out a loud fart: "Give me some paper ! I'm receiving a fax !
Table-ized A.I.
java.util.zip.OutputStream
A new, immediate use for Java
...if you can wipe away the "Evil bits" from the TCP/IP data stream... :)
Un-news
It http://neurosis.mit.edu/foo/index.cgi?state=refres h&rand=879021865 has the screen where random people can type messages into a screen in the stall..could just as easily be stock updates and whatnot.
Gives a new meaning to IANAL on /.
Lookie, it's korn. Looks just like it did when it began.
My thoughts exactly. Now that is funny.
Lets give everyone in the world one more reason to spent hour-long periods of time on the crapper.
Next thing you know, cube farms will be installing docking bays and telephones in the stalls so the cows can keep on workin.
Brian
Then you can pick your least favourite one while waiting.
Paul.
You are lost in a twisty maze of little standards, all different.
Where do YOU want to go today?
Mmmmmm... Bold, yet refreshing!
imagine a buffer overflow attack on this thing? ewwwwww, gross!!!
here
This thing is brilliant. Just think, you will be able to browse pr0n in the bathroom, then print it out on the toilet paper, and when you're done, you can just flush everything! I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm eagerly awaitng the IPO on this one- this is going to be big.
IAAL
Just so you know.
Al Gore
CEO, Commode Computer Corporation
A bowelwolf cluster of these!
:-)
Ewww... never mind
We were going to call it "Pee-mail", though...
I wonder if they are going to come up with some kind of streaming or p2p solution...
And, can you get a version that prints on the paper before you use it? Something good to do with all the embedded "news" stories!
SELECT stall FROM restroom WHERE seatdirty;
DROP seat;
DUMP LOGS;
SELECT wipe FROM tp_dispenser;
FLUSH BUFFER;
RELEASE_LOCK;
EXIT;
Finally a meaningful IP address.
The folks at asciipr0n.com didn't have to badmouth slashdot. If we had to ask before linking the web would quickly colapse. If you didn't have enough bandwidth don't blame slashdot. What good is putting up pages on the web if you don't want people to see them?
If I wanted to watch crap in the bathroom I'd look down.
CAn'T CompreHend SARcaSm?
Cute idea, but worthless in its current form.
Since it is made out of glass, no cook who values thier knives is going to purchase it.
also it would have to be really cheap to make it more worthwhile then printing out the recipe and using that, besides with the printout I can move that around the kitchen.
So in the immortal words of Crow T Robot "Just because it is futuristic does make it practical."
Actually, a quick search turned up these guys who prints readable stuff (jokes, novels, etc) for you amongst other things, and these guys that wouldprint pretty much anything. I saw this in Maxim a few monthes back (actually might be a year or so); they had the one with Bin Laden's head (y'all remember, him, right?) printed.
Can you imagine if it was your ex-wife's face? send it to her at her wedding to let her know what you use; heh. Might want to keep secret the absene $16.95 / roll pricetag though, or she'll be the one laughing.
My life in the land of the rising sun.
I remember my father years ago used to have a roll or two of toilet paper that looked like stock ticker. Don't remember it being all that comfortable, but if there ever was a paper that was funny, and not harsh on the tuchus, I'd buy some when guests come over.
Never hit your grandmother with a shovel, for it leaves a bad impression on her mind...
Now with Chuck Berry Spyware Technology!
But do you really want to rub off a bunch fo fresh printing ink on your backside? I mean, I'm fairly sure that could leave some interesting coloured streaks that wouldn't be easy to explain.
In particular... I would be rather embarrased if I managed to rub off an ad for "hot Swedish nudes" on my buttocks.
Should I print out the Enterprise to circle Uranus and get the Klingons...
Sorry I could not resist the comment but the next article is "How to make a Starship Enterprise out of a 3.5 floppy" which would make the above thought more difficult. : )
Yes this is an expected karma burn....
Rule #7: Silence is not acquiescence.
Contrary to what you may have heard, silence of those present is
not necessarily consent, even the reluctant variety. They simply may
sit in stunned silence and figure ways of sabotaging the plan after
they regain their composure.
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