Slashdot Mirror
What's Microsoft Up To?
So, today's one of those days when every bit of news is dominated by Microsoft. To spare you six different stories about the Borg, we'll assimilate them all into this one. You have seen the stupid Passport hole in an earlier story; also the iLoo, although that hasn't stopped you from submitting stories about it, oh no. New news: a report paid for by Microsoft shows that Windows is a better server than Red Hat. A class-action suit has been filed charging that MSN and Best Buy combined to scam customers. The WINHEC conference is ongoing - Steve Ballmer says DRM is an opportunity, not a prison, the Xbox is going to be your home communications center, Wired talks about how hardware will be changed to imprison users, and once you're locked in to Microsoft you get to pay more each year. An article describes why user desktops are locked down. Oh, and here's another on DRM, just because.
Whatever Miiiiicrosoft wants..
Miiiicrosoft gets...
"I only speak the truth"
Karma: null(Mostly affected by an unassigned variable)
...although that hasn't stopped you from submitting stories about it, oh no
:)
We know you're easily tricked
Is WINHEC where you go if you're darned for all eternity after pirating windows?
Toronto-area transit rider? Rate your ride.
It's called chmod!
Logging in as root soon to be a DMCA violation!
"You have seen the stupid Passport hole in an earlier story; also the iLoo, although that hasn't stopped you from submitting stories about it, oh no."
;)
With all due respect, it never stopped you posting stories about them either
Henry
i don't do sigs. oops.
to the iLoo?
287th Rule of Acquisition, "DRM is an opportunity, not a prison."
Proof.
A programmer is a machine for converting coffee into code.
they decided the best way to get the tabletpc going was to mount it on the wall of a port-a-potty and call it iLoo
I suppose if you try and bypass DRM, the DMCA will provide you an opportunity to go to prison.
Ita erat quando hic adveni.
No, eternal damnation is reserved for those who pay money for Windows and hence support evil. Duh.
GCHQ Quantum Insert installed. If only our tongues were made of glass, how much more careful we would be when we speak
Microsoft commissioned VeriTest, a
A computer without Microsoft is like ice cream without ketchup.
Found this, and was quite amused. Perhaps its going to be spookily accurate?
I thought it was "GNUs for HURDs."
My Greasemonkey scripts for Digg &
Redmond, WA: In an unprecedented press briefing Friday, Microsoft Corporation announced its intention to establish itself as a sovereign nation. While only sketchy details have been released so far, it has emerged that Microsoft's Chief Software Architect and President Elect Bill Gates has purchased a small archipelago off the coast of Cuba. The company's Seattle headquarters are to be dismantled and transported there immediately by boat.
Microsoft CEO and Foreign Minister Steve Ballmer said, "This transformation marks the beginning of a new era for Microsoft. Becoming an independent nation will allow us to streamline our operations beyond what has previously been possible. Besides, our net yearly revenue already exceeds the GDP of 60% of the world's other countries, and we employ approximately as many people as live in Greenland. Plus, we didn't have to think very hard to come up with a flag."
Attorney General Brad Smith was quick to point out that, since so many of the laws passed into US statute have been heavily influenced by Microsoft, the transformation of the Legal department into the new Department of Justice would be relatively straightforward.
Environmental groups were dismayed by the sale of the North Atlantic islands, which they say contain some of the last remaining habitats of the Paralouatta Varonai monkey. Microsoft Environment Minister Ken DiPietro insisted that "every effort" would be made to safeguard the wellbeing of the primates, although he sought to play down rumours that some might be offered jobs in the country's Department of Trustworthy Computing.
Construction work has already begun on the smallest island of the complex, where a village of eleven mud huts has been erected. This will house the Departments of Software Testing, Quality Assurance and Customer Service. The remaining 95% of the landmass will house the Departments of Justice, the Treasury and the Department of Marketing and Tourism.
The move has caused widespread concern among industry analysts, many of whom are predicting severe economic repercussions. A spokesperson said, "Many people [at] Microsoft are of the opinion that we have been carrying the whole US economy for some time now. Well, as of today, that's no longer our problem."
It seems that the incorporation of an armed defence force does not figure in Microsoft's plan. Intelligence sources suspect that the country may be content with the strategic advantage they already have, by virtue of posessing a back door into the computer systems of almost every government in the world.
When asked about the potential perception of Microsoft's actions as anti-American, Ballmer said, "[that] is preposterous. All of our subjects will be offered dual nationality, and may retain their US passport in addition to their new Microsoft Passports and other documentation." Examination of the EULA for Windows XP Service Pack 2 reveals an extra clause allowing Microsoft to "upgrade" users in other countries to Microsoft citizenship automatically.
These sigs are more interesting tha
Mmmm, okayyy, but 15 is the *minimum* number of pieces of flair. Do you want to be satisfied just doing the minimum? I thought you said you wanted to express youself -- like Brian over there...
"Lawyers are for sucks."
- Doug McKenzie
ability to steal someones shit while you shit!
Look how convenient MS makes our lives!
Quote: "Any government department is quite at liberty to run only Windows 2000 server. There's nothing forcing them to upgrade to Server 2003," [Microsoft senior consultant Alex Balcanquall] said.
Translation: We haven't quite figured out how to break compatibility yet... but we should have that ready for SP1.
I take drugs seriously.
Don't they also keep saying its not a bug its a feature???
"I'm not a procrastinator, I'm temporally challenged"
"There are no hacker infidels in Hotmail. Never!"
... stupid, silly. All I ask is check yourself. Do not in fact repeat their lies."
... They have started throwing those emails, but they are not emails, they are booby traps to kill the children."
"My feelings - as usual - we will kill them all"
"Our initial assessment is that they will all die"
"I blame Slashdot - they are marketing for the Linux kernel!"
"God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Microsoft."
"They're coming to surrender or be burned in their computerr rooms."
"No I am not scared, and neither should you be!"
"Be assured. Passport is safe, protected"
"Who are in control, they are not in control of anything - they don't even control themselves!"
"We are not afraid of the hackers. Allah has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."
"The hackers, they always depend on a method what I call
"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the walls of Hotmail. We will encourage them to commit suicide more quickly."
"I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place."
"The authority of the Microsoft... issued a warning to the civilian population not to pick up any of those Linux Distrobutions because they are booby traps," he said, adding that Hackers were "immoral mercenaries" and "criminals" for such behavior.
"I am not talking about the American people and the British people," he said. "I am talking about Hackers.
"We have them surrounded in their computer rooms"
"Muhammad Faisal Rauf Danka is all about lies! All he tells is lies, lies and more lies!"
"I have detailed information about the situation...which completely proves that what they allege are illusions . . . They lie every day."
"Lying is forbidden in Microsoft. Microsoft lawyers will tolerate nothing but truthfulness as they are men of great honor and integrity. Everyone is encouraged to speak freely of the truths evidenced in their eyes and hearts."
"Now even the Hacker command is under siege. We are hitting it from the north, east, south and west. We chase them here and they chase us there. But at the end we are the people who are laying siege to them. And it is not them who are besieging us."
Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf
Microsoft Information Minister
:)(smile)
Below are some actual Star Trek quotes by and about the borg, Just replace borg with M$, Locutus with Balmer, and Ship with PC -- and you have a pretty good description of M$.
Why is it that so many things in Star Trek come true?
I can only hope that we overcome the M$ levithan, like in ST
"Rights management technologies alone cannot solve all digital piracy and confidentiality problems, but they are a crucial part of the many efforts Microsoft is making toward Trustworthy Computing. For the technology industry, rights management offers exciting new business prospects. Software and hardware developers can enhance their products and generate new revenues by offering rights management capabilities with their applications, devices and peripherals.
We're excited about partnering with a wide range of content owners, authors and industry vendors on these crucial technologies, particularly as broadband continues to expand the opportunities for delivering digital media content worldwide, and as rights management is recognized by businesses large and small as an opportunity to protect copyrights, confidentiality and personal privacy while promoting innovation, creating opportunity and empowering customers."
in English....
"This.... is a shit sandwich. You are going to eat this. You can put mustard on it, you can even cut it in half and eat it in two pieces. But you are going to eat it."
guns kill people like spoons make Rosie O'Donnell fat.
New Redmond City, Microsoft archipelago: Only a few hours after the independance of Microsoft and the forging of their own sovereign nation, a coalition of warships and aircraft proceeded to assault and harass the Microsoft archipelago near the coast of Cuba.
"It [the attack] was overwhelming! Dozens of warships of various sizes, hundreds of aircraft, missiles, bombs... It was simply devastating!" remarked a 32 year old marine biologist, working on Cuba near the Microsoft archipelago. "On the horizon you can still see flashes and sometimes you hear the low rumble of a heavy impact or explosion. A large cloud has been rising shortly after the attack started! What's going on here anyways!?"
The US denies all responsibility for the attack, claiming the majority of US forces are hunting down three camels and an ageing donkey in Iraq who are suspected to be carrying weapons of mass destruction. However, European, Russian, Chinese and Japanese foreign ministeries have been eerily silent during the initial hours of the attack, giving no official response, despite the fact massive military movements have been reported prior to the attack.
At about 18:03 GMT, 6 hours after the first reports of the attack, a joint press-conference by European, Russian, Chinese and Japanese military and diplomatic staff in London shed some light on the recent events. "Starting at about 11:30 Greenwich mean time, our [the coalition] forces have begun their assault on the Microsoft archipelago. The Royal Navy, along with a large task force of warships from the Scandinavian peninsula have initiated a shore bombardment, backed by about 70 russian bombers based on Cuba. After about 30 minutes of intense fire, a combined assault force consisting of units from the German Wehrmacht and the Chinese People's Army have landed on all of the islands in the archipelago." as was stated by Alexander Ivanov, spokesman for the coalition. "Our forces have achieved a full and decisive victory over the Microsoft Republican Guard. About 1500 people have been taken prisoner, 30.000 reported dead by the initial bombardment. The captives will be taken to Japan and various European countries for questioning."
Concerns were raised in the UN general assembly as to why no declaration of war was sent prior to any hostile acts. These concerns were quickly dismissed as a declaration of war has been sent after all, but put on hold by Microsoft Support who then demanded a 'pay per incident' charge from the diplomatic staff. Refusal to pay for delivering a declaration of war caused Microsoft to ignore the declaration of war along with 21.894 other recent user complaints.
President George W Bush jr. has been unavailable for comment, searching for the Microsoft archipelago on a 1968 roadmap of Oregon instead.
Hate me!
After using a tablet w/WinXP, I realised how right the person was who said:
"Tablet is the wrong word for this - the whole experience has more in common with a suppository."
Beep beep.
Whoa, I can't wait to play around with THAT baby. YEAH! Who said Windows doesn't let you take a look under the hood?
I shall go and tell the indestructible man that someone plans to murder him.
I nominate Bill Gate$ as the new "Homeland Security Minister of Information, Love and DRM Czar"
All Hail Gates! All Hail Redmond! Long live Micro$oft!!
Wow, I feel like I've just entered the no spin zone. LOL