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The Buttocks Have It
An anonymous reader writes "From this ZDNET article: Future hijackers may find that their
buttocks betray them, if UK defense firm Qinetiq has its way. The company has developed a smart chair stashed with a thicket of seat sensors, according to New
Scientist magazine this week. The same seats could also be used to warn cabin staff of illness among the passengers, potentially alleviating the risk of deep vein thrombosis or DVT."
Hopefully this technology will allow me to find that inconsiderate bastard that keeps farting near me on international flights.
[1] Except United in "economy plus" and most American planes, though AA is reducing room again on some flights. Fuckers.
sulli
RTFJ.
The battle against terrorism has taken a new turn, exploting the Nervous AsS Syndrom (a.k.a. NASS).
"Excuse me sir, the computer is telling me you might need a hemorrhoid cushion?"
-j
the mos ASSinine thing I have ever heard.
:p
Ok, so I can;t spel.
used to warn cabin staff of illness among the passengers
What I'd like to know is how in the world will they be able to differentiate true illness from mere consequences of eating airline food)?
"Excuse me, sir, our in-seat rectal analizers have found that you are ill. Would you like some asistance?"
Sensors which detect seat movement. Now that's definitely a solution looking desperately for a problem.
The MPAA should put these in theaters that are used for sneak previews.
Had a friend who rated movies by the butt scale. Basically it was how long it took until he noticed his but was hurting from sitting in an uncomfortable theater seat. For a good, engaging film, he never noticed. When his wife dragged him to a chick flick, it was about 20 minutes.
Seems like the movie studios could tell a lot about the success of a movie by using these in previews.
What is their privacy policy? How do I know they won't sell the info to Jenny Craig?
So what are they going to do when they suspect DVT in a passenger? Bump them to first class?
Guess who's gonna be fidgeting nonstop on my next flight...
-j
You can always count on the airline industry! Just in case first-time fliers weren't scared enough, they now need to be worried about being jumped because they're acting scared.
No link this time!
Future additions may include temperature and moisture sensors to increase the accuracy of remote diagnosis of problems, and as part of a drive to make the aircraft's environment react intelligently to the needs of the passenger.
Considering some of the flights that I've been on, I could just imagine what would happen with these "future additions" in case the plane hits an air pocket & drops a few hundred feet...
"Oh my gosh! According to the seat sensors, we have about 50 terrorists on board!"
"Nah...they just all pissed their pants after that last air pocket. Grab some TP and follow me..."
I'd hate to have my plane land gracefully in the Atlantic Ocean, the passengers exit the plane in an orderly manner via the designated exit rows, and then be pulled to the bottom by the electronics in my seat cushen.
Wouldn't you hate that?
Sig:Why copyright isn't a fundamental human right
Actually...you guys have it _really_ bad in the U.S. I have flown internationally quite a bit...and usually I go QANTUS or Air NewZealand or something like that. The economy class of those two is actually pretty good...two seats on either side, three in the middle...it's not as good a business class, but it's quite comfortable...even on a 13 hr flight. However, a couple of years ago I had the misfortune of flying United Airways...I flew first in Business, then economy on the way back (they only had one business seat left and I was travelling with the CEO of the company...hmmmmm, wonder who got it? ;) )...Business class was about as comfortable as QANTAS/Air NZ economy...except you got a little tv (yeah, thanks for that...I can watch seinfeld while I'm writhing in agony)...and economy class...I couldn't believe it...I fully did a double take when I walked in...it was like 10 seats across or something..people were nearly sitting on top of each other, and there was absolutely no room in the isles. Luck I was sitting up the back, in the only 2 seat section, next to a particularly beautiful canadian woman which made the flight 'semi' bearable. If that is what you guys consider good (note your above comment on united)...then you guys really have to fly different airlines. I will _never_ fly united again. And the stewardess was a b*tch...like I was sub human because I was in economy. United is the only U.S. airline I have flown...perhaps someone would like to comment...are the U.S. airlines like this?
Great. In those old sci-fi flicks, they used to kill the guy, pull the eye out of his socket, and use it to bypass the retinal scanners. Now, it's:
"This is Agent 003. The president is dead. I repeat, the president is dead, and they've taken his buttocks. Get the security system changed. Now."
"We can't do it, sir! A virus is blocking our entry into the system!"
"Goddammit, I want every man on the streets looking for that ass!"
Libertarians somehow believe that private businesses should be stronger than governments but weaker than individuals.
Suspect? It's one of the easily misdiagnosed conditions, even by physicians. But if they actually do suspect you have a DVT,by then it's too late. The thrombus has already lodged. So you suffer with some shortness of breath and chest pain if it's a small clot, or they have to figure out where to stash your corpse if it's a reall big clot. ;)
"Huh... The sensors are showing a shift in load distribution from seat 32A to 32B.
"Wasn't that the gentleman who just asked for a blanket?
"I think so. And now the reading is oscillating at around 0.5 Hz. Odd....
...because I'm wearing tin foil underwear. Looks who's laughing now!
Outdoor digital photography, mostly in New Engl
That has a potential to misidentify waaaay too many people, and the system would end up getting ignored.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
"I know this was supposed to be a light topic and this post might seem alarmist but I really think we are giving up to much freedom to ensure freedom."
Indeed
"Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind.
And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry infused with fear and blinded with patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader, and gladly so.
How do I know?
For this is what I have done.
And I am Caesar."
I don't like the idea of every fart of mine being stored in a CIA database.
Table-ized A.I.
I echo your sentiment about the legroom... though that in itself might not prevent DVT. In fact, I could see it increasing your risk (more comfortable seat = you stay in it longer = more venous stasis). The way help avoid a DVT is to unbuckle your seatbelt, and move about the cabin... You have to walk a bit, maybe do some knee bends (pretend you're looking for something under your seat if you're concerned about other passengers looking at you funny). I would even consider taking an asprin before a long trip. That single asprin (avg dose 325mg) will "thin" your blood by inhibiting your platelets... irreversibly, I might add. Don't worry... you'll replace those platelets with normal ones over time, assuming you take no more asprin, but it will take you a week or so. Ever wonder why surgeons ask you to stop taking asprin for two weeks before any elective surgery? That's why.
DVTs come from a couple of factors; venous stasis (blood pooling in your veins) is only one. The others are injury (getting kicked in the leg), and any sort of hypercoagulable state... ie. your blood clots more readily than normal. This last category is large, and includes pregnancy, birth control pills, smoking, cancer, genetic problems, etc, etc.
I took one trip that lasted almost 30 hours (20 hours+ of pure flying time)... inbetween sleeping and eating, I got up and walked the length of the airplane any number of times. Not only does it let you get the kinks out and stretch, but it also helps prevent DVTs, and their lethal sequela, the feared pulmonary embolus (PE).
A big PE (so-called "saddle embolus") will turn you out like a light. A large enough clot blocks your blood flow to the lungs, effectively dropping your cardiac output to zero. That, as you might imagine, is rapidly fatal... so rapidly fatal in fact that I've had people have huge PE's right in front of me and die, right there... nothing we could do for them (diagnosis made on autopsy). PEs are one of the major contributors in sudden death cases, though that's gotten a bit better with proper diagnosis and treatment.
While PEs are a problem, they used to be a bigger problem. Years ago, if you broke a hip, you were on bedrest for 6-8 weeks until it healed (these days, whenever possible, aggressive surgical repair and early ambulation are the rule). In retrospect, the bed rest was a bad idea; those folks were dying left and right of pulmonary emboli... thank god for medical progress.
Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
If they ban nail clippers, shouldn't they also ban heavy farters? Mathane can be dangerous in concentration. One terrorist takes an empty cup, the other fills it with his "special" gas, and Kaboom! Hole in Wall.
McGuiver: "Pull my finger"
Table-ized A.I.
That's the point.
AA sucked financially because people won't pay for a better service.
Fly business if you want better room... yeah it is expensive, no? But that is more like the 'real' price of your flight - the economy passengers pay the marginal cost of their seat, but the business class pay quite close to the average cost... so quit complaining and pay more, or does it come down to price and not comfort.
Note: Total cost = fixed cost + marginal cost (cost for an additional unit, or in this case, passenger)
Average cost = total cost / passengers
Economy pay marginal cost or marginal + very very little fixed cost, so they're worth to treat badly. Business class subsidise the average cost for the economy passengers.
The last 4 flights I was on the headphone jack and/or the channel/volume selecter was broken.
I wonder how long it will be before these things break. Or even better, when they develop an intermittent short like the headphone jack did the last time. Seat 42 is a terrorist! oh maybe not... oh he is! oh maybe not...
How about a low tech solution? Put a f*cking steel door up between the pilots and the passangers and stop harrassing the 99.999999999999% of passangers who are law-abiding.
Sorry... I fly a lot and it keeps getting worse and worse.
Come play free flash games on Kongregate!
And I forgot to mention that NO intercontinental airline is around at the moment that didn't and still don't get some substantial government subsidy (be it purchase of planes, assistance in maintenance etc).
The best thing would be to for the government to let American go under... we have a serious overcapacity at the moment, but no, Mr G Dubya (hell, Bill C would probably have done the same) will subsidise and bail out AA all it needs vainly hoping another intercontinental carrier will go under, while their governments do the same subsidy hoping AA or some other will do just that.
So the subsidies continue, so money that could be spent on 3rd world development, or even hell, sensible tax breaks (not the short sighted rubbish at the moment) so we could have more money in our pocket so we could spend more on our seats, if we really wanted them, in the first place.
Yeah, US airlines tend to cram people into economy. (Unless you buy "full price economy", which is actually just first class but named otherwise so businesses will comp it.) On 747s it's usually 3-4-3 in economy, and 3-3 on most of the medium jets. It's a matter of price. Most Americans just won't pay what it costs jfor more room. It's uncomfortable, but it's cheaper.
As to service, maybe I'm just used to it but I rarely have anything to complain about. The flight attendants at least pretend to be friendly, and they're actually less classist than most non-Americans airlines I've flown. (BA is a great example of an airline that does have a class system on board.) What you have to realize is that on American airlines, the expectations of service are lower. They usually hire just enough staff to take care of the planned routine of flight--serving drinks and maybe food. If you ask for an extra glass of water they'll oblige, but if you keep making requests they'll start to see you as a pest. (Not that if you have a real need for lots of drinks they won't be happy to help you, but if you just didn't bother to get liquids with your breakfast they won't be too pleased.)
Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.
This is a revolting privacy violation. Talk about the government crawling up your ass.
(Excerpts from the prosecution testimony submitted to the court by Northwest Airlines Smart Seat #423aY9)
Lightning fast calculations conducted by my WinCE Special Edition Ass Patriot software came up showing POSITIVE in multiple categories for a BGI (Butt Guilt Indicator) value of .00457, or a full .00257 above the standard benchmarks for PI (Posterior Innocence).
Without hesitation I silently activated the vibra-alert pager of Senior Chief Air Attendant Kitty M., who, according to protocol, approached the owner of the buttocks in a nonchalant, oblique manner with the offer of a bag of complimentary Freedom Nuts (unsalted).
The peanuts were accepted and, judging from my continuous real-time nether feed, consumed in two large gulps. At 13:59h, rumbling ensued. At 14:01h, I registered a seismic event that I would rather not discuss. By 14:02h, airline security had been alerted and at 14:06h three agents boarded the plane cleverly disguised as a troupe of disgraced former Citigroup executives. Slyly, they engaged in covert-ops conversation, as follows:
Agent #1: Beautiful part is, I'm spending more time with Gale and the kids.
Agent #2: Golden. Mind if I run with that tip?
Agent #3: Ha ha ha. The best tips are the ones that help society to be more productive and honest!
At 14:10h, the suspect was seized, hooded, cuffed, pinned, tagged, numbered, bagged, and escorted from the plane in accordance with the Zero Tolerance for Terrorist Tushes Act passed last term by Congress.
It is the considered opinion of this chair that the buttocks in question presented a substantial and credible threat to the safety of the passengers and crew, and should be dealt with in the harshest fashion, up to and including electrocution. Nor is this chair displeased to report that the On Call passenger who claimed the terrorist's seat turned out to be a 22-year old aerobics instructor from Cincinnati who spent the flight reading fellatio tips in the latest Cosmopolitan. And squirming ever so nicely. Ain't freedom sweet?
Clippy: Hi, our sensors show you are trying to detonate a bomb in your shoe. Would you like some help?
"If God created us in his own image we have more than reciprocated." - Voltaire
I'm not sure I'm convinced this technology will prevent hijacking, but if you really want to put technology into seats, perhaps they could do something to monitor passengers' body temperatures. If a certain passenger's body temperature is above a certain value for some period, then the passenger could be asked to shift to a quarantine within the flight. Inflight SARS-infections are, I believe, rare, but should be a good idea to quarantine SARS-suspects at least.
Now, many people might not like such intrusive and constant monitoring, so the technology could be opt-in, that is, if you don't like the idea, you'll be given a non-monitored seat (which could be close to, or within, the quarantine zone)
Of course, I guess the bigger problem would be space within the flight; as others have pointed out already, even legspace is at a premium, so allocating inflight space for a quarantined zone might be challenging.
I don't know, just a thought.
More than mere navel gazing.
As I recall back in the 19th century (before fingerprints) Scotland yard was using an 'identification' scheme in which they measured all of these esoteric face measurements under the auspices that no 2 people had the exact same set. Well they did and someone got caught and turned out he didn't commit the crime. And that scheme was shot down.
I'm a physician... my training and board-certification are in emergency medicine, hence my experience with critically-ill people. Everyone dies sometime, and to be perfectly honest with you, I'm not sure that we have as much to say about it as we think we do...
/. (Davak UID#526912 is an internal medicine specialist)... there's also a smattering of paramedics and EMTs who also post here from time to time.
But anyway, I'm not the only doc who posts on
That's one of the things I love about slashdot, penis birds and goatse.cx trolls aside.
Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
Yep. A real free market would solve the problems, as with most everything else. But the longer the government props up ailing companies, the more difficult it gets to pull the plug later. The collateral damage risk to the economy just keeps growing.
I think it's already too late though. The loss of jobs would probably be enough to drive the market back down again. But then, most of the things that are better in the long term are completely unacceptable to a majority of voters. Which is why I cringe whenever someone talks about moving us even further along toward Democracy.