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The Introvert Advantage
Most people don't understand what introversion is. I certainly didn't, despite delusions to the contrary. The book begins by explaining what being an "innie" is all about, using a light conversational tone and experiences from the (introverted) author's life. A number of misconceptions are examined and dispelled. For example, introversion is not shyness or a lack of social skills. It's temperament, hard wired in your genetic code, and cannot be altered. To give some flavor to the remarks, examples of introverts from fiction and real life (e.g. Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jordan, Steve Martin) are listed.
The book includes what has to be one of the weakest personality tests ever devised. The goal is to determine if you're an introvert, but it appears that most responsible adults qualify. Some of my clearly extroverted friends got nearly the same scores as introverts. Skip it.
That test aside, the author does an excellent job of reducing the difference between introverts and extroverts to one of energy levels. Extroverts have more energy -- and recharge by being around large groups of other people, while introverts have less, and recharge by being alone or with a very small group of close friends. The very things that energize "outies" will drain "innies," leading to the "party pooper" perception.
One of the strongest parts of the book is a discussion of the physiology of introversion. Differences in the dominance of sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems (the "fight or flight" and "throttle down" feedback systems) explain why introverts tend to go through the day at a lower energy level than extroverts. Introverts tend to be less vocal and more "blank", especially when mixed into groups of active extroverts.
The discussion of brain chemistry is equally fascinating: introverts use different neurochemicals for memory, which is why it can take some time (and perhaps REM sleep) for information to fully settle and process. Hence the tendency for great ideas to occur during the morning shower. The chemical mix also explains why the sorts of events that stimulate extroverts can quickly over-stimulate and wear out introverts.
Dealing with Extroverts The second part of the book is about dealing with significant others, children, and co-workers. The first chapter has sections on different relationship pairings (introvert male with extrovert female, introvert female with extrovert male, introvert with introvert). These are insightful and, frankly, would have saved me some grief had I read them a number of years ago. The author gives specific tips for improving communication and understanding in each situation.The chapter on parenting gives tips on identifying introverted children and coping with them. This will be more useful for an extroverted parent, who perhaps doesn't understand why sitting quietly and reading has such a strong appeal. The chapter also has tips for introverted parents with extroverted kids, who need a little more outward show than the parents are perhaps used to giving.
A section on socializing and small talk is in this section, but such things have been covered more extensively in books on overcoming shyness.
Introverts and extroverts often rub up against one another in the workplace. In the last chapter in this section, the author raises a number of issues and suggests ways to cope with them. For example, introverts tend to immerse themselves in a particular project, and like to work without interruption for extended periods. Intrusions disrupt concentration, and regaining it takes time and energy. Extroverts enjoy the occasional interruption, because it gives them an energizing break and avoids monotony. Both sides expect the other to feel the same way, so extroverts interrupt others with quick questions (which annoys the introvert), and introverts try to avoid interrupting others (which makes extroverts see introverts as aloof). The chapter also discusses participation in meetings, giving presentations, and just dealing with people who "interface" differently.
There are other books on relationships, parenting, and on dealing effectively with others in the workplace. This is not the book that puts all others to shame, but if you're an introvert it covers the essentials.
Living in an Extroverted World The last part of the book discusses strategies for living in a world dominated by extroverts. How to manage your time, schedule your life in a way that won't cause overstimulation, how to re-energize through aromatherapy. There is some good advice here, but nothing really new or insightful.The author points out that 75% of people are extroverts, and suggests that might explain why the quick-thinking life of the party is idealized. Introverts often have self-esteem problems because they can't be what most of the world wants them to be. The point of this book is to teach introverts why they are the way they are, to show them which aspects of their personality are immutable and which can be changed, and most of all to show that that there is nothing about introversion that requires making excuses.
Much of the value of this book is in the first third, where the psychology and physiology of introversion are treated as an integral whole. Discovering that personality quirks and the desire to ask "how long are we planning to stay at the party" are normal and expected behaviors is liberating. (I'll be launching the Introvert Liberation Front shortly.) The later sections range from "just okay" to very good, but even if you've seen such before it's worthwhile to get a different perspective. Other books -- many of which are listed in the bibliography -- have covered these topics with greater depth or breadth, but the focus on looking at life from an introvert's perspective separates this from most of them.
I highly recommend this book to introverts or to extroverts with an introvert in their life. (If you work in high tech, you're probably one or the other.)
You can purchase The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World from bn.com. There is also a web site for the book, with merchandise, downloadable pamphlets, and discussion forums. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.
Sounds like a good alternative book for parents. Beats them buying a bunch of "What's Wrong with my Teenage Son" books or mistaking introversion for depression, when trying to deal with something they have trouble understanding. Alex.
First of all I think each introvert process a different degree of introversion. I consider myself 65-70% introverted--depending on the situation.
With this degree of being introverted, I found this book help me reach a deeper understanding of myself. For example, of why I tend to get deeply involved in a subject or get zoned out when I concentrate on something. From that understanding I learn how to manage myself better in relations to others.
Setting several useful tips aside, I believe the understanding alone that I gained from this book give me a deeper self actualization, which in the process helps me see my own strengths and weaknesses. Seeing one's own strengths and weaknesses can certainly enable one to become fuller and lead a richer life.
I very much enjoy reading this book. In a way I felt like reading about myself even though I don't agree 100% with all the characteristics of an introvert as described in the book.
All in all I still recommend it as a very good read, eps. for all of us introverts
There is no god
"A number of misconceptions are examined and dispelled. For example, introversion is not shyness or a lack of social skills."
As a shy extrovert, I can attest to this.
This sig wasn't worth reading, was it.
Well, as another introvert (Wow, on Slashdot?!), I completely understand. So, maybe disliking stupid people is part of the deal.
Physiology Smysiology.
I can wrap up my introversion a lot simpler than blaming it on a physiological make up. I have to force myself to take an interest in the people around me.
It has taken me years to realize that other people are actually interesting and may actually be fun to talk to. I have finally learned to rememer their names and activities in their lives. I want to know how things turn out and what is going on. I stopped limiting my personal interest to characters in a novel even though I can interact with book based personalities on my own time.
If you remember something that happened in a person's life, call them and ask them how things went! You like when people take an interest in your life and they will also. Develop an interest in the world around you and not one specific subject. Learn how to engage in conversation and not small talk. Small talk is HARD!!! Conversation is natural and free flowing.
Have fun with people and your life will be more interesting.
--Keith
You've had therapy haven't you? Geeks don't talk about self actualization and "managing themselves in relation to others". And it was a psychologist, wasn't it. They're half trained; you got so gypped.
The thing is about Myers-Briggs type indicators is that they aren't absolutes, they are preferences. When I was given a Myers-Briggs assessment, here was how the "exactitude" of the types were presented to me:
The assessment booklet was placed before me and next to it was placed a piece of paper. I was asked if I was right or left handed. I told the test administrator that I was a righty and she handed me a pencil and told me to sign my name with my right hand on the piece of paper.
When I had finished making my mark, she asked me then to sign the paper with my left hand. I had a hard time doing it, and really had to concentrate to get anything out of the pencil that remotely looked like what I had produced with my right hand.
The moral to the story and the point I would like to make is what she had then told me next; even though I preferred to write with my right hand I was able to write with my left. My right hand was simply a preference, and a preference that often was more comfortable and produced higher quality output.
Such, as she went on to explain to me, is how the Myers-Briggs preferences are. They are simply preferences. Just because, for example, one is introverted, it does not mean that they cannot be extroverted. It is simply uncomfortable for that particular individual as it is not that particular individual's preference.
-AP
Caring for Your Introvert
I'm an introvert and I like what the author says about needing to recharge after a few hours of socializing. I find long stretches (ie 6 hours straight) of conversation totally exhausting... I wish I didn't, but that appears to be the way I'm built.
I disagree with all the 'more intelligent', etc. stuff, but maybe some of you will find the article interesting at least...
The whole idea of splitting people into categories like this is really stupid /. discussion and watch the two switch categories. As we are amply demonstrating herein. Then again, I would say that the BSD is dead guy is likely an extrovert, if not a robot.
Obviously you're entitled to your opinion, but people do fit into categories. Slobs vs neat freaks, People who go home and watch E! true hollywood story, and those who would rather learn something worthwhile.
Phrenology is based on physical characteristics determining your degree of mongrelism. The degree of a persons introversion is determined by observation of that persons actions/reactions. The scientific method is applied in the latter, whereas the former is rightly qualified as garbage.
I will agree though that it's not quite clean cut on this issue. Put an Extrovert and an introvert in a
"Inattention makes clowns of us all" -Bean
I consider myself more of an introvert than an extrovert (being alone recharges me, I usually only consider "deep" relationships to be my friends, though I'm changing that), and I can say that drugs have definitely opened doors in my mind. I'm not talking about psychedelics or hallucinatory drugs.
Simple marijuana has really opened up my mind in so many ways, helping me realize so many things about myself and about the world. When I'm stoned, I get excited and every little detail about the world is totally fascinating and amazing and I understand it on a totally new level. I agree with you, I don't think extroverts experience it the same way; they seem to have a totally different experience from weed.
But I don't really understand the details of this. Maybe you can tell me more about the differences between an extrovert and an introvert on drugs.
I find it interesting how similar some of the symptoms match up between what the reviewer is quoting and some popular "identifiers" of Attention Deficit Disorder. I was recently (almost) diagnosed with ADD, and found the whole experience to be rather ... lacking substance. There were a lot of maybe's, and could mean's throughout the process, but this review brings to light a good point: how often are depression, anxiety, and ADD mis-diagnosed due to an incorrect interpretation of a person's personality type?
Most notably, the points about immersion into a project, or the need to break up what you're working on to feel comfortable; both are representative (supposedly) of ADD and ADHD symptoms, respectively. My tendency to withdraw, have a smaller group of friends, zone out (or into) a project were all signs that my physician used to attempt to give me a diagnosis of ADD.
Furthermore, I personally have a lot of problems with ADD and ADHD, in that I feel it is diagnosed too often, or for the wrong reasons. Perhaps this book and the study it represents would shed some light on cases where the stock "problem teen" issues do not fall under the depression/ADD cookie cutter mold.
backslapping, guffawing, shallow frat boy yahoos
LOL, although I'm sure 75% of the population fits that description that's not generally what defines The Extrovert. Those frats are just people who are trying to make their lives better at the expense of other people!
The Extrovert - in his natural habitat - is just someone who really gets off on what we geeks call Face Time. Then there is the thin line towards the behaviour of pathological extroverts, who are just masked introverts that crave for other people's attention, probably because they don't have an internal judgement system so they need constant affirmation and judgement from external sources.
(And for that to happen they, like a baby, need to cry out every little pseudo-thought to the world so they can constantly receive feedback information whether or not they're still operating within the socially acceptable range. Though the irconical thing in our society is, the louder you are, the more likely are other people to accept your rambling as valid.
In the end that means that The Patho-Extrovert's quest to get reliable affirmation by being intrusively communicative is nothing but an illusion that provides positive feedback loops for aggressive behaviour.)
Introvert/extrovert is a current state of mind, not some sort of destiny.
It is entirely possible to act like an "introvert" one day (or whichever timeslice you choose) and an "extrovert" the next.
It's all about finding the appropriate tactic to fit the current situation.
Here's the deal, all you hard-core introvert-types - social skill are like any other skills - they are LEARNED. Some people have an easier time with the learning process than others, and if you are one of those who have a hard time with it, well son, the only way to get to Carnegie Hall is to practice, practice, practice.
But to just hang an "introvert" label on yourself and consider it done - that's just avoidance.
DG
Want to learn about race cars? Read my Book
I made the transition from a solid INFP to a solid ENFP in high school... I went through a lot of personal pain and suffering to get there, but the change happened (not on purpose). I'd have to say its sort of wired in, but it is also like a habit - like a hologram of behavior... you have to really transform yourself to change. I imagine an extrovert could be tortured into an introvert, and visa versa.
meh
Sweepingly calling the behavior a "plea for attention" is a bit off the mark. Lacking the skills that would be developed over time by actually seeking out interactions, I suspect that it is one of the only ways us introverted geeks can see to contribute to a conversation. Also, we are not simply looking for a conversation stopping, "Wow! You're smart! We dummies won't talk about it anymore and will simply marvel at you now instead!" Rather, additional data or some interesting interpretation of facts presented is what is hoped for. Alas, the extroverts simply get confused most of the time and inside are wondering who is running the football pool this week. The degrees of separation are more than six here.
"Gold still represents the ultimate form of payment in the world." - Alan Greenspan, 1999
Well.. I am no expert, but from what I have read on the net, and through various texts, extroverts tend to have linear thought processes, they go from one thought to an evolution of that same thought - introverts can complelely change their thinking course, and be onto something completely different before their extrovert counterparts. Extroverts rely on other people to change their thoughts, introverts change on their own.
Powered by the influence of drugs, this process is amazingly intensive - when you get the 'energy' that introverts are 'said to lack internally' it's amazing what your brain does with it. I do not in anyway want to say that drugs are good.. drugs are bad(tm) and can lead to seriously bad things. But, there is a reason why shamans, and medicine man explored there use.. to an introvert it's a supply of mental energy that only pushes further the capabilities of your brain (when used correctly, i.e. not abused). I recently tried 'e' - in a group of people I was the only introvert, everyone was happy and dancing and engaging in socialties.. I was very happy/warm/social, and enjoyed talking to people, but I noticed the sunrise coming up, and couldn't take myself away from it.. seing the light enter the atmosphere from behind mountains, and the ensuing release of heat, moisture and energy fueling cloud formations in the upper atmosphere was such a powerful experience.. I haven't tried e since.. but some seriously synaptic doors have changed in my brain.. it definately altered the way I percieve things through the creation of new pathways (this is my interpretation i have no idea if this is what genuinely occured) - but since that day.. seeing the sunrise has become an experience I can only describe as spiritual (I am not religious in any way) an event that alot of humans cannot enjoy deeply (I think everyone can appreciate the asthetic beauty), because they don't understand the underlying processes and how complicated and deeply embedded every earthly process is. This brings me to a true addiction I have.. it has been proven recently that learning releases endorphens in a similar way as drugs, albeit in smaller amounts, I have to admit I am hopelessly addicted to learning and try to assimilate any piece of knowledge/text/info that comes my way.. from what I have read, this is built into my personality type - now armed with this information, I am trying to steer my knowledge reception so that I don't waste my time learning (seemingly) useless things.
----------------------------
Esobofh - Currently drinking fresh mango juice.
Also I think this book might be a bit of a placebo for those who are suffering from depression or social anxiety. Not so healthy.
_nfotxn
Exactly, and thats why I choose to be an introvert. I dont see how its chemistry of the brain if I literally made a choice one day to become an introvert because I was tired of being an extrovert.
I don't think that you chose to change from extrovert to introvert so much as you chose to stop acting like an extrovert. A true extrovert wouldn't be capable of not focusing on people because they need to do so in order to recharge their mental energy. A true introvert knows that they need to be alone, and a smart introvert knows the hallmarks of extroversion, so that you can fake it when need be, and they also know the difference between themselves and others much more than an extrovert does - extros think everyone's like them in some way.
You were faking it - that's natural, I did it too, but I grew to accept myself, so I gave up on faking my personality type.
it tires me to be around them, so I need to schedule "alone-time" to recharge. On the other hand, my wife is solidly extroverted, so she needs to have "socialization-time" scheduled.
Yeah, nowadays it's so important that you lead a clean, counseled, thoroughly scheduled life!
So what to do with the stereotype if you find out that you actually need to schedule both social- and alone-time in order to recharge?
I bet the counselor wouldn't find that a very acceptable result, and likely wouldn't rest before having successfully talked her customer into matching a stereotype group that neatly fits into her book.
Don't get me wrong - I don't want to rant against counseling (but I do anyway). It just seems that nowadays everyone's life must be planned and optimized by "experts", that sometimes really ticks me off. As if people are generally unable to find out about their own feelings without being constantly helped and directed.
It's dangerous to 'lump' people and claim introversion is a genetic trait. It's like claiming sexual preference never is, or always is.
Some people have LEARED to become introverts when they're naturally extroverted. They get comfortable with where they are, but that doesn't mean they're happy with it.
I'm an excellent example of that. Getting through college was tough, I had a long drive and some pretty demanding teachers. When I finished I was living infront of the computer. I didn't remember another way of being. Comfortable, but unhappy. Now I'm forcing myself to go out again, and though not as comfortable as I used to be (I was previously Mr. 'I want to be the center of attention') I'm a lot happier.
Apparent introversion could also be from a lack of acceptable choices. Ex, you're an extroverted Jew, but you live in a town full of extroverted Nazis. They may invite you to the party, but you probably don't want to go...
How utterly true.
...don't watch much television, because it's stupid, boring, and annoying, and the commercials drive me crazy. I like anime, so the pay channels sometimes attract me, and I like movies, so the movie channels aren't bad, but usually I prefer something a little more active, like a good game. ...don't pay any attention to professional sports because, really, what's so interesting about gigantic musclebound thugs slamming into one another? Or scratching their nuts and throwing a ball around? It's BORING. Maybe if a kickboxing match was on, I dunno. I always kinda respected those guys, they were tough as nails. But, they don't put that stuff on much anymore. ...don't pay any attention to right-wing nutcases like uber-republican Rush Limbaugh. Once you get past the initial humorous part ("did he just say that? He's kidding, right?") you realize he's serious and it just seems sad. ...don't care whether I get laid or not, or whether I'm surrounded by people, because I can amuse myself most of the time with a book or a video game. Or, my BSD laptop and some coding.
;)
I was tortured and abused throughout my childhood by most of the other kids, and in my twenties when I went back to college (after a stint in the Marine Corps to toughen up and not get picked on anymore) I was older than the other kids and an outsider for a whole new set of reasons. Most of my life, all I wanted was to be left alone with my books, and I had to put up with all kinds of garbage from almost everyone. It wasn't until I was thirty years old and moved upstate, taking a government job (where most of the people are older and more settled) that I finally found a group of people (fellow programmers, of course) who just accepted me as-is, with a minimum of hassle. Of course, they're all pretty introverted too, so it all works out. I've got a nice, quiet working environment with really cool, quiet, hands-off coworkers, and I'm finally happy after all these years.
Outside of work, of course, I'm a hermit.
Because, after all, what would I do around most people? Look at it from my perspective:
I:
So, what the heck would I talk about with people? All their favorite conversational topics are non-starters with me (sex, right-wing politics, sports, television). I talk about my work and their eyes glaze over. I mention anime and they give me this "yeah, ok, great" look. As if their sitcoms were adult fare... We have nothing in common.
I figure, if I don't find a similarly antisocial girl who has the same interests by the time I'm 40, I'm just not going to reproduce. Maybe one day I'll clone myself, just for the techie bragging rights, but probably not.
Farewell! It's been a fine buncha years!
I like your analogy. I have two cats. They are quiet, choosey, indifferent, and independent. They are playful and boisterous when they want to be. They sometimes want companionship and there are times they just want to be left alone. They do not seek my approval; if anything, they could care less what I think unless I think its time to feed them.
I won't start a flame war by expounding on the dogs and extroverts part of your analogy but it sure fits.
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither safety nor liberty.
Ben
The majority of conversations that I encounter throughout the day are absolutely irredeemable, frivolous, and reek of an utter failure to see the seriousness of life.
Why should I want to reinforce this behavior?
I have a passion for three things:
1) Intelligent and passionate conversation about: epistemology, metaphysics, ethics, human rights, institutionalized oppression, abuse of government power, consumerism, corporatism, and unseating the social, political, and economic elite.
2) Creating a passion in others to see and speak out about the great injustice in this life.
3) Helping those who are oppressed and downtrodden, whether in their middle class lives, or from through the cracks of society, and empowering them -- making them to realize that they matter -- that they are loved as brothers and sisters, and that they can make a difference; believe that we will overcome.
- I do not care whether James' new girlfriend is hot. I will not reinforce this behavior.
- I do not care what happened on Friends last night. I will not reinforce this behavior.
- I do not care who the Bachelor picked. I will not reinforce this behavior.
- I do not want to get hopped up on alcohol and make it out what a 'stud' I am at the club tonight in order to get a member of the opposite sex into bed for a night. I will not reinforce this behavior.
- I do not think that your racist, sexist, immature jokes are humorous. I will not reinforce this behavior.
.sig Realistic fines for copyright in
Someone arguing that "It has nothing to do with brain chemistry", when challenged to back that up writes:
How splendid for you. Meanwhile, Dr. Jerome Kagan at Harvard University is busily doing studies which link brain chemistry to temperament, in particular introversion. In some of the most compelling recent news, infants identified as more socially timid, and then discovered to have brain chemistry and respiratory traits in common, have been followed in a longitudinal study; the subjects are now in their teens, and still temperamentally distinct.
-*- Any technology indistinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced -*-
What is most amusing is I am sure most introverted folks consider such verbal exchanges akin to jibber. The vast majority of conversation in this world is nothing more than the helpless, aimless masses engaging in reciprocal ego stroking.
These people who talk about nothing KNOW there is no substance to their character, and instead seek out other empty lives to assure them that their lives have some measure of value. It is like two mirrors facing one another... the emptiness repeating into the great abyss of nothingness.
That is the key term, nothingness... or nihilism. The common man today is hardly human in any true meaning of the term. He feels no great impulse to create or discover. For him... life is about seeking external assurance of his base humanity.
One of the most sad aspects of such behavior is POSSIBLE in this modern world. Imagine 1000 years ago, before modern weapons began to surface... A blabbering idiot, desperate for social interaction. Can you imagine such a warrior behaving in that fashion? Would such a people survive if their only defense were chatterboxes? I think not.
Our people know in their hearts that focused stoicism is the essential character of warriors, artists, scientists... It is reviled by the masses because it the truest evidence that they are none of these things. They are merely "consumers" at best, and slaves at worst.
I don't read or respond to AC posts
It has nothing to do with brain chemistry.
Its a choice, people make a choice to be introverted or extroverted.
You probably believe that homosexuality is ALSO a choice.
Believe me, introverts are the minority and they often suffer pretty heavily from it. Throughout youth and young adult-hood, the mode of social gatherings is a complete mystery to them.
It's difficult to understand why everyone is having so much fun at a party EXCEPT you. You try hard to act like your having fun, but you can't fake it to yourself. If it was a choice don't you think we would choose NOT to suffer.
Sometime when your not thouroughly satisified that you know everything, you may actually want to do some reading on psychology. You'll find that people do scientific research and have good proof for why some behaviors and characteristics seem based on "nature" and others are based more on "nurture".
Sometimes choice enters the equation, but most often we are almost complete products of our environment or ourselves. The "choices" we make are often made for us long before we ever ponder the question. Typically, when things aren't working out right, you know you actually overcame your biology and "chose" something against your nature.
For example, right now I'm assuming that you didn't "choose" to be an ignorant, arrogant ass-hole. Something in your nature or upbringing led you to this point. You can overcome the ignorance through LISTENING and READING beyond your knowledge. However, you may indeed ALWAYS be an ass-hole!!!!
-------- -------- Support Wesley Clark for president!!!
If you want to mod this flame then please flame it REAL good :) This entire thread needs to get buried.
I don't mean the following to sound harsh, but this behavior is typical of introverts.
I don't mean the following to sound harsh, cause extroverts are good and righteous people, but this behavior is so typical of these... introverts.
The reason it annoys people is because you're not being extroverted, you're just seeking attention. An extrovert enjoys making *social* connections to people. You're not connecting with people; you're just hoping they will notice you as a substitute for a true connection.
The reason it annoys people is because you're not being extroverts, you can never be elite, you're just seeking attention, something extroverts don't need to do, it's beneath an extrovert. An extrovert enjoys making *social* connections to people, something the introvert can't understand, cause an introvert neither enjoys talking nor appreciates what social connections are. Hell if they know what being *social* is all about. You're not really connecting with people, that's an illusion; you're just hoping they will notice you, only extroverts are gifted with true connection.
A similar thing that introverts due (and geeks are notorious for) is replacing true conversation with being a walking encyclopia. Someone talks about the weather, and the geek goes on to explain strato cumulous clouds. It's not a conversation, it's a plea for attention. "Aren't I clever that I understand clouds".
And quite ironically, a plea for attention and a plea for conversation are not unsimilar. Quite often, drawing attention is one way of drawing conversation. What do you think talking about the weather is? LMAO. It's no better an excuse than talking about strato clouds. Talking about the weather really "connect" you to someone? Or does it open the door for more words?
"Aren't I clever that I understand clouds? I hope you don't mind that I feel insecure. We live with so many billions of people on the world and sometimes it seems like some of us have forgotten how to understand each other. Some people are really good at talking. I have to use an excuse to start a conversation. Just trying to let you know what mood I'm in, how I talk, maybe get an idea of how I see things. I'd really like to talk to you and get to know who you are though. How do you see those clouds? Do they look like elephants to you or something else?"
"Last one in is a rotten goblin!" - Kepp
Do we really need to be extroverted, or just pretend to be? I'm reminded of my own situation, where I concluded long ago that to be as introverted as I really am would be career-limiting. So I've learned to pretend to be extroverted when needed. Sufficiently well that few people see if for the act that it is.
But I'm still, deep down, an introvert: once the situation passes and it's time to recharge, I do it by myself. The Introvert Way.
...laura
my housemate is a psychologist. She says: No one is a hundred percent introvert or extrovert. You can only look at your predominant moods. If you are exactly 50% then you are another kind of anomoly.
Pop psychology tries to make false dichotomies because it is easier for lay people to understand opposites. Unfortunately no single individual is 100% introvert or 100% extrovert. Most people are around +-25% of 50%.
I don't really understand the fascination with these topics. I mean, most people don't worry about the reproductive life of indigenous arctic wildlife, but they care about what a pshychologist might diagnose them as? I think Orwell warned against this kind of self-discovery through esoteric scientifc language. Why? Because you don't really can't understand yourself in those terms, you simply limit yourself to those limited concepts.
I figure, if I don't find a similarly antisocial girl who has the same interests by the time I'm 40, I'm just not going to reproduce. Maybe one day I'll clone myself, just for the techie bragging rights, but probably not. ;)
The great achievement of equality of the sexes was for women to make a living and control their fertility, thus allow them to have more control over their own lives. While men can live independant financial lives, we are still slaves when it comes to reproduciton. Until we can reproduce as single men we will be tied to women if we want to reproduce.
I'm not saying women are bad or that relationships are bad (I've been with my partner for 14 years) but we need to have the choice. This doesn't have to come from technological advances, social advances such better surrogacy laws would work just as well.
The comments on this article are fascinating to me, because most of them are so far off the mark. I'm sure a lot of the readers here are introverts, so why haven't any of them taken the time alone to analyse themselves?
What is most amusing is I am sure most introverted folks consider such verbal exchanges akin to jibber. The vast majority of conversation in this world is nothing more than the helpless, aimless masses engaging in reciprocal ego stroking.
I'm the most introverted person I know. Having had a lot of time alone to think (try not having a conversation for 6 months sometime), I discover that the human is a social animal (as all mammals), and requires a certain amount of social interaction. Usually 2 days with the family over the holidays fills my quota for the year.
Besides filling the minimum requirements of social interaction, there's also the fact that I live in a society, and I work in a company with other people. I have to interact with people regularly, so it's very useful to know how to do it. Spending a few minutes shooting the breeze with someone helps me know how they think, and it makes us a little closer. I don't care about being close personally, but the understanding that develops helps us work together. It means we're more likely to be on the same side in office spitting matches. It means I can get someone to help me get my refrigerator up the stairs.
Many people here are talking about information exchanges as being better than smalltalk. The thing is, if I want information, I'll get it by reading. Speech is slow and people are rarely totally accurate. If you want to convey more information than is contained in about 2 paragraphs of text, it's called a lecture, and nobody likes it.
Why would an introvert (someone who doesn't like dealing with other people) talk to someone else for information they could get without talking to someone? On the other hand, getting to know someone so that you can get along better and work together goes faster with smalltalk, debates (arguments), or philosophy than with factual exchanges.
In a certain sense, you are exactly wrong. An individual has little influence in a world of 6 billion. The chances of your research, your work, your art making a difference are pathetically small. There are a lot of people smarter and more talented than you. Where you can make a difference is by directing a team of 1000 researchers. By running a large company. By getting a public office. A single soldier fighting doesn't win a war, but a good general, who the troops will follow, can. You get to these positions not through technical skills and book knowledge, but through social skills and networking (knowledge and skills don't hurt, though).
The extroverts win because they scale better.
For those of us who can't stand socializing enough to be influential, we need a good leader. Find someone social enough to be influential, and get on their good side, so they'll get you to the right places. You just can't make a difference alone anymore.
Actually, as an introvert (assuming I understand the term correctly enough) I find it easy to converse with people in 1 on 1 situations. My problem occurs in the presense of small social groups, where there may be a few, several, or even almost all the members I am on good terms with. However, I have noticed a tendancy for groups to have thier own agenda which supercedes the member's in some situations. This is what I cannot deal with, this duality of motivations. Particularly when the group is hostile towards me.
Flashback to highschool where I could have a normal conversation with just about anybody in my class. (No, I don't mean factspewing Dorkish. Although, I did that one, too.) As soon as another person came in the room or started to pay attention, suddenly I went from an equal to a little dog for everyone to kick around.
This has become a cronic problem for me, as I am constantly paranoid of the prospect of someone switching faces on me and planting a knife in my back, sacraficing any hopes of even a casual hi-jim-hi-bob relationship to the peer group gods. No, I don't think it is some mass conspiracy or anything whacky like that. But, it happens so much, the tendancy cannot be denied. And a group attacking a single person can be overwhelming, even if the members are only giving token hostility.
Any sufficiently advanced influence is indistinguishable from control.
The first personality test I remember ever doing was something in high school designed to determine what kind of career would be good for me. I can't rememeber the results precisely, but I scored high on maths/science based careers. Computers are close, I suppose. But that test wasn't really designed to find out about me, just what I'd be good at.
A little while later I tried the Myer Briggs personality test, which is quite a common one. It has 16 possible outcomes. You answer a series of questions, and add up the values from the answers to come up with your personality type. I was INTP. You can find out about the other types there also.
After completing this test, I thought that it described me perfectly. An introverted thinker who was far from loving order. The description on this website seems to fit me pretty well. However, I later discovered the Chinese personality types which transformed my understanding of myself, and the Myer Briggs type is no longer adequate... The Chinese talk about five personality types, and everyone is one of these types. It may sound small, like little variety, but you should be surprised by how accurately these describe the variety of human responses. The five types go in a circle, and beginning at an arbitrary point the order is wood, fire, earth, metal , water. There is so much to say about each type, and I wholeheartedly recommend this book. It describes each type well, and so much of it was me. I will give you a quick rundown anyway. You can find out a very brief and undetailed introduction of the types here. Wood, which is my type, are opionated, stubborn pioneers who are always moving to something new. Fire is one of the most common types. These are the passionate, talkative people who love to be with others. Earth are the most common type and value loyalty, don't much like change and provide the foundation for our society. Metal are organised people everywhere, they tend to be leaders inside an existing structure, often musically talented. Water are the introverted philosophers who don't much like human contact like everyone else.
Now the interesting thing here is that you express characteristics of the two types next to your own. Since I am a wood, I have fire on my left and water on my right, so I can often show traits from both of these. And here is why I was unsatisfied with Myer Briggs. It described me as an introvert, and that I believed. Chinese personality types showed me that wood is stuck between the most introverted and extroverted types - water and fire. And this rang true more for me than anything else. There are times when I just have to be with people, and there are other times when I just have to get away. It described me more fully than Myer Briggs could even come close to. Going around the circle clockwise (wood->fire->earth->metal->water->wood ) each type feed another. Wood feeds fire, giving fire people energy, rejuvinating them. Fire feeds earth, earth feeds metal and so on.
Take a look at this image. You can visually see the place of each personality type to another. You will see from wood an arrow going to earth, and from metal an arrow to wood. Every time oppresses another type, and is oppressed by a type. Wood people tend to oppress earth. Wood yearn for change and novelty, to upset the old, while earth thrives on stability and loyalty and don't much like change. Wood also hates authority and longs to break free, while metal loves authority and structure, and so restricts wood. There is so much to learn about each type. To find out what you are, look at the types I described above. You will probably find three