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The Introvert Advantage
Most people don't understand what introversion is. I certainly didn't, despite delusions to the contrary. The book begins by explaining what being an "innie" is all about, using a light conversational tone and experiences from the (introverted) author's life. A number of misconceptions are examined and dispelled. For example, introversion is not shyness or a lack of social skills. It's temperament, hard wired in your genetic code, and cannot be altered. To give some flavor to the remarks, examples of introverts from fiction and real life (e.g. Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jordan, Steve Martin) are listed.
The book includes what has to be one of the weakest personality tests ever devised. The goal is to determine if you're an introvert, but it appears that most responsible adults qualify. Some of my clearly extroverted friends got nearly the same scores as introverts. Skip it.
That test aside, the author does an excellent job of reducing the difference between introverts and extroverts to one of energy levels. Extroverts have more energy -- and recharge by being around large groups of other people, while introverts have less, and recharge by being alone or with a very small group of close friends. The very things that energize "outies" will drain "innies," leading to the "party pooper" perception.
One of the strongest parts of the book is a discussion of the physiology of introversion. Differences in the dominance of sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems (the "fight or flight" and "throttle down" feedback systems) explain why introverts tend to go through the day at a lower energy level than extroverts. Introverts tend to be less vocal and more "blank", especially when mixed into groups of active extroverts.
The discussion of brain chemistry is equally fascinating: introverts use different neurochemicals for memory, which is why it can take some time (and perhaps REM sleep) for information to fully settle and process. Hence the tendency for great ideas to occur during the morning shower. The chemical mix also explains why the sorts of events that stimulate extroverts can quickly over-stimulate and wear out introverts.
Dealing with Extroverts The second part of the book is about dealing with significant others, children, and co-workers. The first chapter has sections on different relationship pairings (introvert male with extrovert female, introvert female with extrovert male, introvert with introvert). These are insightful and, frankly, would have saved me some grief had I read them a number of years ago. The author gives specific tips for improving communication and understanding in each situation.The chapter on parenting gives tips on identifying introverted children and coping with them. This will be more useful for an extroverted parent, who perhaps doesn't understand why sitting quietly and reading has such a strong appeal. The chapter also has tips for introverted parents with extroverted kids, who need a little more outward show than the parents are perhaps used to giving.
A section on socializing and small talk is in this section, but such things have been covered more extensively in books on overcoming shyness.
Introverts and extroverts often rub up against one another in the workplace. In the last chapter in this section, the author raises a number of issues and suggests ways to cope with them. For example, introverts tend to immerse themselves in a particular project, and like to work without interruption for extended periods. Intrusions disrupt concentration, and regaining it takes time and energy. Extroverts enjoy the occasional interruption, because it gives them an energizing break and avoids monotony. Both sides expect the other to feel the same way, so extroverts interrupt others with quick questions (which annoys the introvert), and introverts try to avoid interrupting others (which makes extroverts see introverts as aloof). The chapter also discusses participation in meetings, giving presentations, and just dealing with people who "interface" differently.
There are other books on relationships, parenting, and on dealing effectively with others in the workplace. This is not the book that puts all others to shame, but if you're an introvert it covers the essentials.
Living in an Extroverted World The last part of the book discusses strategies for living in a world dominated by extroverts. How to manage your time, schedule your life in a way that won't cause overstimulation, how to re-energize through aromatherapy. There is some good advice here, but nothing really new or insightful.The author points out that 75% of people are extroverts, and suggests that might explain why the quick-thinking life of the party is idealized. Introverts often have self-esteem problems because they can't be what most of the world wants them to be. The point of this book is to teach introverts why they are the way they are, to show them which aspects of their personality are immutable and which can be changed, and most of all to show that that there is nothing about introversion that requires making excuses.
Much of the value of this book is in the first third, where the psychology and physiology of introversion are treated as an integral whole. Discovering that personality quirks and the desire to ask "how long are we planning to stay at the party" are normal and expected behaviors is liberating. (I'll be launching the Introvert Liberation Front shortly.) The later sections range from "just okay" to very good, but even if you've seen such before it's worthwhile to get a different perspective. Other books -- many of which are listed in the bibliography -- have covered these topics with greater depth or breadth, but the focus on looking at life from an introvert's perspective separates this from most of them.
I highly recommend this book to introverts or to extroverts with an introvert in their life. (If you work in high tech, you're probably one or the other.)
You can purchase The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World from bn.com. There is also a web site for the book, with merchandise, downloadable pamphlets, and discussion forums. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.
But I am a pervert. Is there a good book about that for me?
Q: How can you tell an extroverted computer geek from an introverted computer geek?
A: The introverted computer geek will look at his shoes while he talks to you. The extroverted computer geek will look at your shoes while he talks to you.
Oh, you're not stuck, you're just unable to let go of the onion rings.
Dr. Laney's book will help millions of introverts understand why they are misunderstood...
I'm pretty sure my fascination with Slashdot contributes to this.
Sounds like a good alternative book for parents. Beats them buying a bunch of "What's Wrong with my Teenage Son" books or mistaking introversion for depression, when trying to deal with something they have trouble understanding. Alex.
Since most people are stupid, and I don't like to waste my time, does that make me an introvert? Just because I don't want to chit-chat about Survivor or American Idol?
Vote Quimby!
I find a few quarts of ale energize me, and make me the most charming geek in the world.
In trying to understand my own psyche i've been doing alot of reasearch on the net.. I am quite certain that myers-briggs/jung typologies are pretty much dead on.. i've had so many 'aha' epiphany moments reading about my personality type (intj), it's made my work life, personal life, and everything in between so much better. Having an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses is definately a good thing, especially in this day and age. Learning to exploit yourself, is almost as good as exploiting others ;)
http://www.humanmetrics.com has a great (free) typology test, but you have to remember to be dead honest with yourself when answering the questions (take your time!) once you have your personality type, the net makes it easy to 'find who you are'.
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Esobofh - Currently drinking fresh mango juice.
A: His shoes look at you while he is talking.
Wow, thanks for that link to bn.com -- I thought maybe I'd have needed to see daylight and maybe have to interact with someone at the cash register in order to buy the book.
There used to be a much better Perl-based test out there based on the book, Please Understand Me by David Kiersey and Marilyn Bates, but I found this test out there. (You can go to Kiersey's self-promotional site too, but it looks like they use some form of communist registration/info-gathering technique before they let you take the test.)
Introversion/Extraversion is simply one of many factors - in this organizational scheme, Jungian personality types adapted by Isabel Briggs Myers.
I disagree - Many introverts see conversation as a medium for exchanging information. When a "geek" explains what he/she knows about a current topic, they are doing several things:
Most introverts could care less about the attention, (we'll skip the obligatory Maslow's Hierarchy comment) and will often keep silent regarding a topic to avoid drawing attention to themselves. Indeed, many introverts find that "being clever" is the best way to attract the ire of those around them. Many introverts find conversation to be of less interest unless the energy expended to talk to a person garners something in return... like new information or trivia. (Introverted conversations often start "Did you know that....".)
Let's remember that there are reasons to have a conversation that don't involve "social connections" of the extroverted ilk. Introverts communicate differently and for different reasons.
How utterly true.
...don't watch much television, because it's stupid, boring, and annoying, and the commercials drive me crazy. I like anime, so the pay channels sometimes attract me, and I like movies, so the movie channels aren't bad, but usually I prefer something a little more active, like a good game. ...don't pay any attention to professional sports because, really, what's so interesting about gigantic musclebound thugs slamming into one another? Or scratching their nuts and throwing a ball around? It's BORING. Maybe if a kickboxing match was on, I dunno. I always kinda respected those guys, they were tough as nails. But, they don't put that stuff on much anymore. ...don't pay any attention to right-wing nutcases like uber-republican Rush Limbaugh. Once you get past the initial humorous part ("did he just say that? He's kidding, right?") you realize he's serious and it just seems sad. ...don't care whether I get laid or not, or whether I'm surrounded by people, because I can amuse myself most of the time with a book or a video game. Or, my BSD laptop and some coding.
;)
I was tortured and abused throughout my childhood by most of the other kids, and in my twenties when I went back to college (after a stint in the Marine Corps to toughen up and not get picked on anymore) I was older than the other kids and an outsider for a whole new set of reasons. Most of my life, all I wanted was to be left alone with my books, and I had to put up with all kinds of garbage from almost everyone. It wasn't until I was thirty years old and moved upstate, taking a government job (where most of the people are older and more settled) that I finally found a group of people (fellow programmers, of course) who just accepted me as-is, with a minimum of hassle. Of course, they're all pretty introverted too, so it all works out. I've got a nice, quiet working environment with really cool, quiet, hands-off coworkers, and I'm finally happy after all these years.
Outside of work, of course, I'm a hermit.
Because, after all, what would I do around most people? Look at it from my perspective:
I:
So, what the heck would I talk about with people? All their favorite conversational topics are non-starters with me (sex, right-wing politics, sports, television). I talk about my work and their eyes glaze over. I mention anime and they give me this "yeah, ok, great" look. As if their sitcoms were adult fare... We have nothing in common.
I figure, if I don't find a similarly antisocial girl who has the same interests by the time I'm 40, I'm just not going to reproduce. Maybe one day I'll clone myself, just for the techie bragging rights, but probably not.
Farewell! It's been a fine buncha years!