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Frontal Assault Shows Impressive Assets

Posted by simoniker on from the carry-on-sniggering dept.

Thanks to InsertCredit for pointing out the freely downloadable PC game, Frontal Assault, which has been entered in the same Finnish Assembly demo-scene party games competition as the recently-covered Truck Dismount. Frontal Assault is a puzzle-action game where "The idea is to perform various moves on breasts. The move icons float [on] to the screen and you must make the move before the icon disappears." Moves you must replicate by on-screen bosom twirling, using the PC's mouse, include the 'bounce' and the 'helicopter' in this decidedly bizarre title, which has also been tested by the authors to work under Wine for Linux users.

26 of 32 comments (clear)

  1. Alright. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Ok, where's the nude patch?

    1. Re:Alright. by ZorMonkey · · Score: 1

      Delete or rename the NO-XRATED file in the data directory. Yes really. I feel slightly dirty for finding that. :P

  2. Moves on Breasts by narratorDan · · Score: 2, Insightful

    "The idea is to perform various moves on breasts."

    Wow, thats not a typo.
    Bouncing boobs.

    NarratorDan

    --
    "If you're not confused by quantum mechanics, you really don't understand it." - Niels Bohr
    1. Re:Moves on Breasts by narratorDan · · Score: 5, Funny

      Thank god that someone made this game, I was running out of girlfriends trying to get a better high score in real life.

      NarratorDan

      --
      "If you're not confused by quantum mechanics, you really don't understand it." - Niels Bohr
    2. Re:Moves on Breasts by Goldberg's+Pants · · Score: 1

      Quite possibly the saddest game I've ever seen.

      I imagine certain geeks will takes this as sex advice. I can only imagine how horrified any woman they ever managed to get naked will be when said geek starts smacking their breasts going "helicopter!"

  3. Fascinating, from a purely adolescent standpoint. by Tediak · · Score: 4, Informative

    Delete the file NO-XRATED in the Data folder. I think the effect is probably self-explanatory.

  4. Boobies! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    A title like that would've garnered a lot more attention to this article...

    1. Re:Boobies! by Goldberg's+Pants · · Score: 1

      And would have done a better job of attracting the audience this pathetic game is meant for.

      Stick to Truck Dismount if you're over the age of 15.

  5. Hooookayyyy.... by skinfitz · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Looks like someone needs to get himself a girlfriend...

    1. Re:Hooookayyyy.... by 0x0d0a · · Score: 3, Funny

      Girlfriends have a low initial price, but a surprisingly high TCO.

      --
      May we never see th
    2. Re:Hooookayyyy.... by skinfitz · · Score: 1

      Girlfriends have a low initial price, but a surprisingly high TCO.

      I hear it's even more expensive if you fall outside of a support contract...

    3. Re:Hooookayyyy.... by XMunkki · · Score: 1

      Well I do, but no way in earth would I do something like this to her (unless she specifically asks for it :).

    4. Re:Hooookayyyy.... by immanis · · Score: 2

      Believe it or not, they have a rather high ROI.

      --

      best web host ever

  6. Stuff that matters by Kris_J · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Slashdot, where the editors celebrate the opening of an envelope.

  7. Frontal Assault II by Chuck+Chunder · · Score: 4, Funny

    Presumably involves knees and testicles.

    --
    Boffoonery - downloadable Comedy Benefit for Bletchley Park
  8. Nude Patch by 0x20 · · Score: 4, Informative

    Remove the file "NO-XRATED" in the Data folder. then when you run the game, right-click instead of left-clicking. (If you're, uh, over 18.)

    1. Re:Nude Patch by neosake · · Score: 1

      ...right-click instead of left-clicking. (If you're, uh, over 18.)

      Don't you mean you'd have to be under 18 to be right-clicking
      ;-)

      --
      "When a ball dreams, it dreams it's a frisbee"
  9. Punishment by immanis · · Score: 4, Funny

    I think it's great that Slashdot can keep abrest of these things. I mean, these guys deserve a trophy, or at least a cup.

    The way they manage to implant a story like this amongst the other titillating headlines... One wouldn't think they had the rackspace to allow for little stories like this.

    I probably look like I'm sucking up, and I do feel a bit of a boob. But I really have to say, things have really perked up around here.

    Ok, it's official. This post is a bust.

    I'm done now.

    --

    best web host ever

    1. Re:Punishment by FortKnox · · Score: 1

      KUDOS!! LMFAO!

      Best. comment. ever! :-)

      --
      Good quote, too many chars. Seriously, the slashdot 120 char limit sucks!
  10. Re:/. needs a pr0n section? by Echnin · · Score: 2

    Did you try the game? It's fun. :-)

    --
    Lalala
  11. Perhaps I'm just childish... by slusich · · Score: 1

    But this really looks fun. I think we need more games with breasts!

    --

    DeviantArt Page

    NSFW
    1. Re:Perhaps I'm just childish... by Rethcir · · Score: 1

      I didn't know Eidos executives posted on slashdot!

    2. Re:Perhaps I'm just childish... by Goldberg's+Pants · · Score: 1

      hehehehe

      The breasts in the game are rather Lara Croftish...

  12. Re:/. needs a pr0n section? by Goldberg's+Pants · · Score: 1

    Did you try the game? It's fun. :-)

    Spoken like someone who has never actually touched a real, live breast, let alone kissed one.

    Accidentally formatting your hard drive is more fun than this game.

    The sad thing is, this will probably win the competition, purely because it's got breasts in it, and most demo coders (at least that I've known) have little to no exposure to women, so playing with virtual breasts is probably the high point of their sex lives.

  13. Re:/. needs a pr0n section? by Goldberg's+Pants · · Score: 1

    Not AC, but quite happily married here too:)

    You see developers putting stuff like this out, and then you'll see articles saying "why aren't more women gamers?" Well could it be because most of you fucktards only portray women as objects in games? And if they're not just eye candy, they're ridiculously proportioned. (Christ, Lara Croft wouldn't be able to get out of bed!)

    Note to developers: Instead of beings sexist jerks, try actually designing believable, realistic female characters that are neither sex objects, or ridiculously misproportioned.

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