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Iceman Otzi was a Fighter
Theatetus writes "Yahoo! News is running a story from USA Today that Otzi the iceman's murder is more complicated than we thought. It seems Otzi had blood on his clothes and knife from four different people in patterns that suggested he took out two with his bow and carried a wounded or dead person over his shoulder. I sense an action movie in the making..." If you don't remember Otzi, read the original story.
I tried to read the article, but I didn't understand it.
Because I'm just a cave man!
Ah, Phil, we barely knew ye...
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I can see it now! It's got action! It's got Drama! It's got this hot, sexy half-naked female co-star! Throw in some young stud like Vin Deisel as Otzi, and we've got a surefire winner!
Alright, who's with me to bid on the movie rights?
Karma Whoring for Fun and Profit.
He's a distant ancestor of John Oconnor.
All Troll + "offtopic" mods are meta moderated as "Unfair", because you abused the system.
With all the DNA tech we have now, we can make an arrest, right?
The coolest voice ever.
SCO had him whacked
Do not try to read the dupe, thats impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth
What truth?
There is no dupe
Since this murder case is still open, I suggest we get together and frame Darl McPrisonBride for it.
because he was telling copyright fire side stories.
bronze age riaa
"And they were killed in the manner best befitting virgins" ---- "He's dead Jim"
"We deal in lead" - Roland of Gilead
or, to tie in to a previous story, perhaps Otzi is a chimera?
Tanking is a bitch.
OOG_THE_CAVEMAN, we need you now more then ever.
ERROR: Geek reference assigned an unknown value. Subscriber status will be revoked.
-- Fighting mediocrity one bad post at a time.
Next they'll tell us he was actually from the year 1865 sent back in time 5000 years to protect a hot, but dumpy looking cave-chick from the Steam powered Terminator sent from the same future to kill her before she fathered the distant ancestor of Rudolf Diesel...
The Rock will portray Otzi in the movie...
My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle...
Whatever! Sounds to me like he had smacked his would-be wife over the head with a club, and was about to drag her back to his cave, when three ninjas jummped out from behind a rock and started freeking out. Sadly ninjas live the life of the sword, and came to a fitting end. Even if this sword was just a pointy knife.
-makoffee
Also, note that his name wasn't Otzi, and that the introduction of the knife aspect causes us to re-examine previously ruled out suspects.
Maybe he should run for Governor of California.
* rimshot
Just raise the taxes on crack.
He's a distant ancestor of John Oconnor.
In the all-Irish universe where O'Dyson builds O'SKYNET and unwittingly unleashes the O'Terminators?
"I'll be back, ye swags!"
The coolest voice ever.
simple story... he is a fighter...
Conclusion: He failed his last saving throw.
I only look human.
My mother is a halfling and my dad is an ogre, so that makes me an Ogreling
go otzi
He did go. Just not very far.
Dacels Jewelers can't be trusted.
... and what level?
4?
5?
Gashes, arrow wounds, wow, he definitely had more than 10hp!
Nice Fortitude saves, too
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Everyone knows it should be either Steve or Gorak!
Yeah, Otzi was a fighter. So was SCO. Let's just hope that SCO also winds up stabbed, dead, and frozen in the cold alpine mountains.
Is it any surprise that we're all so bored at work. Yes it's busy and I have to work hard. But it feels completely pointless. Obviously it's because I haven't had to fight anyone to the death lately. Really, If we evolved from these people and they evolved to fight for their lives most of the time what is happening now that we don't use any of these skills. My last meal took fighting it out of the plastic bag into the microwave. I actually got mad that I had to wash a fork to eat it. Excellent use of those skills that took hundreds of generations to develop.
Scientists discover 5,300 year old, mumified, Italian badass.
Next season on NBC:
Law and Order: Special Caveman Unit
Presumably because the statute of limitations for murdering a neanderthal is 5,301 years.
Come on, he has a knife and a bow, is dressed in leather armor, so he must be a RANGER!
Mode (3) smart-aleck mode. Press * to return to main menu.
Yeah I know, "not a neanderthal at all", but I couldn't resist the alliteration.
"Otzi" is a nice cute name. Maybe if they'd named him something like "Shiv" or "Kane" people's imaginations wouldn't bestow such benevolent traits upon him automatically.
Maybe he was a cannibal, who was carrying someone he killed back to his lair to consume, when he was attacked by the brothers of his victim, who were intent upon ending his rein of terror over the local populace.
Or maybe I'm a cynic. Heh.
Imagine SCO creating a beowolf cluster on all your bases in Soviet Russia!
This part of the article is interesting...
"'but Otzi is the first known homosexual man that enjoyed being [made a receptacle of lust].... Otzi was the passive partner--of this there is absolutely no doubt.... The sperm was carbon dated.'"
Y'know, at first, I thought: Why would they bother? He's been dead for like 60,000 years; why bother carbon-dating it? Can't we be sure that it's just about as old as ol' Otzi here? Even necrophiliacs wouldn't stoop that low.
Then I thought: Wait a minute, I'm questioning the bottom-line standards of necrophiliacs.
Then I stopped thinking about the issue altogether because I didn't like where it was heading. Ick.
- David Stein
Computer over. Virus = very yes.
It had Brendan Fraser doing a reenactment of the Iceman getting trapped.
--
"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
Otsi J. was seen driving away in a white Ford Flinstonemobile.
Are you kidding? Could you imagine the bragging rights, from fucking 5,000 year old cave-man?
My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle...
I can just imagine the ancient food advertisement: "Got Crotch?"
They'll discover that he actually had *three* arrows in him, and a cloven horn by his side. Turns out that jerk Aragorn didn't put Boromir in a boat after all.
With reasonable men I will reason; with humane men I will plead; but to tyrants I will give no quarter. -- William Lloyd