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Iceman Otzi was a Fighter

Posted by michael on from the purple-heart dept.

Theatetus writes "Yahoo! News is running a story from USA Today that Otzi the iceman's murder is more complicated than we thought. It seems Otzi had blood on his clothes and knife from four different people in patterns that suggested he took out two with his bow and carried a wounded or dead person over his shoulder. I sense an action movie in the making..." If you don't remember Otzi, read the original story.

15 of 245 comments (clear)

  1. But he wasn't gay... by jeffmorgen · · Score: 5, Informative

    ... The Straight Dope

    1. Re:But he wasn't gay... by tambo · · Score: 5, Funny

      This part of the article is interesting...

      "'but Otzi is the first known homosexual man that enjoyed being [made a receptacle of lust].... Otzi was the passive partner--of this there is absolutely no doubt.... The sperm was carbon dated.'"

      Y'know, at first, I thought: Why would they bother? He's been dead for like 60,000 years; why bother carbon-dating it? Can't we be sure that it's just about as old as ol' Otzi here? Even necrophiliacs wouldn't stoop that low.

      Then I thought: Wait a minute, I'm questioning the bottom-line standards of necrophiliacs.

      Then I stopped thinking about the issue altogether because I didn't like where it was heading. Ick.

      - David Stein

      --
      Computer over. Virus = very yes.
  2. Wow it's like a real MMORPG! by cryms0n · · Score: 5, Funny

    Tanking is a bitch.

  3. kernel panic by jared_hanson · · Score: 5, Funny

    ERROR: Geek reference assigned an unknown value. Subscriber status will be revoked.

    --
    -- Fighting mediocrity one bad post at a time.
  4. Re:Action movie? by peculiarmethod · · Score: 5, Informative

    you can tell from how well the bruises on his hips were healed.. among other injuries, and also, he died slowly.. he ritualistically placed a few items in a pattern below his chest.. they remained there perfectly until he was moved for study

    p

    --
    ** "It's not my job to stand between the people talking to me, and the ones listening to me." -- Pego the Jerk
  5. Hot cave man sex by makoffee · · Score: 5, Funny

    Whatever! Sounds to me like he had smacked his would-be wife over the head with a club, and was about to drag her back to his cave, when three ninjas jummped out from behind a rock and started freeking out. Sadly ninjas live the life of the sword, and came to a fitting end. Even if this sword was just a pointy knife.

    --
    -makoffee
  6. Hmmm by Faust7 · · Score: 5, Funny

    He's a distant ancestor of John Oconnor.

    In the all-Irish universe where O'Dyson builds O'SKYNET and unwittingly unleashes the O'Terminators?

    "I'll be back, ye swags!"

    --
    The coolest voice ever.
  7. You gave away the ending already... by Dareth · · Score: 5, Funny

    simple story... he is a fighter...

    Conclusion: He failed his last saving throw.

    --

    I only look human.
    My mother is a halfling and my dad is an ogre, so that makes me an Ogreling
  8. How many HP? by grondak · · Score: 5, Funny

    ... and what level?

    4?
    5?
    Gashes, arrow wounds, wow, he definitely had more than 10hp!

    Nice Fortitude saves, too

    --
    [Error 407: No signature found]
  9. Re:Oh man! by deltronzero · · Score: 5, Funny

    I wouldn't be so sure of that, think, "The Iceman Cumeth"

  10. Rock! by ivanmarsh · · Score: 5, Funny

    Scientists discover 5,300 year old, mumified, Italian badass.

    Next season on NBC:

    Law and Order: Special Caveman Unit

  11. A Fighter? by efuseekay · · Score: 5, Funny

    Come on, he has a knife and a bow, is dressed in leather armor, so he must be a RANGER!

    --
    Mode (3) smart-aleck mode. Press * to return to main menu.
  12. Why do we assume he was a hero? by digger3001 · · Score: 5, Interesting
    Maybe he wasn't a good guy, but a murderer or rapist who was carrying away his "treasure" and being chased by the local peoples.

    It's interesting how people automatically assume he was some explorer, a hero of his time.

    Dig

  13. Re:The speculations just keep getting wilder... by sTalking_Goat · · Score: 5, Insightful
    Lets start from the beginning shall we.

    The first conclusion was that he was walking the alps in Autmn. A sudden storm blew up and he died of Hypothermia.

    The guys that proposed this theory and missed the huge (well not huge but not tiny) arrowhead stuck in his shoulder.

    Then somebody grabbed samples of 5000 old turd from his anus and discovered spring pollen. So the next theory I believe was that he got into a fight, someone/s beat the shit out of him breaking his ribs and he fled into the mountains, collapsed and died of shock.

    Then lo and behold somebody spotted the arrowhead. So then we get the shot in the back theaory and the rib deformation was determined to be post mortem, caused by the pressure of the ice he was frozen in.

    Now because they've found bruises on his rib area , the entire Ice pressure hypothesis goes out the window and we're back to the beating, but with a twist. Blood samples on his shoulder spontaneously exagerates into a wounded wisecracking side kick. Other blood samples become ninja assassins and Otzi is now a Lowly Sheep-Hearder turned Vigilante Out for Justice(TM).

    Have these guys ever heard of Ockham's Razor? I'm no foresic scientist, but this does not seem like the simplest explanation too me.

    In fact this smacks of sensationlism aimed at Joe & Jane Sixpack, so these guys can grab more funding.

    I work in research and if I cooked up a wild story everytime I think I've discovered the 21st Century's version of DNA, my boss would have my head.

    --

    My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle...

  14. O.J. Now looking for the real killers. by cant_get_a_good_nick · · Score: 5, Funny

    Otsi J. was seen driving away in a white Ford Flinstonemobile.