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Land Warrior Army Suits Simplified, Linux-ized
Dosco Jones writes 'The Army is drastically simplifying the makeup of its high-tech soldier ensemble, the Land Warrior, in an effort to make the system less prone to failures and easier to use,' National Defense reports. Defense Tech continues: 'After the last version of Land Warrior failed reliability tests earlier this year, the Army switched gears and decided to make the system less complex and modify the hardware to make it compatible with the new [and controversial] Stryker infantry vehicle. Changes include a more simplified data bus and a Linux-based operating system, as opposed to Windows. 'Evidence shows that Linux is more stable. We are moving in general to where the Army is going, to Linux-based OS', says the program's manager, Lt. Col. Dave Gallop."
Evidence shows that Linux is more stable
I'm sure they'll be hearing from Commander Gates about that one shortly...
-insert a witty something-
Each fighter would get equipped with a small, 500 megahertz computer running Windows 2000...
"Although it has been much improved over earlier prototypes, the system was deemed 'unreliable' and unlikely to survive the rigors of combat," National Defense says.
The thought of Windows even being considered for such a mission critical application (i.e. keeping our boys alive) scares the bejeezus out of me... kinda brings a new meaning to "blue screen of death".
The cost of war just went up by $699
The Marines are going to run FreeBSD, because linux just isn't tough enough.
Fatal error : Could not find gunfile.dll. Please reboot your soldier. now it will be : YOU! STOP, OR I'LL SEND YOU TO /DEV/NULL/.
"The enemy is approaching. Fire away!"
"I can't, sir... There's no compatible driver for this missile launcher yet!"
I recommend downgrading all versions of Soldier to the basic "naked man with stick" functionality which was immensely popular and robust for a good portion of the version history of Soldier. There'd be a lot less problems in the long run, as long as all users comply with the downgrade.
Freedom: "I won't!"
Kind of messy in the midst of combat, having to phone Micro$oft with a soldier's product activation information, so that might be one of the reasons why the Linux choice.
The Army chooses Linux to build the soldier of the future but the Department of Homeland Security chooses Windows. Maybe the Army can protect us from the Department of Homeland Security!
No trees were harmed in the composition of this; however, numerous electrons were inconvenienced.
Speech like that weakens Windows, which weakens the economy and cuts down on campaign contributions to GOP causes. W and the "Justice" Department will be having Gallop arrested as an obvious enemy combatant any second now.
More stable. Like that's so important. It hasn't mattered to Windows for years!
Everyone knows that they are just covering up the fact that they couldn't afford to buy a REAL OS, you know, with the lack of funding the U.S. army gets and all.
Nobody uses Linux for an other reason than its cost, which is actually more than Windows when you take in account its TCO cause windows has all those neat add ons that make life more productive, like clippy.
Sdelat' Ameriku velikoy Snova!
"The minesweeper simulation did not seem to adequately train our engineers"
"You have loaded new ammo in your gun -- Please contact Microsoft for a new activation key."
BSD is designed. Linux is grown. C++ libs
Steve: "Bill, we have a problem. It appears that not only are second world countries and small states switching to linux. The US Army is beginning to use linux in its new systems." A nervous Steve mentions.
:) ]
Shocked, Bill replies "Enough of this. Its time to begin Operation Rotanimret! Is everything in place?"
Steve: "Yes, the worms are ready. The submarines are still running WindowsCE, and the governator of Califorenia is backing us up."
Bill: "Excellent! Release the worm immediately. Something tells me this patch won't make it to the update servers any time soon." Bill says ending with an evil "Muhahahahaaa!"
Steve, now sweaty under the arms reads from an emergency plan: "We had better leave immediately to the bunker. Our estimates show that we will have total control over every windows PC in the world in under 4 hours. Beginning 2 hours from now, the distruction of non-windows pc's will begin."
Bill: Excelent. To the SUV then!
-- Bill and Steve are on the road heading to thier secret underground bunker ---
Bill: Do you remember where the bunker was?
Steve: Not exactly.. I never drive anywhere myself anymore. I'm pretty sure its in this direction though. I'll just ask the car... AutoPC show me a map to the secret underground bunker.
--BSOD--
Bill: Damn. At least this isn't a drive-by-wire SUV. We'd really be in trouble. Give it a second to reboot.
Bill: AutoPC show me a map to the underground bunker.
--Map displayed showing bunker is behind them--
Bill: Darn steve, we have to turn around. Its showing that we passed the bunker.
--Steve turns around and begins following the map--
Steve: Well, here we are. It must be under this penguin factory.
Bill: Wow.. good idea. Whoever hid the secret lair under a penguin factory needs to get a bonus if they survive the nuclear winter we are about to unleash.. in 20 minutes, we need to hurry! Pull in over there.
Steve: Ok. we're here. What the--- Bill, why is your face on the dashboard map?
Bill: Don't know.
AutoPC: Thank you for using AutoPC. This vehicle is being sacrificed to destroy the linux tyrany. Have a nice day!
Bill and Steve look at each other
--Car explodes outside the penguin factory--
[to be continued!]
[feel free to continue
Karma: SELECT `karma` FROM `users` WHERE `userid`=138474;
Buy Steampunk Clothing Online!
Commander Gates - wasn't he in Halo?
Linux is all very well, but if you want auto-aim and stuff to really piss the opposition off, I'd go into battle with an X-box strapped on my back.
You can see the Pentagon news briefs; "we can't fight Al Qaeda because they haven't subscribed to X-box Live..."
The Truth About the Kursk Disaster
... A CD-ROM drive and that it needs drivers.
Some new information has come to light over the Kursk disaster. For those with short attention spans, the Kursk was the submarine that blew up and sank in the Artic Ocean killing all 118 on board. The Russians tried to blame the incident on a collision with an unidentified object. However, sonar tapes which recorded the blasts (a small one at first, then a much larger one two minutes later) cast doubt on these claims. A whistle blower within the Russian military has leaked that the crew of the Kursk was testing a new type of torpedo when the accident occured. It seemed very likely that the test didn't go quite as planned.
While rescue efforts to save the survivors of the Kursk failed, salvage crews were able to recover a 'Black Box' from the submarine which contained detailed accounts of the events leading up to the explosion. As luck would have it, we got a copy of those tapes.
It turns out that the submarine crew was trying to load Microsoft Windows on their fire control computer. Their intent was to replace the aging CP/M operating system with the flashier Windows OS. Apparently, the Russians didn't know about the legendary stability problems exhibited by Windows. The log tapes make this painfully obvious:
Captain: Is the new fire control Windows OS installed yet Comrade?
Seaman: Almost Sir. We just need to finish filling out the registration card.
Captain: Excellent. Soon we will be able to point and click our enemies into oblivian.
[evil laughter in background]
Seaman: Comrade Captain! It is booting! Look, it says "Preparing to run Windows for the first time".
[long pause]
Seaman: Arrgh! Sir, it wants me to reboot again. That makes the 27th time.
Captain: Hmmm. This is not encouraging. Go ahead and reboot again.
Seaman: Aye Sir.
[another long pause]
Seaman: Captain, it is up again. It says it found new hardware
Captain: Where are the drivers?
Seaman: On the CD-ROM.
Captain: You are joking, right?
Seaman: No Sir.
Captain: Reboot the damn thing again. I am starting not to like this Windows.
[another long pause]
Seaman: Sir! It is back! It says it found the Gorby2000 Torpedo and is looking for the device drivers. Do we have a driver disk?
Captain: I do not think so.
Seaman: I will tell it to use the default drivers.
[another long pause]
Seaman: Crap. It wants to reboot again.
Captain: How many times are we going to reboot today? This is taking forever. Our hull is going to rust out before this works.
[another long pause]
Seaman: Sir! It is up and this time it is not asking for anything!
Captain: Really? No device drivers? No registration cards? No user profiles?
Seaman: No Sir. I think it is ready.
Captain: Good work comrade. Now click on the fire control icon and let us see how this works.
Seaman: Clicking now, Sir.
[another long pause]
Captain: Why does the fire control screen have a dancing paper clip on it?
Seaman: I have no idea Sir.
Captain: Hmmm, well try clicking on the menu.
Seaman: Aye Sir. Let us see; Open E-mail, Spam a friend, Mail a Virus, Fire a Torpedo.
Captain: We will spam a friend later. Let us fire a torpedo.
Seaman: Aye Sir.
[another long pause]
Seaman: It is asking us to load the torpedo and to click when ready.
Captain: Torpedo room, load a torpedo in tube number 1!
[intercom:] This is the Torpedo room. The torpedo is loaded Sir.
Captain: Click on the continue button.
Seaman: Aye Sir.
[another long pause]
Seaman: It is asking for a target Sir.
Captain: Hmmm, target the Rainbow Warrior.
Seaman: Aye Sir. Damn! It says the torpedo is low on ink.
Captain: Click ignore. We will get some ink when we return to base.
Seaman: Aye Sir. We are ready to fire.
Captain: Very good. You may fire when ready comrade.
Seaman: Firing torpe
When all else fails, run.
If this wasn't Slashdot, it would probably be something like "Linux Now Bring Used To Kill More People Than Windows".
[note to mods: THIS IS FUNNY]
Honorary Member of Jackie Chan's Kung Fu Process Servers
The Army does use SCO for a bunch of her computer systems, like for Field Artillery fire direction. It's kind of fun to watch people discover that backspace and delete aren't what they're used to.
This reminds me of an episode of Calvin and Hobbes where ole' Spiff almost doesn't make it.
Gentoo: they would have the best weapons platform imaginable, but it would be functional only 1 week every month, the rest of the time would be spent compiling
Debian: they would have the most stable / reliable system, however instead of being compatible with Stryker, it would only be compatible with a WW2 Sherman, as this is the only piece of machinery certified as stable
Red Hat: they would have a fine piece of equipment, until they tried upgrading, then realised they also needed to upgrade their helmets. Upon upgrading their helmets they would realise that the new helmets would not work with their rifles. Upon upgrading rifles they realise that the new rifles are a version too high for their computers.
LFS: Each soldier must get a university degree in computer science before being allowed near the equipment.
GNU / Hurd: Soldier: "FIRE" Computer: "I cannot until you say GNU/Fire" Soldier: "OK, GNU/Fire at the enemy behind the building" Computer: "I cannot until you GNU/say GNU/Fire at GNU/the GNU/enemy behind GNU/the GNU/building...GNU"
I am Monkey, the Great Sage, equal of heaven!
Is an augmented reality display that'll show friendlies with green names over their heads, and enemies with red ones ^.^
Because as we all know, if the all of the world's militaries disappeared, why overnight, the whole world would live in harmony and peace. Especially if firearms were illegal everywhere. Then, no one would have any guns (because killers hate to break the law) or armies, and physically powerful gangs of merciless cutthroats with lots of sword and archery practice would definitely NOT roam the land pillaging and raping peaceful farmers and artisans. It's unthinkable, it's never happened. Why, before there were guns and armies, all people lived in a blessed Utopia free of disease, famine, rampaging predators and rival tribes trying to eat you. It was only when evil men created cities and armies to protect themselves (from God knows what! there was nothing to fear!) that life became to unbearably harsh and, GASP, *BABIES WERE KILLED*! Later, firearms were invented that allowed evil old ladies to actually protect themseleves from gangs of virile young criminals by, *HORROR*, SHOOTING THEM AND HURTING, OR EVEN KILLING THEM!
This madness must stop. I demand a return to good old days when there was no war, disease, guns, filthy capitalist pigs, or PVC packaging that's fucking impossible to open.