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What's the Worst Job Posting You've Seen?
Kickstart70 asks: "Recently myself and a number of friends of mine who work or worked in IT jobs have been remarking on absolutely horrible job postings for low-level IT jobs paying small change. It seems the headhunters and employers are still wanting knowledge in everything, at least one degree but preferably two, and want to keep employees on minimal wages (in the job listing linked, the wage is in Canadian dollars). Is this common everywhere? What's the worst job posting you have seen?"
> WINNT is nice to have.
Don't do it! The organization is clearly run by crazies.
My favorite part:
Software List: Some or all would be preferred.
I mean, damn, $17-$19 is pretty good for Help Desk, even if it is bilingual, but anyone who is familiar with all of the items on that list should make more than God himself. Of course, the poster of this probably works for Kelly Services anyway.
The worst I've seen?
The job posting to find the person who will replace me.
The worst ones I've seen are ones that require you to have gone back in time in order to have enough experience with the software they want you to use:
"Requirements: 5 years experience with Windows 2000..."
at Fuck That Job dot com ..but you know, there are so many of these postings that it's really not that funny anymore. It just reaffirms our belief that management really is trying to squeeze everything they can out of the pee-on workers.
Gotta do something to give that CEO his bonus (studies show that executive compensation has gone up over 17% in the past year. Bah.)
...that as much as you hate your lousy IT job, there are 10 other people who would fill it given the chance. On top of that, I'd rather have a job in IT than working in, say, a meat processing plant. I'm grateful to have a job in IT, even if it sucks.
Let's face it. IT salaries got way ahead of themselves in during the boom. Now the pendulum swings the other way
Have you looked at what a teacher makes or any other number of degree-requiring professions? CAD$40k might sound sucky to you, but I'm betting there's a lot of unemployed IT ppl out there right now who'd take it in a snap.
"I'd rather be a lightning rod than a seismometer." -Ken Kesey
...$0.37 American these days, right? You can do better than that making shoes in Thailand.
-Looking for a job as a materials chemist or multivariat
Its fairly simple - they actually want to employ a dishonest person.
Sent from my ASR33 using ASCII
Requirements: Creative, smart individual who finds delight in working with others and around others. Candidate should have an understanding of computational theory and application and be able to grasp new ideas quickly. Prospective employee should have skills in a couple programming languages as well as the ability to learn a new language or environment quickly. If you are right for this job you will be able to apply your knowledge, logic and intuition to the problems at hand. You enjoy solving problems and discovering new ways to do things. An engineering degree is preferred but not necessary. If you don't have an engineering degree you will be expected to demonstrate competency in math, logic and computer science theory. You will be paid accordingly to your abilities in the above listed requirements.
Instead we see:
Must have 10 years of programming in language A that has been around for 4 years. Most know X,Y,Z. We don't care if you can learn X,Y,Z or understand the theory behind X,Y,Z, you must know it because it is a nice buzz-word right now. Be prepared to unlearn X,Y,Z and learn G,H,J when they become the new buzzwords. We don't want you to think, we want you code!! code!! code!!
But I digress.
"If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer
I saw a posting for mail room personnel at CNet that said "must have 2 years previous corporate mail room experience". And it wasn't for managing the thing, it was just a nomal clerk position.
Would you want to hire someone who was either a) so uncapable that working the mail room is the peak of their abilities or b) so ambition-free that they had multiple years of mailroom experience without advancing?
It was real posting to a real job list, which I thought was very funny, but the poster got banned from the list for their sense of humor.
Professional Wild-Eyed Visionary
I bet you get used to it. Two summers ago, I did web monkey work for a major university hospital, where I got look at up-close STD patient photos (in ultra high resolution taken with a 5MP camera, no less). After half a week, it wasn't such a big deal anymore. After awhile, if a friend showed up to visit me, I would point to a picture I have on the monitor, and say something like "hey look at those little mushrooms," forgetting about the outside world.
There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from the bread factory.
I work at a dot-com company. One you've heard of, trust me. Anyway, we survived the Internet bubble bursting, and most of us kept our jobs, but things were still tough around here for a couple of years.
After finding out that the raises one year would be much smaller than expected, a coworker of mine complained about it. I looked at him in bafflement, and told him he should be thankful to be getting a raise at all. He should be happy to have a job at all.
For that matter, I later reflected, he should be happy simply that he makes enough money to have food to eat, to provide for himself and his loved ones, and not to have to go to bed wondering where his next meal will be coming from. All of us that can say that should be thankful for it.
Yes, the job the submitter pointed to isn't spectacular pay, but it's enough to feed and clothe yourself in comfort. That's more than most people in the world can say. Try to keep a sense of perspective while you're busy complaining about things.
ZFS: because love is never having to say fsck
if you see any truly unbelievably low pay rates, you can bet they're placing the ad just to fulfill a legal requirement before hiring a foreign worker for peanuts.
pr0n - keeping monitor glass spotless since 1981.
As soon as I see 'Administer Outlook/Exchange' and 'on-call 24/7', I don't care how much it pays.
Besides, I don't have 5 years experience with 2K/XP. I don't know if they do that to weed out liars or what, but it's a big red flag to me that the employer is reality-challenged.
I'm not even entirely sure whether they had a version of VS .NET which would compile(as in the program not stuff it created) in the spring of 1998. Ahh well, such is lunacy.
Can I complain about bad interviews to? I submitted a story about bad interviews but its been pending in the que for *6 weeks* (what does that mean?). I had an interview for qualcomm for a 1 month temp position, and the interviewer asked a bunch of jack-ass quesitons, but this one sent me over the edge "where do you see yourself in 5 years?". To this I replied, "Not working at qualcom for 4 years and 11 months!"
Religion is a gateway psychosis. -- Dave Foley
Those that irked me the most were the ones with explicit version requirements, like:
3 years with Java V1.31a7c
2 years Swing V2.93xL
Must have this experience on a Sun station running Solaris 5.839.
The above is an exaggeration, but only slightly.
CmdrTaco does the worst job posting...
Benefits Package: none, contract basis, terminatable at any time without severance package
Pay: $14 Canadian/hour
Wait a minute... what am I doing? Is anyone looking for a developer (or hardware engineer for that matter)?
Hardware, software, and blinking lights!
When I was job-searching last year, it wasn't enough to know a language or API. With all the free tools available, most of us can teach ourselves pretty much anything necessary in a matter of weeks. But most of the abusive job ads had specific requirements for years of paid experience.
I recall going through one ad, getting excited because I really did have the experience they wanted (Unix, C++, etc.). But then I came to the deal-killer, in all caps: "APPLICANT MUST HAVE THIS EXPERIENCE WORKING FOR A MEDICAL EQUIPMENT SUPPLIER."
I posted this a while back, and some people thought it was too true to be funny. Others saw the humor.
How to decode an Oracle DBA Want-Ad
Oracle and unix guy.
I remember looking for intern/co-op positions through my school's placement center.
One year, a major computer hardware company came to campus looking ONLY for Ph.D students willing to do 3 month intern positions at minimum wage. Uh.... Turns out their HR department was a bit overzealous.
Another firm was an IT contracting company. They came to campus looking for new grads with a bachelors in computer science or engineering, and 5 years IT experience... After the representative told the several people that they were wasting his time because they didn't have enough experience, he was escorted off campus and told never to return.
I also recall a major financial institution wanted to hire CS students with 3 years of programming experience for the summer to - and I'm not making this up - *STAND INSIDE THE WALLS TO MAKE SURE THE NETWORK CABLES DIDN"T COME LOOSE OR BREAK*. The job was located in New York City, paid $5/hr, no assisted living, and you were *required* to live within 10 miles of the office. Oh yes, and you were also required to wear a suit at all times (though I have no idea how you were supposed to keep it clean standing inside crawlspaces all day long...)
This company, too, was kicked off campus and told never to return.
How about dogs years?
Interesting that you assume as an executive I don't know much about the IT systems I oversee. Would it suprise you to learn that I have published papers, articles, and a book on the subjects of distributed and parallel computing as well as object-oriented design theory? I rose through the ranks with technical skills, not business skills. I learned my business skills on the job.
I have hired as many people since the "bubble-burst" in March 2000 in the US as in India (actually, probably a bit more in the US). Of course, that probably interfers with your world-view of my type. I have also spent no training money in India, but plenty in the US. I require my outsourcing company to provide trained people, but I hire "fresh" people and train them routinely. Of course, that probably interferes with your world-view of my type as well.
You are free to think I am overpaid, but I can point to plenty of my fellow executives (defined as Director level and above by most business-experts) that make well less that highly-skilled software engineers.
The spec error I missed was buried in hundreds of pages of specs, reviewed by teams of people. You may find this hard to believe, but I have never in my life seen a perfect spec. If you pick up great works of fine literature, you can easily find spelling and gramatical errors. The mistake that I missed was a single missing word.
But, you obviously have a view that no one can change. I feel sorry for people who are so convinced they know everything.
Sarcasm and hyperbole are the final refuges for weak minds
The worst job I saw was about 3 years ago.. The job required a MCSE in a pure unix shop. I called up and asked how many windows machines were in the environment, and there were none. When asked why does it require an MCSE, the statement was that they were best qualified to operate the servers. Go figure..
Hm. I can't help but notice the humor here. And by humor I mean "the fact that you are a complete and total hypocritical asshole"
Honestly, how can you smack this guy down for claiming he knows something about what other people do right after you've presumed to know all about his job and what he knows or doesn't know?
You are a tool, my friend, in every sense of the word. And your attitude completely betrays the truth of this statement... you're very bitter about your tool status. Sorry. Maybe next life!
Nothing to see here.