Slashdot Mirror
Downsides to Intrafamily IM?
Frisky070802 writes "The NY Times has run a column on how many families now use instant messaging within a household, for instance to ask what someone wants for dinner. This is especially popular as whole houses get wired (or wireless) and computers are scattered throughout the house. This is the case at my house but I tend to be the only one who stays on AIM reliably. Can Slashdotters offer some personal experience, pro/con, with being instantly and constantly accessible to one's spouse and children? Does this tend to break down your 'personal time'?"
What ever happened to just screaming/yelling down a hallway?
Steve's Computer Service, Hobbs, NM
Everyone in my family uses AIM to communicate around the house. There aren't really any cons to it aside from the fact that it tends to make you lazier and you lose the exercise of having to get up and walk to the person you want to talk to.
Sometimes my wife will use her PC while we're in my office, and when she wants to know where to find some stuff on the net, i'll usually just IM her a Google hit page..
Also, I spent the summer working at a contract a couple hours away from home, and would frequently use AIM on my cellphone while at dinner to let her know that I was still at dinner and would be calling a little late that night. My little contribution to be one less person yelling into their cellphone in restaurants.
Intelligent Life on Earth
It usually involves me yelling at the top of my voice. I envy those who have a house so large that my voice does not provide adequate coverage.
There is much pleasure to be gained in useless knowledge.
This definitely breaks down personal time between my Girlfriend and I. We share a 1 bedroom apartment, and everyday she and I go our seperate ways to work. While working we usually chat back and forth constantly about current events, what that nights plans are, etc. But I've found over the last several years that when we both arrive home together that evening, there's nothing left to talk about.
It hasn't really damaged our relationship at all, which is nice to know, but it does says something for instant communication while apart.
Put the mouse down.
Step away from the keyboard and nobody gets hurt.
Now go out and interact with people. They're in the same friggin house with you fer chrissakes.
"An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Col. Jeff Cooper
Is it so big that you can't just call out or walk for 10-15 seconds to talk to somebody? I've used IM clients to have a silent conversation in a crowded room before but not for regular communication at home.
HotMamma24242: hay guys wut up its dinnr time
LittleBro33: cool
OlderSis53137: i dont lik 2 eat im 2 fat
DadInCharge98324: shut it oldersis youl eat wut ur mom telz u 2 eat and like it 2 lol
LittleBro33: lolololol haha u got n trubl
OlderSis53137: shut up il run aimnuke on u
*LittleBro33 has disconnected
HotMamma24242: its not nice to aimnuke ur brothr
DadInCharge98324: ur gonna get a spankin
OlderSis53137: no1 n this famly understands me i h8 u all
HotMamma24242: but i made teriaki chikn
This is ridiculous. Just physically walk into the room they are in and ask them "What do you want for dinner?" Are people becoming so lazy and scared of others (including family) that they can only communicate via IM, cell phones, email...ect.
Trust me the small walk from room to room, will not affect your pear like body shape.
Well, I don't know about you, but in my experience I...oh, dammit! Hang on, my kid just IMed me, he needs help with his homework. I'll finish this later. To the living room I go...
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I'm AIM'ing my brother right now from my laptop. Its actually really nice, since if you see a cool website, you can just send a link, instead of running upstairs and showing it to him on his computer.
What IM is really useful for, however, is keeping in touch with people long-distance. IM has a relaxed, conversational quality that you can't get from a phone call. With the phone, there is pressure to finish the call quickly, and it is something that you do on special occasions. With IM, you can just say hi, or share a random funny thought, without wasting anyone's time.
A deep unwavering belief is a sure sign you're missing something...
hearing the "BLAH BLAH BLAH!"... "WHAT?"... "BLAAHH BLLAAAHH BLAAAHHH!!"... "WHAT?"... thankfully it's just me and 1 other at home, so I only deal with that at the family's...
I use it work to talk to people in the next cube over... because it cuts down on voice-noise at work, it allows me to be at my PC and doing other things while someone else's brain churns to come up with thoughts... It also offers some privacy against cube-snoopers who sit and listen to other people's conversations... of course IM is clear text so it's usually just idle jabber... anything more classified requires a trip to Chotchkie's for coffee
I use instant messaging with some of my extended family members. It's a great way of staying in touch. The only excuse for instant messaging someone in your own household, however, is if you do not possess muscle control over your legs. I mean, good god. Walk down the hallway and get a little excercise at least. That much laziness and your computer chair will give you bed sores.
Ok, enough is enough. I can't believe there are professionals in this world that think this is a GOOD thing. I regularly stop IM conversations with a phrase like - "Shouldn't this be a phone/face-to-face conversation?" The text medium simply leaves too much room for misunderstanding.
Families need to learn to DEAL with eachother, and having your body language and voice inflection sheilded sure as hell isn't going to help.
Kids these days. (I'm 22, and I get scared.)
you obviously don't have a baby. when you are in bed with sleeping baby next to you on the wireless laptop and wife is working in the home office, IM is a godsend.
screaming=kid wakes up = your 20 minutes of private time today is over!
DO NOT DISTURB THE SE
I've just been reading the past 30+ comments, and no one seems to think that this is a problem!!
Sure, for the teen geeks out there who like a lil privacy (I don't mean like thaT.. well, maybe I guess I do) this is OK for. But for a family to be a family this sure does pose major problems?
A poster a few messages up claimed his wife and him have nothing to talk about when they get home after talking all day. What about for the parent and child who would rather IM while around the house. Doesn't prolonged exposure to this make the child more unwilling to talk to his/her parent face-to-face about sex/drugs/abuse??
I know I tried my damnedest to remain an reclusive troll around my house, but thankfully my parents were active in my life and always asked questions. Hindsight being what it is, I'm glad we came to a good balance between privacy and parenting! That sort of thing requires you to LOOK at your parents and FACE your problems/fears.. not hitting "Block" or "Exit".
I know I have a point here, and I'm trying to find it.
When modding "Informative", please make sure it both has a source and IS actually informative.
For example: me, my brother, my mom and my dad all live in different cities. We keep in touch via IM.
- This isn't the sig you're looking for. Move along, move along..
so families are using a new communication tool to, um, communicate, and people are asking if this is reducing communication within families?
is im or email or irc or phone or letter or videophone or telegraph the same as talking face to face? no, they're all different. and none are best, certain circumstances lend themselves better to certain methods. some people find letters a better method of telling family members bad news. i like people to email me info like addresses, phone numbers or email addresses. irc is a nice supplement to conference calls as it lets taking minutes be distributed.
but i supposed change always sees this. "oh no, it's different, it must be BAAAAD!"
whatever.
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We're a 2-parent, 2-kid family. Most of our computers are in one room, a kind of in-home NOC. Often all 4 of us are in this room, on the computers, and often all on IM. There we sit, our backs to each other, and sometimes rather than talk we'll all IM each other. We all admit it's pretty pathetic and pretty weird, but dammit, we like it that way.
C'mon, baby, kiss The King.
The old-fashioned wireless communications method - very nice!
To the newer geeks: The above post is referring to the old wireless technology that utilized a unique QOS priority technique. Messages were encoded using higher and higher DB levels that really worked well - the louder the scream the faster people responded....
From excellent karma to terible karma with a single +5 funny post...
Dad: What? You won't eat your vegetables?
Kid: Nope. They're gross.
Dad: (Goes to computer) +b #tvroom
Kid: NOOOOOOOO!!!! BUT DAAAADDDDD!!!!
Well why not just get some webcams and video-conference?
"How's the weather in the living room dear?"
"Just peachy snookums, let's go to www.pizzahut.com for dinner!"
"Great idea pooky... let me just finish up my orders at www.peapod.com and www.netflix.com"
Wow, man I think my geek-o-meter just melt while I was reading this post. And I had to shut down my weird-o-meter to prevent it from melting as well.
Well, I like IM, I use it every day with. But when I'm a few meters away from the person I'm chatting with, I discovered that opening my mouth to talk was much better. You should do the same, and you'll see that real-life communication with people (especially family) is a nice thing.
____
nico
Nico-Live
I didn't refer to the google cache of the article because the google cache isn't intended to bypass site registration policies.
Why can't people register, for free, without complaining?
Mencken had it right. So glad that's old news.
Just as typing for 20+ years has KILLED my penmanship (Penpersonship?) using IM intra-family is the equivalance to emailing the guy in the cubicle next to you.
It will lead to a break-down in communication.
For example, growing up, I had 4 flights of stairs to travel to get to my main family's floor. I occupied the basement. I got tired of going up and down the stairs and decided to install an intercom. Even less reason to interact with my family I soon became the "hermit".
Kids need to go outdoors, interact with PEOPLE not just for their own good, but for the good of the human race's future communicative skillz!
Yes I know I put a z.
Canadian Bred with American Buttering
kewlkid: okay baby i'm taking off ur pantz...
gran1922: okay
kewkid: fuck i thought you were melissa. sorry gran
gran: dont stop...!
Here is a typical day for me when I have to work at a client's office:
wife> you'll never guess who called
me> can it wait? I'm working here.
wife> oh it'll just take a sec...
wife> blah blah blah
me> *insert random emoticons to make it appear that I am actually paying attention*
wife> ok, so when will you be home?
me> soon, I just got to finish this one last thing...which I will get done as soon as we quit talking.
wife> ok bye
* a couple of minutes pass *
wife> guess what happened on *insert dumb soap opera here*
and so on. Once I put her on my blocked list but she figured that out and really got pissed.
I'm reading this topic with much interest and interested on how other people deal with IM. I like it and hate it at the same time!
-Pat
If for no other reason than you might catch him doing something he's not supposed to be doing. I know that, as a child, I was terrified of doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing because my mom/dad could wander into my room at any moment.
;)
As if the threat of going blind wasn't enough...
-- Mojo Tooth : exploring our world as only an idiot can.
Then don't read the article.
karma karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go, you come and go.
I asked my daughter why she preferred IM to the old teenage standby -- hours on the phone. The answer surprised me. She could see who was online.
From her perspective it solved two problems
1. You knew in advance who was available to talk (lowered chance of rejection).
2. It avoided the unpleasant experience of having to mediate access through a parent ("he's not in", "he can't come to the phone", "he's been grounded and can't talk"). This is actually a variant of #1.
So it's all about saving face and managing rejection. IM provides lots of strategies and aids to do just that.
Given that it solves or mitigates two teenage problems (potential rejection by absence or parent, and parental control), I predict the first cellphone company to implement a usable buddy list wins.
It does seem strange though especially to visitors. My mother-in-law spent Christmas with us for the first time and seemd to have a bit of difficulty accepting the "impersonalness" of paging your kids. I felt funny about it too until I realized that I actaully communicate with them MORE than if I had to get my lazy ass up, walk all the way across the house, down the stairs and to their bedrooms to ask them a quick question. Besides, I'm generally calling them to come to me (for dinner or to talk face-to-face) so by paging them it actually see them sooner.
I think it is the sign of the times. When new technologies come out there are the early adopters who try to use it in every way imaginable - they "work out the bugs". If the use is truly usefull it will survive. If not it will decline, eventually settling into an equilibrium between "coolness" and effectiveness. for my personal situation IM is NOT effective so it was replaced with slightly older (paging) technology.
We recently got the last of my extended family off windows (and on to OS X) which gave us all the ability to use iChatAV. At first it was cool and new, but then it became a pain. Just because my "buddy list" claimed my sister was on didn't mean she was - it usually was one of her kids or she was outside and she'd see a stack of connections when she'd get back in. Thinking it was important she'd try to IM me only to find me not at my computer so she'd call me long distance only to find out I didn't really have much to say except "Hi".
Half the time I had my iChat activated I was actually "in-and-out" of the room and when I got a call I had to stay by the computer to talk and I was unproductive. So I started setting my iChat to offline or busy and eventually just turned it off when I didn't want to be interrupted. Pretty soon everyone started doing that. I have iChat on right now and NO ONE ELSE IS THERE - not even my kids - and I know they are online because my cablemodem's blinkenlights are going nuts and I'm just typing this.
I think every generation will use new technology in such a way that will dismay the older generation. Heck, I recall reading that blackboards were hailed as the worst thing possible for schools (because students would be looking at it instead of the teacher) when they first came out. Technology changes much and society will change with it. I have to admit that with my wife working nights the kids and I, more often than not, have dinner together around the "magic-expando" coffe table in front of the TV than around our dining room table. My mother would have a fit! All our meals were around a formal table when I was a kid.
Change is the only constant in the universe. And when things change too far in one direction the pendulum always swings back. I NEVER write snail mail any more - but I communicate with my parents (they live in southern Mexico, I live in Alaska) way more now via email than I ever did by snail mail. At first, my mother missed the "hand-written" letters, but now much prefers the quick reliability of email.
There may come a day when students sit at home in front of a "hollow-teacher" instead of in a classroom and people will lament the loss of social interaction. But I know one thing: If physical contact is truly important to human developement we will get it one way or another. If not, our society will evolve into one where socialization will occure "virtuall
"terrorism" and "pedophilia" are the root passwords to the Constitution
Well, I for one don't enjoy tossing my information about willy-nilly just to read an article
Psssst...don't tell anyone I told you this, but...you don't have to use your real information.
My husband and I often work long or odd hours, or other committments will have us coming and going, but we usually have access to a computer while at work, besides what we have at home.
It's very easy to chat about the day (vent frustrations, really, or the question of what's for dinner and who's picking it up, etc.) while it is happening or we have a free moment. There are days that if we see each other, one of us might be sleeping, so we may not get to chat at home for a few days in a row, but through email and IM we can still communicate ("don't wait up for me" - "dinner is on your own", etc.)
If it weren't for IM, I'd fear that we wouldn't get to talk very often or know what's going on in each other's lives. But since we're usually both wired, we can still communicate even when we're not in the same physical place.
-mrv
My spouse and I share an office. We sit across from each other. We can each look to the left of our monitors and see the other's face -- no yelling required (especially after putting the Athlon with jet-engine-like fan in the next room; door shut).
We still IM each other, every day. Why? Because we read a lot of web information and it's just so convenient to post a link to the other about our findings.
Or when a family member IMs one of us, it's easy to just copy the Jabber log out of gaim and paste it into the other's message window and share a conversation.
Or when a client IMs one of us, we can let the other in on the question or panic-stricken demand for help and colaborate on a course of action.
That's why!
The only problem I see with this sudden increase in instant communication is the eventual rise of linguistic entropy. Have you ever read an old collection of letters? I remember being impressed at some of the letters foot soldiers in the Civil War wrote to their families. Even moderately educated people seemed to write very well. I'm sure I sound like an old fogey, and that's okay. I also understand that language is an evolving thing. However, I think we are slowly degrading our language much in the same way instant mass media has eroded our art.
What do you mean my sig is repetitive? What do you mean my sig is repetitive? What do you mean....
And it's not stupid, and it's actually helpful.
:)
When we're both concentrating on whatever project that we're cooperating on, being able to send messages asynchronously to each other is fantastic as we can send replies to each other when we've finished a section of work.
Think of it as computer-assisted cooperative multitasking.
It was called collision avoidance. When your old man was communicating you avoided interrupting him otherwise there would have been a collision between you and him...
From excellent karma to terible karma with a single +5 funny post...
So far, I've seen over a dozen posts suggesting that me chatting with my teenage sons are: an example of the breakdown of the modern family, an indication that we're a bunch of lazy geeks, or a sign that we need to go out and socialize. It's interesting to see these judgements, as they all assume that you know me or my family.
Yes, my oldest son and I IM each other when we're in the same house. We have even IM'd each other when in the same room. Typically, we both had parallel conversations going on with other people online, and also were talking "face to face" along with the IMs. Oddly enough, many of the posters in this thread don't seem to realize that some things are simply more funny when written than when spoken, and if both parties are reasonably good typists, the conversations can flow quite freely.
Also, there are some conversations that are awkward or uncomfortable to have in person. One of the reasons that lonely people use IM to establish new relationships is because of the comfort and anonymity of the medium. This can also be beneficial to people who know each other well, if there's an awkward subject that you want to discuss.
Recently, my son and I were discussing an article on the NY Times (I'm one of those weirdos who doesn't mind that they know I read their articles) about teenage sexuality, and the incidence of intercourse falling in the past couple of years. Now, this would be a bit of an odd conversation to have with your dad at any point, but especially when you're a teenage boy, currently in a dating relationship. Because of the medium, I was able to cast my question in a non-threatening way, and he was able to compose his response without me watching his expression, or second-guessing his body language.
Last but not least, I correct his grammar and spelling, and encourage him to learn to express himself with the written word. IM seems to be as good a place for immediate feedback and correction as any.
In short, before you assume that families chatting is another sign of impending doom, please be a bit more informed.
Tim
P.S. WRT us being a bunch of lazy geeks, he's 15, playing JV & Varsity basketball and football, and we regularly compare weightlifting routines. He regularly challenges me (typically by throwing a cross-body block in the kitchen), and is looking forward to the day (not far off) when he can "take dad down." Unfortunately for my wife, he weighs 190 lbs, and I weigh 230, so when we wrestle, things usually get broken. I'm no stud, but it's not like we sit around on our butts all day in front of the PC.
And I send email and IMs to the guy in the next cube over all the time, for two simple reasons:
a) Email, because there's no reason for me to try to verbally explain a problem when I can just send the original report, with all the details, over for his review
Or...
b) IM because there are just some things that shouldn't be shouted in a corporate environment, even though I'm already known by my coworkers for loud strings of four-letter expletives, especially when dealing with the marketing, revenue, or legal departments. Also good for sending backchannel thoughts while sitting on giant conference calls (and my phone doesn't have a mute button)
My entire family (all five of us) have had aim accounts since '99. My mom uses it at work to message us at home and we use it at home to message each other throughout the house rather than yelling (it pisses dad off). All in all, it's made our life a little quieter and peaceful. Downside is, you have a better chance of talking to someone on AIM than in person around here. Eh, welcome to the digital revolution I guess...
see sig. see sig run. run sig run.
I'd like to thank all the little people who made this possible.
I'm time traveling, right now
Even easier - put in (what name you'd like)@mailinator.com. Check the confirm e-mail at mailinator.com, and that's it.
Neat thing - mailinator accepts any e-mails going to it and automatically makes a new account with no password. So you don't even have to sign up beforehand. Very useful.