Gene Therapy Creates Strong Super-Rats

srstoneb writes "The AP is reporting about a gene therapy study in which muscle tissue in rats is modified to grow at an accelerated rate. The researchers are mainly interested in combating muscular dystrophy, but obviously there are other potential applications, both good and bad, for a treatment which makes you stronger. Athletic ethics are addressed in the article (it's in the sports section, after all), and rec.arts.comics.marvel.universe regular Tom Galloway -- who posted the link there, where I saw it -- made a comparison to the 'super-soldier serum' that created Captain America. Based on the article, a vaguely Wolverine-like healing factor is another benefit as the therapy allows faster recovery from injury. We already had a non-powered superhero reported last year. Who knows what the future may hold? ^_^" (And that's not the only natural-born superhero.)

Comments

Great, thats all we need...

[myowntrueself]

Rats with "vaguely Wolverine-like healing factor".

Wonderful.

I can see the pest control guys kitting up with miniguns and RPGs.

Re:Great, thats all we need...

[originalTMAN]

Well, most of us have been training for this day for quite a while. I think the world will be safe.

Re:Great, thats all we need...

[Borg453b]

Yes - I knew my l337 skillz would come to good use eventually. 'I frag purely to save the world and impress the chicks'

Almost too embarrassed to say but....

[nano2nd]

I for one welcome our new mutant rat overlords.

Re:Almost too embarrassed to say but....

[Anonymous Coward]

Sorry, I wasn't clear enough in my original post. It should have been more like "in light of all the overuse of this joke, why was it..."

It is official; Netcraft confirms: Welcoming our new Overlords is dying

One more crippling bombshell hit the already beleaguered Overlord Welcoming community when IDC confirmed that Overlord Welcoming market share has dropped yet again, now down to less than a fraction of 1 percent of all +5 funny moderations. Coming on the heels of a recent Netcraft survey which plainly states that welcoming our new overlords has lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. Welcoming our new overlords is collapsing in complete disarray, as fittingly exemplified by failing dead last in the recent Slashdot comprehensive moderation test.

You don't need to be a Soviet Russian to predict Welcoming our new Overlords' future. The hand writing is on the wall: Welcoming our new Overlords faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for Welcoming our new Overlords because Welcoming our new Overlords is dying. Things are looking very bad for Welcoming our new Overlords. As many of us are already aware, Welcoming our new Overlords continues to lose market share. Red ink flows like a river of blood.

Welcoming our new Giant Rat Overlords is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core trolls. The sudden and unpleasant departures of long time New Overlord trolls Jordan Hubbard and Mike Smith only serve to underscore the point more clearly. There can no longer be any doubt: Welcoming our new Overlords is dying. All major surveys show that Welcoming our new Overlords has steadily declined in market share. Welcoming our new Overlords is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If Welcoming our new Overlords is to survive at all it will be among trolls rated at -1. Welcoming our new Overlords continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, Welcoming our new Overlords is dead.

Fact: Welcoming our New Overlords is dying

Re:Almost too embarrassed to say but....

[MP3Chuck]

"You don't need to be a Soviet Russian to predict Welcoming our new Overlords' future."

You mean to say that in Soviet Russia, new Overlords welcome me? I'm flattered...

Splinter first, turtles later

[Anonymous Coward]

Progis Riport 1.

Algernon kickd me in th nuts! It is sawr.

Dateline 2020...

[heironymouscoward]

Superrat "Mitee Mus" runs for governor of the Democratic Republic of California, winning 63% of the votes. Standing 7'3" tall, weighing 120kg and gifted with an IQ of 192, Mitee Mus told reporters "Now I can get to the real business of building nice warm nests for every Californian". He is married to the cousin of a Kennedy.

I'm all for it...

[Arcanix]

This is the only way we'll be able to compete in hand to hand combat with the robots that we'll assuredly create and be forced to fight against in the near future.

rec.arts.comics.marvel.universe

[Anonymous Coward]

You mean the usenet is still used for things besides spam, porn, and warez??? I can't believe it.

Turtles?

[SJ]

Great, we have the rat... now we just need some turtles.

Re:Hrmm

[Savage-Rabbit]

" ... Eugenics war ... "

That is the least of our worries!!! PRAY that your grandchildren will NOT have a neat little inscription behind their right ear that reads.

"DNA Encoded by Microsoft (c)."

Ultimate Super Hero International Team!

[SoupIsGood Food]

I will assmeble the ultimate real-life superhero team to Save the Universe! It will be called the Ultimate Super Hero International Team! The roster is carefully chosen to represent the most gifted and talented real-life adventurers from across the globe!

On it will be the daring leader and Weapons Expert, Angle Grinder Man! (Linked to above.) Also...

Aerospace Expert: Lawn Chair Larry!

Science and Technology Expert: Troy Hurtubise, inventor of the famous Bear Proof Suit! (Tested by real bikers! And bears! It's bear and biker proof!)

Matter Eating Expert: Sonya Thomas, the Black Widow!

Sneaking Across the Country Naked Expert: Steven Gough!

With these mighty heroes, the Ultimate Super Hero International Team, the Universe shall be Saved!

SoupIsGood Food

Re:This is going to be a trip!

[Penguinshit]

Darl McBride is a Russian boxer?

Re:Hrmm

[radja]

at least they'll have blue eyes then.. or at least occasionally..

Obligatory SNL transcript...

[Cyno01]

Dennis Miller: In response to what its sponsors claim is an idea whose time has come, the first All-Drug Olympics opened today in Bogota, Columbia. Athletes are allowed to take any substance whatsoever before, after, and even during the competition. So far, 115 world records have been shattered! We go now to correspondent Kevin Nealon, live in Bogota for the Weightlifting Finals. Kevin?

Kevin Nealon: Dennis, getting ready to lift now is Sergei Akmudov of the Soviet Union. His trainer has told me that he's taken antibolic steroids, Novacaine, Nyquil, Darvon, and some sort of fish paralyzer. Also, I believe he's had a few cocktails within the last hour or so. All of this is, of course, perfectly legal at the All-Drug Olympics, in fact it's encouraged. Akmudov is getting set now, he's going for a cleaning jerk of over 1500 pounds, which would triple the existing world record. That's an awful lot of weight, Dennis, and here he goes.

[ Kevin steps aside to reveal the steroid-bulked athlete bent over to lift the 1500 lbs. weight. Sergei tightens his grip on the barbells and pulls up, but instead of lifting the weights, his arms are pulled off and blood squirts ferociously out of his pulpy stubs. ]

Kevin Nealon: Oh! He pulled his arms off! He's pulled his arms off, that's gotta be disappointing to the big Russian! [ Sergei's trainer wraps a towel around him ] You know, you hate to see something like this happen, Dennis! He probably doesn't have that much pain right now, but I think tomorrow he's really gonna feel that, Dennis! Back to you!

Dennis Miller: Thank you, Kevin. Very nice form on the Russian. Canada, of course, is leading that competition.

credit

Cue new series.. X-Animaniacs?

[Channard]

'What do we do tonight, Brain?'

'That's Magneto, damn you! And we do the same thing we do ever night, Pinky.. try to take over the world with our rodent superpowers! And how many times do I have to tell you? Stop licking off that blue body paint!'