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LOTR to Become a London Musical
PenguinRadio writes "Sky is reporting that Lord of the Rings will become 'the most expensive musical ever seen in London', sporting a price tag of 8 million pounds and a running time of nearly 3 and 1/2 hours."
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seriously, what? this is as dumb as 'Doonsbury on Ice'. All they need is a Rick Wakeman score to ensure that noone will want to remember this existed 5 years from now.
/Obvious
I can't imagine elves jumping around a stage singing about forest like or whatever...
---
Never criticize religion on Slashdot. You will be modded down for "Troll" no matter how factual it is.
Nope. April 1st isn't for another 18 days. Nice try though.
-S
--- What parts of "shall make no law", "shall not be infringed", and "shall not be violated" don't you understand?
"The Ballad of Shelob."
I'll pass, thank you.
(Courtesy of Daily Telegraph)
I met him down in Mordor, he gave me the eye -
Da do Sauron-ron, da do Sauron,
And then he nearly slayed me, what a wicked guy!
Da do Sauron-ron, da do Sauron.
When I picture that in mind I find it quite funny. I can imagine the stage dark and the crowd all hushed, with Gollum staring into his palm, singing 'Why oh why did this ring find meeeeeeeeeeee' in a deep operatic voice (ie non Gollum-esque).
Mother, do you think they'll like this sig?
didn't the film come out? Won't the musical tell the same story?
Jonathanjk.com
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "That's the worst idea I've ever heard, and I don't want to play."
Hobbit's scampering about on the stage in a chorus line?
The deadly dance of the orcs?
Sam's love ballad to Frodo?
I can just envision Gandalf dancing, tossing away his hat and staff for a top hat and cane.
There are so many reasons this needs to NOT happen.
I've got a theory, that it's a Nazgul, A dancing Nazgul. No, something isn't right there.
(Frodo)
I've got a theory, that Bilbo is dreamin' And we're all stuck inside his wacky Broadway nightmare.
(Aragorn)
I've got a theory we should work this out.
(The Fellowship except Gandalf)
It's getting eerie, what's this cheery singing all about?
(Gimli)
It could be Elves, some evil Elves. Which is ridiculous 'cause Elves they were persecuted wicked good and loved Middle Earth and fairie power and I'll be over here.
(Merry)
I've got a theory, it could be lunchtime...
[crickets chirping]
Dude, where's my packet?
how are they going to dance and sing for 9 hours, and who is going to sit through a play that long???
The best part will be when they are pretending to ride horses everywhere, should make any serious scene look totally absurd.
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
Invisibility Fairies #'s 1 and 2 will come out and cover Frodo in a black cloak, and then sing.
"Where'd he go? Where has he gone? Frodo disappeared before I got to say so long! Invisible, he's gone, you see! Disappeared in the middle of Bree!"
...when the Fellowship sings "The Hills are Alive..." on the slopes of Carhadras?
Got mead?
Yeah, I mean... Slashdot even has a LOTR category!
After all, Legolas's antics were not far off....
/. Where the truth
they do it every year at the Bayreuth festival, don't they.
Oh wait - that's Wagner's Ring cycle.
Skot Nelson music is my saviour / i was maimed by rock and roll
Mr. frodo Mr. frodo
*everyone*: MR. FRODO MR. FRODO
Gollum: Can you get the ring?
Sauron: you know, that little thing?
Frodo: Im not sure, but i know I can sing!
*everyone*: MR. FRODO MR. FRODO
and so on..
Note to self: get smarter troll to guard door.
If it doesn't have Leonard Nimoy singing the ballad of Bilbo Baggins, it will fail for sure.
what's next? turning it into a book?
I think Mel Gibson ought to direct a musical of "The Silmarillion" done entirely in Elvish. Estimated running time: 13 hours!
That ought to cure the general public of their love for Tolkien's material in a big hurry!
Just watch, LOTR, the musical, will be released in Germany under the title 'Das Rheingold'. I think most of the adaptation work has been done on the German version by some guy named Wagner.
"I hate every ape I see From Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z"
I hear Time Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber are doing the music. A snippet of the script has already leaked to the net:
Setting: Stern of ship as it sails West into the sunset.
Scene MCLXXXVIII
(Frodo stands on stool so he can be seen over stern of ship.)
FRODO SINGS:
Mem'ry
All alone in the Shire
I can smile at the old days
Life was beautiful then
I remember
The time I knew what happiness was
Let the mem'ry live again
(Gandalf, stage left)
GANDALF SINGS:
Don't cry for me, Middle Earth
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance
(Chorus of elves, dwarves and men start dancing a-la Can-Can, stage right.)
CHORUS SINGS:
Frodo Baggins, Superstar
How tall are you, what have you sacrificed?
Frodo Baggins, Superstar
Do you think you're gay as they say you are?
(Adapted from the opening of The Producers, with apologies to Mel Brooks.)
... that ... soon we'll be going ... ... ... WAR!
Middle-Earth was having trouble, what a sad sad story
Needed a new leader to restore its former glory
Where oh where was he
Where could that lord be?
We looked around, and then we found
The Maia for you and me
So, now its Springtime for Sauron, and Middle-Earth
Mordor is happy and gay,
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out here comes the Orcish race
Springtime for Sauron, and Middle-Earth
Winter for Gondor and Rohan
Springtime for Sauron, and Middle-Earth
Come up Ringwraiths, go into your dance.
Nazgul Lord: I did get a magic ring, and that is why I'm the Witch-King.
Nazgul: Don't be stupid, be a braino, don't throw the ring in the volcano.
Springtime for Sauron, and Middle-Earth
(Clash of iron on iron)
Goose-step's the new step today
(Oliphant bellows)
Fell Beasts in the skies again,
(Fell Beast cries shrilly)
Mordor is on the rise again
Springtime for Sauron, and Middle-Earth
Corsairs are sailing once more
Springtime for Sauron, and Middle-Earth
Means
We've got to be going
You know we'll be going to
*Sarumon* (Sung to the tune of *Spiderman*)
Sarumon, Sarumon.
Does whatever Lord Sauron can.
Casts a spell, any size.
Breeding orcs, just like flies.
Hey there, there goes Lord Sarumon.
Is he strong? Listen, Dork,
He's got armies of super orcs.
Can he change Isengard?
All night long, plotting hard.
Look out! There goes Lord Sarumon.
[more later]
*Rohan* (Sung to the tune of *Roxanne*)
[Lyrics open with Worntongue]
Rohan
You don't have to have to put up a good fight.
Rohan
You don't have to sell out your horsely might.
Rohan
You don't have to have to put up a good fight.
Rohan
You don't have to mourn King Theoden's fading light.
[Gandalf and friends, after freeing Theoden]
Rohan! (Put up the good fight)
Rohan! (Put up the good fight)
Rohan! (Put up the good fight)
[Umm, more later] Solomon Kevin Chang
"Twice half-assed makes an ass whole." --Solomon K. Chang
a running time of nearly 3 and 1/2 hours.
Only 3 1/2 hours?
They're going to cut Tom Bombadil again!
May we never see th
And they have pointy hobbit ears!
And look at the clothes flying in the air behind Leonard Nimoy; it looks like they're stripping off, too.
Why, it's obvious they are man-starved bisexual hobbit girls, and nancy-boy Nimoy is giving them no satisfaction...
All in all, the stuff of a very perverted fantasy. Too bad Leonard Nimoy ruins it for me, although I am sure there are those for whom he makes it even better....
-ccm
Too much Law; not enough Order.