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OpenBSD Meets The Cat License Sketch [updated]

Ash'aman writes "The OpenBSD crew have just posted lyrics and illustrations for the upcoming release of OpenBSD 3.5. Included is a hillarious parody of the Monty Python 'cat license' sketch with respect to their battle against software patents over redundancy protocols. Check it out here." The sketch is ready; the software is listed with a May 1st release date. As several Monty Python fans have pointed out, the original sketch is officially called the fish license sketch; the cat just comes earlier in the script.

77 comments

  1. Re:My OpenBSD success story by Juntao · · Score: 1

    Busted! OpenBSD doesn't support SMP ... yet.

  2. The Original Python Skit is the 'Fish License' by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Informative

    'Cat License'?

    It's Not 'Cat License', you smarmy Git! Run, Don't Walk, to the video store and rent episode #23 of Monty Python's Flying Circus..

    And you call yourself a Geek... For Shame.

    1. Re:The Original Python Skit is the 'Fish License' by Dr.+Smeegee · · Score: 2, Redundant
      `Strewth. To Wit:

      Fish Licence Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a fish license, please.
      Shopkeeper: A what?
      Customer: A license for my pet fish, Eric.
      Shopkeeper: How did you know my name was Eric?
      Customer: No no no, my fish's name is Eric, Eric the fish. He's an halibut.....

    2. Re:The Original Python Skit is the 'Fish License' by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Um, this is a bit late, but... are you sure the full sketch isn't in another episode? In #23, John Cleese pulls out an Ataturk biography after being questioned about the menagerie, and after a few more seconds, the show segues into a football sketch.

  3. kudos to openbsd by raffe · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Big kudos to the openbsd people for moving away from patents. It foss doesnt look carefully software patents will cruch us!

  4. This sketch is funnier by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    DEAD OPERATING SYSTEM SKETCH Cast:
    Mr. Praline: John Cleese
    Shop Owner: Michael Palin

    A customer enters an operating system shop.

    Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint. (The owner does not respond.)
    Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?
    Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
    Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
    Owner: We're closin' for lunch.
    Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this operating system what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
    Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, *BSD...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
    Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
    Owner: No, no, it's uh,...it's resting.
    Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead operating system when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
    Owner: No no it's not dead, it's, it's restin'! Remarkable OS, *BSD, idn'it, ay? Beautiful kernel!
    Mr. Praline: The kernel don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
    Owner: Nononono, no, no! It's resting!
    Mr. Praline: All right then, if it's restin', I'll wake it up! (bashes at the keyboard) 'Ello, Mister *BSD! I've got a lovely fresh kernel update for you if you show...

    (owner hits the keys)

    Owner: There, it spewed some debug output to the command line!
    Mr. Praline: No, it didn't, that was you hitting the keys!
    Owner: I never!!
    Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!
    Owner: I never, never did anything...
    Mr. Praline: (yelling and typing into the console repeatedly) 'ELLO COMMAND PROMPT!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock cron job!

    (Rips out hard drive from computer case and thumps it on the counter. Shoves it back inside the case and reboots the system - blank screen.)

    Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead operating system.
    Owner: No, no.....No, it's stunned!
    Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?
    Owner: Yeah! You stunned it, just as it was finishing an I/O task! *BSD stuns easily, major.
    Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That operating system is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of responsiveness was due to it bein' in the process of recompiling itself after a particularly comprehensive code update.
    Owner: Well, it's...it's, ah...probably pining for some dilettante dabbling.
    Mr. Praline: PININ' for some DILETTANTE DABBLING?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I started Emacs?
    Owner: *BSD prefers swapping everything out to the hard drive! Remarkable variant, id'nit, squire? Lovely kernel!
    Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining the system when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been printing any text at all to the screen was because of all the WORRYING COMPILER WARNINGS encountered while it was being rebuilt.

    (pause)

    Owner: Well, o'course it was spitting out those warnings! If I hadn't updated the kernel with an unstable development build, you might have had your FTP server compromised [slashdot.org], and VOOM! Bye bye to your business.
    Mr. Praline: "Server"?!? Mate, this OS wouldn't "serve" if you put four million volts through it! It's bleedin' demised!
    Owner: No no! It's pining!
    Mr. Praline: It's not pinin'! It's passed on! This OS is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! It's kicked the bucket, it's shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! The numbers continue to decline for *BSD but Free

    1. Re:This sketch is funnier by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Naw. Most of the people here are Linux snobs. Too bad we've seen this skit a billion times. Too bad it was painfully obvious where you were going with the idea at the topic, so the additional hundred lines of crap was pointless. I really feel bad for you wasting all this time making this post because a smart person would have known it was going nowhere. It's even sadder that you replied to your own post saying it was "Freakin' Hilarious". You are the only person that thinks so.

    2. Re:This sketch is funnier by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Ah ah. Quite nice. But:

      > The record is clear on one thing: no operating system has ever come back from the grave.

      OPENSTEP came back under OS X.

    3. Re:This sketch is funnier by Bob+Cat+-+NYMPHS · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Had I points, I would mod you up, Mr AC.

      Why'd ya post anon, anyway?

    4. Re:This sketch is funnier by CoolVibe · · Score: 1
      I guess he posted AC because it's not original. The blimmin BSD-are-dying-trolls have been posting this for ages. Not that those fucks know what they're talking about though, but that's offtopic I guess.

      At least it's remotely on-topic now. By the way, I like most of the OpenBSD songs, it's a nice touch. Maybe I have to compose a little DragonFly anthem :)

    5. Re:This sketch is funnier by Nimrangul · · Score: 0, Troll
      I would think considering the stuff that comes with an OpenbSD release since 3.0, that even Anonymous Cowards would not post something that asinine.

      The fact that this release is themed after Monty Python kinda shows they do.

      --
      I'm sick of following my dreams - I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
  5. Re:My OpenBSD success story by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

    just a side comment: OpenBSD doesn't support SMP yet, but, it'll still run on SMP hardware without any problems (except that it'll only use a single processor).

  6. Re:There was a t-shirt shop called OpenBSD... by Dr.+Smeegee · · Score: 1
    Stop picking on your little brother.

    Why do you think he is so prickly?

  7. Insane by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Interesting

    This is insane!!! I find it quite ridiculous; look at the measures that the OpenBSD folks had to go through just to implement a Free protocol.

    Well, I guess we should abandon all OSS/GPL software and OS'.

    I am not a OpenBSD user but I do support their idea to implement a free version of a commercial product or invent their own from scratch. And I am quite disappointed about them having a hard time getting a port assignment from IANA.

    1. Re:Insane by Nimrangul · · Score: 5, Interesting
      CARP is truly one of the best advancements the OpenBSD team have come up with yet.

      And I know it is flamebait to some, but I think the best part is that it is actually free, rather than free as defined by the Free Software Foundation.

      --
      I'm sick of following my dreams - I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
    2. Re:Insane by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Dude, stop and think about it for a second. The BSD licenced software is still there, and still free. Someone else can make a product from it that isn't free, but that doesn't make the original unfree. The BSD licensed software is already perpetually free, derivitive works just don't have to be. The GPL just makes the sofware, and all derivitive works, forcibly open source perpetually. That is not free. Free is not defined by some nutcase with no grounding in reality, look it up in the dictionary.

    3. Re:Insane by DeltaSigma · · Score: 1, Insightful

      Call me a nutcase, but I see the sanity in it.

      I could develop a GUI front end to OpenBSD's pf, pfsync, and carp, sell it binary only.

      A company could buy this product, implement it, and spend many hours training users to use it (okay, a company isn't going to spend thousands of dollars teaching end-users firewall software, but this is just an example).

      Now if I refused to implement updates to this software coming from the OpenBSD team, and instead relied on my own mediocre updates developed in-house and behind-schedule, that company that bought this software from me is going to be stuck.

      Without access to the source, which the BSD license does not require me to distribute, the company is reserved to keep using my broken software, or change over to the original BSD-Licensed software which, by this time, could be wholly incompatible with systems based on my software.

      The BSD license is "more free" to a licensor; someone who redistributes the program acquired under a free license to users under an un-free license. The licensee in this situation won't have a whole lot of freedom.

      The GPL license is "more free" to every licensee. And much more restrictive of the licensor.

      It all depends on how you look at it.

      All GPL software will always be available to modify and redistribute.

      BSD software is available to modify and redistribute, but any of those redistributions could not be.

      You're right that we don't have to worry about Free/Net/Open/Dragonfly BSD suddenly turning evil and closing their source.

      But just remember that the FSF, Richard Stallman, Gnu Developers, and Linus Torvalds don't even have the option of suddenly turning evil and closing their source.

      From where I'm sitting, BSD/GPL licenses really don't matter. I'll always distribute openly. For BSD software I'd modify, I'd retain a BSD license, likewise for GPL software (of course). But if I wrote my own software from scratch, I'd definately go GPL after listening to a few of Stallman's speeches. I'd just feel a lot better knowing that every licensee of my program is getting a fair deal, whether I'm licensing it to them or someone else is.

      They're both free, just different flavors of it. I like the flavor that, pardon my opinion, "looks out for the little guy."

    4. Re:Insane by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Informative
      You are spewing a lot of inaccurate statements. In particular, whatever you mean by "software aquired under the BSD license" being Free, the GNU folks do consider the BSD license to be a free software license.

      http://www.gnu.org/licenses/license-list.html

      You describe "Free-Software" (it is not hyphenated) as that being licensed under terms that "make it perpetually free". As the original terms under which you obtain a work cannot be arbitrarily changed, if you obtain it Free of restrictions it will remain so; perhaps you are talking about derived works ? In that case, you may mean "copyleft" rather than "Free-Software".

    5. Re:Insane by kjd · · Score: 1

      You're right that we don't have to worry about Free/Net/Open/Dragonfly BSD suddenly turning evil and closing their source.

      But just remember that the FSF, Richard Stallman, Gnu Developers, and Linus Torvalds don't even have the option of suddenly turning evil and closing their source.


      Everyone mentioned above has the same option of closing their source. You can't take away the previously-existing software in either case. The difference is that anyone can closed-source-distribute the BSD-licensed software, while only the original copyright holder can closed-source-distribute the GPL-licensed software.

    6. Re:Insane by Nimrangul · · Score: 1

      No, it isn't just the original coder. All those that contributed must agree to change from the GPL. That's why it is referred to as viral.

      --
      I'm sick of following my dreams - I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
    7. Re:Insane by DeltaSigma · · Score: 1
      The difference is that anyone can closed-source-distribute the BSD-licensed software, while only the original copyright holder can closed-source-distribute the GPL-licensed software.
      I guess that's my point. In my opinion (mine, I'm not Merriam Webster) the definition of free software is it will always be free to every licensee. Whereas the BSD license is free up to the first licensee.

      BSD definately gives every licensor more options and is more free in that sense, I'm not trying to sidestep that point, or diminish its importance. It's significant.

      It just makes more sense to call the program that will always be open to modification and/or redistribution "free" while referring to the other as "open."
    8. Re:Insane by Bensmum · · Score: 1

      No, its free to all licensees. People getting a derivitive work under a different license from a different place are not licencees, and if they want the original, they can get it under the BSD license. That is what free means. The GPL is not free, because I can't do whatever I want with it. Public domain is free, in every definition of the word. BSD is obviously closer than GPL. The GPL is only free if you redefine free to mean what a crazy whackjob wants it to mean for his propoganda.

    9. Re:Insane by kjd · · Score: 1

      I said the original copyright holder. :)

      In a program with multiple contributors, there are multiple copyright holders, unless they have legally signed their contributions over to another party.

  8. Improvements and Additions by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    They have been busy, adding bgp, stateful fw failover, and more, aside from the usual flamefests over unfree liscenses (apache, Xfree, Firefox).

    the dns servers I run on OBSD are rock solid, so SNP is not an issue. I have seen reports that OBSD lags behind performancewise, any one have real experience?

    And what about the support for wireless? B only, what about A/G?

    1. Re:Improvements and Additions by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Is there any absolutly free driver for A/G wireless networking?

      I've been using NetBSD and OpenBSD on same machines and performance is quite different, I think NetBSD can be the winner on this point. Anyway in NetBSD you don't have pf and other cool stuff.

      It's your choice. (Is there any perfect OS around?)

    2. Re:Improvements and Additions by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Is there any absolutly free driver for A/G wireless networking?

      Well, buy a A/G card and for no more $ you can install it in a WinXP box. Linux, I don't know about, does anyone?

    3. Re:Improvements and Additions by beerwolff · · Score: 2, Informative

      Firstly, pf IS available on NetBSD.

      PF Port for NetBSD 1.6.1

      Also I don't really think there's that much of a performance difference between NetBSD and OpenBSD. Although the latest release of Open I've tried is 3.3, so unless it got a lot slower...

    4. Re:Improvements and Additions by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      1.6.1? hmmm not so bad thinking that 2.0 could be released soon.
      Anyway try NetBSD -current and see yourself the performance.
      I don't wanna make bad feelings about Net or Open, 'cause I use both and I'm glad of their behaviour.

    5. Re:Improvements and Additions by ArbitraryConstant · · Score: 3, Informative

      I've never been able to tell, but there are benchmarks that seem to indicate NetBSD is the better performer in a number of key areas. I couldn't say one way or the other, and I've never run them on the same hardware. But if performance is your priority, use Linux or FreeBSD.

      OpenBSD is an agressively competent firewall system, and NetBSD is very good for playing with rediculously minimal hardware. The areas where they're good overlap a bit.

      Try both. They're both very easy to install on a spare box. Even if you don't end up using them after that, you'll understand Linux or MacOS X (or whatever) better.

      --
      I rarely criticize things I don't care about.
  9. Re:My OpenBSD success story by Juntao · · Score: 1

    Yes. But then the author had no point in stating he's using OpenBSD on *quad* xeons.

  10. Error in transcript by jtheory · · Score: 4, Informative

    Odd, this was wrong in both the linked transcript in the parent, and in the CARP take-off.

    The line is NOT "Why should I be tied with the epithet 'loony'...".

    Tied? Who "ties" someone with an epithet?
    The word is TARRED.

    There are plenty of Brits out there... isn't there just one out there (who'll understand the accent) who's willing to transcribe this stuff? /grumblegrumble

    Yeah, I admit I know the sketch by heart. I can even do the different accents, and the whistling bit at the end. But to the untrained eye, I seem perfectly normal....

    --
    There are only 10 types of people: those who understand decimal, those who don't, and, uh, 8 other types I forget.
    1. Re:Error in transcript by MisterFancypants · · Score: 0, Troll

      Nitpicking the transcription of a Monty Python skit in a Slashdot post, eh? Trying to win those last few Dork Points to put you over the top in the Dork of the Year contest?

  11. Linux implementation? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Interesting

    An implementation on Linux would certainly be helpful in making this implementation more widespread -- and let's face it -- there is no viable alternative for a *free* operating system. It is pretty clear the IETF have long ago been infiltrated and taken over by corporate interests and will probably never again support truely open standards. And you know what, I have a lot more faith in the ability of the OpenBSD developers chances of making a halfway decent and secure protocol than Ciscos.

    (This really deserve more attention than a 'BSD article will get. Slashdot really should have put this somewhere more front and center. No slight to the 'BSDs intended, it is just a sad fact.)

    1. Re:Linux implementation? by Jose · · Score: 4, Informative

      check out UCARP. It's a userland implementation of CARP....enjoy!

      --
      The basic sleazeware produced in a drunken fury by a bunch of UCBerkeley grad students was still the core of BIND. --PV
    2. Re:Linux implementation? by JustinXB · · Score: 1

      If you have faith in OpenBSD developers, why not use the OS instead of trying to port CARP to other OSes? It will run best on OpenBSD, plus it has the great pf packet filter.

  12. Re: DragonFly by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    You're a DragonFly guy?

  13. Re:Funniest *BSD troll in ages by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Sir, do you have an e-mail address by which I may contact you?

    Thanks.

  14. I can sympathise with the OpenBSD guys to a point by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    From the article:

    As a final note of course, when we petitioned IANA, the IETF body regulating "official" internet protocol numbers, to give us numbers for CARP and pfsync our request was denied. Apparently we had failed to go through an official standards organization.

    So why not try again through an official standards organisation then, rather than getting pissy about it?

  15. Re:My OpenBSD success story by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    This is a troll. I'm surprised you haven't seen yet. It's wrong on several counts.

  16. Except that you are retarded. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Try netbsd -current, and compare it to an older release of openbsd? Yeah, makes tons of sense. First of all, the performance improvements don't have any noticable effect on ordinary system use, so you are either stupid or a troll. The improvments were things like handling thousands of sockets. Second, try openbsd -current, where the same improvments exist.

  17. in other words by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The OpenBSD |)orks finally realized that after 30+ remote exploints last year alone, no one takes them seriosly anyway.

  18. DOS vs OpenBSD by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    "1 remote exploit in the default install in 7 years? Early DOS was more secure! It had no network drivers in the "default install". What's your point?

  19. Linux has better prospects by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Have they heard of Linux, or the fact that Novel will make SuSE the dominant platform on both servers and desktops in 12 months. IBM is poring $50M into Linux. Why waste your time on a dead dysfunctional BSD "OS"?

  20. Theo just wanted to learn programming by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Theo could never write his own OS (like Linus), so he stole the sources for BSD, taking advantage of its very permissive license and rebranded it as his. Useless wannabe.

  21. For all the "dead OS" trolls... by cipher+chort · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Have you actually checked out what OpenBSD has been doing instead of blindly ranting about it? Go ahead and click the link http://www.openbsd.org/35.html

    Notable additions (besides CARP)
    BGP4 daemon, unmatched by any other free routing software
    pfsync to share firewall states across multiple boxen (goes along with CARP)
    amd64 support with on-chip W^X
    Security improvements for malloc
    Several more daemons run with privilege separation
    Support for native AES instructions on some VIA C3 CPUs (accelerated crypto)

    Far from being dead, several network equipment vendors are using OpenBSD as a platform for their software, such as SourceFire and nCircle.

    The difference is that OpenBSD tries to be an OS for professionals and do things that replace commercial products from companies like Cisco. While the average home user doesn't give a crap (oooh, we want accelerated 3D!) many professionals do (BGP routing, HighAvailability firewalls, professional grade documentation, secure configuration by default, etc).

    Oh and buy the way, SMP is actually in CVS and you can actually use it; it's just not part of the 3.5 release.

    --
    Someone is WRONG on the Internet!
    1. Re:For all the "dead OS" trolls... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      these aren't professionals you are talking about, these are network admins - they are kind of like plumbers, but they work with wires instead of pipes - 2 week training and no high school necessary. professionals my ass. just because there weren't enough plumbers^W network admins during the dot-com bubble, doesn't mean these useless creatures deserve to be called professionals.

    2. Re:For all the "dead OS" trolls... by cipher+chort · · Score: 1

      So people who obsess about getting their new box setup w/o Microsoft, but with OOo, Samba, NDIS wrapper, KDE, VNC, IPP, etc (hint: all basically just like Microsoft, only "free") are professionals, but people who keep the Internet running are not?

      Oh OK, I see your point. waaaiiit...

      Most average human beings can at least put pipes together, they just don't want to get dirty. If the posts I see every day on Linux mailing lists and message boards are any indication, even running a simple LAN must be akin to building the freakin Panama canal...

      --
      Someone is WRONG on the Internet!
    3. Re:For all the "dead OS" trolls... by arivanov · · Score: 0

      I have not used OpenBSD as I have had enough of it around 3.0 and have moved to Free for other BSD based tasks so I cannot comment on the "industrial strength" of their BGP implementation. What I would comment on is that you get what you deserve:

      1. 99% of the stuff related to various seamless failover methods versus a stupid server box are patented.

      2. 99% of designs I have seen based on HSRP, VRRP, phase of the moon, moode of the designer's wife, etc have multiple single points of failure.

      They are the wrong idea. They presume the server to be stupid. All it takes to achieve the same result is to make the server speak a suitable IGP. OSPF. Or even RIP in some cases.

      --
      Baker's Law: Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it
      http://www.sigsegv.cx/
    4. Re:For all the "dead OS" trolls... by brain_not_ticking · · Score: 0

      Oh and buy the way, SMP is actually in CVS and you can actually use it; it's just not part of the 3.5 release.

      How much, exactly, does this way cost? Where is it? Is it paved? Are there any ugly houses along this way? Do you have pictures?

      Thanks,
      Braindead

  22. Re:This sketch is funnier (Windows version) by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    This sketch is funnier
    Not really, since you hardly changed anything and as a result 99% of it makes no sense. Windows is for "dilettante dabblers"? Uh huh.
  23. All I got was a 404 error by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    shit another dead BSD page.

    1. Re:All I got was a 404 error by cipher+chort · · Score: 1

      Hint: It's only funny if it's based on truth. The link works fine, hence your joke is unfunny.

      --
      Someone is WRONG on the Internet!
    2. Re:All I got was a 404 error by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Actually he's right, it's just a 404 error.

  24. test by FunkSoulBrother · · Score: 1

    testy times two

  25. Re:No principles either. by vrtsdaemon · · Score: 1

    God forbid they try to make money so they can keep the project going. they don't "include" non-free stuff. they offer it for you to buy, if you'd like to support their efforts. everything can't be perfect, so don't be a dick about it.