Slashdot Mirror
Strangest Retro Videogame Plots Pondered
Thanks to TotalGames.net for its article discussing the oddest retro videogame plots of all-time. Among the highlighted titles are Sega's Genesis title, Greendog ("All you hafta do is find the six pieces of the Surfboard of the Ancients. They were hidden long ago by the Aztecs somewhere in the Caribbean"), along with Konami's N64 version of Mystical Ninja ("A giant UFO shaped like a peach has suddenly appeared in peaceful Oedo Town! The evil musical corps, The Peach Mountain Shoguns, have come to steal the Great Stage Plan.") What classic game made the least sense to you?
I like those CRAZY plots where the USA is DEFENDING justice and equality. I laugh my pants off at those ones.
Cats: How are you gentlemen !!
:)
Cats: All your base are belong to us.
Cats: You are on the way to destruction.
Captain: What you say !!
Cats: You have no chance to survive make yourtime.
It doesnt get any more confusing than zero wing.
-
Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, find / -name '*base*' |xargs chown -R us && mv zig greatjustice
You're a cat, the world is being attacked by aliens that can only hurt you if you touch them. Oh, and balls of yarn are your power source...
How Jaded Are You?
"The president has been kidnapped by Ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to save him?"
-Bad Dudes
-=o
You play this plumber, who's a semi-twin. The reason he's not a complete twin is because his brother wears different color pants. Anyway, you're off to rescue your girlfriend, and to do this, you realize that you'll only run in one direction. Ever. But you'll sometimes jump.
Jumping is important, because there are evil mushrooms trying to kill you. You can jump on them. And don't forget the walking turtles.
The sewer system is filled with these big plants that eat you, but don't worry, because some other plants give you the ability to shoot fireballs from your stomach. Fireballs rule. And if you manage to run into the pretty mushrooms, you grow really big. And the flashing stars make you invincible.
Did I mention that the guy who stole your girlfriend is a lizard and has constructed some 100 levels of very repetitive runway for you to run?
Yeah, but it was a fun game, right?
Dash Dingo.
Your objective? To find and devour the seven crystal babies, or spend an eternity trapped in deep didgeridoo.
(BTW, anyone know the first pop culture reference to dingos eating babies? Seinfeld's Elaine once referenced it, but I want to know the source.)
Ohh yeah, and what is up with their names?! They were the Mario Brothers, Mario & Luigi - so their parents name one kid "Mario Mario"? WTF?! Who does that?!
And boy did they know how to dress. One in red, one in green - and we never got a christmas special out of em...
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if pac-man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." - Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, inc. 1989
Looks can be deceiving. Or CAN they?
I could just never figure it out... Why on earth would a frog want to cross the road?
I'm sorry, chasing after your radioactive mutated frog through a huge underground world that just HAPPENS to be under your farm is strange to me. It's going to take a lot to beat that.
"It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
You're a Chef, being pursued by hotdogs, eggs and pickles. You can spray pepper on them to stun them temporarily (pepper spray makes sense today, but back then it didnt, but kinda since the name of the Chef was Peter Pepper, which I always thought was a word play on "peter puffer").
His job is to walk on parts of hamburgers, buns, beef patties, lettuce leaves and sometimes tomato slices and cheese slices, in order to put them together, while trying his best to catch falling icecream cones, french fries and cups of coffee!
Sega Genesis, 16 Bit. Two kids are reading a "Global Gladiators" comic and say, "Wouldn't it be fun to be a global gladiator?" Ronald McDonald uses his evil clown powers to put the two kids into the comic book where they are faced with a hellish world filled with slimy creatures. Oh, and the must collect M (for McDonalds) symbols. Ronald shows up at the end of each level to wave you on to the next level.
All the creatures will die, And all the things will be broken. That's the law of samurai. (Jubai, 1605)
It took Mario 8 levels before he finds the right castle, hello?
He couldn't try other ones. Remember, Mario lives in a 2D world. He can't go around the castles, and he can't jump high enough to go over them, so he has to go through them.
Gauntlet had the craziest plot. There's this warrior, a valkerie, an elf, and some wizard who are all trapped in this dungeon. No one knows why, but they are, so they wonder around together, all rushing to eat the food and the potion and not shooting the food. These pixely monsters try to kill them, and every once in a while the exit will move. No one knows why. As time passes you slowly starve to death, and you are frequenly reminded by a ominious, omnipresent voice who provides commentary on the game. "Wizard needs food, badly" and "Red valkyrie shot the food: make up happy memories for me...
SAILING MISHAP
Wait, that was a videogame?
You are Michael Jackson. You must save the children from the clutches of Mr. Big. You can use your dancing abilities to destroy enemies, or grab your chimp "Bubbles" and turn into the ultimate fighting robot.