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Dating Design Patterns
Why design patterns are needed Many will attest that the API to the WOMEN platform is somewhat obscure, contradictory and poorly documented. However, if you talk to any randomly selected groups of men, you will discover that the problems they face (whether in Pickup or Relationship states) are fundamentally the same. If there's a common set of problems, shouldn't there be a common set of solutions? Moreover, doesn't it bother you that programming geeks, who advocate code reusability and open-sourcing have not come up with reusable successful solutions for commonly occurring problems and have not documented them?
This book is the attempt to change that and unite all design patterns in a single documentation project. You can read the conversation that led to writing DDP (caution: those of you in love with Design Patterns' concept might have a hard time reading how it was all a hoax by the Gang of Four). Hopefully you will understand the danger of letting this knowledge out (hint: geeks who talk to attractive girls, date and get laid spend less time writing code, which could jeopardize some projects) and not recommend the book to everyone you know. The table of contents is available online as well (in PDF format), and you can see that the book is subdivided into two large sections - introduction and pattern catalog.
Introduction to dating design patterns In the first part, the authors introduce the concepts of design patterns with several superfluous definitions in an attempt to outdo the academic titles types on Design Patterns in number of formal references and quoted italic text. They also provide the set of anti-patterns, which can be collected by surveying poor implementations of dating patterns. For example, the Iterator anti-pattern is described as "The nag. One of the most taxing on system resources. Also an anti-pattern when used to repeatedly ask the same woman for a date." Many developers fall into fallacy of thinking anti-pattern would do the job when a pattern does not work.
The chapter on refactoring talks about all the issues that must be taken care of before implementing any of the patterns. Each refactoring unit includes sub-sections on Motivation, Mechanics and Example. The motivation part explains how this refactoring unit can help publish an attractive public interface for FEMALE platform. The mechanics part usually includes a bulleted list of what needs to be done for the implementation. The example brings us into more practical world, where we can visualize how the refactoring units "Get a makeover", "Display yourself in a new context through third parties", "Publish a more restricted interface" and "Fake a phone call from an ex-girlfriend" can help interested geek attract female companions.
Pattern Catalog
The second part is nothing more but a collection of 22 existing dating patterns. This part of the book will be even more familiar to those who read the original Design Patterns, as the headings, bulleted lists, sidebar notes and sub-chapter titles are all there. Each pattern is presented in the following format:
- Pattern name
- Problem statement (the authors acknowledge that for most of developers the problems reside in attempting to implement getLaid method successfully on FEMALE platform)
- Forces (why this pattern might lead to successful implementation)
- Solution (overview of what's required for successful implementation)
- Strategies (step-by-step guide with copious notes)
- Benefits and Drawbacks (analysis of when this design pattern makes sense and when it's not appropriate)
- Related patterns
Anyone who's ever been through UML or Design Patterns class will not have a problem with reading the pattern catalog. The pseudocode sometimes used to describe the pattern is somewhat close to Java and uses Camel notation for method calls, state and interface definitions. Luckily the book is void of any humor that design pattern writers usually try to sneak in, and is just plain formal scientific boring writing with SAT-level vocabulary that we all grew to love while reading the Gang of Four series.
The problem statements use clear language, allowing the reader to figure out whether he has the same problem (and thus should read the pattern to find out the solution) or move on to the next pattern. For example, the Jini Singles Bar pattern describes the following problem:
You're a great catch, of course, and you're looking for someone smart, funny, beautiful, who can talk about rock-climbing, Slashdot, politics and 19th century Serbo-Croatian playrights. It would also be nice if she were 24, between 5'6'' and 5'8'', of French extraction, interested in the songs of Owen Margolis, with dark long brown hair. However, you have not yet found this woman.
Conclusion The point that authors try to emphasize is that Dating Design Patterns is a collection of researched, verified, formalized and proven to work patterns. Of course, there are numerous pages of already available documentation with questionable applicability, as well as HOWTO's from open-source luminaries, but they provide neither the variety of patterns that this book has, nor the exact step-by-step implementations.
As common with design patterns, there are areas where they work perfectly and there are cases, where they are not applicable at all. The collection (full list of patterns with appropriate poster is available from the official Web site) just provides the list of accepted solutions to common problems. Perhaps reading through all 22 patterns is an onerous task and should be left to those in academic world. However, the authors assure that the benefits of successful implementation outweigh the amount of resources that need to be dedicated. Now, if you'll excuse me, that girl from Barnes and Noble with very nice public properties is getting out of the shower and her private members are even more interesting.
Tim's review: Don't buy this book. None of the ideas in it work. Absolute garbage. Haugland's "advice" will not result in flocks of appropriate-sex singles following you out of every coffee bar, bookstore or tango lesson you happen to visit. Repeat: do not buy this book.
You can search for Dating Design Patterns from bn.com, or better yet, straight from the author. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.
Do you want slashdot to post ANY april fool stories next year?
Yes / No / Only a digest of other AFs, a day later
Mod me up, not because I need the Karma, but to send a message. Enough is enough!
And if it's not annoying enough now, remember somebody may come across these stories in a few months. Public web content is forever (/robots.txt notwithstanding).
'Boy, I sure wish there was an easier way to pick up women, like published API with code samples?'
Published API with code samples might be easy, but is it fun? A true geek will always go for utter randomness, complete unpredictability and total bafflement - how else will he be a geek?
http://efil.blogspot.com/
Why do so many web sites feel the need to waste everyone's time with idiotic April Fool's pranks like this stupid story?
April Fool's Day is the worst day of the year.
-Michael
Threshold RPG
How NOT to tell a joke:
Step 1. Make it really really long.
Step 2. Put the punchline in the beginning.
Operator, give me the number for 911!
A butt ugly guy who gets laid by secure and attractive women is the best possible source of dating advice. They've never been able to rely on natural good looks, so they were forced to understand the true nature of the game.
The question is if this guy is truely, in fact, scoring with reasonable women.
1) Take care of your appearance, which means go to the gym and make sure that even if you have a gut, that it's at least obvious that you're someone who cares about your health and appearance. People are naturally wary of dating those who don't appear to take any pride in their appearance and health.
2) Don't assume that having a vagina means having no brain. Just because most girls are breeding stock, doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of girls who aren't. Some of the ones that seem to be breeding stock may in fact have a lot of intelligence and you can bring it out of them. Been there, done that.
3) Broaden your horizons. Get away from the computer and learn something that you find to be fun and that is accessible to girls who aren't computer geeks. I picked up bass and guitar for fun and found that a lot of college girls will at least give you a shot if you're good. Personally I don't care much, since my gf can beat me on guitar and hold her own on bass.
4) Don't jump right into a relationship. If you have a chance to have a casual sexual relationship with a girl, that's helpful for when you're ready to settle down. Experience is something most guys really need.
and...
5) Look for someone who is your equal, but not in your area of expertise. You don't want to risk a game of one upmanship. I'm wary of dating girls in my major (C.S.) for that reason. My current girlfriend is a musician.
Click here or a puppy gets stomped!
Deordant. What is the deal with some nerds who take like four showers a day and still smell bad? They don't believe in deordant! Dude, no matter how much you shower, you still freakin need it.
SumDog
Funny that Dungeons and Dragons was mentioned, because I met my first girlfriend playing AD&D. (We were both late-teens at the time.)
Methinks it is the person, not the activity, that needs to be examined...
How many times, when playing Dungeons and Dragons by yourself... I dunno...I'm a big D&D fan, to be sure, and I like playing Dungeons and Dragons. But...by myself? Are you serious? Is it even possible to play D&D by yourself, barring playing a D&D based computer game which doesn't really count? If so, how? I'd be interested to know. It'd give me a lot (okay, one) more option on what to do on a Saturday night. And one is still a lot--it'd be a one hundred percent increase over my options otherwise.
You are not Mr. Party Duuuuude who makes women wet with his handsome, charming, irresponsible, spontaneous, manipulative, deceitful appeal.
You are Mr. Right. Or at least you will be when you have a steady job and lots of money.
Girls don't want sex with you. They want meaningless sex with Stiffler until they decide they want a husband. Then they want your wallet, your wisdom, your maturity, and your emotional supportiveness (which comes naturally from years of private deal-making... "If I had a girl, I'd treat her so good... not like that asshole who actually gets the girls!").
...whining about how no women want you because you're a geek does.
To all you whiners, if you want to get laid, I highly recommend getting over yourselves already.
Just trying to help. Flame away.
tokengeekgrrl
I have no problem picking up women, in fact, I have to beat them off with a stick. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am gay?
You know, I happen to be a transsexual woman and a geek. Most transsexual women do everything they can to avoid male stereotypes. Though a large amount of us do work in the computer industry, by and large the bulk of us do not. And we are SUCH a minority that it is incredibly unlikely to begin with. Only about 1 in 10 us will ever pass on that kind of level, even to amazingly needy geek guys with little contact with women. And for the record, pre surgery, the large portion of us aren't into guys, geek or otherwise. ^_^ Post surgery that often changes though it hasn't for me.
On the other hand, many of the geek women I know are pretty incredible women. They've worked past the stereotypes and done something with their lives. They are confident and powerful and quite often beautiful women. =) Be kind to your geek girls boys, they deserve good lives and good boyfriends.
" A butt ugly guy who gets laid by secure and attractive women is the best possible source of dating advice. They've never been able to rely on natural good looks, so they were forced to understand the true nature of the game."
Make that a butt ugly guy who doesn't have a lot of money or fame. Rich and famous guys can be butt ugly with no charm or skills, yet still get loads of hot women.
---------
There is inferior bacteria on the interior of your posterior.
I am very suspicious that your comment is knee-jerk based on thinking of people who annoy you, and not actually going to be very helpful.. how many geeks, who whine about women not wanting them, would you want if they _just_ stopped whining about that? I think that this is rarely, if ever, the primary factor that drives women away--more likely it's just one that you mentioned because it annoys you.. not because you thought it through and decided it's actually the primary factor that made you feel a lack of attraction to any guys. (Aggravated by them, sure--but deciding "I would really be attracted to them if it weren't for the whining", I think is extremely rare.)
It surely gets on my nerves when girls whine about how ugly and unlikeable they are, just as it gets on your nerves when guys whine about being undesirable because they're geeks. However I can think of very few women (off the top of my head, only one) where this is actually her worst feature, and where other than the insecurity and whining, she isn't that bad (she's bright and very cute, for what those are worth). Most women I know who whine like that, have many other unattractive features which would continue to drive men away in the absence of their whining. Yeah, I'd feel less irritated if they stopped, so it'd make ME happier, but it wouldn't honestly do a hell of a lot for their chances of finding a mate. And from years of observation of insecure people and how they're responded to by others around them, I suspect it's similar with the guys you're thinking of. They aren't wrong in saying that women don't like them because they're a geek--you just get aggravated by the whining, like almost everyone does, and want them to shut up.
So yeah, if you whine about that kind of stuff, stop whining for the sake of everyone else's nerves.. or at least find a limited forum to restrict it to (e.g. geek communities), rather than broadcasting it without constraints to the entire world. But if anyone tells you the whining is the main reason you're not getting dates.. in my experience (where I saw people saying this to other people, so could be at least somewhat objective about interpreting it), they're usually telling you a line of BS because they're aggravated by the whining and just want you to shut up.
And being a geek, specifically, turns off a LOT of women, all the more so if you have traits of Asperger's, which are common in geeks and more or less defined as difficulty in communicating and relating to people on emotional levels. As far as I've seen from girls, throughout adolesence and into college age, geekisms turn off the majority of women, unless you have a glowing personality to make up for it, although there is a significant minority of women who don't mind so much, which I think grows quickly (the size of that minority) as women age through their 20s and beyond.