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Dating Design Patterns
Why design patterns are needed Many will attest that the API to the WOMEN platform is somewhat obscure, contradictory and poorly documented. However, if you talk to any randomly selected groups of men, you will discover that the problems they face (whether in Pickup or Relationship states) are fundamentally the same. If there's a common set of problems, shouldn't there be a common set of solutions? Moreover, doesn't it bother you that programming geeks, who advocate code reusability and open-sourcing have not come up with reusable successful solutions for commonly occurring problems and have not documented them?
This book is the attempt to change that and unite all design patterns in a single documentation project. You can read the conversation that led to writing DDP (caution: those of you in love with Design Patterns' concept might have a hard time reading how it was all a hoax by the Gang of Four). Hopefully you will understand the danger of letting this knowledge out (hint: geeks who talk to attractive girls, date and get laid spend less time writing code, which could jeopardize some projects) and not recommend the book to everyone you know. The table of contents is available online as well (in PDF format), and you can see that the book is subdivided into two large sections - introduction and pattern catalog.
Introduction to dating design patterns In the first part, the authors introduce the concepts of design patterns with several superfluous definitions in an attempt to outdo the academic titles types on Design Patterns in number of formal references and quoted italic text. They also provide the set of anti-patterns, which can be collected by surveying poor implementations of dating patterns. For example, the Iterator anti-pattern is described as "The nag. One of the most taxing on system resources. Also an anti-pattern when used to repeatedly ask the same woman for a date." Many developers fall into fallacy of thinking anti-pattern would do the job when a pattern does not work.
The chapter on refactoring talks about all the issues that must be taken care of before implementing any of the patterns. Each refactoring unit includes sub-sections on Motivation, Mechanics and Example. The motivation part explains how this refactoring unit can help publish an attractive public interface for FEMALE platform. The mechanics part usually includes a bulleted list of what needs to be done for the implementation. The example brings us into more practical world, where we can visualize how the refactoring units "Get a makeover", "Display yourself in a new context through third parties", "Publish a more restricted interface" and "Fake a phone call from an ex-girlfriend" can help interested geek attract female companions.
Pattern Catalog
The second part is nothing more but a collection of 22 existing dating patterns. This part of the book will be even more familiar to those who read the original Design Patterns, as the headings, bulleted lists, sidebar notes and sub-chapter titles are all there. Each pattern is presented in the following format:
- Pattern name
- Problem statement (the authors acknowledge that for most of developers the problems reside in attempting to implement getLaid method successfully on FEMALE platform)
- Forces (why this pattern might lead to successful implementation)
- Solution (overview of what's required for successful implementation)
- Strategies (step-by-step guide with copious notes)
- Benefits and Drawbacks (analysis of when this design pattern makes sense and when it's not appropriate)
- Related patterns
Anyone who's ever been through UML or Design Patterns class will not have a problem with reading the pattern catalog. The pseudocode sometimes used to describe the pattern is somewhat close to Java and uses Camel notation for method calls, state and interface definitions. Luckily the book is void of any humor that design pattern writers usually try to sneak in, and is just plain formal scientific boring writing with SAT-level vocabulary that we all grew to love while reading the Gang of Four series.
The problem statements use clear language, allowing the reader to figure out whether he has the same problem (and thus should read the pattern to find out the solution) or move on to the next pattern. For example, the Jini Singles Bar pattern describes the following problem:
You're a great catch, of course, and you're looking for someone smart, funny, beautiful, who can talk about rock-climbing, Slashdot, politics and 19th century Serbo-Croatian playrights. It would also be nice if she were 24, between 5'6'' and 5'8'', of French extraction, interested in the songs of Owen Margolis, with dark long brown hair. However, you have not yet found this woman.
Conclusion The point that authors try to emphasize is that Dating Design Patterns is a collection of researched, verified, formalized and proven to work patterns. Of course, there are numerous pages of already available documentation with questionable applicability, as well as HOWTO's from open-source luminaries, but they provide neither the variety of patterns that this book has, nor the exact step-by-step implementations.
As common with design patterns, there are areas where they work perfectly and there are cases, where they are not applicable at all. The collection (full list of patterns with appropriate poster is available from the official Web site) just provides the list of accepted solutions to common problems. Perhaps reading through all 22 patterns is an onerous task and should be left to those in academic world. However, the authors assure that the benefits of successful implementation outweigh the amount of resources that need to be dedicated. Now, if you'll excuse me, that girl from Barnes and Noble with very nice public properties is getting out of the shower and her private members are even more interesting.
Tim's review: Don't buy this book. None of the ideas in it work. Absolute garbage. Haugland's "advice" will not result in flocks of appropriate-sex singles following you out of every coffee bar, bookstore or tango lesson you happen to visit. Repeat: do not buy this book.
You can search for Dating Design Patterns from bn.com, or better yet, straight from the author. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.
HAHA! Congratulations for falling totally into this April Fool's prank.
See, the whole prank is a flood of retarded April Fool's submissions. That's the whole point. And it's working like crazy, judging by all the whiny comments about how "it's not funny!"
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Your uncle is a wise man.
Hey and sometimes those ugly chichs get better looking with age. When I was 16 or so this chick wanted to screw me BAD, she wouldnt leave me alone, She was friends with some of my friends but I couldnt stand her. Never did tag her, but as time went on she got alot better looking then well turned pro One of those old friends recently sent me this, I about dies I still dont think shes good looking but lemme tell you shes a HELL of a lot better looking than she was.
A year ago, I was an unattractive, worthless, pathetic geek with horrible self-image issues. But, in the last year, I have had women throw themselves at me, beg me to be their boyfriend, etc. I can have a date whenever I want, just by walking up to a cute girl (admittedly, sometimes it takes three or four) and striking up a small conversation. I can get laid basically whenever I feel like it, by girls I don't even know, or girls I do know, or both. I am not bragging (I'm posting A/C), I'm telling you, it is possible to change, and more than that, IT IS ACTUALLY MUCH EASIER THAN YOU THINK TO GET WOMEN!.
I didn't read this book, but I know for a fact you can actually make a DATING ALGORITHM that will basically get you laid/get a girlfriend whenever you want, because I have such an algorithm. It is so easy and simple to do that in fact you might find that dating/picking up girls become BORING and you may wish that you could be niave and desperate again. That is how I feel sometimes.
I am sure there are a lot of people here that feel like dating/getting laid is difficult. In fact, it is so easy that you wouldn't believe it. The biggest thing stopping you is your fear of rejection. Did you know that so many girls, even very cute ones, NEVER get asked out. Especially on a "real" date? They will be EXCITED and HAPPY that you have put the EFFORT into asking them out, if you do it with any class whatsoever. And, it doesn't hurt to get rejected, especially by someone you don't know that well. A lot of "hot" guys don't get the girls they want because they are pussies just like you, worried about the consequences of getting rejected. But, there are really no negative consequences.
Girls WILL NOT generally come up to you and make moves on you, because they are even more scared of rejection than you are. You have to make all the moves! Many girls will go out of their way to hide the fact that they like you. My advice is to take ANY positive response from a girl as if she is saying "okay, I'm starting to like you more and more." For example, does she tell you that she likes your shirt? She likes YOU, dummy, at least a little. Does she divert her eyes down when you try to make eye contact with her? She is embarrased because SHE IS ATTRACTED TO YOU, dummy!
Women care less about your physical appearence than you care about yours. They care a lot more about your attitude and the way you carry yourself. The #1 quality that girls like about me is my confidence. I talk to them like I don't care that they are cute or not. I call them names. I talk about other girls with them. I act cocky. Girls are amazed by this because I have a supermodel attitude but I am not even close to being a supermodel. I believe the reason that they like confident men has a lot to do with the fact that women often have bad feelings about their image (especially appearence). So, they subconciously want me (you!) to teach them how to feel good about themselves like you do.
But, how do you get this confidence? Well, it is easy: PRETEND TO BE CONFIDENT. You will see that people treat you better. Then, you will be more confident. Gradually, you will actually BECOME confident. Also, WORK TO FIX YOUR SELF IMAGE ISSUES. Stay well groomed. Make sure you smell good (e.g. if you are fat, you might need to show more than once a day, sorry). Wear clean clothes. Be as fashionable as you can stand to be. People (WOMEN!) will notice this. Are you fat? Then excersise. Even if you don't lose much weight, you will feel good about yourself and you will be in better shape. Girls will notice both of those things. Are you too skinny? Lift some fucking weights! Those huge guys in the weightroom with you are not scary, they are mostly nice guys. They generally won't even notice you are in there. It is just you, making yourself better. So DO IT! Too much acne? Go to your doctor, he will fix it? Your doctor didn't do a good job? Go to a dermatologist, they will definitely (over 95% of the time) fix it. Yellow teeth? If you can scrape up $300, you can hav
Most of my geek girlfriends are trying to find guys through normal means. One is using a dating service another go's to clubs. You know, you never know if a woman is smart until you come up to them and say hi and ask them to chat. Honest interest in them goes a long way. =) There's an old lesbian saying, "We are 10,000,000 women waiting for someone else to ask us to dance." Woman, by habit, tend to be passive. Your assignment, if you choose to accept it, is to find women and say hello, give them a sincere compliment and do it confidently but not arrogantly.
And for God-sake, put on a button up shirt and some nice fitting slacks that show off your butt good. If you can dress decently, that's half the battle. Even a fat guy can look well put together in a nice pair of slacks, a blue button up shirt, and a nice white(and not dingy white) t-shirt. And shoes make a difference. Smart women most likely are looking for men who can hold their own and have confidence. They likely won't be as impressed by how much you make. Something I had to learn when I transitioned to female was how to act as if I have confidence even when I don't. It's a good skill and keeps me from being a target for all kinds of bad stuff.
If you get turned down, that's life. Remember learning to ride a bike, your first c programs, learning to make NFS secure? It usually doesn't work the first time. =) But you have to keep trying and adapting and learning.
I know many geek guys have spent a life in torture by jocks and idiots. But it's your turn to shine. Also, if something just doesn't work out, try to save the friendship. She likely knows a ton about you and can help you with everything if you can resist the urge to throw everything of hers away. Friendships with chicks is VERY cool. It will teach you how to talk with a woman, which is a good skill to have. We're not all into little crystal ornaments and makeup/clothes. Though beauty standards for women are tons higher than they are for men and that's why they seem to be a bit more preoccupied with looks on average. It was a huge shock when I transitioned full time. I knew of it but I didn't realize it was that decisive. Anyway, have patience, listen, ask, and dress for success.