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Dating Design Patterns
Why design patterns are needed Many will attest that the API to the WOMEN platform is somewhat obscure, contradictory and poorly documented. However, if you talk to any randomly selected groups of men, you will discover that the problems they face (whether in Pickup or Relationship states) are fundamentally the same. If there's a common set of problems, shouldn't there be a common set of solutions? Moreover, doesn't it bother you that programming geeks, who advocate code reusability and open-sourcing have not come up with reusable successful solutions for commonly occurring problems and have not documented them?
This book is the attempt to change that and unite all design patterns in a single documentation project. You can read the conversation that led to writing DDP (caution: those of you in love with Design Patterns' concept might have a hard time reading how it was all a hoax by the Gang of Four). Hopefully you will understand the danger of letting this knowledge out (hint: geeks who talk to attractive girls, date and get laid spend less time writing code, which could jeopardize some projects) and not recommend the book to everyone you know. The table of contents is available online as well (in PDF format), and you can see that the book is subdivided into two large sections - introduction and pattern catalog.
Introduction to dating design patterns In the first part, the authors introduce the concepts of design patterns with several superfluous definitions in an attempt to outdo the academic titles types on Design Patterns in number of formal references and quoted italic text. They also provide the set of anti-patterns, which can be collected by surveying poor implementations of dating patterns. For example, the Iterator anti-pattern is described as "The nag. One of the most taxing on system resources. Also an anti-pattern when used to repeatedly ask the same woman for a date." Many developers fall into fallacy of thinking anti-pattern would do the job when a pattern does not work.
The chapter on refactoring talks about all the issues that must be taken care of before implementing any of the patterns. Each refactoring unit includes sub-sections on Motivation, Mechanics and Example. The motivation part explains how this refactoring unit can help publish an attractive public interface for FEMALE platform. The mechanics part usually includes a bulleted list of what needs to be done for the implementation. The example brings us into more practical world, where we can visualize how the refactoring units "Get a makeover", "Display yourself in a new context through third parties", "Publish a more restricted interface" and "Fake a phone call from an ex-girlfriend" can help interested geek attract female companions.
Pattern Catalog
The second part is nothing more but a collection of 22 existing dating patterns. This part of the book will be even more familiar to those who read the original Design Patterns, as the headings, bulleted lists, sidebar notes and sub-chapter titles are all there. Each pattern is presented in the following format:
- Pattern name
- Problem statement (the authors acknowledge that for most of developers the problems reside in attempting to implement getLaid method successfully on FEMALE platform)
- Forces (why this pattern might lead to successful implementation)
- Solution (overview of what's required for successful implementation)
- Strategies (step-by-step guide with copious notes)
- Benefits and Drawbacks (analysis of when this design pattern makes sense and when it's not appropriate)
- Related patterns
Anyone who's ever been through UML or Design Patterns class will not have a problem with reading the pattern catalog. The pseudocode sometimes used to describe the pattern is somewhat close to Java and uses Camel notation for method calls, state and interface definitions. Luckily the book is void of any humor that design pattern writers usually try to sneak in, and is just plain formal scientific boring writing with SAT-level vocabulary that we all grew to love while reading the Gang of Four series.
The problem statements use clear language, allowing the reader to figure out whether he has the same problem (and thus should read the pattern to find out the solution) or move on to the next pattern. For example, the Jini Singles Bar pattern describes the following problem:
You're a great catch, of course, and you're looking for someone smart, funny, beautiful, who can talk about rock-climbing, Slashdot, politics and 19th century Serbo-Croatian playrights. It would also be nice if she were 24, between 5'6'' and 5'8'', of French extraction, interested in the songs of Owen Margolis, with dark long brown hair. However, you have not yet found this woman.
Conclusion The point that authors try to emphasize is that Dating Design Patterns is a collection of researched, verified, formalized and proven to work patterns. Of course, there are numerous pages of already available documentation with questionable applicability, as well as HOWTO's from open-source luminaries, but they provide neither the variety of patterns that this book has, nor the exact step-by-step implementations.
As common with design patterns, there are areas where they work perfectly and there are cases, where they are not applicable at all. The collection (full list of patterns with appropriate poster is available from the official Web site) just provides the list of accepted solutions to common problems. Perhaps reading through all 22 patterns is an onerous task and should be left to those in academic world. However, the authors assure that the benefits of successful implementation outweigh the amount of resources that need to be dedicated. Now, if you'll excuse me, that girl from Barnes and Noble with very nice public properties is getting out of the shower and her private members are even more interesting.
Tim's review: Don't buy this book. None of the ideas in it work. Absolute garbage. Haugland's "advice" will not result in flocks of appropriate-sex singles following you out of every coffee bar, bookstore or tango lesson you happen to visit. Repeat: do not buy this book.
You can search for Dating Design Patterns from bn.com, or better yet, straight from the author. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.
Does anyone else find it interesting that this guy is the one giving the sex tips referenced in the article?
I mean, I was told not to judge a book by its cover but..
on a serious note, I am dating someone and she likes my geeky side. I forward her slashdot posts every week or so...it's pretty cool. yesterday we sat down and read some wikipedia together.
My father used to refer to "trolling" as going around to pick up women with your cock hanging out of your pants.
Perhaps this book should have mentioned *that* code snippet.
What problem?
Engineering is the art of compromise.
doesn't screw up the main page into being all italics
However, I do not think OOP is very well-suited to this sort of thing. It's bad to treat women as objects.
Also, some girls are not into the whole "Gang of Four" idea... A lot of girls demand a Singleton pattern for any courtship situation.
By AC.
1) Find a moderatly pretty woman.
2) Ask them how they are
3) Ask them if they want coffee.
4) If they say "no," start at step 1, if they say "yes," continue.
5) on the way to coffee, say the following line. "Look, Coffee and conversation is great and all, but its a pre-cursor and we both know it. Ill get right to the point and save us both the hassle. I find you incredibly attractive, moreso then any other woman around here. (hell, they are all jealous, cant you tell?) Anyways, do you just want to go to a hotel or somethnig?
6) Majority will either say "no," "fuckoff," or the equivalent thereof. A few will say "yes."
7) if they say "yes," begin humping. if they say "no," start at step 1.
Repeat 1000 times.
> god
Dating god mode on.
> impulse 101
*BOW CHICKA BOW WOW*
Singleton... definately the Singleton pattern.
Let me tell you that the IBM developerWorks Best Practices RedBook is definitely the publication you'll need.
Design patterns are great for high level architecure but when you need to get down to the nitty-gritty low level stuff it's best if you have the counsel of the experts.
...the editors of Slashdot were seen beating a dead horse at a local Michigan farm.
I mean really. If it sucks, this isn't the end of the internet. You *can* go to another site. may I suggest bbc.co.uk for your news needs or maybe even the onion for REAl reporting and none of that middle-to-left crap with a subscription needed *cough* NY TIMES *cough*
So you're either into polygamy or failed marriages. Sure, I'll take advice from you on April 1...
And if released under the GPL, are they GNUd/Women?
One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
Finally a woman who agrees with me! HEAD FIRST, movie and a dinner later. :P
It was a complete waste of the time required to write it and the paper required to print it. 'Cause I *know* the problem doesn't reside with *me*.
What's needed is a dating design pattern book for women about the GEEK platform. A book like that would detail the many benefits of GEEK, and also suggest where one would go to meet and mate with a GEEK.
Once a book like that is written, opening the eyes of females everywhere, this "dating" issue will be resolved.
Now, I have to get back to writing Linux device drivers for my TRS-80.
---anactofgod---
BTW, I don't want any backlash from so-called "female geeks" on the limited scope of my suggested book. I *know* it's April's Fools, so don't try to convince me that you exist on this, of all, days.
---anactofgod---
"Equal opportunity swindling - *that* is the true test of a sustainable democracy."
Actually, I read the article's title, and thought:
.. or something like that.
"Hmm, a book describing how to efficiently timestamp the version log of your design"
The path I walk alone is endlessly long.
30 minutes by bike, 15 by bus.
It will be very clear soon that the Dating Design Patterns will become "Antipatterns."
The following algorithm would suffice in any situation:
Step 1 - Shower
Step 2 - Approach female
Step 3 - Do not talk about computers/programming/design patters/Java/OO
Step 4 - Say "Hi, what's your name?"
Step 5 - If rejected GOTO Step 2, BUT first check if Step 1 happened between 24 hours. If this is the case, GOTO Step 1.
Do not forget Step 1 - This is a must for females, I've heard...Follow this algorithm, and you'll be surprised at the results...
Esta es una firma en Espanol.
You call it at the command prompt as either:
$ man woman
man: insufficent privleges
or
# man woman
Oooh, I love a man with power, who knows how to use it.
Nah, doesn't work for me either.....
You never know...
$> man woman
Segmentation fault (core dumped)
While thinking philosophically, we see problems in places where there are none. -Wittgenstein
GO FOR THE UGLY CHICKS ! Theyre horny, youre guarenteed to score and all you have to is cover their head with a bag.
When I was 12, my uncle came over to visit. Now my parents were bikers. (I'm not kidding, but to this day, my mother says, "no, no, no, it was a motorcycle club!") But by this time, my mother had grown out of being a biker. But my uncle was still this rough biker guy. So back to the story. So I was 12 and complaining about how I wanted to date this one girl who was very attractive, but she wasn't interested. But there was this other girl that wanted to date me who was not very attractive at all. So after complaining about this to my mother in the presence of my uncle, he inserted a few words of wisdom, "Well you know brian, even ugly girls have pussies." My mother was a little upset.
Disconnect your television. Do your own research. Draw your own conclusions. They're probably lying. Don't be a sheep.
I vote Cowboy Neal
cat
I wonder why your uncle didn't capitalize your name when he said it. Kind of disrespectful.
> Ok, this is just gettin out of hand....
Of course it is... Thats the whole point of point a dating story on slashdot.
Norman Cook's Ode to Sl
Wow, that's an elaborate 1st April joke. Both a website and in the database at Amazon, B&N, etc!
Karma: Excellent (My Karma? I wish...:-( )
We lived together for 4 years. She steadily turned to the geekside. Now she's moving out and taking my Xbox and ST:NG collection with her!
Dialectician. Archology.
But i'm not so desperate i'd want to date design patterns.