Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water

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Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water

Posted by michael on Friday April 30, 2004 @08:10AM from the accurate-enough dept.

darthcamaro writes "Earthlings Ugly Bags of Mostly Water is the name of a new documentary film - starring Worf (aka Michael Dorn)about Klingon language and culture. They've got a weird website too. 'Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water' captures the lives, passions and quirks of the members of the Klingon Language Institute during their annual qep'a' (conference). The film's producers issued a press release about it today with some interesting quotes... 'The perspective of Michael Dorn, the world's most recognized Klingon, provides both serious and comedic elements to the project,' said Earthlings Director Alexandre Philippe. 'This is a man who embodies all the elements of a Klingon warrior: honor, respect, ferocity. For years, Klingon fans have looked to the Worf character for their education in Klingon culture.' Quaplah! /. !!"

52 of 332 comments (clear)

HK-47? by Liselle · 2004-04-30 08:10 · Score: 5, Funny

Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water
Statement: This documentary needed to be made. I still don't understand how the meatbags stand living. The sloshing sounds would drive me insane.
Aside: Michael Dorn is not bad for a meatbag, though clearly a droid would make a superior host .
Resigned: *sigh* If only my assassination protocol were still functional.
Appeasement: Maybe they will make a sequel.

Oh HK-47, what WOULD we do without you?

--
Auto-reply to ACs: "Truly, you have a dizzying intellect."
1. Re:HK-47? by hagardtroll · 2004-04-30 08:13 · Score: 5, Interesting
  
  There was an article in Omni magazine many years ago that was very similar.
No by EpsCylonB · 2004-04-30 08:13 · Score: 4, Insightful

'Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water' captures the lives, passions and quirks of the members of the Klingon Language Institute during their annual qep'a' (conference).

I'm sorry but it's people like this that give science fiction a bad name.
1. Re:No by SubliminalLove · 2004-04-30 08:20 · Score: 5, Insightful
  
  On the contrary, it's people who take sci-fi as more than mere entertainment who give the genre it's amazing power. Consider those dreamers, many obsessed in their adolescence with worlds beyond any possibility, who thirty years later orchestrated the landing of a human being on the surface of the Moon. True fans of science fiction, who see the futures portrayed therein as possibilities waiting to be unlocked rather than foolhardy dreams, are our pilgrims into the future. As odd as they might seem, they are an incredibly valuable portion of our species.
2. Re:No by Reducer2001 · 2004-04-30 08:37 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  I don't think Neil Armstrong speaks Klingon.
  
  --
  When you get to hell -- tell 'em Itchy sent ya!
3. Re:No by Anonymous Coward · 2004-04-30 08:41 · Score: 5, Insightful
  
  Of course not. Neil is a very brave and very famous rocket jockey. He was a test pilot who just broke an altitude record. He is not a geek. The geeks stayed on the ground and made sure he didn't go boom.
4. Re:No by teeker · 2004-04-30 08:51 · Score: 4, Insightful
  
  True fans of science fiction, who see the futures portrayed therein as possibilities waiting to be unlocked rather than foolhardy dreams, are our pilgrims into the future.
  
  True, those people definitely exist, however most hardcore sci-fi fans aren't inspired visionaries....they're just plain old dorks. ;-)
  
  --
  teeker
5. Re:No by kaisyain · 2004-04-30 08:54 · Score: 4, Insightful
  
  This is only true if the people who dress up at Sci-Fi conventions or go to Klingon Language Institute gatherings actual comprise a sizable percentage of the scientists who make the kinds of achievements you talk about. I've seen nothing to suggest this might be the case. Certainly many scientists are fans of science fiction. But the OP wasn't just about sci-fi fans. It was about a particular kind of sci-fi fan who makes the whole genre look bad.
  
  I would wager that not very many members of the Mars Pathfinder team dress us as Klingons. A "true" science fiction fan is not defined as "someone who learns Klingon". I don't know why you seem to implicitly assume that the people being discussed are the pilgrims to the future.
Ahead geek factor 6 by nizo · 2004-04-30 08:14 · Score: 3, Funny

Michael Dorn, the world's most recognized Klingon
You do realize he only pretended to be a klingon on TV/in the movies right???

--
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
1. Re:Ahead geek factor 6 by JabberWokky · 2004-04-30 08:26 · Score: 4, Insightful
  
  I would say that the top five or ten most recognized detectives are all fictional (starting out with Sherlock Holmes). Telly Savalis's Kojack and Peter Falk's Columbo are up there on the list.
  Recognition of an actor as a famous or 'most recognized' "something" is not confusing the fact that they are actors. It's merely shortcutting the phrase "{character}, as portrayed by {actor}, is the most recognized {type of character}. When people think of {actor}, they think of {type of character}, and if you think of a {type of character}, you think of {character} as portrayed by {actor}."
  If you think of "Vampire Slayer", you are likely thinking of one of five actors who portrayed them. Probably one of two characters (Van Helsing or Buffy).
  It doesn't mean any of it is real... but "recognized" is a slippery term when dealing with fiction.
  --
  Evan "Didn't check any of the spelling of the names"
  
  --
  "$30 for the One True Ring. $10 each additional ring!" -- JRR "Bob" Tolkien
2. Re:Ahead geek factor 6 by Chalybeous · 2004-04-30 08:29 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  Yeah, no kidding, does "Get A Life" mean anything to these folks...?
  
  Sure it does. Except that Radio Shack can't order one without a part number.
  
  --
  "It is dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue." -- Zork
3. Re:Ahead geek factor 6 by AndroidCat · 2004-04-30 08:33 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  does "Get A Life" mean anything to these folks...?
  Yes, but you have to say it in Klingon.
  
  --
  One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
4. Re:Ahead geek factor 6 by Sporkinum · 2004-04-30 08:39 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  get a life
  klingon version:
  ------------
  tlhap [a] yIn
  ------------
  
  Universal Translator Assistant 2.3
  Joel Peter Anderson, June 16, 1999
  Visit the UTA Project at
  http://members.aol.com/jpklingon/uta
  
  --
  "He's lost in a 'floyd hole"
Makes you wonder... by Mysticalfruit · 2004-04-30 08:14 · Score: 4, Insightful

What percentage of water are Klingons?

--
Yes Francis, the world has gone crazy.
1. Re:Makes you wonder... by Professr3 · 2004-04-30 08:16 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  They think prune juice is a delicacy. How much water can they have, if that doesn't give them trouble? :D
2. Re:Makes you wonder... by anagama · 2004-04-30 08:28 · Score: 5, Funny
  What percentage of water are Klingons?
  
  Typically, more than 99% of water is water, the remaining 1% or less being minerals, salts, or pollutants (note - this is a made up statstic, no researchers were disturbed in the making up of this number). However, I have heard of no reports of water being comprised of Kilngons, so it is probably safe to say that 0% of water is made up of Klingons.
  
  Perhaps you were more interested in knowing what percentage of the Klingon body is comprised of water. The answer to that question is, sadly, more difficult to obtain.
  --
  What changed under Obama? Nothing Good
They're serious, aren't they? by jrj102 · 2004-04-30 08:14 · Score: 4, Funny

Look... I'm a star trek fan and everything, but there's a limit. Seriously. Outside. Sunlight.

--
jrjBlog
1. Re:They're serious, aren't they? by dr_dank · 2004-04-30 08:18 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Oh, you and your silly stories of the "daystar". Warp speed, Mr. Sulu!
  
  --
  Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
Starting to understand by 0racle · 2004-04-30 08:14 · Score: 4, Insightful

I'm really beginning to understand why so many people consider Star Trek fans just a bunch of dorks.

Now as such, why did they name it this, the title has nothing to do with Klingons at all.

--
"I use a Mac because I'm just better than you are."
1. Re:Starting to understand by pknoll · 2004-04-30 08:22 · Score: 5, Informative
  
  The phrase "Ugly bags of mostly water" comes from the Next Generation episode where... OMG.
  I've just identified myself as a Star Trek Geek. Whoops!
2. Re:Starting to understand by 0racle · 2004-04-30 08:26 · Score: 4, Insightful
  
  Where an alien life form that lived a few centimeters under the sand of a planet the Federation was in the process of terraforming began to fight back. They refered to everyone they talked to as an "Ugly bag of mostly water." Once again, why did they choose this name, which has nothing to do with Klingons.
  
  --
  "I use a Mac because I'm just better than you are."
3. Re:Starting to understand by D-Cypell · 2004-04-30 08:28 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Having been in this situation myself I can give you a little tip, which is especially useful when refering to earlier seasons of TNG.. ...comes from the Next Generation episode where... *notices violent look in buddies eyes*... Marina Sirtis was hanging right out of the that skin tight uniform... YEAH!!!
  
  Infact, I believe they are teaching this technique at the academy now. Its know as the mammory defense ;o)
Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water by ForestGrump · 2004-04-30 08:14 · Score: 5, Funny

Hey!
I'm a pretty bag...its just that i'm filled with "ugly water" because of modern industry.

-Grump

--
Is it true that more people vote for the winner of American Idol, than vote for the president? -Ali G.
Scary by N8F8 · 2004-04-30 08:14 · Score: 4, Insightful

I'm pretty sure this is how religions get started.

--
"God fights on the side with the best artillery." - Napoleon, Marshal of France - speaking truth to power
1. Re:Scary by DarkHelmet · 2004-04-30 09:04 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  This reminds me of Futurama:
  Uhura: By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems into a full blown religion.
  Preacher: And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship, where there would be no tribble at all
  Followers: All power to the engines!
  Uhura: As country after country fell after its influenced, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. So the trekkies were executed in the most befitting: virgins:
  Trekkie: Bwaaaaaah!
  Executor: He's dead Jim.
  Trekkie: Bwaaaaaah!
  Executor: He's dead Jim.
  
  --
  /^[A-Z0-9._%+-]+@[A-Z0-9.-]+\.[A-Z]{2,4}$/i
Does anyone have the Klingon translation... by Anonymous Coward · 2004-04-30 08:15 · Score: 4, Funny

...for "Mom, please come and pick me up."
1. Re:Does anyone have the Klingon translation... by Daniel+Dvorkin · 2004-04-30 08:36 · Score: 5, Insightful
  
  Gotta love people who hang out on a site subtitled "news for nerds" ripping on other people for how geeky they are.
  
  --
  The correlation between ignorance of statistics and using "correlation is not causation" as an argument is close to 1.
2. Re:Does anyone have the Klingon translation... by Mr.+Sketch · 2004-04-30 08:48 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  ghoS 'ej jIH Dung
  
  --
  Things you think are in the Constitution, but are not.
You guys totally lose. by ebbomega · 2004-04-30 08:15 · Score: 5, Informative

It's Qapla'.

--
Karma: Non-Heinous
I use that term by Slowtreme · 2004-04-30 08:15 · Score: 4, Funny

I say "Ugly bags of mosty water" all the time to refer to some of the larger people at work. I once tried to explain the Star Trek episode it came from, but it was entirely too geeky for me to finish. In the end I just shrugged and said, "I dunno, something I read on Slashdot"

--
Post: Sigged, for your pleasure.
However by Anonymous Coward · 2004-04-30 08:15 · Score: 5, Funny

They provide excellent reasons for forced sterilization.

Then again being able to speak Klingon pretty much does this without surgery.
1. Re:However by shigelojoe · 2004-04-30 08:46 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  You know, I've always wondered; do really nerdy Klingons learn English?
And the prize goes to .... by Hi,+I'm+Troy+McClure · 2004-04-30 08:16 · Score: 3, Funny

... the first poster to translate the Klingon in the submission, critique the Klingon grammar, and post a link to the online Klingon dictionary.
Quick, who will win the Slashdot Reality Contest (tm) this week!?!
Shakespeare by dr_dank · 2004-04-30 08:16 · Score: 5, Funny

the translation of Hamlet into Klingon might be a disservice to the complexity of the author's intention

Like hell. If Hamlet were to be beheaded by Kahless, I might have paid more attention in English class.

--
Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
Only Constructed Language from Popular Culture? by rowdent · 2004-04-30 08:17 · Score: 5, Informative

This film captures the life, passion and quirks of the Klingon Language Institute, an entity structured to support and facilitate the only "Constructed Language" to emerge out of popular culture.

I thought Tolkien Elvish languages (Sindarin and the like) would count as well, considering Tolkien spent a considerable amount of time creating those languages. Although, I suppose, "popular culture" is a rather subjective term.

--
"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." --George Orwell
Oh yeah. by radiumhahn · 2004-04-30 08:18 · Score: 4, Funny

Oh Yeah... what's the kilngon word for loneliness...oh yes... GARRHHHHDOCK.
Google? by Seoulstriker · 2004-04-30 08:19 · Score: 5, Interesting

You can now search Google in the native klingon language:

http://www.google.com/intl/xx-klingon/

--
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Why the title? by beeplet · 2004-04-30 08:19 · Score: 5, Informative

Surely they could have picked a Klingon phrase for the title? The "ugly bags of mostly water" comes from the "Home Soil" episode where a crystal "brain" uses it to describe humans.
Hrmmm by Gogl · 2004-04-30 08:20 · Score: 4, Funny

Reminds me of this hilarious Daily Show sketch (Realplayer, which sucks but oh well). The fact that they have almost every sketch from the past four years up on comedycentral.com has almost entirely destroyed my work ethic over the past few weeks...
Obligatory Futurama Quote by CHaN_316 · 2004-04-30 08:20 · Score: 3, Funny

"All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo!" -Morbo

--
"There is no spoon." - The Matrix
Odd... by radicalskeptic · 2004-04-30 08:22 · Score: 3, Insightful

Was it the Klingons who referred to humans as "ugly bags of mostly water"? I was under the impression it was those weird crystal things from the episode Home Soil.

http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php? showtopic=927368&st=120 (search for "ugly", it is at the bottom of the page)

--
WARNING: If accidentally read, induce vomiting.
1. Re:Odd... by Tyler+Durden · 2004-04-30 08:25 · Score: 3, Insightful
  
  Exactly. Klingons are probably water-based as well. The title makes no sense.
  
  --
  Happy people make bad consumers.
Trailer by Mmm+coffee · 2004-04-30 08:22 · Score: 4, Informative

Direct link to the trailer (~2 megs), for those of us who don't/can't do the "view a movie in my browser" thing.
Oh dear god by aliens · 2004-04-30 08:24 · Score: 3, Interesting

I was wrong! Apparently there is a Queen Klingon to continue the species!!!

Say it ain't so!

--
-- taking over the world, we are.
1. Re:Oh dear god by nacturation · 2004-04-30 08:31 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  I think that Klingon bride is actually a guy. Later that night, in some cheap motel room, a groom will utter the ritual death cry as a part of him falls over dead, never again to arise.
  
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Answer: NaN by jared_hanson · 2004-04-30 08:28 · Score: 4, Funny

The answer is "not a number." Now, for all you who actually cared, lean in closely, I'm going to tell you how I came to this conclusion: KLINGONS ARE NOT FUCKING REAL!

--
-- Fighting mediocrity one bad post at a time.
Re:Utterly intolerable by painandgreed · 2004-04-30 08:41 · Score: 4, Funny

And besides, if Klingons are so great, why doesn't speaking their language get you laid?!?!? You try saying "ghu neH Ha' lItHa'?" to some chick and see what happens.
You've obviously never been to a con.
It's not that speaking Klingon can't get you laid but whether you want to get laid by the women that it will work on.
people like this by moviepig.com · 2004-04-30 08:46 · Score: 3, Insightful

...it's people like this that give science fiction a bad name.
"People like this" are society's excluded. And they (we?) will always exist because society will always exclude. And they'll find places to gather that are, well, exclusive.
Among the current crop of such places, Planet Klingon's not so bad.

--
Seeing bad movies only encourages them. Watch responsibly
A Fearsome Quote by Dareth · 2004-04-30 09:17 · Score: 3, Funny

When speaking Klingon, be sure to speak forcefully. Some of the sounds may make the person you're talking to a little wet.
This is correct and to be expected.

http://www.kli.org/tlh/sounds.html

I know what I thought when I first read this...

--

I only look human.
My mother is a halfling and my dad is an ogre, so that makes me an Ogreling
Klingon word for NERD by Prince+Vegeta+SSJ4 · 2004-04-30 10:29 · Score: 3, Funny

Slagshdaat
Klingon Series by Tablizer · 2004-04-30 11:04 · Score: 5, Interesting

I would like to see a new Trek series that involves a handful of grunt Earthlings being assigned to a Klingon-commanded Federation starship. It might bring in WWF fans.

--
Table-ized A.I.
Re:NOT REAL ? by Trailwalker · 2004-04-30 12:29 · Score: 3, Funny

You can't directly measure an irrational.

But you can read their posts.