Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water

darthcamaro writes "Earthlings Ugly Bags of Mostly Water is the name of a new documentary film - starring Worf (aka Michael Dorn)about Klingon language and culture. They've got a weird website too. 'Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water' captures the lives, passions and quirks of the members of the Klingon Language Institute during their annual qep'a' (conference). The film's producers issued a press release about it today with some interesting quotes... 'The perspective of Michael Dorn, the world's most recognized Klingon, provides both serious and comedic elements to the project,' said Earthlings Director Alexandre Philippe. 'This is a man who embodies all the elements of a Klingon warrior: honor, respect, ferocity. For years, Klingon fans have looked to the Worf character for their education in Klingon culture.' Quaplah! /. !!"

Comments

HK-47?

[Liselle]

Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water

Statement: This documentary needed to be made. I still don't understand how the meatbags stand living. The sloshing sounds would drive me insane.
Aside: Michael Dorn is not bad for a meatbag, though clearly a droid would make a superior host .
Resigned: *sigh* If only my assassination protocol were still functional.
Appeasement: Maybe they will make a sequel.

Oh HK-47, what WOULD we do without you?

Re:HK-47?

[hagardtroll]

There was an article in Omni magazine many years ago that was very similar.

Re:HK-47?

[Chalybeous]

I dunno about HK-47, but if people like this (the folks on the video, not Liselle!) become the dominant life form, I swear I'm going to get an AK-47. ("When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes.")

Re:HK-47?

[Impy the Impiuos Imp]

Aren't Klingons Uglier Bags of Mostly Water?

Re:HK-47?

[linzeal]

Yeah just like we needed a Klingon Language version of perhaps the most tragic and treacherous play ever made Hamlet. Wait maybe it was first written in Klingon and Shakespeare escaped a holodeck program during one of those Dr. Moriarty's escapes, found a copy of He'rawero'k (Hamlet) and a Klingon/English Dictionary stole a shuttlecraft than found one of the omnipresent 'time distortions' slipped through back to the 16th century killed his old self and wrote He'rawero'k as the Hamlet we know today, Plagerist Bastard!

No

[EpsCylonB]

'Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water' captures the lives, passions and quirks of the members of the Klingon Language Institute during their annual qep'a' (conference).

I'm sorry but it's people like this that give science fiction a bad name.

Re:No

[SubliminalLove]

On the contrary, it's people who take sci-fi as more than mere entertainment who give the genre it's amazing power. Consider those dreamers, many obsessed in their adolescence with worlds beyond any possibility, who thirty years later orchestrated the landing of a human being on the surface of the Moon. True fans of science fiction, who see the futures portrayed therein as possibilities waiting to be unlocked rather than foolhardy dreams, are our pilgrims into the future. As odd as they might seem, they are an incredibly valuable portion of our species.

Re:No

[Reducer2001]

I don't think Neil Armstrong speaks Klingon.

Re:No

[Anonymous Coward]

Of course not. Neil is a very brave and very famous rocket jockey. He was a test pilot who just broke an altitude record. He is not a geek. The geeks stayed on the ground and made sure he didn't go boom.

Re:No

[teeker]

True fans of science fiction, who see the futures portrayed therein as possibilities waiting to be unlocked rather than foolhardy dreams, are our pilgrims into the future.

True, those people definitely exist, however most hardcore sci-fi fans aren't inspired visionaries....they're just plain old dorks. ;-)

Re:No

[kaisyain]

This is only true if the people who dress up at Sci-Fi conventions or go to Klingon Language Institute gatherings actual comprise a sizable percentage of the scientists who make the kinds of achievements you talk about. I've seen nothing to suggest this might be the case. Certainly many scientists are fans of science fiction. But the OP wasn't just about sci-fi fans. It was about a particular kind of sci-fi fan who makes the whole genre look bad.

I would wager that not very many members of the Mars Pathfinder team dress us as Klingons. A "true" science fiction fan is not defined as "someone who learns Klingon". I don't know why you seem to implicitly assume that the people being discussed are the pilgrims to the future.

Re:No

[NanoGator]

"I'm sorry but it's people like this that give science fiction a bad name."

Worse is when the people say "It wasn't a Klingon that called people ugly bags of mostly water!"

Re:No

[tommyboyprime]

There is in fact some debate that scientific advancement comes from people reading about gadgets in science fiction and going on to invent them because "that would be a neat thing to have"

Ahead geek factor 6

[nizo]

Michael Dorn, the world's most recognized Klingon

You do realize he only pretended to be a klingon on TV/in the movies right???

Re:Ahead geek factor 6

[JabberWokky]

I would say that the top five or ten most recognized detectives are all fictional (starting out with Sherlock Holmes). Telly Savalis's Kojack and Peter Falk's Columbo are up there on the list.

Recognition of an actor as a famous or 'most recognized' "something" is not confusing the fact that they are actors. It's merely shortcutting the phrase "{character}, as portrayed by {actor}, is the most recognized {type of character}. When people think of {actor}, they think of {type of character}, and if you think of a {type of character}, you think of {character} as portrayed by {actor}."

If you think of "Vampire Slayer", you are likely thinking of one of five actors who portrayed them. Probably one of two characters (Van Helsing or Buffy).

It doesn't mean any of it is real... but "recognized" is a slippery term when dealing with fiction.

--
Evan "Didn't check any of the spelling of the names"

Re:Ahead geek factor 6

[Chalybeous]

Yeah, no kidding, does "Get A Life" mean anything to these folks...?

Sure it does. Except that Radio Shack can't order one without a part number.

Re:Ahead geek factor 6

[AndroidCat]

does "Get A Life" mean anything to these folks...?

Yes, but you have to say it in Klingon.

Re:Ahead geek factor 6

[Sporkinum]

get a life
klingon version:
------------
tlhap [a] yIn
------------

Universal Translator Assistant 2.3
Joel Peter Anderson, June 16, 1999
Visit the UTA Project at
http://members.aol.com/jpklingon/uta

Makes you wonder...

[Mysticalfruit]

What percentage of water are Klingons?

Re:Makes you wonder...

[Professr3]

They think prune juice is a delicacy. How much water can they have, if that doesn't give them trouble? :D

Re:Makes you wonder...

[anagama]

• What percentage of water are Klingons?

Typically, more than 99% of water is water, the remaining 1% or less being minerals, salts, or pollutants (note - this is a made up statstic, no researchers were disturbed in the making up of this number). However, I have heard of no reports of water being comprised of Kilngons, so it is probably safe to say that 0% of water is made up of Klingons.

Perhaps you were more interested in knowing what percentage of the Klingon body is comprised of water. The answer to that question is, sadly, more difficult to obtain.

They're serious, aren't they?

[jrj102]

Look... I'm a star trek fan and everything, but there's a limit. Seriously. Outside. Sunlight.

Re:They're serious, aren't they?

[dr_dank]

Oh, you and your silly stories of the "daystar". Warp speed, Mr. Sulu!

Re:They're serious, aren't they?

[nacturation]

And risk the giant bright orb damaging my pasty white skin and burning its imprint onto my retina? Away with you, heathen!

Re:They're serious, aren't they?

[Anonymous Coward]

That daystar carries with it a damage modifier of at least 2D20... like I'm going to roll my way out of that one!

Re:They're serious, aren't they?

[Rupert]

"Your star burns!"

Starting to understand

[0racle]

I'm really beginning to understand why so many people consider Star Trek fans just a bunch of dorks.

Now as such, why did they name it this, the title has nothing to do with Klingons at all.

Re:Starting to understand

[pknoll]

The phrase "Ugly bags of mostly water" comes from the Next Generation episode where... OMG.

I've just identified myself as a Star Trek Geek. Whoops!

Re:Starting to understand

[0racle]

Where an alien life form that lived a few centimeters under the sand of a planet the Federation was in the process of terraforming began to fight back. They refered to everyone they talked to as an "Ugly bag of mostly water." Once again, why did they choose this name, which has nothing to do with Klingons.

Re:Starting to understand

[D-Cypell]

Having been in this situation myself I can give you a little tip, which is especially useful when refering to earlier seasons of TNG.. ...comes from the Next Generation episode where... *notices violent look in buddies eyes*... Marina Sirtis was hanging right out of the that skin tight uniform... YEAH!!!

Infact, I believe they are teaching this technique at the academy now. Its know as the mammory defense ;o)

Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water

[ForestGrump]

Hey!
I'm a pretty bag...its just that i'm filled with "ugly water" because of modern industry.

-Grump

RE: Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water

[pipingguy]

Or in my case, beer.

Scary

[N8F8]

I'm pretty sure this is how religions get started.

Re:Scary

[DarkHelmet]

This reminds me of Futurama:

Uhura: By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems into a full blown religion.

Preacher: And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship, where there would be no tribble at all

Followers: All power to the engines!

Uhura: As country after country fell after its influenced, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. So the trekkies were executed in the most befitting: virgins:

Trekkie: Bwaaaaaah!
Executor: He's dead Jim.
Trekkie: Bwaaaaaah!
Executor: He's dead Jim.

Re:Scary

[IceAgeComing]

I...cannot...say his name...forbidden...

Lord...AHH...Lord....XEMU!! AHHHHHH!

"He's dead, Jim."

Does anyone have the Klingon translation...

[Anonymous Coward]

...for "Mom, please come and pick me up."

Re:Does anyone have the Klingon translation...

[Daniel Dvorkin]

Gotta love people who hang out on a site subtitled "news for nerds" ripping on other people for how geeky they are.

Re:Does anyone have the Klingon translation...

[Mr. Sketch]

ghoS 'ej jIH Dung

Re:Does anyone have the Klingon translation...

[mandolin]

There's nerdy, and then there's nerdy. Good Lord.

..which is just another way of saying "perception is relative".

The "klingons" probably look down on roleplayers.. or those idiots who camp out at the new Star Wars premieres.. or those 50-year-old guys who dress as Sailor Moon (yeah, I read machall).. or -- heaven forbid -- linux weenies.

In fact, somebody out there thinks you are the lowest of the low, and ya know what? Fuck 'em.

You guys totally lose.

[ebbomega]

It's Qapla'.

I use that term

[Slowtreme]

I say "Ugly bags of mosty water" all the time to refer to some of the larger people at work. I once tried to explain the Star Trek episode it came from, but it was entirely too geeky for me to finish. In the end I just shrugged and said, "I dunno, something I read on Slashdot"

Re:I use that term

[Pathetic Coward]

I say "Ugly bags of mosty water" all the time to refer to some of the larger people at work

Ladies and gentlemen, today's "encouraging his management to outsource his job to India" example.

However

[Anonymous Coward]

They provide excellent reasons for forced sterilization.

Then again being able to speak Klingon pretty much does this without surgery.

Re:However

[shigelojoe]

You know, I've always wondered; do really nerdy Klingons learn English?

And the prize goes to ....

[Hi, I'm Troy McClure]

... the first poster to translate the Klingon in the submission, critique the Klingon grammar, and post a link to the online Klingon dictionary.

Quick, who will win the Slashdot Reality Contest (tm) this week!?!

Shakespeare

[dr_dank]

the translation of Hamlet into Klingon might be a disservice to the complexity of the author's intention

Like hell. If Hamlet were to be beheaded by Kahless, I might have paid more attention in English class.

Re:Shakespeare

[chowdmouse]

Perhaps. But you cannot truly appreciate Hamlet unless you've read it in the original Klingon.

Only Constructed Language from Popular Culture?

[rowdent]

This film captures the life, passion and quirks of the Klingon Language Institute, an entity structured to support and facilitate the only "Constructed Language" to emerge out of popular culture.

I thought Tolkien Elvish languages (Sindarin and the like) would count as well, considering Tolkien spent a considerable amount of time creating those languages. Although, I suppose, "popular culture" is a rather subjective term.

Re:Only Constructed Language from Popular Culture?

[Selfbain]

But Tolkien created the language BEFORE it became popular culture. Klingon emerged after.

Re:Only Constructed Language from Popular Culture?

[Anonymous Coward]

Tolkien was also a very noted antiquarian scholar. He wrote ground-breaking essays on Old English, Proto-Germanic, and both Brythonic and Goidelic Celtic tongues.

Finally, I highly doubt Tolkien intended for grown men to feverishly obssess over his creation. Rather, Elvish was more like an academic excercize intended to more fully flesh out the world he created.

Summary: Tolkien was a brilliant scholar and craftsman. Klingons have no such artistic vision and are living in their parents' basement.

Oh yeah.

[radiumhahn]

Oh Yeah... what's the kilngon word for loneliness...oh yes... GARRHHHHDOCK.

Nai Valaraukar tye-matar!

[centauri]

Hira cuilë!

Google?

[Seoulstriker]

You can now search Google in the native klingon language:

http://www.google.com/intl/xx-klingon/

Re:Google?

[Anonymous Coward]

You can now search Google in the native klingon language:


But it is much better in Sweedish chef

Why the title?

[beeplet]

Surely they could have picked a Klingon phrase for the title? The "ugly bags of mostly water" comes from the "Home Soil" episode where a crystal "brain" uses it to describe humans.

Re:Why the title?

[Experiment 626]

I thought the choice was rather odd too. In the original context, a creature made of rock calls humans "ugly bags of mostly water", and it makes sense, because compared to a rock, we are. Coming from a Klingon, however, who are carbon-based humanoids like us and appear to have a similar level of water content in their tissue to humans, the phrase is very out of place.

Hrmmm

[Gogl]

Reminds me of this hilarious Daily Show sketch (Realplayer, which sucks but oh well). The fact that they have almost every sketch from the past four years up on comedycentral.com has almost entirely destroyed my work ethic over the past few weeks...

Obligatory Futurama Quote

[CHaN_316]

"All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo!" -Morbo

Losers

[Anonymous Coward]

Wow, too bad /. doesn't have a "loser" topic, 'cause this would be it.

Regular /. readers should be embarrased that this was posted.

Odd...

[radicalskeptic]

Was it the Klingons who referred to humans as "ugly bags of mostly water"? I was under the impression it was those weird crystal things from the episode Home Soil.

http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php? showtopic=927368&st=120 (search for "ugly", it is at the bottom of the page)

Re:Odd...

[Tyler Durden]

Exactly. Klingons are probably water-based as well. The title makes no sense.

Re:Odd...

[ivanmarsh]

No kidding! What's the Klingon word for: Non Sequitur?

Trailer

[Mmm coffee]

Direct link to the trailer (~2 megs), for those of us who don't/can't do the "view a movie in my browser" thing.

Oh dear god

[aliens]

I was wrong! Apparently there is a Queen Klingon to continue the species!!!

Say it ain't so!

Re:Oh dear god

[nacturation]

I think that Klingon bride is actually a guy. Later that night, in some cheap motel room, a groom will utter the ritual death cry as a part of him falls over dead, never again to arise.

I wonder what is spoken more

[Savatte]

Klingon or Esperanto?

Re:I wonder what is spoken more

[Anonymous Coward]

The serious answer is that if you are looking for fluent speakers, you will find more Esperantists. I also noticed that the Klingon Language Institute has an Esperanto introduction whereas no Klingon speakers have done a similar page for the Universala Esperanto-Asocio. That says something about the relative availability of translators for the two languages.

Re:I wonder what is spoken more

[HeghmoH]

The Esperanto FAQ claims that Esperanto is spoken by roughly the same number of people as Latvian or Hebrew, i.e. enough people to fill a smallish middle-eastern or eastern-european country. Klingon is probably way behind. It's not exactly an impartial source, though.

If you're such a nerd...

[bkhl]

how come you can't spell qa'pla.

Utterly intolerable

[l0ungeb0y]

I for one will not stand for such speciesist slurrs to be posted online or otherwise.

Ugly bag of mostly water indeed.
Atleast I don't look like someone squated over my head and took a crap on my forehead.

And besides, if Klingons are so great, why doesn't speaking their language get you laid?!?!?
You try saying "ghu neH Ha' lItHa'?" to some chick and see what happens.

Re:Utterly intolerable

[Dachannien]

"And besides, if Klingons are so great, why doesn't speaking their language get you laid?!?!?
You try saying "ghu neH Ha' lItHa'?" to some chick and see what happens."

Well.... she'll certainly end up wet.

Re:Utterly intolerable

[painandgreed]

And besides, if Klingons are so great, why doesn't speaking their language get you laid?!?!? You try saying "ghu neH Ha' lItHa'?" to some chick and see what happens.

You've obviously never been to a con.

It's not that speaking Klingon can't get you laid but whether you want to get laid by the women that it will work on.

Answer: NaN

[jared_hanson]

The answer is "not a number." Now, for all you who actually cared, lean in closely, I'm going to tell you how I came to this conclusion: KLINGONS ARE NOT FUCKING REAL!

Re:Answer: NaN

[Paulrothrock]

Prove it.

Re:Answer: NaN

[Wolfrider]

(Network exec, to Roddenberry -- circa 1966:)
"You guys act like that ship was actually up there, orbiting the planet right now!"

(Roddenberry:)
"It IS!!"

== Paraphrased, possibly from one of Shatner's biographies

Worst. Movie. Ever.

[Aqua_Geek]

[Obligatory Simpsons Reference]

Comic Book Guy: Worst. Movie. Ever. I will only see it three more times. Today.

people like this

[moviepig.com]

...it's people like this that give science fiction a bad name.

"People like this" are society's excluded. And they (we?) will always exist because society will always exclude. And they'll find places to gather that are, well, exclusive.

Among the current crop of such places, Planet Klingon's not so bad.

Re:people like this

[-kertrats-]

Honestly...there is no 'Planet Klingon'. The Klingon homeworld is known as qo'nos (pronounced 'Kronos'). Your nerd license is hereby revoked.

Klingon-Elvish dictionary

[Anonymous Coward]

Years ago, there was a discussion in sci.lang about a planned Klingon-Elvish dictionary. Someone commented that several hundered years from now an archeologist is going to find a copy and cite it as proof that the two cultures once met.

And now: Klingon Hamlet:

[RatBastard]

Prince Hamlet: You killed my father, stole his crown, married his widow and usurped the crown of Chronos.
King Claudius: This is all true.
Prince Hamlet: Impressive.
King Claudius: Hey, I can see my house from here!

Klingon Word

[AndroidCat]

Q'lipi': You are having problems. I will solve them!

A Fearsome Quote

[Dareth]

When speaking Klingon, be sure to speak forcefully. Some of the sounds may make the person you're talking to a little wet.
This is correct and to be expected.

http://www.kli.org/tlh/sounds.html

I know what I thought when I first read this...

Nah...

[Mannerism]

'Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water' captures the lives...of the members of the Klingon Language Institute

Too easy.

And what RPGs nerdy Klingons play ?

[master_p]

Most of their RPGs (paper-based) don't finish: either the player kills himself disgraced because he lost some battle or kills the dungeon master because he thought he cheated.

Klingon word for NERD

[Prince Vegeta SSJ4]

Slagshdaat

Re:Klingon word for NERD

[TheABomb]

"SlaSDat" would be a better spelling. Or maybe "SlaS'Dat".

Klingon Series

[Tablizer]

I would like to see a new Trek series that involves a handful of grunt Earthlings being assigned to a Klingon-commanded Federation starship. It might bring in WWF fans.

But The Quote Isn't Klingon

[thelizman]

What a terrible name for this documentary! That quote was from a crystalline-based life form that killed terraformers who were destroying their habitat in one of the first seasons of ST:TNG.

And what is equally frightening is that I know that.

Re:But The Quote Isn't Klingon

[jcuervo]

And what is equally frightening is that I know that.

What is more frightening is that most of slashdot did, too. :-)

Re:NOT REAL ?

[Trailwalker]

You can't directly measure an irrational.

But you can read their posts.

Re:NOT REAL ?

[mlh1996]

WTF was that?

The only point I can infer from your staement is that you believe the Math definition of the word "real" is the same as the English definition of the word real. I assure you that the difference is just as profound as the word "yo" in Spanish and the word "yo" in English street vernacular.

That's exactly my point. i is not a real number.