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Directed Sound

yawningyellowyak writes "Technology Review has an interesting article on directed sound. Ultrasonic 'sound' is sent out from a 'speaker' and the distortion encountered on hitting the air produces hearable sound, but only in certain spots. You could be standing right next to someone and they would hear nothing. One step closer to the cone of silence!"

53 of 251 comments (clear)

  1. Cone of Silence by Epistax · · Score: 4, Funny

    One step closer to the cone of silence!

    Damn. I'm still grappling with the unmistakable cone of ignorance

  2. The missus by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    standing right next to someone and they would hear nothing

    That would be great if someone could rig my wife up with one of these... the silence would be bliss! :)

  3. Sweeeeet by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny


    Now if they can project "burnt toast smell" I'll really be able to make people think they're nuts.

  4. Ahhhh by jabbadabbadoo · · Score: 4, Funny

    At last - high volume p0rn without waking up my girlfriend!!!

    1. Re:Ahhhh by Epistax · · Score: 5, Funny

      Sorry, it doesn't work on the noises you make.

    2. Re:Ahhhh by amstrad · · Score: 3, Funny
      At last - high volume p0rn without waking up my girlfriend!!!
      ...or the person in the next cubicle
    3. Re:Ahhhh by kfg · · Score: 5, Funny

      Oh yeah, like, that's exactly what I want. Lying in bed with my girlfriend watching p0rn and then not getting laid.

      I think you might want to rethink that plan Sparky.

      KFG

    4. Re:Ahhhh by wcrowe · · Score: 2, Funny

      Maybe not. Have you seen his girlfriend?

      --
      Proverbs 21:19
    5. Re:Ahhhh by tedgyz · · Score: 3, Funny

      The colloquial term for this is marriage.

      --
      "No matter where you go, there you are." -- Buckaroo Banzai
  5. Cone of Silence? More like cone of annoyance. by Maestro4k · · Score: 5, Interesting
    Seriously, marketers will be in heaven, able to target ads at passerbys. Now you can look forward to being inundated with directed sound ads while walking the street. It'll be far more annoying because it'll be harder to ignore than ambient noise (ads running on outside speakers, people hawking their businesses on the sidewalk).

    And we think spam is bad...

  6. Messin with people by binaryDigit · · Score: 3, Funny

    Can you imagine how this could be used to really screw with peoples heads?

    On the edge psycho person: "Hey, did you hear that voice"
    Unknowing friend: "No, I didn't hear anything"
    On the edge psycho person: "Quit messing with me man, I can hear that voice a clear as day"
    Unknowing friend: "I told you, all I hear is some elevator music"
    On the edge psycho person: "AAARGH, get it out of my head, it's telling me to, to, to ..."
    Unknowing friend: "TO WHAT, TO WHAT!?!"
    On the edge psycho person: "GO TO AISLE 4 FOR A 2 FOR 1 ON LIGHT DAYS! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

    All kidding aside, there actually is a fair bit of harm one could use this tech for. Make the "sound" of high enough intensity, and it would make a very effective, and undetectable weapon.

    1. Re:Messin with people by EpsCylonB · · Score: 3, Funny

      All kidding aside, there actually is a fair bit of harm one could use this tech for. Make the "sound" of high enough intensity, and it would make a very effective, and undetectable weapon.

      so you could use it to kill harkonens...

    2. Re:Messin with people by Bibulous · · Score: 5, Funny

      I saw a TV programme about this a while ago.

      One of the guys who was developing it enjoyed pointing it down towards people on the street and speaking to them. He said they got really creeped out and started looking around to see if anyone else heard it.

      I think it'd be more fun to involve two people and two speakers. Have a sort of devil and angel think going on.

      "Kill that guy over there!"
      "No, don't do it"
      "Go on, don't listen to that pussy!"

    3. Re:Messin with people by Adriax · · Score: 4, Funny

      "This is the lord, your god. I have decreed that you may save 15% or more on your car insurance by switching to Geico!"

      --
      I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
    4. Re:Messin with people by E10Reads · · Score: 3, Interesting

      Actually, this is already being implamented by the US Military in Iraq. It is used at checkpoints to speak to aproaching parties. And the Military has signed a new contract with American Technology for $1.1 million to deliver these LRAD's (long range acoustice divices) to the Marines. "LRAD is a breakthrough long-range hailing and warning, directed acoustic device that is designed to determine intent, change behavior, and support various rules of engagement. With LRAD, a sentry can issue a focused verbal challenge with instructions in excess of 300 hundred yards, and follow up with a warning tone to cause behavior change. Recorded messages can be selected and delivered over LRAD in multiple languages."[from an American Technology press release. regarding this contract] So far this is the biggest contract the company has and most likely, for years to come, the most lucrative applications will come from military applications, both as defense and as weapons. But ultimatly, comercial application will exceed the military in the technology's application and source of revenue for ATC.

  7. Hope it will work for "boom cars" by old+man+of+the+c · · Score: 4, Interesting

    But I doubt the car owners would want it. Why have a loud sound system in a car if the whole world can't hear (and know about) it.

  8. The Lucas Sound Studio @ Disney by adzoox · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Has anyone ever been into into the Lucas Sound Studio at MGM in Disney world? I believe it's co sponsored by AT&T.

    * There's something similar to this. You put on headphones.

    * You're in a booth about the size of a small 1/2 bathroom.

    *It goes completely dark, but you are told to close your eyes for an even better effect.

    You then proceed to "become a CEO" for a day of a Fortune 500 company - you get your hair cut and blowdried in the boardroom - you CAN FEEL the scissors and hear them close to your ears and atop your head. Then you can FEEL HEAT from the blowdryer - and it's nothing but sound rather an auditory/perceptual illusion.

    Imagine if this could be done with the directory sound.

    --
    Yell & scream & rant & rave... it's no use... you need a shaaaave ~ Bugs Bunny
    1. Re:The Lucas Sound Studio @ Disney by Shawn+Parr · · Score: 3, Interesting

      This is actually accomplished through Binaural recording. It is achieved by created a human shaped and sounding head and putting microphones where the ears are. It works by accurately capturing the phase relationships in addition to the normal frequency and volume differences heard between your ears. Quite different technology as in order for it to work you would have to have exquisite aim with not just one beam of sound, but two, one for each ear.

  9. But Max, the Cone of Silence doesn't work! by Dachannien · · Score: 2, Funny

    "One step closer to the cone of silence!"

    "Uh.... what was that, Chief?"

  10. More Details... by MisterLawyer · · Score: 5, Informative
    This is more commonly called "HSS", or "HyperSonic Sound", rather than "UltraSonic Sound". The earliest citation to the term "Directed Sound" goes to American Technology Corp.:

    "We are focused on achieving high volume applications featuring the unique benefits of HSS directed sound. --"To the Shareholders of American Technology Corp." Business Wire, March 25, 2002

  11. Prior art by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Microsoft did it years ago already, with DirectSound! Or am I missing something ;-)

  12. DUPEY DUPE DUPE by justforaday · · Score: 5, Informative

    from here and here.

    i'm sure this'll come around again in the next few months...

    --
    I'll turn into a supernova and burn up everything. Well I'll turn into a black little hole and you'll turn into string.
  13. Already in use by Big+Nothing · · Score: 4, Interesting

    This kind of technology (although not as refined as mentioned in the article) has been in use for quite some time. For example, in Oslo Lufthavn (Oslo/Norway international airport) there are "quiet spots" where a speaker is used in combination with a parabole to create "sound spots" in the airport lounge area. The sound (sea waves, bird song, etc.) is basically only audible to the person standing directly under the speaker/parabole.

    --
    SIG: TAKE OFF EVERY 'CAPTAIN'!!
  14. Re:duplicate - Link by Maddog+Batty · · Score: 3, Informative

    Previous story is here

    Not difficult to find from July 2002.

    --
    wot no sig
  15. Re:Can I smell something ? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Actually it isnt vaporware, they showed a working version of it on TechTV a while ago. So its not a matter of it existing, but a matter of when companys are going to use it.

  16. Re:Can I smell something ? by MrAndrews · · Score: 5, Informative

    I don't know what the official definition of vapourware is, but I have seen this in use from rooftops at MIT (it's fun to see the reaction of people as they try and figure out if anyone else heard that voice), and am helping in the development of a line of products that use these speakers as a key component.

    I think the reason you probably haven't seen it yet is that there aren't many finished products made yet, and part of that might have to do with the fact that lots of local bylaws seem concerned with this kind of thing (they liken it to talking on cell phones while driving).

    It won't be long before this is everywhere. I think the tech is just slightly outpacing the market right now.

  17. Frequency change=nonlinearity=high levels by dpbsmith · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Linear transformations cannot create new frequencies, only alter the relative intensity of frequencies that already exist. If ultrasonic sound is being heard, some nonlinearity somewhere is converting it to audible sound.

    The thing that I have to wonder about is that this kind of nonlinearity implies fairly high (ultrasonic) sound intensities, and suggests that stuff inside your head is being driven beyond its elastic limit. The big thing that seems to me to be missing from the article is any statement of the ultrasonic sound power level, in decibels, that is being delivered to your head (and the ratio between the actual ultrasonic sound level and the apparent audible sound level).

    How does this compare, for example, to the sound levels used for ultrasonic imaging in medicine?

    I'm not suggesting that the process is necessarily dangerous, but it isn't obvious that it's intrinsically safe, either. It's one thing to be subjected to high-power ultrasound a few dozen times during your lifetime for the purpose of preserving your health. It's quite another to be subjected to it day in and day out, for your convenience in listening to music, or for some advertiser's convenience in interrupting your train of thought.

    1. Re:Frequency change=nonlinearity=high levels by dmayle · · Score: 2, Informative

      I have read the article, and what this particular article doesn't tell you (but has been in previous articles also posted on slashdot on the same tech), is that two ultrasound beams in parallel come out of the same emitter, and when they hit some object, they reflect in all sorts of directions, which causes them to interact, which cause the beat frequencies to be heard.

  18. Re:Can I smell something ? by PaschalNee · · Score: 4, Informative

    Based on this it seemed to be pretty far advanced (and that was two years ago). Granted I've yet to see it being used commercially.

  19. Re:Can I smell something ? by hal200 · · Score: 3, Interesting

    FWIW, I saw this demonstrated on The Screensavers on TechTV a couple months ago. It seemed to work when they turned it on the studio audience. Only the people that the machine was pointed directly at could hear it. It could have been an elaborate hoax, but then again, so could the Moon Landing...

    --

    I just want to take over the world...Why does that automatically make me EVIL?

  20. Re:Can I smell something ? by kfg · · Score: 2, Funny

    Naaaah, not vapourware, because it really does exist. It's more like ignoreware. If they kept ignoring it things would work out ok. One can dream.

    But yes, it is a rather old story. Last year my mom asked me if I'd heard of it and wondered if it were something she should invest in.

    If my mom has heard of it as an investment opportunity it's definately old news.

    I told her what it was being promoted as useful for and she decided she didn't want to encourage that sort of shit with her money.

    KFG

  21. Prior Art by Kevin+Burtch · · Score: 4, Informative


    Tab books published instructions how to build a device that does exactly this decades ago... TAB!
    Yeah, I know the cover looks ridiculous... I bought it when I was a teen and still have it - neat projects inside and better written than the cover would indicate.

    --
    - Preferences: Solaris 10 (servers), Ubuntu (desktops), Solaris 11 (personal servers) -
  22. neither one by ashot · · Score: 4, Interesting

    will dominate this market, because there is a new technique in acoustics that will eclipse the ultrasound method. Using something called time reversal, you can pinpoint the output of sound to a single location in 3 dimensional space, focusing around objects, people whatever; no beam, no drop off.

    This focusing can be done with more than just sound waves however, and the first applications are in medicine, however, it does apply to sound as well.

    The basic idea is that if you create a sound from some source location, and record all of the noise at another location, then play this noise signal backwards from the recorded location the sound will reappear in the one spot from which it was originally played. An analogy is that if you take a pool ball, put it right in front of a pocket, and then bounce it outwards really hard, letting it bounce against the walls multiple times, but noting the exact location of the last bounce of the ball, then if you reshot the ball at the exact spot where you last saw it bounce, it would go back in the whole.

    --
    -ashot
    1. Re:neither one by Viol8 · · Score: 2, Insightful

      The sound could well appear back where it was originally played (though I have my doubts since its impossible to measure all effects of the sound everywhere) to a person standing there but other people standing nearby will still hear sound but it'll just be a jumble of noise. So thats hardly directed sound is it?

    2. Re:neither one by gardyloo · · Score: 2, Informative

      For pure bamboozlement, the effect of an ultrasonic parametric array (the things that produce these "directed sound beams") can't be beaten -- I experienced a demonstration of one two years ago at the Physical Acoustics Summer School in California. It's pretty amazing to have the demonstrator up front with a little antenna looking thing, playing music through it... but you can't hear it! However, just one or two people in the audience have this awestruck look on their faces. Then, when he swings the thing about, a line of people will suddenly perk up, as the cone of sound sweeps by. So although the "ultrasound method," as you call it, may not be as practically useful as time-reversal acoustics, it's really going to capture the public's attention.

      Also, time-reversal acoustics is nothing new. The concepts have been around for a long, long time. It's just now, though, that digital amplifiers and computers are fast enough to quickly reverse tone bursts -- because sound travels so "slowly", it's difficult to get the "reversed" sound back to its source before conditions really change a lot. With light, though, this has been going on for a long time, because the danged stuff travels so fast (see any nonlinear optics book).
      So, you're right: Time-reversal acoustics is "new" in the sense that the technology has almost caught up to the science. Still, practical difficulties exist, and there are a LOT of environments in which it won't be able to be applied. Just like there are a lot of environments in which nonlinear parametric arrays will do you no good because the intrinsic nonlinearity of the medium isn't high enough.

  23. Re:Vaporware? How dare you! by sammaffei · · Score: 2

    New Olypmic Event: Sychronized Precision Farting!

    --

    Political correctness is the newest form of slavery.

  24. HyperSonic Sound (HSS) by andrewHYC · · Score: 2, Interesting

    The company producing the equipment is American Technology Corporation at http://www.atcsd.com/tl_hss.html According to their own site one test showed a level of 110 db at 2 metres at 48KHz giving an apparent audio level (3 KHz) of 95 db. The level at 16 metres was 80 db at 48 KHz and still 90 db at 3KHz. Apparently they are already installing them in soft drink dispensing machines in Tokyo. (We soon won't know who is schizophrenic and who isn't). Cheers

  25. A sea of calm by the_twisted_pair · · Score: 4, Insightful

    It would be simple to defeat though. The effect relies on heterodyning a signal (mixing HF to produce an intermodulation effect) so broadcasting white noise above the range of hearing should drown the wanted signal nicely - just like interference on an AM radio. Say a small device located near the billboard - or two piezo drivers on the outside of headphones, heck you could build it into your cellphone hands-free kit.

    Done well, you wouldn't hear a thing; even partial cancellation should reduce the adspeak into something akin to a distant ocean sound.

    I think there would be privacy isues to overcome on the part of the Admen first however - remember the hoo-haa over subliminal advertising?

  26. Re:Cone of Silence? More like cone of annoyance. by (trb001) · · Score: 2, Insightful

    While I agree that this would suck, it could have benefits. Anything used for spamming receives a *LOT* of funding...this sort of technology could mature very, very quickly because of its revenue stream, leading to other, more practical uses. Remember, if it weren't for pr0n, we would prolly still be surfing on 28.8 modems, not broadband.

    --trb

  27. Cone of Silence by dalutong · · Score: 2, Funny

    *someone in the cone of silence*

    *sees peoples mouths moving. realizes they are talking to him.

    "I'm in the cone of silence, you insensitive clods!"

    --

    What comes first, finding a teacher or becoming a student?
  28. Re:Bit different by Short+Circuit · · Score: 2, Insightful

    True. I bet it'd be more cost-effective in places like museums where quiet is desired, but some people might like to hear recordings on the exhibits.

  29. For all you South Park fans by smz420 · · Score: 3, Funny

    Imagine combining this technology with "The Brown Noise"...now that would be the ultimate weapon!

  30. Cone of Advertising, cone of secret Teleprompting by Anonym0us+Cow+Herd · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Not cone of silence!

    Cone of marketing.
    Cone of limited time only specials!
    Cone of "welcome passerby, if you look directly to your left...."
    Cone of "your girlfriend can't hear this, so listen closely..."

    Just so this post isn't totally lame, here is a potential useful application.

    Directed sound technology might be useful in applications where you want to give someone audible feedback or instructions, where someone normally would have one of those tiny earpieces. Cyrano de Bergerac. (See the commedy with Steve Martin called Roxane.) One man is secretly prompting another man with what to say to lure a potential girlfriend.

    Now you could send someone secret audible messages so that they say intelligent things instead of their own original thoughts. Useful for political campaigns where public figure is near to public crowd, near enough for them to notice any earpiece electronics he might be wearing.

    --
    The price of freedom is eternal litigation.
  31. Finally! A weapon against boom box cars by Whumpsnatz · · Score: 2, Funny

    Now I'll be able to aim one of these babies at the car next to me that's disrupting my heartbeat with it's pulsing audio garbage. I'll aim Maria Callas at 'em - at 120 decibels.

  32. As seen in this story by Alien54 · · Score: 3, Informative
    You can see this originally in this slash story.

    "The fine folks at the MIT Sound Media Lab have come up with a cheap and practical way to focus sound: "A beam of light can be controlled in many ways - it can be aimed at one person in a crowd, spread to fill a room, or projected to create rich, distant imagery. We can now do these very same things with sound. The Audio Spotlight can be used in two major ways: As directed audio, sound is directed at a specific listener or area, to provide a private or area specific listening space. As projected audio, sound is projected against a distant object, creating an audio image. This audio image is literally a projected loudspeaker - sound appears to come directly from the projection, just like light." While still under development, they are testing applications of the device in collaboration with several of their media lab sponsors in preparation for eventual commercial release."

    I also recall another story someplace where a guy was messing with a portable version of this in a mall, spooking people out. Apparently the sound appears in the persons head, but you do know exactly which direction it is coming from.

    I can see the potential to harrass politicians and other public speakers right now. It is definitely an acquired skill to be able to speak without stumbling despite that kind of distraction.

    --
    "It is a greater offense to steal men's labor, than their clothes"
  33. I've been doing this for years by drfunch · · Score: 2, Funny

    As a college lecturer, I've been able to use directed sound to selectively impart knowledge to certain students in my class and not to others... at least that's what my students tell me:
    "We didn't cover that is class!"
    "You never said we had a test today!"
    "Homework due?! You didn't tell us that."

  34. Re:Can I smell something ? by raygundan · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Yeah, this particular little invention is what really drove the concept of "vapourware" home for me. I read about it first while I was in college, back in *1998*. I followed it excitedly, because at the time it was touted as a lightweight, low-power, flat-frequency-response speaker system. The directionality was just a side effect. Turns out it's not all it's cracked up to be in the audio quality department, but hey... that side effect is still there six years later, so let's capitalize on that instead!

    As I tried to keep up with who was developing what with the tech (it's been licensed over and over, but nobody's ever built anything commercially available) I got more and more depressed with the whole thing. And I learned an important life lesson... until you can click "Buy Now," (and sometimes not even then) it may as well not exist unless you intend to build your own from a copy of the patent. I try to just ignore announcements like "Hypersonic Sound" now.

  35. These things can be dangerous by Charles+Dart · · Score: 2, Interesting

    My wife went to an tech award show last year at which this product won something. The presentor mentioned that the pentagon was also interested in the product. He said that it is possible to turn the volume up to lethal levels.

  36. In Theory... by mistermund · · Score: 4, Informative

    You could be standing right next to someone and they would hear nothing.

    That's the idea, but in reality it works a tad different. Wherever the beam hits sort of becomes the apparent source of the sound. So if you aim it at someone, they'll hear it quite clearly - more so than everyone else - but the sound will now appear to be coming from them. Quieter, but still apparent.

    I've got 2 of the HSS units right here, and though they're super-cool for messing with people, (See other posts) they've got some drawbacks.
    1) There's no bass, treble only.
    2) The units we have come with a rather noisy cooling fan.
    3) They clip quite easily - you have to watch your volume levels.
    4) They're not terribly reliable. I've seen them in a few labs I've worked in or with, and we all seem to have the same issues.

    Overall a cool product, especially for the gee-whiz factory, but certainly not ready for practical use just yet.

  37. Re:Cone of Silence? More like cone of annoyance. by Major_Small · · Score: 2
    I doubt they'll have people in towers beaming you from across the street... they would probably just have it so that if you were window shopping and you were in front of a particular dress or something, you would hear a little about that dress... that would be helpful in some situations...

    IMO, this technology has alot more potential for good than bad... think about sitting in a library or something and listening to something on a computer without headphones, or going to a museum/car/computer show and hearing about some new technology without being distracted about somethign else?

    I don't think the example with the police officer and crowd control is a good idea though... the rest of the crowd kinda needs to hear what the police officer is saying... I would be kinda unnerved if there was a disturbance and all I see is a cop yelling but not saying anything...

  38. Re:Cone of Silence? More like cone of annoyance. by poot_rootbeer · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Seriously, marketers will be in heaven, able to target ads at passerbys.

    Targeting specific people in a crowd doesn't make any sense advertising-wise or cost-wise, especially if it costs more than broadcasting a message to the entire crowd.

    If marketers had any interest whatsoever in this type of advertising, there would be bullhorns in public places already constantly exhorting everyone to Drink Coke or Join The Army or whatever. As it stands, only political candidates and ice cream trucks are willing to do this.

  39. Re:Can I smell something ? by Esion+Modnar · · Score: 3, Funny
    see the reaction of people as they try and figure out if anyone else heard that voice

    God: (standing on a chair behind Noah, he rings a bell once) NOAH.
    Noah: (Looks up) Is someone calling me? (Shrugs and goes back to his work)
    God: (Ding) NOAH!!
    Noah: Who is that?
    God: It's the Lord, Noah.
    Noah: Right ... Where are ya? What do ya want? I've been good.
    God: I want you to build an ark.
    Noah: Right ... What's an ark?
    God: Get some wood and build it 300 cubits by 80 cubits by 40 cubits.
    Noah: Right ... What's a cubit?
    God: Well never mind. Don't worry about that right now. After you build the ark, I want you to go out into the world and collect all the animals of the world, two by two, male and female, and put them into the ark.
    Noah: Right ... Who is this really? What's going on? How come you want me to do all these weird things?
    God: I'm going to destroy the world.
    Noah: Right ... Am I on Candid Camera? How are you gonna do it?
    God: I'm going to make it rain for a thousand days and drown them right out.
    Noah: Right ... Listen, do this and you'll save water. Let it rain for forty days and forty nights and wait for the sewers to back up.
    God: Right...
    Narrator: So Noah began to build the ark. Of course his neighbors were not too happy about it. Can you imagine leaving for the office at 7 AM and seeing an ark?
    Neighbor: (enters whistling, with brief case) Hey! You over there.
    Noah: What do you want?
    Neighbor: What is this thing?
    Noah: It's an ark.
    Neighbor: Uh huh, well you want to get it out of my driveway? I've gotta get to work. Hey listen, what's this thing for anyway?
    Noah: I can't tell you, ha ha ha.
    Neighbor: Can't you even give me a little hint?
    Noah: You want a hint?
    Neighbor: Yes, please.
    Noah: Well, how long can you tread water? Ha ha ha
    Neighbor: There's one in every neighborhood. (Shakes head and leaves)
    Narrator: Well Noah finally got the ark built. Then he had the task of gathering all the animals two by two.
    Noah: Hey, anybody know how to tell the difference between a male and a female mosquito? (Looking in a box) I told your rabbits before, only two! (He puts box in boat) Whew, finally the last two animals are on board. Let's get this thing closed up before God asks me to do something else. I'm six hundred years old. I am getting too old for this sort of thing.
    God: Noah!
    Noah: I knew it. What do you want now?
    God: You're going to have to take one of those hippos off and get another one.
    Noah: Why?
    God: 'Cause you got two males. You need a female.
    Noah: I'm too tired to bring anything else on board. You change one of them.
    God: Come on, you know I don't work like that.
    Noah: But I'm sick and tired of this. I've been working all day everyday like crazy for months now, dawn to dusk. I'm tired of this.
    God: Noah
    Noah: Yeah?
    God: how long can you tread water? Ha ha ha
    Noah: Yeah, well I got news for you. You keep talking about this flood and I haven't seen a drop of rain. Meanwhile, the whole neighborhood is making fun of me. I told one of my friends I'd been talking to the Lord and he laughed so hard he wet his pants. Do you know I'm the only guy in town with an ark in his yard? People are picketing and calling the heath department, strangers walk up to me and say "How's it going, Tarzan?" I am sick and tired of all of this, you let me get a pregnant elephant . . . Do you give me an instruction book? . . . No!!! Here I am standing under the elephant and brrrrrrrrump! Right on top of me! I'm telling you, I've had enough. You're supposed to see all and know all, well have you seen the bottom of that ark? Who's going to clean up that mess? Not me, I tell you. I quit. I'm tired of this. I'm going to let the animals out and burn that ark down. I can't believe you made me do all this . . . (God takes a watering can and begins to pour w

    --

    They say the first thing to go is your penis. Well, it's either that or your brain. I forget which...
  40. Re:Cone of Silence? More like cone of annoyance. by Maestro4k · · Score: 2, Informative
    • If marketers had any interest whatsoever in this type of advertising, there would be bullhorns in public places already constantly exhorting everyone to Drink Coke or Join The Army or whatever. As it stands, only political candidates and ice cream trucks are willing to do this.
    Depends on where you are, in Tokyo it's extremely common to see people paid to hand out tissues advertising a shop/resteraunt, or just stand out front and yell (well, yell's not the right word, but close enough) at passerby's to advertise the shop. This tech combined with some sensors to track moving objects (aka people) could cut out the need to pay a person to do that, and make sure you hit even more people going by with your message.