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Spam as Poetry
ayahner writes "My spam filter receives about 500/wk, and within those frisky messages, among the pulp and porn, comes some pretty daring poetry. So instead of simply removing the spam, I have decided to peruse my spam library and use the best to spur my creative energies. Do any /. members have their own favorites? I have compiled a few of my own, and expect to add many more over the next few weeks as a creativity exercise. All of the verses are taken from actual spam, and copied directly without modification. Some of them are nonsense. Others are real text of spam, delivering their message. When combined, they tend to form semi-articulate sentences. I see a virtual e.e. cummings here, an occasional Shakespeare there."
Comment removed based on user account deletion
I actually got a message title "HOT E.E. CUMMINGS POETRY ACTION!" That one took me by suprise.
My spam filter [gets] 500 a week,
and within those frisky messages,
I have compiled a few of my own... to
form semi-articulate sentences.
At this point you could probably combine random words from a dictionary and call it poetry.. Show that poetry to a million people and it has to mean something to some of them, right?
Someone should also create a list of all the websites that take dictionaries and randomly combines them to form meaning..
the spammers have succeeded in....oh wait.
This is reminiscent of the Outside the Inbox music compliation project.
The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures,
He leadeth me beside the still waters,
He restoreth my credit and consolidateth my debts,
For as little as $1,750,
If I act now.
http://www.sixsixfive.com/87.html
Unknown host pong.
If you're not careful, some of these spammers might try to sue you for copyright infringement!
main(){char I,l,O[]={'-',1-1,0,(1<<5)-1,0+'-',-10-1,-10,11-0,
I expect universities to start issuing degrees in English with a Spam option now.
I won't settle for anything less.
There was a young man from Alabama ...waits for applause... not a sausage :-(
Who had attrocious grammar
His poetry stunk
So he did a bunk
And works in Florida as a spamer.
This article appeared in the Sydney Morning Herald on May 1st. It contains several spoems written by the author, as well as a nice breakdown of the various percentages of spam types he receives.
I've seen these sorts of poems appearing alot on blogs recently. Even tried my hand at it when I had half an hour to spare. It's good fun. Of course, being a girl, most of my spam is about penis enlargements (twice nothing is still nothing people!), but some of the more random spams make for interesting poetry.
In the title, "What makes a sock a diabetic sock?"
Uhh, diabetes?
Have you been recieving spam from Vogon.com? That is some bad poetry. kvn
Increase your penis Your mate deserves more from you Viagra for less!
There's a Starman, waiting in the sky / He'd like to come and meet us, but he hasn't got the time.
...but let's not forget the other kind of SPAM poetry.
Breakfast served all day!
The topic of filter-avoiding-spam-as-poetry received a humerous treatment on NPR a couple of months ago.
2 26
http://www.npr.org/features/feature.php?wfId=1761
I created a little humour piece on penis enlargement ads as my match.com video. Of course they never posted it - I fear it violated their guidelines, which is a pity since I think a lot of people would have gotten a laugh out of it.
:-).
:-)
Here it is, all 9mb of it.
(Warning: No X-rated content - just a joke. You have been warned).
It took me two hours, concept to completion, which just goes to show that sometimes it's nice to have a Canon XL1 and Final Cut Pro lying around ready to use
Hope you enjoy
D
X-UIDL: ;r [200.181.94.68])
stubble relent standardly scrolls reverselyX-Mozilla-Status: 0001
X-Mozilla-Status2: 00000000
Return-Path:
Received: from mxsf30.cluster1.xxxxx.net ([10.20.201.230]) by mtao01.xxxxxxx.net (InterMail vM.6.00.05.02 201-2115-109-103-20031105) with ESMTP id
Fri, 16 Apr 2004 17:24:29 -0400
Received: from (200-181-094-068.bsace705.dsl.brasiltelecom.net.b
by mxsf30.cluster1.xxxxxxx.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id i3GLF5Fw053380;
Fri, 16 Apr 2004 17:15:08 -0400 (EDT)
Message-ID:
From: "Thom15"
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 2004 18:18:55 -0300
To:
Subject: With CD Cheap you are the Winner! yesterday bunnies
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
Content-Type: text/html; charset=iso-8859-1
warrant prosecutor Richey units cousin
temperate rectums concubine novel tinniness
Valerie obedience disparity carbonate audiogram
incubated propounds carters mightiest Wyandotte
Melanesia reloads Tories paraffin brazing
Ple@se review our today's great offer elevated parrot honorarium urgings outvoting
denseness damsel attracted coarse supersedes
relabel Millie endurance carves asphyxia
packaged avidly block recurring Sutton
tinniest validation veers vagrantly addresses
shudder Stirling fragments munitions together
tracings diplomas deadness Sigmund graspingly
ensured wheel blackest eminently sagebrush
sig not found
Well, I'm sorry, I haven't seen any poetic spam. So I figured I'd tell you all about an interesting unsolicited message I did recieve one day. I opened a message from Hillary Rosen, and it said "We have detected that you are using Kazaa on your computer to download illegal music. Your IP address and ISP account info have been forwarded to the FBI. You can expect a knock on your door within the next two weeks. ... We'll settle for $1,000 if you click on this link.."
Yeah, not poetry, sorry. (I won't whine if modded off-topic.) But I did find it to be a relatively clever scam given that the timing was around the height of the RIAA's threats to sue people.
In Soviet Russia, penises enlarge you!
"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?"
I heard a commentary on NPR by Andrei Codrescu a few weeks ago about spam as poetry. He said some of his dada-ist/nonsensical poet friends were jealous of the spam poetry.
of how easy it is for people to pull poetry out of their asses. I think its interesting when someone hurls globs of paint at a canvas and a week later they're receiving acclaim for the "masterpiece" that is being displayed in a major art gallery. No one said art had to be hard but its definition has broadened to the point that theres almost no line between it and nonsense. Granted, this in particular is more for fun than anything else, but it drives me crazy to see everyone stand back in wonder when some teenager reads the 10*45344^256th iteration of the "I'm drowning in a void of nothingness" poem at a local coffeeshop.
"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?"
Spam always surprises me in its ability to say the same thing in different ways to avoid the filters. No, I'm not talking about the billions of ways to spell viagra with h4ck3r text, but actual nouns and metaphors.
For example, I know 'lay some pipe' wasn't in the common online lexicon before spam popularized the term (although it does date back some way). The latest one I've seen is 'expand your waterway', which is a pretty unique twist on 'enlarge your penis', I must say.
Any other bizarre, but understandable, metaphors, similies, or noun substitutions?
All I ever got was a longer, wider penis.
What's your excuse for having spam?
I happen to actually have some contact with the outside world.
I got a spam on 9/11:
Subject: Tired of all this terrorism shit?
Come watch our girls take massive cocks.
http://.....
Poetry spam? I'd rather have an inbox that was useable. The amount of poetry/random stories in spam has gone way up in order to get around baysian filters, and it wouldn't suprise me if all text based filters will be useless soon. I mean, honestly. We'll soon need to either implement visual-based filtering (filtering based on the visual model that would be shown if the spam was HTML rendered, or even filtering of images). Or everyone is going to have to get SPF and even auto-whitelisting working.
autopr0n is like, down and stuff.
...than with poetry: spamradio - hand-picked spam mails, a speech synthesizer and ambient background music.
I sometimes listen to it during coding sprees late at night, eerie but cool.
"There are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare." - Blair Houghton
Haiku poems from spam? Yes indeed! Behold:
enlarge penis now
low cost mortgage not resist
from Nigeria
On second thought, no. That was really stupid.
"An Ode To Spam"
by Irwin
I quiver at an early hour
Awash in electron aura:
Debating life and Godly power,
Staring at Eudora.
What is all my mail worth?
Do I risk my mind?
What if spam should issue forth,
And leave my soul behind?
And thus beside this stream of life,
From whence my mail is plucked.
I decide within my inner strife,
That spammers should be...
I can't find the link to the original comic but it's on Page 22 of "Evil Geniuses In A Nutshell"
*** Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?
Delirious B. Lunchtime
I'd be a little more suspicious of that one if it was "Delicious B. Lunchtime."
In search of rhyme I spam peruse,
With stalling breath I moan in Bayes.
I've heard of life. But of such ruse
No proof I've seen in all my days.
If you open yourself to the foo, You and foo become one.
I got a spam the other day that was written in German, more or less. I ran it through babelfish and got the following amusing blank verse. You gotta love "rat-sharp Girls in the wildest floats." It has such a lovely rhythm.
Geile, lsterne virgins with those
it itches so correctly.
They want you,
it need it.
Heie galleries and sharp picture series.
The geilsten photographs of
willing and rat-sharp Girls
in the wildest floats.
You want the heiesten Teeniesex?
Then schau equivalent purely,
because the whole groe selection
stands for you to the Verfgung.
All of the verses are taken from actual spam, and copied directly without modification.
Wow, plagiarizing spam, that's a new low. ;o)
Yeah, it's a joke, but got me thinking...if I got caught plagiarizing spam, that would be the worst punishment they could dish out.
"Pssst, look, there goes the guy that plagiarized spam."
I think I would kill myself.Have you ever listened to a Skinny Puppy *fingerquote* song *fingerquote*?
Here's a few examples:
Harsh Stone White
harsh stone white eyes behold bruise baths soak crying bones every
days appeal to stop spirit calm on valium hate permeates and fills the air
icy clouds the atmosphere illusions pull hair no reaction how was
this done it exists by extraction of reason drooling drips the bile
of sanity through the thought lines vomiting were even the clock wailed
and sped past two tic tic toc in time in the real understanding myself thinking
stand back unafraid and unaffected stand back non molested were
even down down down again down here in the cracks face hidden cracks
harsh stone white even were even
Worlock
binge cringe on the fringe sloppy mincing eyedropping biopsy cyclops overlooks
optic options rotton showstopper skinpopper babbler dabbler
self confessed criminal tore pen in vain instant still spellbound game
stock talk back rock reencounter incident subsistance inexistant
non committed unwitted oblivious habitual resistor buff the stuff roughed
up edge fluent nudge pre-collect ignition motivation inexistant wasted
views thats all they see blue hot blood guild optic nerve with the right attitude
you will succed blue self abusive recluse too late for me make
shifting peace settling crazy things keep your eyes open soft spoken
changes nothing a view so cruel dogs body comatose torchlight roast
disinterest disinfect retold impressed by possession insiders know
refresh detained contest off and pure sure tonight it feeds itself
freeze in time or shadows climb distracting override instincts
evolve and try over and over wasted truth why call at all blue hot lines
eventual decline with the right attitude you will succed blue resent
that discontent sidestep define the state of things so far crazy
things a view so cruel
Actually, as far as I know, Dadaism and Tristan Tzara came up with the idea of cut-up poetry. Though I can not find the text online, I once read a "How-To Write Dadaist Poetry" that recommended cutting a newspaper article of the desired length into seperate words, placing them in a bag, shaking it up, then pulling words out of the bag and writing down the words in the order they come out. Using this technique, I wrote Egging.
nero sang as rome burned
and hitler was an artist
but never have i ever learned
of which one was the smartest
infamy is what theyve earned
though for power they tried the hardest
and if by fortune they were spurned
one might wonder which was 'tardest
Class an left back. Warm tail star following.
Plain lady step story told. Write news middle modern does chief was got.
Stood end street word weight spot desire fix. Paid dream eight although wish.
Scraped off of a few spams, these all seem to come from the same source and have the same odd formating. Some of them are crying out to be set to music.
Wagon blow noon oil. Except food always were other follow push field fail. Again first country valley october. Thick was move heavy who.
Taken ill for poor member. She news fence anger class receive gray stick idea. Yard her oil row tought place. Am count share instead i warm settle cover.
Boys lead only throw press soil through thrown after road six. Iron could trust set held usual. Carry anger animals dance return stand six.
Morning bottle see often spoke. An ready wet try meet gather ago branch fill trade clean. Measure lay wagon suffer journey made.
Sometimes somnambulist about trembles, but wheelbarrow related to curse always plan an escape from dahlia about umbrella!A few pockets, and defined by impresario) to arrive at a state of insurance agentWhen you see over impresario, it means that of short order cook self-flagellates.Doug and I took behind fundraiser (with about snow, living with hydrogen atom.
Sometimes avocado pit over gets stinking drunk, but living with widow always bestow great honor upon line dancer toward!Unlike so many maestros who have made their womanly pocket to us.
bubbles remain smelly.Indeed, stalactite living with power drill a change of heart about stalactite over asteroid.around eggplant seek from carpet tack.girls remain snooty.Now and then, living with oil filter give secret financial aid to class action suit defined by.He called her Donovan (or was it Donovan?).
When inside squid daydreams, for demon reads a magazine.
If crank case toward starlet buy an expensive gift for ribbon for microscope, then defined by pork chop prays.He called her Foster (or was it Foster?).When you see living with corporation, it means that beyond hockey player gets stinking drunk.
Unlike so many taxidermists who have made their infected rattlesnake to us.
Full sign laugh serve direct join began something best. Electric caught smell ridden led there night cloth. Into sometimes wonder success cool advance hole. Wise whether saturday hurry gate walk. Double once walk various nine return height.
Blow black promise bag against cold believe famous seat no. Far drink around gain. Met while movement three so life i along joy toward.
Hello pain but low. Movement class sing miles count notice arrive army next. Easy follow means lone play hole tail divide another body form. Sign many animal arms likr aunt voice important ring. Worth wore deep fish stone still hand probably new.
Box wait fruit wall poor right of ago the raise. Can gives west many sugar face bean winter therefore.
Wagon blow noon oil. Except food always were other follow push field fail. Again first country valley october. Thick was move heavy who.
Taken ill for poor member. She news fence anger class receive gray stick idea. Yard her oil row tought place. Am count share instead i warm settle cover.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Unlike other pretenders out there, our all natural herbal pills are guaranteed to add inches to your manhood. Don't wait. Supplies are limited. Order now.
I think you guys are crazy for putting a list like that together. Such blatent copyright infringment... I'm sure the lawyers of these wonderful spam companies will have a field day on this.
tongue firmly in cheek
This is the Internet. You can say "fuck" here. - AC
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I hereby place the above post in the public domain.
Ok, ignore what I said above, I found two previous /. articles:
You see that key next to the '=' key? Yeah, the one labeled "backspace". It comes in handy in these situations.
Give me Classic Slashdot or give me death!
My favourite:
Q.
Insert Signature Here
The lyrics below are from Sonic Youth's song "I'm Insane." The song is made up completely of titles of 1950s pulp fiction books strung together. It's a great song :) This mode of writing -- influenced heavily by William S. Burroughs' cut-up experiments (as well as stuff done by the Surrealists) has always fascinated me; it's like a supernatural voice that speaks through the detritus of the mass media .... Check it out:
"I'm Insane":
Love starved backwood teaser farm girl hot eyed bride
stone cold blonde a quivering menace atomic wallop wholesale murder
we want out / we fish at night / sex in heaven / tough town / a cruel touch / sailors leave / sirens screaming / lap of luxury / a show of violence / take off your mask / lay off my brother / kiss my fist / stop at nothing / a steaming swamp / and a troubled heart / the sky is red / and i can't stop running / her baby stares / the secret's there / so help us god / i'll swing at your funeral / the stubborn air / the killer mob / a red bone woman / a double cross
big fake bitter love underbelly freezing jungle
one step more he'll stir your senses scratch your surface and nail your head
murded angels
bodies in bedlam
a women scorned
you can't hang me
tied to my job a blast scene alibi tied to a tree in a blind alley
nothing before / a big fear / don't get caught / by her father's friends / swamp girl faded / the tiger's wife / a frenzied love / hot climate / twisted passions / flesh parade / dead ahead / a world so wide / big river love camp / the house boy and hill girl / the agony column / don't crowd me / it's time for crime / strange breed river girl's misery index / inside my head my dog's a bear / she was significant / i'm insane
inside my head my dog's a bear
she was significant
i'm insane
inside my head my dog's a bear
she was significant
i'm insane
inside my head my dog's a bear
she was significant
i'm insane
This may not have anything to do with the original thingymabibby, but whatever...
Somebody gleaned my email off a site relating to my research I guess... because I've received several spam emails (surprisingly not more) in the past couple months offering me killer deals on silicon wafers, and coating supplies and other shit I really don't need.
Why the hell are they sending me this!!! Is there really someone out there sending spam for that crap, because really that just seems bizarre and a waste of time. How many nerds who would know what to do with those supplies are actually dumb enough to want to buy anything from these spammers!?
Argh!
Presently here, but not there.
honestly... i don't see why so many people bitch about spam... just don't give out your primary email address to people you don't know.... and no spame comes your way... open a yahoo acount... get yahooPOPS.... and if you ever need to give out your email to some website give them the yahoo one... in my university account i get maybe one spame mail a week, which is usually caught by their filter.... if you enter your email address in anything you don't trust its blllllahh@hotmail.com... if you need to recieve something from the site its whatever@yahoo.com... if its someone you know give them your real address...=NO SPAM... its not that difficult....
The white flag? Is that the surrender key?
The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
And these were followed by useless 'unsubscribe' links:
Of all, my faves are "Crazy Turmoil" and "Personally I Woohoooo It Is."
*****
Dear Mary,
I yearn for you tragically,
A.T. Tappman, Chaplain, U.S. Army.
Does anybody know, what kind of poetry generation software the spammers use? I am working on a similar project since some years. Check: this and this.