DIY Cruise Missile Designer Turns Freelance

js7a writes "Bruce Simpson of New Zealand, the designer of a homebrew cruise missile as reported here, has been left destitute by hastily-imposed restrictions of his national authorities, and is now offering his services to any non-terrorist willing to provide room, board, travel, expenses, and a negotiated rate. There is no question that cruise missile, UAV, bio-warfare, chemical weapons technology, and probably nuclear technologies will all continue to fall in cost significantly for the foreseeable future."

Comments

Buh Bye

[mfh]

In other news, a New Zealand man, possibly Bruce Simpson, was found dead by neighbours this afternoon. Officials present stated that Mr. Simpson died from an apparent tooth brushing incident, rendering his neck severed due to an accidental slip/fall, caused when a shampoo bottle fell over and mixed with some dripped shower water on the floor. Sadly, Mr. Simpson's efforts to provide cruise missiles to Iran and North Korea are all but a distant memory. New Zealand investigating officials have ruled out any foul play, and have ruled it an accidental death. Iranian and North Korean officials had no comment.

Re:Buh Bye

[identity0]

Nah, it'd go something like this, depending on what country did it:

Israel: "A local man was found dead this afternoon of an apparent shooting accident. Police speculate that Bruce Simpson was playing with his .22 pistol when he accidentally placed it at the back of his skull and shot himself."

CIA: "The U.S. Airforce has promised an inquiry into the recent incident where local resident Bruce Simpson was accidentally bombed in his house and killed. Officials believe the air force may have been ordered to "send Simpson one of thier new cruise missles for review" when a technician misinterpreted the orders and fired at the coordinates instead."

MI6: "A recent high-speed chase involving local police and a Aston-Martin fitted with rockets, machine guns and oil slicks ended in tragedy when Mr. Bruce Simpson of New Zealand was lasered in half by the driver, a man police say was dressed very well and ordered a martini shaken, not stirreed at a local club before going on the rampage."

New Zealand: "The New Zealand intelligence service has admitted to bludgeoning Mr. Bruce Simpson to death with sticks. New Zealanders have expressed shock that their country actually posseses an intelligence service."

Re:Buh Bye

[FrYGuY101]

In related news, it has been discovered that the assassins of Gerald Bull was not, in fact, Mossad, but rather the Fab Five.

Re:Buh Bye

[Anonymous Coward]

"And weasels will shoot out of my ass."

Please video tape that for science, because the state of the art now is eels.

Re:Buh Bye

[Scrameustache]

If you break in and just rearrange all the furniture you're going to contribute to a general sense of paranoia and it's clear you weren't there to steal something.

Maybe it was just the feng-shui vigilante?

Just think its not the most threatning thing ever, redecorating, you know...

Re:travel?

[b0r0din]

Somehow I suspect this guy might have some trouble travelling anywhere now....unless he can ride on his cruise missile.

Maybe they should have entitled this article 'Dr. Simpson, or How I Learned to Love the Cruise Missile.'

"You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!"

Re:GO BRUCE!

[traskjd]

Also as a Kiwi I have to say I love that photo of himself - very kiwi ("just built me a cruise missle in the backyard, yep" the overalls and gravel driveway really are a nice touch.

I agree though - go bruce! :D

On the next episode of "Pimp My Ride"...

[mabu]

While Jane's at work, her best friend takes her 1981 Toyota Camry and gets it a fresh flame job, 15" rims, and a cruise missile attached to the roof!

Ah, lest you forget...

[mariox19]

Some people turn violently ill when it comes time to compose a resume!

Re:Non terrorist users of criuse missiles?

[WarMonkey]

Uhhh, yeahhhh. We all know how credible that source is.

Re:Sounds like he has lots of options to me

[Anonymous Coward]

Okay, I know I'm not the only one who read this and spent a moment trying to figure out what the hell a three-second hand-frigate was.

Re:For my part...

[aardvarkjoe]

After the way the NZ government screwed him, I hope they realize that they are largely to blame should anything bad come of this.

Yeah, those bastards -- expecting somebody to pay their taxes.

Re:Non terrorist users of criuse missiles?

[mcpkaaos]

how the US ever hopes to win a war on terrorism when their military costs are so many orders of magnitude higher.

Well, when you run with a crowd that just prints more money when they run out, the world is really your oyster.

Re:Donations

[Anonymous Coward]

I don't have an (big, evil) S.U.V., but I'd love to have a missile on my car.

Intersting ??
I can imagine adozen slashdot admins in thier basements stroking their handlrbar moustach...Interesting...Very Interesting

Re:News/Curerent-affairs item on this

[NewtonsLaw]

Dude, this will kill you before it kills your server. So dont worry. And no one is interested in mirroring your acts of terrorism, leading to the future deaths of many innocent people so that you can become famous rich bastard

Clearly you didn't watch the video. Which of my actions do you consider would lead ot the deaths of many innocent people?

1. Contacting the SIS (secret service) with information about suspicious offers made to me?

2. Not taking an offer worth US$100K to sell information to a state considered to be a sponsor of terrorism -- even though the NZ government gave me the okay to do so?

And if my goal was to become a "rich bastard", why did I turn down far more lucrative offers to strike a deal that meant far less money in my pocket but more jobs and export earnings for NZ?

By the way, the most frightening thing about your threats is the fact you can't even spell New Zealand properly :-)

you know..

[EvilStein]

"strap electrodes to my balls and lock me in an underground machine shop in the middle of the Tora Bora."

There are people that would probably pay to have that done.. and a whole other set that would pay to see it on the Internet. :P

A friend of mine swears thsi is a true story

[Unknown Poltroon]

Which means it isnt, but here it is:

During one of the little brushfire wars in africa, reporters were interviewing an airbase commander after his base and planes had been destroyed in a commando raid. When asked who he thought had done it, he replied, "THe americans"
WHen asked why, he said" WEll, if it had been the isralies, wed all be dead, and if it had been the british SAS we still wouldnt have known tehyd been here."