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Fiat Joins Microsoft in a Wireless Partnership
bizpile writes "The AP is reporting that Microsoft and Fiat have gotten together to develop a system of wireless communications into Fiat's vehicles. The goal of the alliance, announced Thursday, is to create a flexible, easy-to-use telematics system (think OnStar from General Motors) for Fiat and its Lancia and Alfa Romeo brands sold in Europe, the companies said."
Driving around on a hot summer day in your Fiat, with your Windows wide open......
This Fiat/Microsoft article reminded me of an old gem:
For the sake of argument, let's nickname this service Pwn3d-Star, so I guess this is your Fiat updated version!
1. Every time the server-side software is upgraded, you'll have to buy a new car.
2. When your Fiat dies on the freeway randomly, you can now be told by a Pwn3d-Star agent that you have to restart it. They would also say nice things and pepper MS branding through the whole conversation.
3. If your car failed to restart after one weird maneuver (like backing up too quick), the new Pwn3d-Star agents will tell you that they will send a tow-truck to you for an extra surcharge, and that your engine will need to be replaced.
4. You can now have more than one person in the car, but they will all need their own license to use Pwn3d-Star, even if they are dying on the road.
5. Macintosh will not do this, but if they do, it will be 100x better and have a super-iPod built in. You'll be able to download music without leaving your car, which is great for many car geeks, although Fiats aren't that popular among car geeks.
6. (this one didn't change) The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
7. (strangely this one didn't change either) People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.
8. We will have to get Microsoft gas to run the vehicle, or a Pwn3d-Star agent will tell us that the gas we are purchasing is not Microsoft Certified, and we may be in violation of our warranty if we continue to use said gas.
9. New seats will force everyone to have the same sized butt. Pwn3d-Star will warn you if someone's butt is too big or small.
10. The airbags will now say "Are you sure?" before deploying. (pretty much the same as the original)
11. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened, but the Pwn3d-Star agent would tell you that techsupport is working on an explanation. Then you would get some excellent elevator music for about a half hour as you cling to life.
The dangers of knowledge trigger emotional distress in human beings.
In Germany FIAT stands for
Für Italien ausreichende Technik
(for Italy adequate technique)
or
Fehler in allen Teilen
(Fault in all parts)
No better partner than Microsoft.
I can imagine the phone call from my girlfriend already... "Dan, I'm trying to parallel park but can't do it in these shoes. Can you remote connect? My IP address is..."
Omnis amans amens