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Gene Therapy Turns Slackers Into Workaholics

Posted by michael on from the water-cooler-sales-drop dept.

DrLudicrous writes "According to a recent Reuters article, scientists have been able to cause monkeys to stop procrastinating by blocking the development of a dopamine receptor in the brain. The net result- the monkeys turned into workaholics. An article has appeared in the online version of Nature. Apparently, monkeys, just like human beings, tend to slack off on tasks until the very last minute. They become quite adept at judging how long they have till they absolutely must complete these tasks. The original article appears in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America. An additional blurb appears here courtesty of Science Blog." NIH has a press release.

26 of 525 comments (clear)

  1. Asked when we might see it in humans by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    The scientists said "We're working on it. We'll get it done soon. Don't worry about it."

    1. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by sita · · Score: 5, Funny

      Meanwhile, a million workaholic monkeys were making experiments in the lab next door.

    2. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by MikeDX · · Score: 5, Funny

      Prof Strickland added this comment:

      "No Monkey every ammounted to anything in the history of Gene Therapy"..

      Oh yeah? Well history is gonna change!

    3. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by nwbvt · · Score: 4, Funny
      No, but they were able to develop aerodynamic shit.

      Ah, monkey jokes. Many a comic has made a living off those.

      --
      Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
    4. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by VivianC · · Score: 5, Funny

      Uh-oh. I think I just heard the death-knell for Slashdot!

      --
      Viv

      Gmail invites for ip
    5. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by Tackhead · · Score: 5, Funny
      > Throw in some typewriters and we may get some Shakespeare!

      No, AOL has already disproved this hypothesis.

    6. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by Psmylie · · Score: 5, Funny

      I was under the assumption that monkeys have a higher average IQ then the 12-16 year old AOL set. Besides, maybe all you need to do is translate lines like:
      "Is this a dagger which I see before me..."
      into
      "omgwtflol!!1!"
      to get the rough shakespearian equivilant.

      --

      psmylie's dictionary: Godzillion (noun) Any number large enough to destroy Tokyo

    7. Re:Asked when we might see it in humans by genner · · Score: 4, Funny

      The problem with the AOL mokey's is that they where all slackers. This might help them.

  2. J.R. "Bob" Dobbs would not approve. by plover · · Score: 5, Funny
    I'm not sure that proving the existance of a "slack" gene is such a good idea. For example, the Church of the Subgenius teaches us that we can all be slackers; now, with the advent of a slack (or anti-slack) gene, there may be a genetic reason I will be rejected by their church.

    Or, maybe, the members who don't have enough slack will have to undergo gene therapy in order to participate.

    Sure, I can see it now: the High Priests of Slack will have a doping scandal.

    --
    John
    1. Re:J.R. "Bob" Dobbs would not approve. by w3weasel · · Score: 4, Funny

      Tisk, tisk....

      As with most 'normals' you severely mis-understand what is meant by "slack".

      I would tell about what it really means, but that would mean a host of /.'ers crowding up the spaceships when the venutian sex-goddesses come to rescue us sub-geneii.

      --

      Just as irrigation is the lifeblood of the Southwest, lifeblood is the soup of cannibals. -- Jack Handy

  3. Worker Monkey by Launch · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yes! Finally science has found a cure for my procrastination, now where can I get one of these worker monkeys?

    --
    Your mammas flamebait.
  4. I was going to have the first post by Patik · · Score: 4, Funny

    But it can wait.

  5. Half-Life ships! by joseph+schmo · · Score: 5, Funny

    Apparently, Valve got their hands on some of this stuff...

  6. Irony by liquidsin · · Score: 4, Funny

    So here I am reading /. at work to find out about how to stop slacking off. Good thing I'm too lazy to read the article.

    --
    do not read this line twice.
  7. Re:Am I a monkey..... by sita · · Score: 5, Funny

    Since when do monkeys understand what a timeline or due date is?

    They don't need to properly understand it. They can be your boss anyway.

  8. Re:Mental Disorder. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny
    Essentially, they became unable to estimate how long the work would take to complete.
    So you're saying they turned into software developers?
  9. This Just In... by SnapShot · · Score: 5, Funny

    From the Financial Desk...

    Dateline 2004.08.12...

    Shares of the popular slacker/hacker website Slashdot fell 97% this morning on news that gene therapy can cure procrastination.

    (c) 2004 Reuters

    --
    Waltz, nymph, for quick jigs vex Bud.
  10. Monkeys by hcetSJ · · Score: 4, Funny

    After the study, the monkeys proceeded to work out not only their script for Hamlet, but also the complete works of Francis Bacon, and the source to SCO Unix.

    --

    This side up.
  11. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 4, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  12. Re:Mental Disorder. by tomhudson · · Score: 4, Funny
    Essentially, they became unable to estimate how long the work would take to complete.
    So you're saying they turned into software developers?
    I would have thought "Marketing Department" or "Government Contractors." myself.
  13. Now that Bangles song is stuck in my head... by Throtex · · Score: 4, Funny

    It's just another manic monkey... whoa whoa

  14. Detrimental effect on Slashdot by raider_red · · Score: 4, Funny

    If they start rolling this out for human consumption, then Slashdot's ad revenues could take a bath. After all, this is everyone's favorite means for procrastination at the office.

    --
    It's good to use your head, but not as a battering ram.
  15. Your new employment terms. by CountBrass · · Score: 5, Funny

    Section 2 Subsection 3.1

    The employee, herein after known as the "code monkey" shall, at their own expense, take such measures as are necessary to ensure their dopamine receoptors are suppressed. Failure to take such action and to be in the office with unsuppressed receptors shall be deemed, at the company's discretion, as gross misconduct and subject to summary dismissal without notice.

    --
    Bad analogies are like waxing a monkey with a rainbow.
  16. Hey...we don't appreciate being called monkeys... by Necromancyr · · Score: 4, Funny

    You know, I'm getting really tired of this calling Graduate Students monkeys thing. It has to stop.

  17. Reading Slashdot is procrastinating by saha · · Score: 5, Funny

    I procrastinate at work by starting my morning reading Slashdot, Wired, OSNews, BBC news, NY Times, Washington Post, The Economist, Google World News, The Register, LA Times, and more ....shit its lunch time already...

  18. Re:I can't wait... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny
    ..to eat that monkey.
    There's no wrong way, to eat a rhesus.