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Most Fun Way to Leave a Bad Job?
medscaper asks: "I have an awesome opportunity this morning. Since the market is opening up, I was offered a great new tech job over the weekend, and have been stuck in a miserable one for the past several years. I spend more time stressing out and anxious about keeping my job than getting any quality work done. I'm SO looking forward to walking into my boss's office this morning to let him know that I'll be leaving. I'm tempted to do it with style, especially because I got a (completely unwarranted) PHB-style threatening lecture last week about my work habits. I really don't need the recommendation or a reference, so it doesn't matter much how I leave. Should I politely give the standard 2-weeks? Or should I have a little fun with it and burn some bridges? Anyone have any stories to relate?"
Fight your boss, or better yet, if he has a 'private' office, kick the shit out of yourself and make him call security, and make it look like he beat you when you told him you'd be leaving.
Tell nicely them you're leaving in two weeks, and they'll likely escort you out NOW. As you are leaving, tell them you are available for two weeks at $200/hr (for any part of an hour) to answer any questions.
Tell them you need to be paid in adavance.
Good luck in your new job.
The latest Slashdot meme.
Have you never seen Office Space?
everyday is another shooter.
Take a two week vacation and come back to a message saying something like, "So I guess your not going to work here anymore, come get your last paycheck." It worked for me, it should work for you!
P.S.
I did let the mean old lady know I was going on vacation, she just forgot.
Devise, Repair, Solve, Build
Yeah, it might be fun, but you never know when you will bump into people you worked with down the road.
"Derp de derp."
You NEWER know where someone will end up in 5 years. The Boss you screw over today could be interviewing you in 5 years at some other company.
I know a guy who used to work in a specific industry, then went to work for one of the large consulting firms. He was sent to one of the companies to pitch a $30M project. He ended up pitching to someone he had seriously screwed a number of years earlier. Needless to say regardless of his current companies abilities, they didn't get the contact.
I could write paragraphs on pranks you could pull, but frankly if you can't think of your own, it would be pointless - you're not the type.
The only other "meaningful" way to go would be to use the opportunity to give a message to the downtrodden you're leaving behind. Show them just how lazy, insubordinate, and unmotivated one can be without actually getting fired (for the duration of however long you have left) - just be a really bad example to other employees, and watch management squirm in their inability to fire you in today's litigious climate... ideally, the outcome of this act could be that everyone else will realize their true position, begin acting similarly, and perhaps management will be forced into a corner with regards to how they treat their 'human resources'. Businesses treat employees like shit only when they think they can get away with it.
See the movie "Office Space" for some hints.
Perfectly Normal Industries
"Fuck you,fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, fuck you, I'm out."
I've been tempted to do that one at work, since I'm about to leave a fast food job for a much better paying software development job.
Arguing about vi versus Emacs is like arguing whether it's better to make fire by rubbing sticks or banging rocks.
Seriously, AC is giving you solid advice -- don't burn bridges. Doesn't matter if he's an asshole. You never know who you're going to work with again or why circumstances should conspire to make you do so...
Go into your PHB's office and ask for a promotion or a raise or just about what ever you want keeping in mind that he most likely will not give it to you. Then tell him that he has two weeks to think about it.
NarratorDan
"If you're not confused by quantum mechanics, you really don't understand it." - Niels Bohr
never burn bridges.
Unique.
About a year ago I was working in the tech support department in one of the universities in Toronto. Every summer the older employees had to create presentations to train the new employees before the school year would start. My task, as luck would have it, was to teach them how the wireless network was set up, and what software/hardware was required to connect to it. As any good employee, I spent a couple of my afternoons working on the Powerpoint slides, got it ready on time even though I did not get paid for the extra time I worked on it.
The setup was fairly involved because it required a VPN client that was not easy to set up, and a user name and password, which again, were complicated to obtain. On top of that, each MAC address had to be registered with the server. A day before the presentation, the entire system was changed. the VPN client was dumped in favour of a proxy system, which still required a user name and password. Needless to say, my presentation was worthless, and I was required to redo it within a day. I started working on it, but because I had made plans for the evening, I decided to finish it at the last moment the next day. I never got around to it.
I should mention this was not a 9-5 job, the shifts were 4 hours long. I even had to work from 3-11pm and then the next morning from 8am-3pm. Now for the rest of my story.
The day my unfinished presentation was due was such a beautiful, hot summer day I decided to ride my motorcycle to work. I thought I could wing it on the spot, and the whole way I kept thinking of it. The closer I got to the campus though, the more I dreaded having to deal with a problem I had not created. So I rode into the campus when I saw one of my supervisors walking around. But instead of turning into the parking lot, I just kept on going.
Later that evening I pulled up on a friend's driveway in Ottawa, about 450km away from the stupid presentation and my former job. I came back a week later to collect my last paycheck. That's how I quit my bad job.
The IT industry is small, and as much as I've wanted to do that in the past, I'm glad I didn't. That being said, I give you this:
. html
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/33123421
I hope that any ideas it gives you are deserved of the people on the receiving end.
Need Free Juniper/NetScreen Support? JuniperForum
Don't piss anyone off! While it may be satisfying to finally tell some one off, it's just not worth it. Look at it this way; it doesn't cost you anything to just quietly and politely leave. Whereas your boss or some one he knows may one day be in a position to make life difficult for you. I've burned bridges in the past, and have almost always regretted it. I have never had occassion to regret the few opportunities I've been smart enough to take the high road. You can certainly express unhappiness as you leave, but I would avoid doing anything rash. Just my two cents.
"fist in the air in the land of hypocrisy"
I once left a dismal job a few years back. I tore up my office, made it a total mess. There were dead-man switches galore, and I 'accidentally' broke every build. I clogged several toilets, on multiple floors, in both mens and womens restrooms. I brought in a bunch of rotten food, and left it in various locations. I installed a ton of spyware and uninstalled all virus checking software, after filling the network shares with several gigabytes of the most nasty pornography I could find. I filled my desktop machine with quick-dry cement. On the way out, I even scraped my boss's dinky little car with my truck.
That was one of the most satisfying experiences in my life. I can't wait to get into a crappy job again!
One future, two choices. Oppose them or let them destroy us.
I've known _of_ employers who would offer a job but not follow through if the prospective employee was willing to dump their previous employer without notice.
So, you say you're already employed?
Yes, but I'm not very fond of the work
So can you start immediately?
Sure.
Sorry, can't hire you.
The worst thing I did... I worked in the shoe department (the worst department there is, even the janitors pitty you), this *HOT* girl is standing back towards me, looking at some shoes. As I walk by the says without looking at me, "What do you think of these ones?" to which I reply, "I'm sorry mam, for what occassion?" then it dawns on me she's probably flirting, and she says, "oh I thought you were my father, I'm sorry!" to which I reply, "Well, you never know ;-)" ... just as these words leave my lips a grumpy 50 year old man in overalls and a half shaved beard walks up behind me and says "I DON'T THINK SO SON!" Then it occurs to me the girl is more like 17 instead of 21. but oh well.
Oh, topic ... um, so how I quit was, well nevermind it wasn't nearly as funny as that story.
Religion is a gateway psychosis. -- Dave Foley
Look at it this way. Your company has allowed your boss to survive and maybe even flourish. You need to strike back and the only way you can do that is to conceal the truth. In your exit interview (if you do have one) don't say that you're leaving because of a PHB. Think up some other reason. If possible, praise your boss. That will mean that he'll be given more control in the company and will piss off more people, who will also leave. The people who leave will also share your opinion and that might indirectly make your boss unemployable in many other companies. They will also bad mouth your former employer wherever they go and that will make it difficult for your former employer to find replacements for the people who leave. At the very least, you will have the satisfaction that your former employer will have to look for more than one replacement after you leave. That's the best way to strike back at the environment which shelters PHBs.
Depends how good you are, my mate was on £23k a year ago, and had had enough, told his boss he wanted more money or he was off, so they gave him £26k, this year he didnt even have to approach his boss, they approached him and gave him £29k.
The only problem is when your either crap and they don't want you any way, or your boss is an ass who thinks your bluffing. Then of course you are going to have to find a new job because you know they wont promote you anyway.
If at first you DON'T succeed, Skydiving is NOT for YOU!!
Discretely pack up your things and save any documentation or files you want to take along, and write a polite letter giving two weeks (or however much you agreed on) notice.
Ask if "they" would like feedback, and write a list of what bugged you, what was good, and what could have been done better.
Finish what you were working on if you can, offer to take care of any handover work, as you firmly should state that you will not be available for it after you have left.
Don't burn bridges; it's not so much that these people might come back to haunt you someday, as that it's an adolescent thing to do.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage
Few years ago I was about to leave to another company and a position.
:)
I told my boss I was leaving, we started organizing my duties to my colleagues etc.
Few days later I was told from my new employer, that my deal has just changed: completely different position. They told me this change by _email_!
I was very happy, that I was nice to my old boss. He let me stay, and I worked about one year after this at my old job.
So, I'd recommend being nice for your boss
Eleknader
Actually, they can take legal action. Criminal legal action, at that. Any damage done to the machines would count as vandalism; over a certain threshhold of monetary damage and the action moves into felony range.
There are also laws on the books regarding not only relieving one's self in public, but you could probably fit excreta into the definition of hazardous or medical waste; certainly improper disposal laws would apply in this case.
Finally, if somebody happens to walk in during the... er... process of elimination, it's called indecent exposure. Were he to be convicted of that last count, it means manditory registration as a sex offender.
As fun as it might sound, I wouldn't consider it worth the risks.
There's so little difference between politics and jihad lately...
- Do some kind of childish stunt. That might make you feel good for a while, but it won't convince your asshole boss that he treated you badly. In fact, he'll use your childishness to justify his assholedness. "You see why I was easing him out?"
- You can find some way to make upper management aware that you're leaving in part because your boss is an asshole. Think out that will make him look with his boss.
That's the basic choice. I'm sure you can fill in the details yourself.The scenario that you have just presented is something that I have personally dealt with..
I had someone who applied to me for work and as I interviewed him, it became clear to me that he was quite good and I fully intended to recruit him.
But towards the end of the interview when I asked him when he would be willing to join, he stated something along the lines that "sooner is better" since he wanted to slight those who were then employing him.
I told him that I couldn't employ someone with that attitude and he lost, what would otherwise have been, an excellent job.
Ah, nothing like a stream of highly conductive liquid between your genitals and something containing thousands of volts...
This is not my sandwich.
I doubt this is a true letter, but the friend I received it from swears it is true....
---
Following is a supposed letter of resignation from an employee at a computer company, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards! It's Funny, but a bit harsh
Dear Mr. Smith,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Also, I would strongly urge you not to quit "with style." What you call "with style" is really anything but. You should always try to maintain cordial and polite relationships with your former employer. Every job I've ever left, I've given a written letter of resignation, naming my last day (at least two weeks, sometimes more) and letting them know that I would be available free for "quick questions" on a short term basis to ease the transition. (I did not state, but implied, that if it was more than a "quick question" they should expect to pay me for my time.)
In 2000, this served me well. I had just left a large Internet Company, and discovered the company I went with was going out of business after only two months. I went back to work for the Internet Company, got a pay raise and full-time telecommuting. And that's the job I've held for the past 4 years through a crappy economy while all the other geeks were whining about outsourcing.
Bridges are good, a thing of utility and a thing of beauty. Never burn them unnecessarily.
"He who would learn astronomy, and other recondite arts, let him go elsewhere. " -- John Calvin, commenting on Genesis 1
So now, I hope to meet my future wife by giving invites to women.
I was going to say this sounds really pathetic, but only because I'm jealous that you thought of it first.
I hated my last job. The bosses were always jerks to everyone, they engaged in shady business practices and I never saw a raise even though I busted my butt to keep the place afloat when we were understaffed and turning over employees like flapjacks. I left on pretty amicable terms...
That is, right up until I went down to the US Bankruptcy courts and the IRS to report that the owner was skimming cash to avoid paying back his creditors. And also dropped a few notes to the FBI about their sex tourism business bussing guys down to Mexico and finding them hookers. And dropping a few lines to the FTC about unsolicited junk faxing. And letting their largest clients know just how much mark-up they were paying. And...
They probably don't know it was me, as they left a long string of disgruntled employees. Whenever I think about it, I just smile smugly, wondering how much jail time they'll end up with.
There is a difference between "insightful" and "inciteful" other than spelling.
Now lets get on with funny ways people have, or have wanted to leave their jobs. Something interesting to read instead of 500 obvious "Do the right thing" posts.
I'm Rick James with mod points biatch!
Truth of the matter is: If you're in the third world and you're not rich enough to afford really good water (and know about the evils of formula), you're probably going to be better off finding a friend you can pay to breast feed your kid. Chances are it'll be both cheaper and healthier.
It's one thing to sell baby formula to people who need it. It's another thing entirely to market it to people who'se kids are probably going to get sick from eating the stuff. (while telling them precisely the opposite)
Free Software: Like love, it grows best when given away.