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Home Defense, Geek Style?
Yo Maing writes "So my mom got lives alone, and got her car broken into last night. We have a motion sensor light in the driveway, and the car has an alarm but apparently both of these deterrents were ineffective. Crime has been rising around her neighborhood, and only action the police can take is to file a report. So I ask you, Geeks of Slashdot, what tricks do you guys have to defend yours and your loved ones homes against crimes like this? Not looking for anything that would get someone injured, but more in the area of detection and repulsion. Anyone have a holographic Yeti generator to scare away intruders? :)"
Buy a gun.
First I would suggest watching Home Alone 1. That kid is pretty damn clever and easily fended off joe pesci and that ugly guy. Next I would buy an outdoor webcam with some motion detection software.
Summary of all the "Home Alone" movies in 3... 2... 1...
I shall go and tell the indestructible man that someone plans to murder him.
I wait on the roof dressed in all black with my ninja sword.
That's worked pretty well for a few years.
How could I say to men: "Speak louder, shout! For I am deaf!"? -Ludwig van Beethoven
I live on an air force base. No problems. :)
Guns. Lots of guns.
Geek it up some by controlling the shotgun trap with an old pentium running BSD.
Curb CO2 emissions: Kill yourself today!
drive a yugo
the extra "got" in his first sentence. Now everybody move along now.
I'm a minister!
How bout a full sized cardboard cut-out of goatse in the front hallway? I'd run....
http://request-header.info
netfilter.
Well, if you don't mind repelling everyone instead of the ill-willed, you might try buying a computer off this guy. I'm sure the dead pig odor would keep thieves out of you're mom's car -- it's a deterrent whose effectiveness was recently proven on Mythbusters...
...you mean you don't live at home?
... 10 guage loaded with rock salt seems to do the trick for me.
filter: +3. Hey, look! all the trolls went away!
Looks like that kid from Home Alone is liable quite heavil. Is there a rule against a gigantic paint shelf trap?
Oh, so -that's- what it is. Thanks, until now I've been too afraid to bust in there and take his DVD player.
I line my house with slashdot trolls and a few penguins! Keeps even the most dangerous perps at bay!
Fuzdout
..My sig ran away. Has anyone seen my sig?
Car alarms are based on proximity? I thought they were just on a timer, set to go off at 3am.
Or a Cheetah if you're a cat person.
KFG
Frink: Well as you can see when the burgler trips the alarm, the house raises from its foundation and runs down the street around the corner to safety .... won't burn quite so fast.. mohoy!
*house model crashes, goes in flames with the human figurines as well*
Frink: Hah.. well the real humans won't
How about we mix it up a little:
What about:
A vicious camera(robots these days)
A visible fake dye capsue
And my personal favorite: An exploding dog.
And of course that a sign that says, "Exploding dog tracking system installed"
I wouldn't want to fuck with that house.
Monstar L
Isn't your mom lucky? She can participate in an opportunity she didn't have just a few days ago. Now she can buy a AK-47 (the weapon of choice for home-defense professionals in some of the worst places in the world, like Iraq and Afghanistan) with as many combat-style accessories as she wants. Just tell her to buy a Bushmaster and put a sign on the lawn saying "Tresspassers beware - I can shoot you in the ass 80 times in a minute and then bayonet your corpse from here to Denver"
I'm not kidding. Watch geese make a whole lot of noise when they spot an intruder, and they're aggressive, too. They also have the effect of confusing the hell out of some would-be criminals.
By reading this you acknowledge that you have read it.
Would an AIBO work? Dog AND geeky. I dont' know if they bark though.
Analogies don't equal equalities, they are merely somewhat analogous.
The low tension wires to the started motor are an excellent place to break the circuit. When they try stealing the car, it seems like it has a dead battery. Some bozos in Manchester tried to steal my girlfriend's car which I had installed such a switch into. A quick walk around the block and we found the car perfectly safe in the middle of the road - they had tried push-starting it.
flossie
Write now. Defend liberty
Dogs are for weenies. What you really want is a guard baboon. Seriously, who's going to mess with this?
NOTE: The baboon will not wear diapers.
but what do i know, i'm just a model.
I was watching from my window when I saw a guy breaking into my shed. I called the police.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have any cars available to check it out."
I couldn't believe it. I was calling to tell them that I was witnessing a crime in progress, and they couldn't be bothered to come arrest the guy.
I waited for one minute and called again.
"Hi, I called to tell you that someone was breaking into my shed. Don't worry, I shot him."
Two minutes later, four police cars and an ambulance pulled up to my house, catching the guy red-handed. The lieutenant in charge was pretty upset.
"I thought you said you shot him!"
"I thought you said there weren't any cars available!"
There's not really anything you can do, except park in the garage. There's one thing the cops tell you to do - keep your car showroom clean. That means nothing inside. Someone will smash your window to get an empty pop can. They'll steal quarters from the tool booth bin, or anything else.
If you're tired of paying for repairs, keep it clean and keep it unlocked. They can't break in if it's already open.
---
ECHELON is a government program to find words like bomb, jihad, plutonium, assassinate, and anarchy.
Too agressive. The last one we elected, invaded Iraq on some rather flimsy evidence of WMDs.
I mean, who's going to mess with your pet cougar, or puma?
What is the robbing of a bank, compared to the founding of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
You calling me stupid? I'll bust a cap in yo ass!
"Have you ever thought about just turning off the TV, sitting down with your kids, and hitting them?"
Please. That's kids stuff!
:-)
What you really need for an effective deterrent is a 110,000 volt, 30 barrel taser gattling gun. More details here. Choice quote:
"Most spectators experience some degree of sinus discomfort after several firings, due to the high brissance of the plasma explosion."
Hah. I'll bet they do.
Whoever designed level 61 in Frozen Bubble is a sadistic bastard.
"Guns don't kill you - rappers do."
When you're sleeping, those aren't particularly effective. ;-)
But the NRA and CRPA bumper stickers (and the "I'd rather be hunting" license plate frame) on the car in the driveway IS. B-)
In particular, the burglars that were working their way down our street a few years back skipped two houses - the retired cop two doors up (whose son had similar stickers) and ours.
Current neighborhood has a couple gangs trying to move in. They've intimidated witnesses - with both minor and major vandalism - elsewhere on our block. They have NOT done that to OUR place. B-)
Closest they came is when their spokesthug came buy and asked the wife (an NRA-certified fireams / personal-protection instructor B-) who smokes on the front porch and watches neighborhood goings-on) whether she was worried about attacks or breakins. She said, no, she'd just shoot anybody who tried to attack her. But wasn't she worried about her guns being stolen while she was gone? No, because the firesafe weighs too much to steal without special equipment.
Been here over 5 years, no problems so far. B-)
Bantam Dominique roosters crow a four-note song. Once you've heard it as "Happy BIRTHday" you can't NOT hear it that way
The turret is only responsible for rotational aiming, and a servo/pivot thing will flip the weapons towards the ENEMY. Rifle/chaingun/whatever is such that it points skywards when it is parked in the firehole.
Maybe if you make the turret pop up very fast, it can actually look even MORE COOL!
The only thing I'm pondering about is if it rains wouldn't all that gunk get into the barrels of your weapons?
Even better, why not make it a cooperative system. So suppose the ENEMY runs away, wouldn't your system lose him? Not if your computers alert your neighbours and wake theirs up too. You will see the turd run down the walkway with a trail of rockets exploding behind him, just like in Duke Nukem Forever! **Except here the ENEMY is fragged before he knows it =)
You'd obviously want to turn this thing off if your kids come home late though.. otherwise they'd innocently step onto the driveway and *boom*... the neighbourhood turns into a warzone.
Online backup with Mozy, sounds like Ozzie, but more!
Hmmm - his UID is 1029 (that's frigging ancient), his name is Wyatt Earp, and his web site is bloodshed.org.
I would take gun advice from him, ayup!
Glonoinha the MebiByte Slayer
Better yet, you can mount some ninjas in those turrets.
THAT would be cool.
No no no. A gun would work in the 80s. Now criminals have stinger missiles and humvee mounted machine guns. You'll never outgun them.
Just get a giant wobbling sculptured cock at your front step. Any criminal walking by will be reminded of Clockwork Orange, and they'll say "Cool" and walk away.
Stinking of cheap cologne, hairspray and marijuana smoke probably goes a long way towards keeping people off of you as well. Add to that your primered 1984 Iroc Camaro with non-matching wheels leaking oil in the driveway, and you have a perfect front. Nothing to steal here, keep moving. As a matter of fact, if anyone breaks in, they'll probably get robbed instead, or at the very least get a contact high.
Old school stoners are still the scariest kind.