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Humans in America 25,000 Years Ago?
Ephboy writes "A researcher in South Carolina has found stones that appear to be man-made stone tools that date from 25,000 years ago, about twice as old as the best documented evidence of human settlement in North America."
Why is there no intelligent life in America today?
Karma: Terrible - and proud of it!
Ahh yes, South Carolina. I remember it well. That's where I buried all those stone tools I bought at the open-air market in Lambeth.
Hmmm... which one of these currents can use this as a proof?
Don't try to use the force. Do or do not, there is no try.
Those are neolithic tools that were used for voting. Early Americans used them to punch out the chads on the stone tablets used in elections to select their leaders. Of course things have moved on somewhat since then...
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Old joke, the ./ way:
German scientists dug 50 meters down and discovered small pieces of copper.
After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 15,000 years ago had DSL.
Naturally, the Russian government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper.
100 meters down they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Russians 20,000 years ago already had a nation-wide fiber net.
American scientists were outraged by this. They dug 200 meters down & found absolutely nothing.
They happily concluded that the ancient Americans 25,000 years ago had wireless network.
Why must I be forced to send my children to schools where the teachers insist that we are descended from apes?
The very idea is utterly ridiculous. A cursory glance at ape anatomy shows that it is impossible for man to have 'evolved' from one. It is just a rubbish idea. Everyone with any education at all knows that man actually comes from australopithecus.
This only goes to further the proof of Creationism!
Clearly this "evidence" of humans in America 25,000 years ago was only created when the world was created 6,000 years ago. QED.
Nope, the science is settled. Everyone agrees humans got here not long ago, so obviously this study is wrong. We won't let reality interfere with history.
Anyone else suspicious about anything regarding evolution that comes out of South Carolina?
I know it's obviously going to modded down as flame bait, but my first response to this was, "What's the mormon response going to be?"
Being here THOUSANDS of years before they claim the nephites showed up, that's gotta hurt the ol' church.
Non impediti ratione cogitationus.
This article contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered....
Strom Thurmond
Founder, Americans Allied Against Alliteration
wow, they find the decendants of this one and i know where all those native american casino profits are going.
damn, trying to keep the cave man down.
There's nothing Intelligent about Intelligent Design.
Mod parent 7-Up, the Un-Troll!
"[Regarding the 'cloud,'] ownership was what made America different than Russia." -- Woz
SOLDIER #1:
Are you suggesting stone tools migrate?
ARTHUR:
Not at all. They could be carried.
SOLDIER #1:
What? A swallow carrying a chisel?
ARTHUR:
It could grip it by the handle!
SOLDIER #1:
It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound stone tool.
ARTHUR:
Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
SOLDIER #1:
Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
ARTHUR:
Please!
SOLDIER #1:
Am I right?
ARTHUR:
I'm not interested!
SOLDIER #2:
It could be carried by an Asian swallow!
SOLDIER #1:
Oh, yeah, an Asian swallow maybe, but not an American swallow. That's my point.
SOLDIER #2:
Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
ARTHUR:
Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
SOLDIER #1:
But then of course a-- Asian swallows are non-migratory.
SOLDIER #2:
Oh, yeah.
SOLDIER #1:
So, they couldn't bring a chisel back anyway.
[clop clop clop]
SOLDIER #2:
Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?
SOLDIER #1:
No, they'd have to have it on a line.
SOLDIER #2:
Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
SOLDIER #1:
What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
SOLDIER #2:
Well, why not?
"'"Cut off my ears so I can't hear it anymore" crazy?"
All country music does that to me. I call it bumper sticker music. Every song is can be summed up on a bumper sticker.
evil is as evil does
It just goes to show that whilst man may have been in the United States from 50,000 year ago, intelligence is yet to be found.
Yah, I think the same thing whenever a new space probe is launched and the geocentrists get all uppity and claim it'll crash into the the crystal spheres.
AccountKiller
Genus: Stupidious Maximus
The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, RI named Scott Williams who digs things out of his backyard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archaeological finds. This guy really exists and does this in his spare time! Anyway...here's the actual response from the Smithsonian Institution. Bear this in mind next time you think you are challenged in your duty to respond to a difficult situation in writing.
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078
Dear Mr. Williams:
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post...Hominid skull."
http://www.wilk4.com/humor/humorm20.htm
It doesn't matter. Now that the religious right has taken over, America no longer believes in 25,000 years ago. We only believe back to 23 October 4004 BC, when God intelligently designed the world. To claim otherwise is heresy, and will only result in you being interned at a Bob Jones Biblical Prison Camp.
I used to live in South Carolina and drove past Bob Jones University on a daily basis. During a high school field trip about 6 years ago, I remember another student remarked that the iron fence around the campus was to make sure no one escaped.
Wh47 d1d j00 541, 31337 15n't t3h r0xor5 ne m0r3???
...start condiering South Carolinians to be humans in the first place?
10.000 monkeys couldn't live on the top of Mount Sinai. What would they eat?
Don't you know? They would eat coconuts dropped by tired swallows.
Hobbits.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Rumor has it they also found a bumper sticker that said "Re-elect Strom"
That's what happens when you get held back 39,994 times.
Big deal. L. Ron Hubbard said that 75 million years ago, the Earth (or Teegeeak as it was called) had a population of roughly 178 billion people.
Even though male gorillas outweigh the average man by over 200 pounds, we have bigger weiners. Now THAT'S an advancement.
Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
So people came to South Carolina 25,000 years ago and left no traces on the rest of the continent for 12,000 years? Yeah right. Off the top of my head, here are several more likely explanations:
[I didn't write this, it is an email classic]
Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078
Dear Sir:
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it's modern origin:
# 1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
# 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
# 3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
# A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
# B. Clams don't have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it's normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
Yours in Science,
Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities