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The Illiteracy of Corporate American E-Mail
Dave writes "There is a pretty amusing/sad article about functional illiteracy when it comes to professional e-mails. Some of the samples are just ridiculous."
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Mox
See what happens when you stop saying mass in Latin.
"brxref
No, it is not.
The subject line email:
Subject: COULD YOU SEND ME THAT MEMO
Body: (empty)
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I find it lidicrous how people making 100000$ or more a year, just canot spell or at least use the spelchecker.
It's a disgracement.
Wearing pants should always be optional.
It sounds like there are a lot of people who could use some lessons from Strong Bad's Rhythm and Grammar. Though there's a helpful song near the beginning, wait until the end and click on the arm then the CD a few times.
Eye halve a spelling chequer. It came with my pea sea.
It plainly marques four my revue miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word and weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write. It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid. It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite. Its rarely ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it. I am shore your pleased two no.
Its letter perfect in it's weight. My chequer tolled me sew.
Sauce Unknown
(Reader's Digest.)
I got this email from our training supervisor one day. He's a cool guy and we joke a lot. His email was like, "how's it going?" And I wrote back, "my ovaries hurt" (I'mma guy btw), and then he writes back, "50 people in the training room just read that.... [he had his desktop pulled up on the big screen]." He was training on email that day.
Erm, I'mma not sure if that was grammatically correct r not....
"All great things are simple & expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope." --Churchill
Corporate American e-mail can't read?
s0? irc rul3z. ema!l iz 4 lam3rz n3way
vodka, straight up, thank you!
"Me fail english? That unpossible!"
"Useless organic meatbag" -HK-47
More amusingly, that's an apostrophe, not a "commar"...
Another one of my pet peeves that is when people write enormously long sentences that run over the entire width of my screen and that have a lot of subclauses even though the same message, that might actually have held my interest if it were presented more succinctly, could have been split up in multiple shorter sentences that are easier to understand.
SCO employee? Check out the bounty
I think R2-D2 just crapped a rainbow in my brain!
(With apologies to any Sealab fans out there)
"No beer until you finish your tequila!" -Leela's Dad
After careful consideration of your writing preferences, the new /. book recommending software has concluded that you might enjoy Intruder in the Dust, by William Faulkner.
A man rides into a new town, and needs to get his CV proofread. The town has only two CV proofreaders. So he gets copies of their CVs to help him decide whom to go to. One of the CVs is beautifully presented, with impeccable spelling and grammar and a clear, logical layout. The other is messy, confused, and poorly spelt. There are many obvious grammatical mistakes.
Which proofreader does the man go to, and why?
Repton.
They say that only an experienced wizard can do the tengu shuffle.
Wow, there was a Welsh version of the site?
Moo.
If people could just learn to I prefer replying
write their replies BELOW on the SIDE of
what they're quoting. what I am quoting, myself.
Top posting is just wrong. Side posting r00ls, w00t!!
is that I can read that quite fluently.
I'm pretty sure he meant rediculous, unless the hundreds of idiots posting on the internet every day are spelling it wrong too. This is a new spelling error, which confuses me greatly - I swear it's doubled in frequency over the past year.
clicky
The geniuses suceeded in publishing a report with a map on the front which just had a gap where Wales should have been.
Stuff Spelling and Grammar, 3 million people and a few billion sheep just ceased to exist!
FGD 135
What exectly is a constant-velocity proofreader?
hm. makes me think there should be a study on the illiteracy of slashdot posts.
2 1337 4 u!
1. You should have said: "Her problem is that she forgets to proofread."
2. It is "A lot", not "Alot".
3. "Disinterested" means one doesn't have a conflict of interest. You should have used "uninterested".
4. It is "justified", not "justificated".
5. It is "disenfranchised", not "disenfrenchfried", unless someone took away their French fries.
Then again, maybe these were intentional and slashdot just removed the <GWB> and </GWB> tags.
A dingo ate my sig...
"Hurting" above is incorrect. To agree with "impact" it should be "hurt":
But since this forum doesn't support editing, we'll forgive you.
The Grammar Nazis
I think the problem with American schools is related to the fact that they hire teachers that overgeneralize.
Why yes, I AM a rocket scientist!
From TFA: "It's not like we're trying to hire Tolstoy."
It's a damn good thing, too. The last thing corporate America needs is a 2000 page corporate org chart in which Alexei Sergeyevich has dotted line responsibility for Sergey Alexeyevich, and both of them are in love with Anya Lamentova (who is referred to half the time as Anyushka, making it look like these two are chasing different women so what's the problem?), and by the time Napoleon finally retreats from Moscow and Sergey Alexeyevich has recovered from the duel with Alexei (Sasha) Sergeyevich we haven't even come close to our quarterly projections and don't give a shit about any of it any more and spend our entire day checking the want ads.
Crumb's Corollary: Never bring a knife to a bun fight.
Of course you don't care - survival is your primary concern! A stable situation, job, regular income. Once you have those things under control, then perhaps you could be interested in learning about someone's hierarchy of needs. But more likely you'll be interested in sex - getting a girlfriend, etc. So first the job, the regular income, the steady girlfriend, oh and that car you've always wanted. Then perhaps you could be interested in Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?
Someone other than me originally wrote this. My apologies to non-native English-speakers, as this is bound to do some brane damage to those that do their best to try to comprehend:
I have a spelling checker.
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed to bee a joule.
The checker poured ore every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Be fore a vailing checkers
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if were lacks o'er have a laps,
We wood bee maid to wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun aye am a wear.
Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud.
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft ware for pea seas,
And why I brake in two averse
When righting what aye pleas.
...and where to put periods and commas (overuse of which are probably the most common non-spelling error I see)...
I, for one, welcome, to the full extent possible, our new, lovely, comma, overlords!
I have no problem with your religion until you decide it's reason to deprive others of the truth.
And why not? If you get the point across to your coworkers, why should you waste an extra 20 seconds checking your grammar? Sure, its only 20 seconds, but the only point in editing your message is to conform to implied social norms - an objective that has nothing to do with getting the job done. Thankfully those silly social norms have not yet been applied to emails yet.
fuckin a dude!@ who care abuot chikign granner and slpeking anuwsy?? i mesn shit if'n pipul unerstn yo hoo car wut ti look like?
Get my point?