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True.com Wants Warnings On Personal Ads

Posted by timothy on from the parliament-of-whores dept.

An anonymous reader submits "News.com.com is reporting that personals company True.com is behind a push in several state legislatures to require everyone but them to include scary looking warnings above personals ads. I'm sure they're not the first, but this looks like a particularly slimy way to corner a market. And the unintended consequences look big, too: by my read of the proposed law, even Slashdot would need to include the warnings above user profile pages." In just a few weeks, this would sound like an April Fool's joke. I hope every legislator to whom this is being shopped is sent a copy of Declan's counter-example.

26 of 418 comments (clear)

  1. Awww.... by muka3D · · Score: 5, Funny

    So I won't be a 20-year old stud with massive guns anymore? Those were the days...

    Oh, I gotta go... The warden says my turn's up.

    1. Re:Awww.... by elasticwings · · Score: 5, Funny

      "We found that 20 percent of Internet users believe that some of the larger dating services do background checks when in fact they do not. We believe there's a false sense of security out there that needs to be corrected through disclosure." I can't believe that only 20% of people are that stupid. The number should be way higher than that.

  2. I'm way ahead of them. by Anonymous+Crowhead · · Score: 5, Funny

    With my fancy new sig.

    1. Re:I'm way ahead of them. by Tsiangkun · · Score: 3, Funny

      so there's the possibility of very humiliating false positives.

      Which means there is the possiblity of a lawsuit, or an out of court cash settlement. . . . yippie.

    2. Re:I'm way ahead of them. by ScrewMaster · · Score: 5, Funny

      This makes me wonder what data they search by.

      ChoicePoint.

      --
      The higher the technology, the sharper that two-edged sword.
    3. Re:I'm way ahead of them. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Risk getting suid by customers.

      god damn h4cker customers.

  3. Be Cautious... by Avyakata · · Score: 4, Funny

    WARNING:

    Personal Profiles may contain personal data. Be warned.

  4. WE HAVE NOT CHECK IF THIS ARTICLE IS A DUPE by fembots · · Score: 5, Funny

    "WARNING: WE HAVE NOT CONDUCTED A FELONY-CONVICTION SEARCH OR FBI SEARCH ON THIS INDIVIDUAL." Who would want to set up a date after reading that?

    If Slashdot put up "WARNING: WE HAVE NOT CHECK IF THIS ARTICLE IS A DUPE", I'm sure we will still be happily reading and discussing it.

    --
    Rock that crushes, Paper & Scissors that don't matter.
  5. It's about time by stoolpigeon · · Score: 5, Funny

    I worry about all those Foes and Freaks-- I worry about the Fans too. I mean, they are just stalkers in the making-- putting their little colored dots around my name.

    I asked my mom what I should do and she said not to go to 'slushdort' any more but uncle troll said if I don't log in every day and keep visiting him at the holiday inn on week-end he'll hurt mister chips.

    These laws can only make the world a better place. If you are against them, you are against everything that is good.

    --
    It's hard to believe that's how Micronians are made. Why don't we see it right now by having you both kiss one another?
  6. Warning We have not done a check on Herb Vest by srobert · · Score: 5, Funny

    Warning we haven't conducted a background check on Herb Vest of True.com to ascertain whether or not he is an ass-hole.

  7. In Addition... by Kozar_The_Malignant · · Score: 5, Funny
    We have also not:
    • Verified that the claimed physical attributes bear any relationship to reality,
    • Verified the claimed income bracket,
    • Verified the claimed IQ
    • Verified the claimed negative STD status
    • Verified the claimed unmarried state of the individual
    • Verified the the included photograph is the individual in question or even of the same race, gender, or species.
    As Jules the C once said, "Caveat Fornicator." Meet in a public place and go armed.
    --
    Some mornings it's hardly worth chewing through the restraints to get out of bed.
  8. Riiight by eclectro · · Score: 3, Funny

    even Slashdot would need to include the warnings above user profile pages

    There is no dating on slashdot, and the only thing people are going to get here is "carpal tunnel" from too much "wrist action."

    If you do have a girl, go away, we don't like you.

    --
    Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
  9. Re:So? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    If my "Let Darwin sort them out" proposal would gain a little traction we'd all have a great deal more fun with our lives....

    We've tried that approach. He mostly just lies there, dead.

  10. Why stop there? by EnronHaliburton2004 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Personally, I won't use an online dating service until they assign a chaperone to every date. I would like my grandmother to sit on the couch between me and my date, just to make sure that nothing bad happens, like touching hands or getting pregnant.

    I'm an innocent girl and I lose my head when the date goes past 8PM.

    Can true.com make sure that my date washes his hand after using the bathroom?

    Oh, now I'm all flustered. I need to sit down. true.com, can you please give me a ride home?

    --
    94% of Repubs and 21% of Dems voted to renew the Patriot Act
  11. Re:warning by xgamer04 · · Score: 3, Funny

    Even better, I've seen some (clear) jars of peanuts state "THIS PRODUCT CONTAINS NUTS AND/OR PEANUTS"

    --
    When you look at the state of the world, how can you not become a radical, liberal anarchist?
  12. broader is better by mottie · · Score: 4, Funny

    Back when I was single I wished that there were warnings like:

    WARNING PERSON IS USING PICTURE FROM 3 YEARS AGO AND HAS SINCE BECOME ADDICTED TO CHOCOLATE CAKE

    or

    WARNING PERSON HAS NOT BEEN SCREENED FOR EXCESSIVE BODY ODOR

    and finally

    WARNING PERSON HAS AN IQ BELOW 50 AND LOVES TALKING ABOUT THEMSELF

  13. No, no... by Ayaress · · Score: 5, Funny

    I checked. He is.

  14. Re:People lie all the time. by mattyrobinson69 · · Score: 3, Funny

    are you saying that those "warning, may contain peanuts" warnings on bags of peanuts are unnecessary?

    (im not joking, those are the exact words on bags of peanuts in the uk)

  15. Re:Total Upfront Disclosure of All Your Past Mista by DianeOfTheMoon · · Score: 3, Funny

    Name: Jane Q. Public

    Background Info:
    Previous Addresses: 123 Main St.
    Previous Names: John Q. Public

    --
    Problems are like gifts, it's better to give than to receive
  16. Why stop at dating? by clevershark · · Score: 4, Funny

    I'd certainly like to see that sort of warning on electoral posters.

    --

    My sig is too lon

  17. What about the more fundamental warnings? by fbform · · Score: 5, Funny

    Good Lord! This proposal makes as much sense as the 20th century physics warnings:

    NOTICE: Due To Its Mass, This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.

    WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Object in the universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses Divided by the Square of the Distance Between Them.

    CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight. The Manufacturer warrants that this product is to be used only as matter and will not be responsible for injury or damage if it is converted into energy.

    HANDLE WITH CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.

    CONSUMER NOTICE: Due to the "Uncertainty Principle," it is impossible for the User to know precisely and simultaneously where this product is located and how fast it is moving.

    ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Remote Chance That, Through a Process Known as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Other Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damage or Inconvenience That May Result.

    READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to Certain Suggested Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.

    THIS PRODUCT IS 100% MATTER: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result. The Manufacturer cannot be held responsible for resulting injury or damages.

    PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Aggregate Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Assumed Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to a state of "Warm Death" of the Universe.

    NOTE: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a "Gluing" Force About Which Little is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power, therefore, Can Not Be Guaranteed Indefinitely. No responsibility is therefore assumed for the structural integrity of this product.

    ATTENTION: Notwithstanding Any Listing of Product Contents Found Hereupon, the Consumer is Advised That This Product Actually Consists of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.

    NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: While the Manufacturer is Technically Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are "Rolled Up" into Such a Small "Area" That They Cannot Be Detected.

    PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That, When Unobserved, This Product May Cease to Exist or May Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State. Therefore all warranties are in effect only while this product is under the direct observation of a human being.

    COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and Competitors' Claims to the Contrary are neither Justified nor Legitimate.

    HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User. The manufacturer cannot be held liable for injury or damage resulting from relativistic mass increase.

    IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The Entire Physical Universe,Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Reemerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe, and its performance and suitability for any purpose, Cannot Be Guaranteed.

    --
    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
    1. Re:What about the more fundamental warnings? by sir99 · · Score: 4, Funny

      So wait... One ounce of stuff is equivalent to 85 million tons of TNT, hence 85 million tons of TNT is equivalent to 2.3e20 tons of TNT is equivalent to 6.3e32 tons of TNT is equivalent to ... Hmm, that's a lot of TNT!

      --
      The ocean parts and the meteors come down
      Laid out in amber, baby.
  18. Aren't we talking about the Internet here? by ross.w · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...where the men are men, the women are men, and the little girls are FBI agents?

    --
    If my call is important, why am I talking to a recording?
  19. The best part... by I+Be+Hatin' · · Score: 3, Funny
    ... is that they probably have a patent application submitted for "conducting a safe online meeting place for interested parties by directly and indirectly analyzing the past criminal conduct records of participants in relation to a vast, continually updated registry of sex offenders and criminals". Imagine if their patent is approved and they get these laws passed in several states... Ca-ching!

    --
    I know god exists. I read it on the internet, so it must be true.
  20. Re:declan's counter- what? by BorgCopyeditor · · Score: 4, Funny

    On a box of "I love you" candies:

    WARNING: CANDY MAY NOT BE IN LOVE WITH YOU!

    On a mirror:

    WARNING: OBJECTS ARE NOT ACTUALLY IN MIRROR!

    --
    Shop as usual. And avoid panic buying.
  21. Re:....must......resist...... by geminidomino · · Score: 4, Funny

    If you're allergic to peanuts and you need that warning (that is, the big label on the front that says "Dry Roasted Peanuts" doesn't quite drive the point home) then please, eat your fill.

    Refusing to do so will make Baby Darwin cry.