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Phantom Console May Never Materialize
CNN Money's excellent column Game On is running a piece discussing the conspicuous absence of the Phantom console from this year's E3. The service-based system which was to allow download and purchase of games via a living-room unit has been the subject of dubious press coverage and general mistrust, all of which appears to have been well deserved. From the article: "The company believes, based on past performance, that there is a high likelihood that sufficient capital will not be available ... and many or all of these milestones will be missed and the launch date will again shift and/or the company will go out of business..."
Phantom Console May Never Materialize
+5, Amazing Grasp of the Obvious.
Trolling is a art,
am totally shocked.
the launch titles will be Duke Nukem and Team Fortress 2
"Old man yells at systemd"
I can't wait to see what happens when Phantom tries to sue CNN...
In other news, Daikatana 2 may not materialize...
Infinium Labs has announce the "Phantom 2", code-named "Ephemeral".
Neo: I just got this strange feeling of deja vu.
Trinity: A deja vu is usually a glitch in the Matrix. It happens when they change something.
Me: Uh... guys. The only thing they're changing again is their mailing address for corporate headquarters. Which is probably a public restroom in downtown Phoenix this time around.
-"...bad old ideas look confusingly fresh when they are packaged as technology" - Jaron Lanier (Digital Maoism on Edge.o
*insert Pac Man death-sound here*
...their stock is up 4% (1 shiny penny).
Now what am i going to do with 100,000 shares of infiniumlabs ?
"When they invent bitch slaps that can go through a monitor you better f'ing duck" --deft (253558)
I di...[BONK!] [Gets hit with a rubber chicken] ;P
-"...bad old ideas look confusingly fresh when they are packaged as technology" - Jaron Lanier (Digital Maoism on Edge.o
For Immediate Release
CONTACT:
Timothy Roberts
Infinium Labs
www.phantom.net
SOMEWHERE,NIGERIA,5/20/2005
We might be going out of business like there is no tomorrow...But we sure made a killing on the market!
Why my stock went all the way up to $1.00 a share and we made millions off of those stupid stock traders.
With all our newfound money that we swindled from the market, we'll just probably go startup another company to steal money from people...I hear Nigeria is a good place to do stuff like this.
ABOUT INFINIUM LABS
We're a company that has produced nothing and made millions doing it. Now we're going to take all our money and run.
Just add {In Space!} to anything.
- Reference to it running Duke Nukem Forever: Check
- Obvious Pun on Platform Name: Check.
- Reference to Original Hard OPC Article: Check.
- Link to Penny Arcade strip on Phantom:....?
Woo-hoo! A chance to Karma Whore!Take two! They're small!
And another!
And still another!
Crow T. TrollbotHardOCP has been on these guys for a long time, not to mention those wacky guys at Penny-Arcade.1 -22&res=l 8 -20&res=l
http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2003-0
http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2003-0
I know I'm redundant here, but did anybody really not see this comming? They hyped this so-called "on demand", they only way they could have made it even more out landish is if they advertised to have it implated inside my brain.
Perhaps is it because the Phantom is platform for Duke Nukem Forever?
This is my sig. There are thousands more, but this one is mine.
Hi. My Name is Timothy Roberts, President of the esteemed company Infinium Labs, in the United States of America, under glory of God. We are a company highly successful with video games. Unfortunately our name has been tarnished by the infad^H^H^H^H^Heditors of online magazines. The effect of these words were to promote our bankers to halt the access to our accounts. Through our business dealings I aforementioned we had secured FIVE MILLION DOLLARS ($5000000, or 60000 camels^H^H^H^H^H^Hschoolchildren). Through a gift of God we were given your email address. We require a person whom with we may complete the aforementioned business transaction. For your honour in saving our corporation we will award you 30 percent. please reply soon. www.phantom.net
twitter.com/gravitronic
From the Infinium Labs website:
Phantom(TM) Game Receiver
* AMD® Athlon(TM) XP 2500+ central processing unit (CPU)
* NVIDIA® GeForce(TM) FX 5700 Ultra graphics processing unit (GPU)
* NVIDIA nForce(TM)2 Ultra 400 platform processor
* 256 MB RAM
* 40 GB local content cache
* Microsoft Windows XP® Embedded Operating System
* Dynamic, personalized user interfaces customizable for age, gender or technical expertise
* Lapboard, mouse and game pad included
* HDTV and Dolby® Digital 5.1 compatible
* Works with any consumer-standard broadband Internet Service Provider (ISP): DSL or faster
You mean to tell me they've spent millions of dollars trying to build a normal computer, and FAILING??? What kind of real stupidity is going on here?
I am reminded of the body armor that I made for my son. He was getting bullied at school by other fourth graders because he got glasses at the beginning of the school year. It nearly brought me to tears to see him come home with his shirt torn, his bookbag covered with mud and the tears in his eyes. The memories of my own childhood came back and I recalled the day that horrible Horrigan boy kicked me into a puddle of mud. I vowed that this was not going to happen to my son.
I set to work (it was about October) and started looking for diagrams of the Star Wars storm trooper outfits. My son was rather excited at the prospect of having body armor to wear to school. We both dilligently researched and plotted our plan of attack. It took me about two months of work and nearly $1400, but the end result was perfect. He looks like a storm trooper. His body armor is equipped with surface tazer capabiltiy. All he has to do is press a button on his glove and the whole suit becomes electrically charged!
I also worked on embedding a cell phone and mobile camera so that he can send me pictures, instant messages and even call me at work during the day should he need anything. I made sure to place the cell antenna sticking off of the right shoulder so he doesn't get exposed to dangerous microwaves (which I really doubt are a propblem, but you never know for sure). The attacks have stopped. The kids don't want to get near him. I did get called in by the school superintendent, but I explained the situation and said this was the only way that my kid would be safe since the teachers obviously have better things to do than safeguard the children from bullies. I also gave her the names of the boys that harrassed my son and she balked saying those kids were the stars of the little league team. I said, "That is exactly my point. The athletes tend to be the worst offenders of courtesy". She didn't like the idea, but I had done nothing illegal.
Anyway... the keyboard looks like it's the same kind of plastic I used for my son's armor. That's why it reminds me of it.
Contrary to the nasty and malicious rumors, it's on schedule and will happen. I'm typing this from an early production model.
It sits right next to my brand new Amiga, whose operating system is based upon a release candidate of the Hurd kernel . .
hawk
It certainly beats the article. Anyone talking about Phantom consoles should be modded off topic so we can focus on the Stormtrooper fantasy.
...with my $50 phantom online gift certificate? those bastards!!
Don't forget the one that actually references HardOCP and the suit!
Show me on the doll where his noodly appendage touched you.
You only karma-whore once a day? Shame on you!
Question everything
the guys at Phantom have spent quite a bit of time thinking about those issues and well... uh... the answer they came up with was: slip the launch date some more.
The one word that's on everyone's mind...
Pictures? If this is for real, I really want to see this.
You know, I kind of wish it did come out and was just a phenomenal platform, just to see slashdotters' response.
It's not that we don't want a Phantom console, it's just that I have this deed to the Brooklyn Bridge, and I'm strapped for cash, so I'm willing to let it go for cheap if you can pay cash right now...
You can't take the sky from me...