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The Onion in 2056
agonist writes "Has anyone seen The Onion in 2056? I accidentally ran across it after clicking on one of the hyperlinks in my weekly Onion email." It's been awhile since we link The Onion. Always good for numerous laughs.
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if that's what awaits me in 2056, I'll think I'll stay here thanks
There are places where the networks are not touching,and there are places where they are-Boeing's Lori Gunter
..no headlines on how Slashdot is now solely responsible for generating tech revenue?
Ban Engadget - moderators censor comments!
The Onion is my Wendesday morning coffee break reading. . . and you slashdotted it. That's just plain old wrong.
You better watch out, there may be dogs about . .
Ever wonder what Slashdot will look like in 2056? My guess is that it will look pretty much like it does today. In fact, given the increase in the number of reposts, it will probably look exactly like it does today :)
That is part of the page's joke; that is the future: web pages riddled with popups, ActiveX errors, and other glitches. Totally unlike what we have now. Oh wait....
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
In 50 years I plan to take my news in some sort of pill form. All the benifits of an RSS feed with a fruit(possibly onion) aftertaste.
You make fun of France once and your Karma is never the same...
I hit the link and saw a veritible wallpaper of Flash click-to-play icons. I laughed for a moment, and then realized that *wasn't* the joke.
Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
They are still making crappy Flash site in HTML 4.01 Transitional in 2056? Well that's still better than the HTML 3.2 of Slashdot in 2187.
If Microsoft was mass, stupidity would be gravity.
I think they need to upgrade their TiFi connection. It could be a lot faster, if those time cops did not restrict bandwidth in the name of "safety". Too much chroniton particle contentration, and next thing you know it's velociraptors popping up in your shower.
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
"It's been awhile since we link The Onion."
Someone set up up the bomb!
Crushing my karma one post at a time.
It's been awhile since we link The Onion.
The Onion's ad revenue love you long time.
In the future, you will not be able to go outside without Flash-enabled glasses. All of the road signs, billboards, books, and even pavement markings will be in Flash. You just won't see a thing unless you pay for properly licensed flash-specs.
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
You'd think that by 2056, we'd have come up with a real name for ununhexium :)
51 years or technological advances and you can still kill a website.
Go easy on him, guys. I read in the Onion that Dancin Santa doesn't learn the concept of satire until 2033.
Modern copyright is theft of culture from everyone and it retards the progress of the useful arts and sciences.
"This will be the year of the Linux breakthrough on the desktop"
I can literally hear my computer huffing and puffing to keep up with this page, because the temperature-controlled fan turned on as they rendered.
It might be time to splurge and pick up that new 386 with 8 megs of RAM that you've had your eye on...
you'd think the million robot march would have had 1,048,576 robots, not 1,000,000
"We are not tolerant people. We prefer drastically effective solutions"
Well they wouldn't have to use so much flash if browsers would universally just start supporting the blink tag again... ;) At least we can see that it's not returned by 2056
God is it ever funny to see geeks fume about the existence of animation on the internet. If it's not static 9pt courier, it's wasting our time! blah blah blah.
digital artist, 3D animator, web designer, and otherwise technological creative type....
They must be running a quantum webserver - one way to beat the /. effect, post stories 50 years early, by the time anyone needs to read it, there is a torrent available, a coral cache, and 250 karma-whores pasting the content/mirror on the posts :-)
:-)
Preemtpive slashdot cacheing?
On the front of the actual article, I laughed, the use of flash actually gave is a 2002 look, but lets pretend it was futuristic!
My fav by a hair was:
Menstruation cured!
At last...
#hostfile 0.0.0.0 primidi.com 0.0.0.0 www.primidi.com 0.0.0.0 radio.weblogs.com
It's been awhile since we link The Onion.
Perhaps that word simply doesn't mean what I think it means.
"We need a fourth law of Robotics: Stop Fingering My Wife"
Classic.
"We need a fourth law of Robotics: Stop Fingering My Wife"
SEATTLE--Seattle Mayor Frances Bean Cobain-Osment issued a call for the emergency deforestation of the Pacific Northwest Monday. "Please, major logging companies, I beg you, send any spare sawmilling, pulping, or chipping equipment you have as soon as possible," said Cobain-Osment, invisible within the branches and overgrowth on the steps of City Hall. "We cannot fight off the encroaching trees and spotted owls any longer." The mayor's message concluded with a spirited condemnation of 2001's controversial Healthy Forests Initiative.
For one thing, while it is true that Seattle, Portland, Vancouver BC, and San Francisco will secede and form Ecotopia (which is why the rest of the USA will be defenseless to the Middle East (related Onion story), since we have most of the military assets), she won't be elected mayor.
To be elected Mayor in Seattle you have to be comfortable wearing plaid, and I'm afraid her mother spoiled her too much on that account, so Guchi doesn't work here.
Unless she hires an Aura Consultant and redoes her colors.
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
If you read the ads, you might notice some things never change:
* 5X Faster Dial-Up- only $7.95/month
* Get 12 CDs for the price of 1 - from BMG!
I suggested this to them (as a companion piece to The Onion in History) like two years ago, but am I seeing any royalty checks? Noooooo...