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Dvorak on Microsoft Confusing the Market
DigitalDame2 writes "With news of there being 7 Vista editions, PC Magazine Columnist John C. Dvorak takes a hilarious spin on the different Vistas with some recommendations of his own. How about the Vista Porn Edition? All the great porn sites would be pre-bookmarked. Gamer Case-Mod Edition? It can be ultraoptimized for games with a blinking hard-drive light. You can even go as far as the Microsoft Vista for Costco Customers: the Cheaper Edition."
An excellent description of all the various flavors of Vista and their respective features and intended niches can be found here.
I'm bookmarking this page...it's only a matter of time before I'll be required to know this information.
____
~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey
"How about the Vista Porn Edition?"
Go on....
"Derp de derp."
Then there would be the Microsoft Vista "Infect Me" edition with a special version of Outlook that automatically opens all attachments.
Add to that the "Miriam Abacha" edition which sends all your banking info to Nigeria.
My favorite would be the Vista "Office Gamer" edition which includes 25 variations on Solitaire.
- Greg
Start a happiness pandemic
After years of fragmented Windows versions they finally made the one true merged OS that they had been praising for so long. Windows 2000 was really one OS to rule them all.
:)
But as soon as XP came out they invented a home edition, a professional edition, delayed the server and splitted up again. Why? And now this.
It seems it's really all about the money. Sad, in a way. Since, other than with Unix, the most exploits still work cross Windows platform.
It doesnt seam to me that all these different versions are much different than what has been done in the past. I just helped my girlfriend buy a laptop online, and she had the choice between XP Home, Media, and Professional. And that doesnt start to cover any of the current server operating systems.
If Microsoft is doing anything confusing with Vista, they have been doing the same thing with XP and Windows Server for years.
-- All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. -- Edmund Burke
Just install XP w/o service packs or a firewall.
You'll have a computer loaded with porn (pop-ups) in no time.
The preceding message was based on actual events. Only the names, locations and events have been changed.
How about a Vaporware Edition?!
- Your stupidity got you into this mess, why can't it get you out? -Will Rogers
How many versions of XP are there? Aren't there already like 7 versions?
Why does it matter how many versions there are?
I thought having more choice was good rather than having some sort of be all end all version that takes extra time/space to install for features that most will never use.
When people step into a ford dealership to buy a car - I suppose they get all confused on what all the models are.
"So why is the f-150 bigger than that escort? Aren't they both Fords?"
"Do they all have 4 wheels or more?"
"Whaddya mean I get get it in diesal or Gas or Hybrid"?
_ _ _ Go for the eyes Boo! GO FOR THE EYES!
I'd almost be willing to pay for that.
What am I not getting here?
* How about Vista Dvorak edition, automatically spouting bullshit every few days?
Man is a slave because freedom is difficult, whereas slavery is easy.
An excellent description of all the various flavors of Vista and their respective features and intended niches can be found here.
Do you mean all of the beta versions that 3rd parties are guessing will exist, or did they actually go into the future to get this information?
As of this point, "Vista" is still very much in early Beta. It hasn't been released to the public as a finished product, and hasn't come anywhere near being finalized, I'm sure. What's the point of punditizing something that doesn't even exist, and will probably still change substantially between it's current beta and final release? That's like critiquing next year's pop bands today.
I don't respond to AC's.
..., if you are Microsoft. The world is screaming out for choice when it comes to operating systems, this is Microsoft's way of giving it to them.
Surely people aren't so stupid as to be confused by 7 different types of Windows Vista. If someone had done a similar article about the number of Linux distros out there, would it have been posted on the front page of slashdot? Sure, Microsoft is a power-hungry greedy company convicted of monopolistic activities, but this is going a bit far.
I hereby propose some legitimate reasons to bash Microsoft:
1) They refuse to play nice with Open Source developers.
2) They actively seek to destroy any competition, regardless of whether the competition is actually helping the computer community or not.
3) They are promoting legislation that will change patent law from "first to invent" to "first to file."
Those are all (I think) legitimate complaints against Microsoft. Calling Microsoft "nutty" for releasing 7 versions of an OS is rather stupid and petty. I have no doubt that the average person can simply read a chart that has little checks next to "features" and decide which of the 7 they want. This will actually help people, I think, because it will prevent people from getting extraneous software that might increase their risk of attack.
People often complain about Microsoft bundling too many things in their OS and how there's a lack of flexibility, and now they complain because Microsoft is "too" flexible and might "confuse" the poor ignorant user who is incapable of choosing between 7 different forms of Vista.
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
Which came first - Rolling Stone Magazine, The Rolling Stones, or the song "Like a Rolling Stone". No one seems to know.
They were all named after the song "The Rolling Stone Blues" by Muddy Waters. The order was: The Rolling Stones (1962), Like a Rolling Stone (1965) and Rolling Stone magazine (1967). (dates from Wikipedia).
Why doesn't Slashdot ever get slashdotted?
ZONK: They see through your market segmentation strategy. I'm quitting.
Ballmer: Anybody but Dvorak. Just tell me it isn't fucking Dvorak who sees through my segmentation strategy.
ZONK: Yes, it's Dvorak. He sees right through it. And he says your Kung Fu is shit.
(chair flies through air) CRASH!
Ballmer: Dvorak is a fucking PUSSY! I will kill Dvorak. I've killed all the other media bitches and will so fucking kill Dvorak!
http://www.thebricktestament.com/the_law/when_to_
If you take Dvorak's Kiddie Edition, and bundle it with the Porn Edition, do you call it the... no... wait... I just can't go through with it.
This version moderates your documents and has a Zonk process that dupes your files needlessly.
This is my opinion. To make sure you don't steal it, it's covered by the DMCA.
With news of there being 7 Vista editions...
There will be more than 7. This doesn't factor in the versions tailored to other nations. Microsoft is just working out the details of an effective price discrimination scheme.
eg... Thats funny, this article wasn't even mildy amusing.
On a side note, Now I have 9 different Windows OS, 10 Office Suites, not to buy.
Many Linux Distros = Good
You miss the point entirely.
Choice is a good thing, unless the choices are Evil, Hobbled Evil, Crippled Evil, Evil for Tykes. Corporate Evil, or Mom & Pop Evil.
OSGGFG - Open Source Gamers Guide to Free Games
Nobody I am currently working with has any plans whatsoever to migrate to Vista; most are still in the motions of moving to XP, if they even went that far. I'm not sure what huge features Vista is supposed to offer people, but I believe Microsoft may have themselves a real problem there.
Fragmenting it doesn't seem like a great strategy.
..don't panic
You'd have a few sub editions:
Vista Reformed Edition: once saved, always saved.
Vista Millenial Edition: never saves in preperation for the end times.
Vista Catholic Edition: you need to perform your penance before you can save.
Vista Jabez Edition: once you save, you get rich.
Vista Eastern Orthodox Edition: you never know whether you've saved.
Vista Watchtower Edition: you have to save all your neighbors' files before your files are saved.
Will the bias and double standards against Microsoft ever stop?
While I am no fan of MS, I get tired of the constant default criticisms aimed at MS everytime they do something.
First, look at how many versions of XP MS was forced to implement.
While MS started off with an ideal Home and Pro versions, then the OEM Media Center and Tablet Edition, they were forced by governments and the European Union to implement a stripped down version (N) version for both Home and Pro, as well as pretty much been forced to implement a stripped down version of XP for developing countries. This means there are 8 versions of XP around.
Mostly this was FORCED on MS by governments and consumer backlash.
So, MS takes the initiative to try and please ALL the special interest groups and take a pre-emptive stike against future government hassles by offering a range of products that MS are ALREADY FORCED to impelement in XP. The difference is the MS is doing this WILLINGLY!
Also, confusing the market? Every try and pick out a Linux distro? 30+ versions, multiple GUI interfaces, which Kernel to run, 2.4 or 2.6 and which subversion is stable or powerful. Countless number of GNU shareware plauging Linux with cryptic names starting with G? If MS is confusing end users, then what hope does Linux ever have of becoming a mainstream OS.
If anyone will shine above all this will be Apple. With there limited choice in hardware and 2 flavours of OSX (Server and Not Server), if anyone is confused by MS and Linux, then they will flock to the Apple platform.
Hey, I think it is dumb that there needs to be 7 versions of an OS, but the EU and consumers pretty much brought this on themselves with all the countless numbers of lawsuits and government pressure. Microsoft is just giving you what you want!
I haven't thought of anything clever to put here, but then again most of you haven't either.