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Microsoft Fights the Flab as it Turns 30

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the dang-we're-almost-the-same-age dept.

Alain Williams writes "This review of Microsoft, as it enters middle age, looks at it's problems in maintaining growth." Discusses the recent Kai-Fu Lee/Google debacle, as well as things like Apple's iPod.

18 of 214 comments (clear)

  1. Time for the... by chanda3199 · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...red midlife crisis sports car?

    1. Re:Time for the... by tomhudson · · Score: 5, Funny
      No, they're past the "mid-life crisis" stage.

      Mid-life crisis, you buy stuff to make you feel better (Microsofts' bought LOTS of stuff over the years).

      Cranky old spinster is more like it. Throwing chairs, continually trying to evoke the ghost of the good old days, complaining that nobody gives them the respect they think they still deserve, upset that everyone is going all googley-eyed for those who are younger, prettier, cooler, sexier.

      Now we see the aging dame getting some cosmetic surgery, trying to put a new face on the old battleaxe. Unfortunately, in both looks and code, beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone.

      Sure, she can still get a date. She has money. There are those who are quite willing to play the part of Deuce Bigelow, male gigolo. But she knows that her bedmates are only in it for the bucks, they may be with her physically, but mentally they're miles away, wondering how they can "get lucky" with the new prom queen, and worried that they may never be able to because of the "Ewww - you slept with HER?" factor.

      Stay tuned for the next installment - "Microsoft Windows - Vampire Edition", where a deal with the devil is quickly done, and for some reason users are feeling drained (well, more than usual) ...

    2. Re:Time for the... by english_guy_78 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Does this mean we have another 30 years of Microsoft to "look forward to"...?

  2. Another year older... by burtdub · · Score: 5, Funny

    When Microsoft hits its midlife crisis, what's it going to do? Patent the Porsche?

  3. F**K OFF by gowen · · Score: 5, Funny

    Thirty is not middle aged.

    Love,
    Gaz (age 32)

    --
    Athletic Scholarships to universities make as much sense as academic scholarships to sports teams.
    1. Re:F**K OFF by fatman22 · · Score: 4, Funny

      You're not an Old Fart (note the caps) until your grandchildren start building computers out of the parts in your junk bin.

    2. Re:F**K OFF by Pharmboy · · Score: 3, Funny

      You got modded as Funny, but should have been as insightful. According this this then because I am now 40, I will "average" living until I am at least 80 (rough math from extracting data in first document, USA, white, male).

      Seems that middle age starts at 40, NOT 30. Even at birth, the average life expectancy in the US is 73 years, and gets higher as you get older, especially after you are 25.

      --
      Tequila: It's not just for breakfast anymore!
    3. Re:F**K OFF by tomhudson · · Score: 3, Funny
      What's even worse are the 14 year olds that consider you really old.
      Hey, everybody - Jerry Lee Lewis posts on slashdot.

      BTW, you know we still think you're a sleeze for marrying your 13-year-old cuz. Now why couldn't you be like that god-fearin' boy Jimmy Swaggart and just settle for a good old-fashioned whore or two?

    4. Re:F**K OFF by neo · · Score: 2, Funny

      Neither is 37... oh f*ck. I'm middle aged.

    5. Re:F**K OFF by FidelCatsro · · Score: 3, Funny

      I was hopping that they hit middle Age around 15.25 years ago .

      I was also thinking ... In the USA corporations are seen as people .
      So any other person with a record like Ms Microsoft would have spent about half her life in and out of prison .

      --
      The only things certain in war are Propaganda and Death. You can never be sure which is which though
    6. Re:F**K OFF by pipingguy · · Score: 2, Funny


      Get used to it; in 10 years he'll be your boss.

  4. Weight Watchers by deaddrunk · · Score: 4, Funny

    I lost 44 pounds, perhaps MS should sign up and lose several pounds of chair-throwing, monkey-dancing flab.

    --
    Does a Christian soccer team even need a goalkeeper?
  5. yea right.. by cosminn · · Score: 3, Funny
    Next year it will introduce a new, more secure version of its Windows operating system called Vista,


    ROFL

    as well as an update to its Office suite, which includes Word and Excel.


    as opposed to previous versions, which only came with Access and Outlook.
  6. Company History by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    May 1990 Launches Windows 3.0

    Aug 1995 Windows 95 launched

    Jan 2000 Steve Ballmer becomes chief executive

    2001 Office XP and Windows XP launched

    Jan 2003 Company declares first annual dividend

    I just can't believe they left out Windows ME.
    I've been using this OS for years.

    I don't see why everyone hated ME so much, seriously. Not only can I download the internet in 13 seconds with it's networking capabilities, but I've never had my computer cra

  7. Fighting Flab? by AutopsyReport · · Score: 2, Funny

    I heard the new exercise to remedy this problem consisted of clapping hands and the incessant yelling of "Developers! Developers! Developers!"

    --

    For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

  8. Re:They're still winning by MisterSquid · · Score: 2, Funny

    so they just hop to contain us - and so far they are winning.

    Tell that to China, Brazil, Germany, and Massachusetts.

    --
    blog
  9. Microsoft's ONLY alternative by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    MS will only be able to further penetrate the market if they lower the price of ALL Windows products. I'm mean, come on, $300 for the full version of XP pro? Rome: Total War is just a complicated as as XP pro (if not more so) and it sells for just $50!

    Microsoft will continue to lose market share, however slowly, as long as their prices remain sky high. They are already losing to Linux with governmental agencies.

    Granted, MS wants to keep its bloated profits, but I have just one question: How much profit do you need? The answer: Some. You always need some profit. The only place you get profit from is your customers. Would you rather get less profit from those customers and still retain the "King of Software" title, or lose ALL profit because your customers are leaving your software for alternate choices?

    Like I said at the start of my post, MS will need to lower the price of their OSes to penetrate the market any further.

  10. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 3, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion