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German IT Outfit Bans Whining

theodp writes "German IT outfit Nutzwerk Ltd has come up with the perfect solution to whining in the workplace - it's made cheerfulness a contractual obligation, advising those who don't measure up to the prescribed level of jollity in the morning to stay at home until they cheer up. The plan was prompted by a female employee whose constant complaining prompted the other staff to complain about her complaining."

39 of 320 comments (clear)

  1. Movie quote time. by suso · · Score: 5, Funny

    Mayor of New York: "Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's God-given right."

    1. Re:Movie quote time. by Elrac · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Urination is a God-given right. Our ancestors did it all the time, all over the place, until some religiously motivated tight-assed sourpusses decided it would damage fragile minds to accidentally see a tip of flesh. This kind of irrational repression is what we like to ridicule the Muslims for.

      When a German's gotta go, he gotsta go. There is a reasonable modesty mechanism in place, i.e. I will feel uncomfortable about it and seek out a dark corner, the back of a preferrably windowless, non-residential building, behind a tree or wherever. And I'll be more likely to do this at night than in broad daylight. If I'm out walking in a "public" forest where I'm likely to be seen by joggers, cyclists or families taking a walk, I'll walk 20 - 50 feet off the path and into the woods so no one will see me in profile unless they follow me in. On two or three occasions, I've been in the woods with a girlfriend when she had to go, and she asked me to look out for passersby and shield her from view if necessary while she pulled down her pants and squatted to do her thing.

      As a net result, you'll sometimes see the back of a man standing by the side of the road or up against a tree, with his legs spread and pelvis pushed forward. If you look closely, you may even see a yellow stream. But why would you want to look closely? You accept that the guy apparently had a hard time holding it before finding a proper convenience, turn away and ignore him.

      I rarely heed Nature's call in the open, maybe once or twice a year; but when I do, I don't worry my head about it. By contrast, I understand that doing this in the US may get me arrested on charges of sexual misconduct and branded for life as a sex offender, with incriminating bulletins sent to prospective neighbors and employers. I find public urination as distasteful as the next guy, but... sanity check, anyone?

      --
      When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called Rel
    2. Re:Movie quote time. by miyako · · Score: 4, Interesting

      A couple of years ago I was at a concert with my cousin and a friend of hers (male). The concert itself was in a pretty out of the way location, surrounded for a few miles by wooods and fields and whatnot. When we arrived at the concert the line to get in was pretty long, and he had to pee. Near the parking area there were some woods, so he went into the woods to releive himself. Apparently a police officer followed him for some reason (The cop said he thought he had gone back there to do drugs before the concert), but anyway he went in far enough that standing at the car right at the edge of the woods, and having seen the general direction that he walked, I couldn't see him. A few minutes later the police officer was leading him out in handcuffs. He was charged with and conviced for a sex crime. He was forced to sell his house and move because he could not live within so many feet of a school, and is also now for the rest of his life a registered sex offender. Has to register with any county he moves into, alert the neighbors, etc. This was his first conviction for anything too btw (never even had a parking ticket AFAIK), so it's not like he was a habitual offender.
      So yes, I know someone who was caught peeing and is now branded a sex offender and had his life ruined because of it.

      --
      Famous Last Words: "hmm...wikipedia says it's edible"
    3. Re:Movie quote time. by eric76 · · Score: 3, Interesting

      Back in the mid 70s, I knew one guy who was arrested by the same cop two Saturday nights in a row for taking a leak on the same telephone pole outside a bar.

      I've wondered whether or not he has to register as a sex offender now.

      Another guy I knew was arrested once for taking a leak at a road side park. His brother, a lawyer, requested a jury trial. The charges were eventually dropped because the prosecuting attorney knew that around here, most of the people who might be selected for the jury would think he had lost his marbles for putting the guy on trial for such a ridiculous charge.

  2. Oh good by geoffeg · · Score: 5, Funny

    Next, they'll require employees to wear flair! 20 pieces "minimum"..

    The beatings will continue until morale improves!

  3. Four years old by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Informative

    According to this press release (German only, sorry) this policy is four years old now.

  4. Cheerfulness as a contractual obligation... by ThaFooz · · Score: 5, Insightful

    is over the top, but there are few things more irratating & detremental to productivity than an angry/whiny co-worker.

  5. dangerous territory by MetalliQaZ · · Score: 5, Funny

    Might as well ban women in the workplace.

    -d

    --
    "Here Lies Philip J. Fry, named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit"
    1. Re:dangerous territory by jzeejunk · · Score: 5, Funny

      slashdotters don't have women at their workplaces anyway ;) and you being a slashdotter don't know enough about women to make that claim

      --
      sarchasm
    2. Re:dangerous territory by Macgrrl · · Score: 3, Funny

      slashdotters don't have women at their workplaces anyway ;) and you being a slashdotter don't know enough about women to make that claim

      Looks down front of shirt.... Cleavage, CHECK; Breast count equals 2.

      I'm fairly sure I'm a woman, I was when I got up this morning....

      --
      Sara
      Designer, Gamer, Macgrrl in an XP World
    3. Re:dangerous territory by Macgrrl · · Score: 4, Funny

      Women have balls - we just wear them higher :)

      --
      Sara
      Designer, Gamer, Macgrrl in an XP World
  6. Don't take my stapler! by mishehu · · Score: 3, Funny

    Obligatory Office Space Quote:

    "Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays"...

  7. Sued FFII by slashflood · · Score: 4, Informative

    The same company that sued the FFII.

    1. Re:Sued FFII by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Informative

      Not only did they sue FFII, they also registered the domain yaho.co.uk to generate advertising revenues (a fact they now try to suppress), they built sites with anti-semitic content to show up in respective search results, are highly supportive of software patents and generally sue everyone in sight who disagrees with their views.

  8. would be cool if...... by free+space · · Score: 3, Insightful

    I was allowed to stay at home as long as it takes to become happy before going to work ;)

  9. Like my Dad used to say: by Anne+Thwacks · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Enjoy yourself or I'll beat you!"

    --
    Sent from my ASR33 using ASCII
  10. Plagiarism by Lord+of+Ironhand · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Let me complain for a minute and point out that it was the Reg, not "theodp" who wrote that blob of text, contrary to what the post suggests.

  11. Heard this name before by Aim+Here · · Score: 4, Informative

    Nutzwerk - aren't they those litigous fuckpigs who censored the FFII website for telling the world that this company, despite being held up as the model company for software patents, was actually guilty of all sorts of ethically dubious internet practices?

    I think the management there has control-freakery issues...

  12. But... by ksandom · · Score: 4, Funny

    But WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyy???? ;-)

    --
    Funnyhacks - Wierd, unusual, and fun hacks
  13. These guys are evil! by alba7 · · Score: 3, Informative

    If you can read German, see http://www.heise.de/newsticker/search.shtml?T=nutz werk

    In any case, mod parent up.

    --
    Post tenebras lux. Post fenestras tux.
  14. I guess these would be banned? by AndroidCat · · Score: 5, Insightful
    Despair, Inc.

    A rule-of-thumb in software development: If a place has too many Dilbert cartoons on cubicle sides, have an exit strategy. If it has none, RUN!!!

    --
    One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
  15. I'd like to whine about this article... by eyebits · · Score: 4, Insightful

    ...but I am under contractual obligation to not whine.

    I can imagine that being under contract to not whine will mean that people will come up with creative ways to whine without really whining. Reminds me of a conversation I had last night. I am recent transplant to The South and was told that there were phrases in use here that didn't mean what they really mean. For example, if you tell someone something like "I just inherited a million dollars" they will reply be saying "That's nice." ...which really means F*ck you.

    So, image code words and phrases will be created to allow whining without breaching the contract.

  16. Re:Cheerfulness as a contractual obligation... by xstonedogx · · Score: 4, Insightful

    but there are few things more irratating & detremental to productivity than an angry/whiny co-worker.

    One thing more detrimental is an angry/whiny co-worker (or employee) who is pretending to be cheerful.

    This really just sounds like management doesn't have the skill or the emotional maturity to actually deal with the problem, so instead, they sweep it under the rug.

    If an employee is angry/whiny, there is a reason. Maybe that reason is internal to the employee. Maybe that reason is the result of something in the work environment. Force the employee to pretend to be happy, and the employee will probably more unhappy. Then you have an employee not working to the best of their ability, who may even be acting out passive aggressively. That attitude can spread just as quickly as overt angry/whiny behavior, and can be even worse to tolerate because it is harder to pin down.

  17. Re:Cheerfulness as a contractual obligation... by Soko · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Because emotions aren't something that one can always control with impunity? Besides, no whinging means you can't complain about the PHB or you cow-orker while on the job - you end up being a good little robot. IME emotions - both good and bad - spark thought, and thought leads to greater productivity. I can see a policy of dealing directly with someone who does _nothing_ but complain and then offers no creative solutions, but trying to program happiness? No thanks.

    Soko

    --
    "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm." - Anonymous
  18. Not just an employee but .... by max+born · · Score: 3, Insightful

    The plan was prompted by a female employee whose constant complaining prompted the other staff to complain about her complaining.

    Wonder why they felt it relevant to point out it was a woman?

  19. Germans Love to Complain by putko · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Germans love to complain about things -- it is part of their culture.

    I saw this in Germany, when I worked their for years as an expat.

    The fact that they had to put it in the contract, rather than just a management directive, is typically German too: it has to be in the contract, so that they can have something to point to when they need to discipline someone.

    As should be clear from their inflexible style, and their lack of focus on the needs of the customer, German customer service is pretty bad. It has gotten a lot better in the last decade though.

    --
    http://www.thebricktestament.com/the_law/when_to_s tone_your_children/dt21_18a.html
    1. Re:Germans Love to Complain by Elrac · · Score: 3, Informative

      As someone living in Germany who just got back from a business trip to the US, I'd like to make a clarification about customer service.

      Especially in the big cities, customer service people are surly at best and sometimes downright hostile. I recall walking up to a salesperson for some help, and he quickly walked away just as I opened my mouth. I recall the story of my girlfriend, who bought a tail light cover from an auto shop. When she asked them to install it, they refused and told her she could do it herself. That said, when you actually manage to get service in Germany, it's usually competent.

      On my trip Stateside, I was met with nothing but courteousness and friendly smiles. It took me a moment to get used to being called 'Sir' all the time. On the other hand, many of those I dealt with were mind-bogglingly incompetent. Many operated by a fixed set of written rules and were unable or unwilling to deal with any situation not dealt with on their crib sheet. Another anecdote: I mailed the webmaster of an outfit that mails me an informative blurb on a daily basis when I noticed that the 'Subject' line was (all of a sudden) being truncated if that subject was more than one word. Thought I'd give him a heads up so he could fix this embarrassing little bug. Days later, I got a response to the effect of, "we can't do anything about this. Our software always shortens the subject to one word when it's more than one word."

      So between Germany and the US (and from my admittely limited sample space), one gets the choice between the devil and the deep blue sea; between knowledgeable but lazy and annoying service people, and smiling minimum-wage goofballs.

      --
      When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called Rel
    2. Re:Germans Love to Complain by _Sprocket_ · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Germany has customer service that you can't get and the US has customer service that you don't want.

  20. Python quote time by Hope+Thelps · · Score: 5, Funny

    Once upon a time, long, long ago, there lay in a valley far, far away in the mountains the most contented kingdom the world has ever known. It was called Happy Valley, and it was ruled over by a wise old king called Otto. And all his subjects flourished and were happy, and there were no discontents or grumblers, because wise King Otto had had them all put to death, along with the trade union leaders, many years before. And all the happy folk of Happy Valley sang and danced all day long, and anyone who was for any reason miserable or unhappy or who had any difficult personal problem was prosecuted under the Happiness Act.

    Happy Valley

    --
    To summarise the summary of the summary: people are a problem. ~ h2g2
  21. Re:Cheerfulness as a contractual obligation... by vsprintf · · Score: 3, Insightful

    there are few things more irratating & detremental to productivity than an angry/whiny co-worker

    Actually, the person most irritating and detrimental to productivity is the cheerful, optimistic sysadmin who continues to do upgrades and apply patches while saying, "It won't affect anything," no matter how many times he has broken everything. I can ignore the angry/whiny people that aren't breaking stuff (well, except when it's my boss :).

  22. Yeah, uh... by Luigi30 · · Score: 5, Funny

    I can't come into work today. I'm not happy enough. I might not be able to come in for the rest of the week.

    --
    503 Sig Unavailable

    The Signature could not be accessed. Please try again later or contact the administrator
  23. And zis ist how vee say goodbye in Amerika! by Y-Crate · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Sam's Club/ Wal-Mart fired a woman who would not smile at customers as she handed out free samples of food.

    The reason she did not smile?

    Her face is partially paralyzed and is no longer physically capable smiling at anyone for any reason.

  24. Its a National Problem in Germany: "zu Meckern" by MadCow-ard · · Score: 5, Interesting

    The problem is actually a serious issue in Germany.

    The transition occured in the early nineties in the USA, when the last of real manufacturing went tits up for IT/service jobs (Of course that's tits up too, but that's another issue). In the US, the last of the lifetime jobs went out in the 70's, in Germany, these transitions are just now arriving. And engineering and manufacturing is part of the German image of self-worth, so it hits home particularly hard.

    The problem in German culture is that it is a change in the economy which no one wants to acknowledge, but are being forced to. The last 50 years of a boom economy after the war has now more or less come to a grinding halt. Germany is now evolving, but its eating into peoples morale. The whole country is bitching and moaning, and that in itself is pulling the economy down, not to mention an individual business as is mentioned in this report.

    I know you can't regulate someone's mood but at least they are pointing to where the country should try to go (and if anyone would try to regulate someone's mood, it would be in Germany). I applaud the idea, and laugh at the fact they are trying to regulate instead of inspire. Typcal German (and now I'm starting to "meckern").

    "To Meckern" means to bleat or baa like a goat. This is the term used to describe what Germans do when they bitch and moan. They "blaaaaa" (you need to skip on the gutoral to really get the effect). Anyway, it fits, and its a problem. Really... :-)

  25. Not long enough in Gremany... by hughk · · Score: 3, Informative

    It is exceptionally difficult (and expensive) to fire anyone in Germany once their Probezeit is over. Most Germans carry legal insurance and will quite happily take an employer to court for unfair dismissal even when there are good grounds for doing so. The contract of employment would be seen to be invalid as a worker cannot be obliged to have a good attitude.

    --
    See my journal, I write things there
  26. From a recent session of Paranoia by j0nb0y · · Score: 3, Funny

    Player: Doesn't the computer want me to be happy?

    GM: No. The computer *demands* that you be happy.

    --
    If you had super powers, would you use them for good, or for awesome?
  27. Re:Cheerfulness as a contractual obligation... by Ex-MislTech · · Score: 4, Insightful

    No one should need to leave, and supressing ppls freedom of speech
    in the workplace is just the beginning .

    Soon it will be politically correct to suppress it elsewhere .

    If the person does not do their job that is one thing, but
    for them to be silenced for expressing discontent over maltreatment
    or inequality is a bad idea in my humble opinion .

    Ex-MislTech

    --
    google "32 trillion offshore needs IRS attention"
  28. Gender by Nintendork · · Score: 3, Insightful
    "The plan was prompted by a female employee whose constant complaining prompted the other staff to complain about her complaining"

    Other than sexism, was there a reason to point out that the individual is female?

  29. so what? by YesIAmAScript · · Score: 3, Insightful

    I feel sorry for the woman. She shouldn't be discriminated against, she should be able to get any job she is capable of doing.

    But she isn't capable of doing this one.

    Equal opportunity means that. It doesn't mean a free pass for something you can't do.

    I hope they offered her other positions at the company.

    I have to say having RTFA now, it seems like they'll have a tougher time of it than my explanation makes it out. If she couldn't smile, why did they keep her on for a couple years, then fire her? But I stand by my statement that just you don't deserve compensation for being fired for not doing a job that has requirements you cannot satisfy. I mean, it is well known that people with disabilities cannot do every job able-bodied people can. If this weren't the case, there'd be no Social Security money paid to disabled people.

    --
    http://lkml.org/lkml/2005/8/20/95