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Superman 'Too Big' for the Big Screen

Posted by CmdrTaco on from the i-always-thought-hal-would-be-the-hung-one dept.

Evilelf writes "The new Superman is giving movie bosses a headache - because of the size of his bulge. They fear Brandon Routh's profile in the superhero's skintight costume could be distracting, reports the Sun. Hollywood executives have ordered the makers of Superman Returns to cover it up with digital effects."

33 of 427 comments (clear)

  1. obligatory by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    I for one, welcome our well endowed, super hero overlord

    1. Re:obligatory by pHatidic · · Score: 5, Funny

      Thank god for someone around here with a tolerant attitude. I'm sick of the fact that Slashdot continuously discriminates against those of us with monstrously large packages. First it was Colin Farrel in Alexander, now this.

    2. Re:obligatory by Telecommando · · Score: 4, Funny

      Perhaps it's time for a more realistic superhero:

      http://www.ibiblio.org/Dave/Dr-Fun/df200311/df2003 1114.jpg

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    3. Re:obligatory by Acts+of+Attrition · · Score: 4, Funny
      Gee, wonder where this rumor originated from...

      BRANDON ROUTH: Playing Superman isn't getting me enough action, we need something more...
      AGENT: Let's start a rumor that your penis is huge.
      ROUTH: Works for me!

    4. Re:obligatory by EntropyEngine · · Score: 3, Funny

      Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

      No! It's a super-human doing a pole volt over a building using his love truncheon...

  2. Umm... by bhtooefr · · Score: 5, Funny

    First, who really cares?

    Second, this is old news. I heard this on the radio a week or two ago.

    Third, as someone else said, you wanna bet tons of chicks are going to see the movie just to get a look at this guy's wang?

    1. Re:Umm... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      why would girls care about his dick if he ends up coming faster than a speeding bullet anyway?

    2. Re:Umm... by Dephex+Twin · · Score: 4, Funny

      The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. But that would kill him.

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  3. Diet? by Mike+Peel · · Score: 5, Funny

    They could have just got him to lose a bit of weight before they did the filming...

    Oh, wait, that bulge.

  4. But on the other hand... by gentlewizard · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...he's faster than a speeding bullet. Everybody has issues. :-)

    1. Re:But on the other hand... by Lisandro · · Score: 4, Funny

      T.S. Quint: But they're engaged.
      Brodie: Doesn't matter, can't happen.
      T.S. Quint: Why not? It's bound to come up.
      Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child?
      T.S. Quint: Sure, why not?
      Brodie: He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him!

  5. Brandon Routh must be loving this by blaberski · · Score: 5, Funny

    Even if the movie tanks, he will be remembered as the man that was so well endowed that they had to shink him digitally.

  6. MPIAA request by Markintosh · · Score: 5, Funny

    It was an MPIAA request, cuz they didn't want any competition in the "being a big dick" department.

  7. Alas... by kikta · · Score: 5, Funny
    The Sun's source said: "It's a major issue for the studio. Brandon is extremely well-endowed and they don't want it up on the big screen.


    I know his pain -- I also suffer from this disorder.

    (Can't parents just explain it away by saying that Superman is All Kinds of Super?)
  8. I, for one by Leffe · · Score: 5, Funny

    I, for one, will be waiting for the bulging uncensored version!

  9. Re:I'd just by tuxette · · Score: 4, Funny

    Is that kryptonite in your pocket or...uh...never mind...

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  10. No big deal by AndroidCat · · Score: 4, Funny

    For Spiderman they had to edit out two towers.

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  11. WORST-JOB-EVER by ncin_az · · Score: 5, Funny

    Am I the only one who feels really sorry for the guy spending the whole editing process digitally reducing supermans bulge? Not something I'd want on my resume... Ncin

  12. penis envy by tuxette · · Score: 4, Funny

    Apparently, the whiners are feeling more inadequate than usual...

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  13. Re:False. Debunked. On Tuesday. by Tim+C · · Score: 4, Funny

    Slashdot. News for nerds. Stuff that's provably false.

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  14. Re:False. Debunked. On Tuesday. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Funny, sounds like a variation of the Lohan's breasts digitally reduced rumour/story. The story about Shatner's butt being airbrushed to look less wide in Star Trek VI is true though.

  15. with digital effect by S3D · · Score: 4, Funny

    If it would be surgical that would be a real news.

  16. Re:Sad.. by JohnnyLocust · · Score: 5, Funny

    It is sad. I seem to recall Batman and Robin having nipples. Now that was distracting.

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  17. Lucky Bastard by Necrotica · · Score: 4, Funny

    FTFA:

    The Sun's source said: "It's a major issue for the studio. Brandon is extremely well-endowed and they don't want it up on the big screen.

    I would KILL for advertising like that!

    Headline from next week's people: "Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, and J-Lo break up with boyfriends and husbands to view for the love of the new Superman"

  18. Re:There's no such thing as bad publicity by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    costume department went to great lengths

    Ba dum bum!

  19. Re:Funny How by mattwarden · · Score: 4, Funny

    By the way, we went to Iraq to liberate its citizens, piracy hurts the artists and stagehands more than the movie execs, those who need privacy have something to hide, rise in global temperature since the Industrial Revolution is just coincidence, and I'm really really good in bed.

  20. Re:False. Debunked. On Tuesday. by rijrunner · · Score: 4, Funny

    eh? You just *think* that that is his right leg...

  21. Re:This is a watershed moment by outsider007 · · Score: 4, Funny

    I love superman and I really want to see this movie but I'm afraid it might make me gay.

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  22. Re:This is insulting. by JahToasted · · Score: 3, Funny

    Elaine: "Well, the female body is a... work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a jeep."
    Jerry: "So you don't think it's attractive?"
    Elaine: "It's hideous. The hair, the... the lumpiness. It's simian."
    George: "Well, some women like it."
    Elaine: "Hmm. Sickies."

  23. Re:Lies! by Simon+Garlick · · Score: 5, Funny

    Today when people ask me if subscribing to Slashdot is worth it, I will direct them to this story.

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  24. Re:Lies! by nwbvt · · Score: 4, Funny

    You've got to admit it though, that was a great move by Brandon Routh in starting this rumor.

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  25. Re:Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex by Altima(BoB) · · Score: 4, Funny

    "Superman would literally crush LL's body in his arms, while simultaneously ripping her open from crotch to sternum, gutting her like a trout.
    Lastly, he'd blow off the top of her head.    "

    Consider that one movie ticket bought because that is the hottest thing I've ever read.

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  26. Re:False. Debunked. On Tuesday. by Maniacal · · Score: 4, Funny

    I can't believe I just knowingly followed a link with the intent of looking at a mans bulge. WTF is wrong with me?

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